Disclaimer: I don't own it
Hmm so some people like Alice.. some don't.. She's a character for sure.. you just wait until she meets Bella :) Enjoy.
As promised I owe a shout out to the lady that makes all of this legible for you. Check out Caitlin's three shot Who's Your Daddy and show her some love so she'll post her new story sooner rather than later!
Chapter Four
Stalkerboy's POV
"I can't believe you defiled my collection of Archie," I whine as Alice is loaded up onto a stretcher.
"I'm just glad it was Archie and not Green Lantern," she mumbles, staring at the EMT that's holding a bundle of what looks like aluminum foil in her arms.
By the time the ambulance showed up, Alice was laying on the dirty floor of the storage area and crowning. I didn't know what it meant until a couple of pushes later the little bastard popped out of her with a loud wail. I didn't witness the birth because I was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, bawling my eyes out. That shit was traumatizing. Ask anyone in the vicinity of the screaming pile of goo the dude was holding.
I gained a whole new respect for my half-sister and any other woman stupid enough to pop a kid out of a man's playground.
Little bastard is a boy. And she's decided to name him Bruce and no, not after the legend Bruce Springsteen.
No. Bruce Clark Brandon after Batman and Superman's alter egos. The second he popped out, she named him like it came to her the second he arrived. That's when I made the mistake of looking up to question her sanity. I want to invent brain bleach. No man should ever have to see what I saw. Ever. It was just so... no, I won't even go there.
I lock up the store under her instructions and follow the ambulance to the hospital in a cab where Alice and the bastard are admitted. I'm not allowed in the back with them while they get checked over and for that I'm so grateful. I sit, going through the music on my phone and compile a list of names she could have chosen that would be so much better for the poor dude.
I almost knock the murse out when he comes out and calls me daddy.
"Do I look like her man? You fucking sicko!" I stomp past him to the room where all the wailing is coming from.
Alice is sitting on a hospital bed looking all kinds of uncomfortable. She's wearing one of those unflattering hospital gowns, but her rainbow striped socks are still pulled up past her knees. I know for a fact it's because she didn't shave. She always wears her gay socks when she's feeling lazy and seeing as her stomach up until now resembled a beach ball, she couldn't exactly reach.
"What's wrong with him?" I ask, pointing towards the wailing eggplant colored human laying in a plastic bin beside her bed.
He's out of the aluminum foil they had him wrapped in and instead is swaddled in a blue blanket with a tiny ass beanie on his head.
"They just cut his pecker," she explains, pulling Bruce out of his bin and into her arms awkwardly. "Am I doing it right?"
"How the fuck am I supposed to know?" I sit across from her. "You didn't think to give him a choice on whether he wanted to be an uncut warrior or not? Jesus, he's been on the planet for like two hours and you've already cut his manhood."
"They said it was best!" she snaps. "Shut your fucking mouth! It's my son, it's my decision."
I spend the next hour going over names she could have named the poor kid.
"Bono."
"I hate U2," she sighs.
"Um... Billy."
"I've already signed the birth certificate. You're wasting your time."
I almost throw my phone at the wall in frustration because she could have told me that an hour ago when I started this endeavor. The kid is pretty boring. So far he's cried, slept and even fed. The second the nurse untied the back of Alice's gown, I told her I had parked in a doctor's spot and I needed to make sure I didn't get towed.
The nurse bought it.
Alice knows I never drive my car to work, so I had to follow them in a cab that cost me twenty bucks, plus gratuity.
This kid was already getting expensive.
Right now he's swaddled up in his plastic bin with a giant pacifier in his mouth. It's like a magic cork or something. He cries, but the second you place it in his mouth, it gets quiet. I got goose bumps the first time it happened 'cause it freaked me out.
Alice is getting tired and I'm starving to death.
She doesn't want me to leave because she hates hospitals, but I saw what they were serving in the cafeteria. When I asked the woman behind the trough if I could have a pizza delivered, she gave me the stink eye so I bought a bottle of water and a bag of chips that ended up being stale. Alice ate them anyway because she's weird like that.
Saliva riddled caffeine I can do, but stale chips... no
"Hey Edward," Alice yawns.
Apparently birthing a kid makes you tired. I can't imagine 'cause the doctor that came to talk to her said most women are in labor for hours, if not days. Bruce was born wicked fast.
"Yeah?"
"You're gonna help me right?" she asks. "'Cause I don't think I can do this on my own."
I shrug.
How hard can helping out with a kid be?
l
l
l
V