Everything had changed so fast. One minute Naruto had been the loser, the joke, the bottom of the pyramid, and then – he'd finally found some of that respect he had been looking for. Though not from Sasuke. Never from him.
It didn't seem to matter what he did, what he accomplished. It hadn't mattered to the perfect, stuck-up Uchiha that Naruto had defeated Neji, though Sasuke hadn't been there to see his prowess on the battlefield, and also that he had come away victorious in the battle against Gaara, that sand ninja. Nope, Sasuke still thought of him the same way as before.
Up until they had fought, there had only been one thing at the forefront of Naruto's mind – that maybe Kakashi Sensei and the Pervy Sage were right, in some way, though there was more to it all than they could ever imagine.
Naruto supposed it was possible that Sasuke was just jealous - because he'd finally proved himself to his rival, he hadn't given up, even when Gaara had transformed into that giant monster, even when Sakura had been pinned to that tree, even when Sasuke was down and unable to fight. Naruto had vowed in so many different ways that he would never give up and he had proven it hadn't been all talk.
So, maybe Sasuke was jealous, maybe they both did always put too much stock into which of them was more powerful, and maybe they were both the same in more ways than Naruto had ever thought they could be. But those were too many 'maybes'. He mostly relied on the things he knew for sure, the things he could garner from experience, the things he could reach out and touch.
He had reached out to Sasuke, had nearly spilled his entire soul out over that waterfall in the process, because... well, because Sasuke was everything. He was friend and enemy, he was who Naruto wanted to be, yet the person he couldn't stand the most. Sasuke got under his skin like no one else could. Just thinking his name left Naruto feeling on edge.
Naruto worked his hardest to surpass him. He had put Sasuke at the top of some pedestal, had lifted him above all the others, and apparently the shinobi had done the same for him. That had been the main reason he had been so excited to learn the Rasengan - so he could be better, could have a better move than Sasuke's Chidori.
But, whereas Naruto could never kill Sasuke, would never do anything so drastic because he still needed him, no matter how much he pissed him off, Sasuke didn't have the same reservations. Sasuke had finally acknowledged him in some way and the conclusion he had come to was that Naruto had to die. And a part of Naruto broke inside just knowing that fact.
He swung his legs back and forth, looking down at the dirt road beneath him, bustling with people, all busy gathering things to rebuild the village, still working hard to restore what had been destroyed in the battle. Naruto would do his part in the reconstruction but he was still bandaged and confined to his house. They hadn't let him leave again to go after Sasuke and had also placed someone on watch to make sure he couldn't, so he was left to ponder in his thoughts for the time being, which only felt like a punishment for his failure.
Naruto shook his head, fighting back his emotions, stopping the motion of his legs as he clenched his hands, gripping the roof's ledge. None of his success' mattered, not when he hadn't been able to bring Sasuke back.
He had promised to bring him back.
Naruto clenched his teeth together, shutting his eyes to the sight of the Leaf Village. There were too many memories linked to the place.
The last thing he remembered before passing out had been Sasuke's face, upside down, looming over his own. He had thought that had been it, he was going to die and his best friend was going to be the one to instigate it. And then as his eyes had slid closed he had felt a press of lips against his forehead.
He brought a hand up and touched that spot. Sasuke had kissed him there. Instead of killing him... Naruto pushed himself up to stand, stepping back from the edge, feeling like his head was whirling about as he did. He shook his head. He couldn't just keep thinking about Sasuke, there was nothing he could do about him now. It was hard to picture the boy he thought he knew any way.
Sasuke had morphed into something Naruto wasn't sure he could even fully comprehend and it wasn't just the physical changes. Not that he hadn't been shocked to see how Sasuke had abruptly sprouted wings, monstrous, grotesque mutations that had given Naruto more than just a pause. That was what Orochimaru had provided.
Naruto didn't usually think about killing people but that disgusting snake would be six feet under by his own hand, no hesitation, the next time they met.
And Sasuke had become blood thirsty, cruel, and single minded to the point of complete obsession. It wasn't that Sasuke hadn't been obsessed before, Naruto couldn't deny that he had been, but not to the extreme it was now. Naruto himself had provided distraction, had given Sasuke something else to focus on. But it hadn't been enough.
He wiped the stray tears from his face, pretending they were nothing, turning back to the ledge closest to his bedroom window to get down off the roof. Maybe if he had just tried harder, before Sasuke had left, had just given Sasuke what he had needed then he wouldn't have had to follow that psycho. Sasuke didn't need revenge. No one needed revenge. But, Sasuke's mind was too clouded to see that. No one had been able to dissuade him from that path. Naruto felt like he should have been able to.
His room was dark and he didn't bother turning on any of the lights. The dim atmosphere fit his mood perfectly and there was enough sun light streaming through his open window any how. He grimaced at how bad his room looked. It was as if a whirlwind had swept through it, leaving everything looking half destroyed and strewn all over the place.
Shuffling forward, he kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt up over his head, flinging it to the side without care before simply falling down, face first, onto his rumpled, unmade bed. It smelled a little, bitter like sweat and possibly spilt ramen. He hadn't bothered to do any laundry in weeks. Naruto brought his arms up and crossed them underneath his head to prop himself up a little, yawning.
He was ignoring the pain in his limbs as it only made him think of Sasuke. It reminded him of a long time ago, or maybe not quite that long ago, but it sure seemed that way, when they had roomed together. Naruto would never forget that night, sharing their body heat, finding pleasure in each other. It had been awkward and embarrassing to think about later on, especially when he considered the position he had been in, but whenever he was in pain now it was the first thing that came to mind. Sasuke had massaged his back, taking the pain away the only way he could, helping him, making him feel good.
No, he was supposed to stop thinking of Sasuke. That was his problem, he needed to focus on something else entirely. Naruto sighed, closing his eyes. Everything reminded him of Sasuke. Like the bed he was laying in – he felt his face flush, mainly in mortification. He definitely did not want to think about that.
There was a knock on his door and he groaned, turning his face back into the bed, feeling like he would rather suffocate himself than talk to anyone.
"Naruto. Hey, open up."
He breathed in deeply a few times, hearing someone rap on his door again a little louder this time. Naruto pushed himself up and slid off the bed, moving to let the person in. It kind of sounded like Kakashi. Great, because looking at his Sensei didn't make him think of his defected team mate at all.
"Sensei," he said, opening the door wide and stepping back to let Kakashi come in instead of talking in the doorway.
Kakashi didn't even bother looking around the room, likely desensitized to it by now having already attempted conversation with Naruto twice already.
"How are you feeling, Naruto?"
"I'm fine," Naruto replied, sitting down onto the edge of his bed and not even looking at the man.
"Well, I just came to tell you that Jiraiya is leaving soon. He asked me to let you know that if you want to say goodbye he'll be at Ichiraku Ramen for supper. That's all. I'll leave you to your moping now."
Naruto lifted his head and watched as Kakashi simply left the room, not even bothering to wait for the chance that Naruto might say anything in response. Well, he was kind of hungry. He might as well go meet up with the Pervy old man one last time.