Are we looking at a lifetime of regret
Or just one little moment that we'll never forget
I said oh, there's a heartache for everyone
-Indigo Girls
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Throw it down - the gauntlet of love
-Frankie Goes to Hollywood
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Part 4: Ballad (of 32)
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They stood at the rail station hand in hand, waiting for the arrival of the last invitee to the weekend getaway. Shizuma looked over at the younger girl standing beside her and gave her hand a squeeze. "What's on your mind, my love?"
Nagisa looked startled for a moment, then made a show of smiling at her fiancée. "Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just... thinking of how nice it will be to see her again, that's all."
"Are you upset that she's coming?" Shizuma asked, seeing right through the act.
"No, not upset!" Nagisa immediately denied, but then her face took on an uncomfortable expression. "I just... thought it was only going to be the five of us this weekend. And you have to admit, there are going to be some things we can't talk about when we're with someone who... well, who wasn't there when it happened."
"I know, and I'm sorry. But when she called... I had to... I mean, I wanted to..." Realizing that she was explaining it badly, Shizuma turned toward Nagisa and took her other hand as well. "She's very important to me, Nagisa, and I've been a terrible friend. When she said she wanted to see me this weekend, I thought it would be better to have her come with us rather than have to turn her down or think about rescheduling. And I think it'll do her no end of good to be around some familiar faces again."
"You're right," Nagisa nodded quickly. She did not look convinced, but seemed at least to be trying. "Anyway, I'm kind of surprised that she's coming by train."
"I agree, but I must say, I'm glad to see it. This is the way she'd have preferred it, so maybe she's managed to assert herself." Shizuma paused in reflection for a moment, then grinned. "I can imagine her ruling the roost already."
At that moment, the next train pulled in, so both girls turned their attention to its doors, wondering if this would be the one. From inside stepped a tall woman dressed in an incongruously casual manner, wearing a simple sun dress and a wide-brimmed straw hat with a large flower on one side. Her hair had grown out somewhat since the wedding, Shizuma noticed, but most surprising of all was the wide grin that lit up her face as their eyes met through the small crowd. In moments, Shizuma had both arms filled with a laughing Miyuki, who hugged her tightly and unreservedly, right there on the platform in front of Nagisa and everyone. "Shizuma-chan! It's so good to see you!"
""It's - erm, it's good to see you too, Miyuki-chan," Shizuma replied, holding her old friend back at arms length and looking her over. While it was certainly a pleasant surprise to see Miyuki looking so happy, there was something almost unsettling about it, given the circumstances under which they'd last seen one another.
Miyuki, by this time, had already turned to Nagisa. "And Nagisa-chan!" she beamed. "Are you keeping my best friend happy?"
"Um, yes, I mean I hope so, erm, Rokujō-sama," Nagisa bowed, but then her face blanched and she looked helplessly at Shizuma. She had forgotten Miyuki's married name. Or more likely, they had simply never spoken of it, so she had never known it long enough to forget it.
"Such formality," Miyuki chuckled, laying one hand fondly on the side of Nagisa's face. "I'm not your school president any longer, Nagisa-chan. Please, call me Miyuki."
"Of course, um, Miyuki-sama," Nagisa bowed again, a little less deeply this time. She looked almost desperately from Miyuki to Shizuma, clearly surprised by the unexpected familiarity and affection, but Shizuma did not have any answers for her young love. This was at least as baffling for her: probably more so. It had been years since she had seen Miyuki look so happy and carefree. She looked for the wedding ring, and found it very much in place on her friend's finger, so she probably hadn't done anything reckless, but if not that, then what?
"So where are we bound, my dears?" Miyuki asked, adjusting the small travel bag on her shoulder so that she could take each of her former schoolmates by the hand. "You said something about a private spring big enough for six that overlooks Amanohashidate? Sounds heavenly."
In a strange cosmic convergence sort of way, Hazuki reasoned, it made sense that the hot spring resort to which they had been invited was in Miyazu.
With Chikaru stuck back at Lulim on council business (but coming to join them on a later train), Hazuki and Tamao arrived early to get in a little sightseeing. Hazuki's last visit to this lovely seaside town had certainly left her little time to enjoy the scenery, what with the dragons and the hole in the sky, and two women with swords guarding the thin line between creation and Armageddon.
Perhaps it was morbid of her, but she wanted to see the church where those final battles had taken place, if nothing else then to remind herself that it had happened. It wasn't even the Miyazu of this world, of course, but there was something comforting about seeing the old cathedral whole and undamaged, and the streets surrounding it filled with normal weekend traffic rather than an endless sea of dragons.
Eventually, after taking a few looks around to judge the area while Tamao watched quietly, Hazuki crouched down and touched the sidewalk over a very specific spot. "I think this was where we hit," she said quietly.
"Where you... died?" Tamao asked.
Hazuki nodded up at the other girl, trying to smile in a reassuring way. "It was only temporary. Eve saw to that. And anyway, the most important thing was to drive the Devourer back from this world... though I wonder now if I would have done anything differently had I known we were essentially dropping him back into your lap."
"I'm not sure if it could have worked any other way," Tamao sighed. "Which is scary, because... you and Chikaru both..."
"I think we did pretty well for four mortals going up against a reality-destroying monster of godlike power, Souma notwithstanding," Hazuki chuckled. "And it all worked out in the end."
Tamao's next words came with apparent difficulty. "I know Eve promised that this wouldn't happen again if she has anything to say about it, but... do you think it could? Are we going to find ourselves in another... crisis like that, because of what we are now, and what we have?" She took a deep breath. "Am I going to lose both of you again?"
"I don't know, Tamao-chan," Hazuki admitted as she stood beside her and took her hand. "But I think we're safe for a while, at least."
"We've talked about how much time we have now, to figure everything out," Tamao went on, "but that's not necessarily true at all, is it?
"What's wrong?" Hazuki asked gently. "What brought this on?"
"I'm not sure," Tamao sighed. She then made a visible effort to shake off her apprehensions and smile. "I think I'm just nervous about this trip. I've never been to a hot spring before."
"That makes two of us," Hazuki snorted.
"I'll try not to look at anyone but you and Chikaru."
"Oh, don't worry about that. You crushed on Nagisa for months on end: you deserve a good eyeful."
"Hazuki!"
So if each lap were four hundred meters, then two and a half laps added up to a kilometer, but that would mean having to think in terms of fractions all the time, so perhaps it would be easier to think of every five laps as two kilometers, which meant that this lap, her eightieth, would be... open parentheses eighty divided by five end parentheses times two kilometers? So what, sixteen times two? Thirty-two kilometers without having appreciably slowed down? Not bad.
It wasn't great either, of course, because not even the monotony of running could dull Kaname's mind to the extent she wished it would. The track had been an occasional refuge for her in the past: the simplicity of putting one foot in front of the other for long periods of time used to work wonders toward making her forget. But not anymore. Was the Souma to blame for elevating her strength and endurance, or was it simply that her troubles up until now had been child's play compared to her current situation?
After taking a couple of cool-down laps, she eventually jogged back to the athletic complex to shower. At least this time she'd managed to build up a decent sweat.
To her chagrin, she found herself wishing she could talk to Hazuki about this, to compare notes if nothing else. Had it been the same for her, coming back to a mundane world with this thing inside herself, having to not only live with her own change but with the knowledge that she'd lost her loved one in the process? Their situations were strangely complementary, come to think of it: Hazuki had lost her goddess and yet found love again with a regular girl, and Kaname had lost the love of her regular girl and had a goddess waiting for her.
That was where the comparison fell apart, though, because Hazuki now had two girls who were a far cry from ordinary. Hardly seemed fair that the world had four Souma-bearers, but they were divided into groups of three and one rather than two and two.
She stopped that line of thought right away, because that would mean contemplating which of the three she'd want on her side, and something told her that to consider this choice for even a moment would be to invite madness. Letting out a frustrated sigh, she stepped under the hot spray of the shower and tried to burn those thoughts right the hell out.
There would be no talking to Hazuki or either of the others today, of course, seeing as they were in Miyazu with Nagisa and Shizuma, the latter of whom was probably trying to figure out a way to outdo the threesome by turning it into an onsen orgy...
To her disquiet, Kaname found that she could picture the scene all too vividly. "What is wrong with me today?" she scowled as she began scrubbing at her hair, almost as though that could somehow wash away the mental image.
Instead, she brought her thoughts back to the one who had become the center of her universe, but not in the way she had once been: Momomi. Rather than a warm sun, her presence was now more like a black hole: a spot of emptiness that managed to suck the hope out of everything around her. Had Kaname made her that way?
More importantly, could she do anything to change it? Or was it time to give up and run to the goddess that she hadn't had the strength to resist the first time?
After several long minutes of standing under the spray, Kaname made her decision.
By the time Chikaru arrived at their reserved room, Tamao and Hazuki were already wrapped in broad towels and had their hair pinned up. "So sorry to be late, my darlings," she sighed as she took in their state of dress. "And why, pray tell, are both of you still here rather than soaking?"
"The others are already in the onsen," Hazuki explained.
"We just... wanted to wait for you," Tamao added with a smile and a shrug.
"You two should know better than that by now," Chikaru grinned as she tossed her travel bag to the floor and looked around the room. "Never delay a pleasurable activity while waiting for me. Where can I wash up?"
"That way," Hazuki pointed, indicating the door to the actual bathroom.
"Much obliged," Chikaru nodded in reply, quickly shedding clothes as she disappeared through the doorway. Moments later they heard the sound of running water as Chikaru quickly showered.
"Feel any more ready yet?" Hazuki asked Tamao.
"I suppose," Tamao sighed. "I'm just... oh, Hazuki-chan, I don't know if I'm going to be able to stop myself from staring."
"You know," Hazuki said vaguely, "a few months ago, after a particularly intense meditation, Chikaru and I had a shower together. And I stared. God, did I stare. And so did she."
Tamao blinked. "You told me about this once before. Why are you telling me again?"
"Because it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be," Hazuki explained, wishing that she could find better words for it. Even after all this time, it didn't completely make sense to her. She remembered staring almost hungrily at Chikaru, but not in a sexual way: her eyes simply couldn't get enough of this woman who'd just been inside her soul. "Neither of us wanted anything physical from the other - at least not overtly - so it was perfectly safe and even very pleasant. We were able to share something very personal and even intimate without it being at all threatening."
Several moments passed as Tamao pondered this. "So you think this will be the same way? Since Nagisa-chan and Shizuma-sama and Miyuki-sama don't want anything from us, it'll just be something... safe and pleasant?"
"It had better be," Hazuki grumbled.
Before Tamao could ask what Hazuki had meant by that, Chikaru emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel of her own. "So, my lovelies! Shall we?"
"Yes, let's," Hazuki nodded, offering a hand to Tamao.
"We can do this," Tamao said quietly. "Maybe they'll have left their towels on, for modesty's sake?"
Chikaru opened the door that separated their section of the rented suite from the central courtyard housing the onsen, and the three stepped through into the open-air patio overlooking the Amanohashidate land bridge.
"Well, it's about time," Shizuma laughed from her place in the steaming pool.
"Chikaru-chan!" called an uncharacteristically gleeful Miyuki as she stood up and extended her arms as though waiting for a hug. In the process of emerging from the water, she also made it abundantly clear that modesty was not high on her list of priorities.
"Lovely to see you, Miyuki-sama," Chikaru grinned. She then shot a wink over her shoulder at her two companions as she divested herself of her towel and hung it nearby. "And may I be the first to compliment you on your breasts this evening?"
Amane would be the first to admit that she was not the most feminine creature on God's green earth, but there were still a few of the frillier things she enjoyed enough to remind herself that she had two X chromosomes after all. One of these was lavender bubble bath.
Now if she could only find a way to use her vaunted Etoile powers to request a bathtub for their room that would more comfortably fit her long, lanky frame, it would be perfect. Still, there was nothing quite like a nice soak after a day of hard practice, bent knees or no. Maybe today she'd just stay in until she turned into the proverbial prune.
Or maybe, she thought with a small grin, she'd stay in until Hikari got back and see if perhaps the younger Etoile might want to join her. Pleasant as the thought was, though, she quickly dismissed it: Hikari was always too polite to interrupt her in the bath, even as much as Amane had tried to assure her that she would be more than welcome.
The grin deepened. More than welcome indeed, she thought, as images of a Hikari strategically coated in bubble bath flashed through her mind.
Amane shook her head vigorously. She wasn't sure why she had sex on the brain all of a sudden, but that sort of thinking would never do.
From the main room of the suite came the sound of an unlocking door, heralding Hikari's return. Best to wrap things up quickly, then, so that she could rejoin her sometimes overly conscientious little love.
To her surprise, though, the bathroom door clicked open, and Hikari peeked inside. "Um... Good evening, Amane-senpai."
"Good evening, Hikari."
"Um... may I come in?"
"Of course, love. Anytime."
After flashing Amane a small, nervous smile, Hikari crossed the small space and knelt beside the tub, her eyes never leaving Amane's own. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a few days now."
"Go on," Amane bade her as she paused and looked away.
"Do you remember the day I told you about Kiyashiki-san trying to talk me into running for Etoile again?"
"All too well," Amane chuckled, remembering the uncomfortable feeling of being held in an armlock by her much smaller love.
"I... disrespected you that day," Hikari said quietly.
"What, by showing me that you can take care of yourself? I was surprised, certainly, but demonstrating the work you've been doing with Hazuki-san was hardly disrespectful."
"That isn't what I meant," Hikari sighed. "It was before that, when I was trying to stop you from leaving the room. I... called you by your name. I was upset, and I... forgot to call you senpai."
"You did?" Amane asked. "I... I don't remember."
"I do, though, and... it's been on my mind ever since."
Amane closed her eyes, wishing that she could explain to Hikari how little she cared about that, but Hikari was not finished speaking. "You see, I've always called you Amane-senpai, or Amane-sama, even in the months that we've been Etoile, and been... involved." She blushed slightly and cleared her throat. "Because you are my senpai, and because you're my senior, and I have so much respect for you, but..."
"What is it, Hikari?" Amane asked gently, after the younger girl trailed off.
"The thing is," Hikari said in a high, breathy voice, "I also... I love you... Amane. And I want to call you that, not just when I slip up, but all the time. So... may I call you by your name, and only your name?"
For a long time, Amane simply could not find her voice. How long had Hikari wanted to ask her this? How much bravery had she had to muster up to do so, in the bath no less? And most importantly... why hadn't Amane simply given her that permission ages ago? She knew full well how traditional Hikari remained in spite of their unconventional relationship, and she should have recognized that she would continue being formal until otherwise instructed by one so far above her. To her own shame, she wondered how much of this was Hikari's residual idol-worship, and how much of it was Amane herself enjoying the attention?
As painful as it was to be reminded that Hikari might still think of herself as beneath Amane, though, the fact that she had asked for this spoke volumes.
"Hikari," Amane whispered, reaching out with a soapy hand to pull her love into a gentle kiss. "I love you too, and nothing would make me happier."
"Thank you, Amane-sen... um." Hikari stopped short, actually giggled for a moment, then went on. "Thank you... Amane."
After a long, cozy silence, Hikari again cleared her throat and went on. "Um, there was something else I'd like to ask you, as well."
"Anything."
For a moment, shyness warred with something that looked like actual mischief on Hikari's lovely face. "Would you... like me to wash your back?"
Amane blinked at the younger girl several times, then smiled. Perhaps she'd jumped the gun when she said that nothing would make her happier...
"Ah, this was just what I needed," Miyuki sighed happily. "A hot spring, pleasant company, tasty sake and beautiful scenery."
"Um, yes, the land bridge is lovely," Tamao nodded.
Miyuki took another sip of sake and winked at the younger girl. "Who was talking about the land bridge?"
Shizuma raised her eyebrows at her old friend. Something had certainly changed, and for the life of her, she could not yet figure it out. It had to be more than mere alcohol that was making Miyuki the biggest flirt of the evening. Shizuma had decided early on that she would have to tone down her own natural flirtatiousness, for Nagisa's comfort if nothing else, but Miyuki had all but made it unnecessary: even Shizuma at her best could not have been as humorously inappropriate as this.
In fact, between Miyuki's barrage of questions about Astraea and Chikaru's answering of same, she'd scarcely gotten a word in thus far beyond initial greetings. This was fine, though, because it gave her a chance to take a page from Chikaru's book and observe the proceedings.
And, she thought as she took another sip of her own sake, Miyuki had been correct about the pleasant scenery. Nagisa, snuggled against her on her left, was somehow becoming more beautiful every time Shizuma saw her, and there was probably more to it than simply absence making the heart grow fonder. Even in the short time since their vacation in France, Nagisa looked that much more trim, healthy and even mature. The girlish cuteness, which would probably never leave her entirely, was nonetheless giving way to the beautiful young woman she was becoming.
Miyuki, on the other hand, was practically glowing, and looked better than she had since time out of mind. Shizuma had watched her grow thinner and more ill-appearing the closer they had come to the end of their schooling, no doubt with the threat of her impending nuptials looming closer and closer. She was still a little on the thin side, as she had always been, but beyond any change in her body was the simple fact that she looked happy, and her happiness made her more beautiful than ever.
The three girls sitting opposite them were a study in both complement and contrast. Tamao, like Nagisa, still had a petite cuteness to her that would probably be with her for life, Hazuki was the perfect balance of athletic and feminine (how on Earth could she have so little fat anywhere else on her body and still have... those?), and Chikaru... she was every inch a woman, curvy in exactly the right places, always holding herself in a manner that hinted at her incredible inner strength.
More than this, though, as uncomfortable as Hazuki and particularly Tamao appeared, the three of them were always touching in some way, whether it be something as simple as a held hand or as subtle as a gentle caress of a shoulder. Seeing the three of them together was both incredibly comforting and (Shizuma had to admit) rather arousing. Not in a way that made her feel even a little guilty, either: she had often heard it said that there is no sight more beautiful than someone in love, and these three all but radiated their attachment to one another. If anything, seeing the three of them made her want to curtail this meeting of the... minds... and drag Nagisa back to their room for something far steamier.
She had to feel for Tamao, though. Here she was, naked in a hot spring alongside her first kiss, her first big crush, her first girlfriend, and... her first second girlfriend, none of whom were the same girl. Add in her former class president, whom she'd very much looked up to, and it was a wonder the poor girl's eyes hadn't fogged over by now.
One thing was certain: Shizuma could certainly get used to having all of them around. Perhaps, came a particularly naughty thought, she should just marry them all so that she could keep them in her life. Nagisa could be her actual wife, Tamao could be wife number one, Hazuki could be wife number two, Chikaru could be...
Miyuki, once again, was far more verbal with her observations. "So. Threesome?"
"I beg your pardon?" Hazuki asked, arching one eyebrow at the former Miator president.
"Seriously, what's the deal with the three of you, anyway?" Miyuki went on. "I still have eyes and ears in Astraea as well, you know. So is this for real?"
"It's very real, Miyuki-sama," Tamao said, edging even closer to Hazuki. "We've... made a commitment to one another."
"What about you, Chikaru?" Miyuki asked, giving her former counterpart a level gaze. "I always figured you were the only one hundred percent straight girl in the dorm. I mean, make no mistake, these two are enough eye candy to give even a straight girl diabetes, but you're Chikaru. You've had dozens of girls in your bed and never kissed a single one of them. What changed?"
"I could ask the same question of you, Miyuki-sama," Chikaru replied, giving the other girl a bemused smile. "I don't think I've ever seen this side of you. I like it, mind you, but it's... different."
"Yes, Miyuki, what has changed?" Shizuma asked, at the same time making a mental note of how deftly Chikaru had deflected the question. "When I last saw you, you looked like someone heading for the gallows."
"Ah," Miyuki nodded expressively. "Therein lies the tale, my friends. But first, more sake. I'll probably need it."
Chikaru poured for her. "There you are, my dear. Now, do tell."
"And I will, but first I must insist that none of this goes beyond this onsen. If it gets back to me that any of you let this slip, regardless of how much I love you, I'll be forced to send my hellish minions to destroy you."
"You have hellish minions now?" Shizuma chuckled. "You really have moved up in the world."
Miyuki sipped from her shallow cup, then set it to one side, and her face took on a distant, distracted look. "As most of you are no doubt aware, I have been betrothed to my new husband since I was a child. I had no say in the matter. It was largely a business deal, come right down to it, and it was my duty to follow through at the completion of my studies at St. Miator."
Shizuma noted the use of my new husband. So she was still married, by the sound of things.
"As most of you are also no doubt aware, I have long considered myself a lesbian, so the joke was doubly on me. Not only betrothed to a man I did not know, but to a man I could never love while remaining true to who I am. And... to my own shame, I prayed that I was wrong about myself. I hoped that my feelings were just those immature girl-crushes we're always told about, and that I'd grow out of them in time to love a man, just as God and nature intended." Her face took on a sarcastic expression as she said this, indicating exactly what she thought about God and nature.
"I'm so sorry," Chikaru whispered soothingly, reaching to gently stroke Miyuki's shoulder.
"Don't be," Miyuki replied with a sardonic smile. "You've heard all of this before, after all. And I think you were right about one thing in particular: maybe I was setting my sights on the unattainable because I was afraid to learn the truth about myself."
"Miyuki," Shizuma said in a surprised whisper. She knew, in a roundabout way, that Miyuki had previously made use of Chikaru's services as the unofficial Astraea therapist, but she had never given much thought to what they might have discussed.
Her old friend looked at her with a sad little smile. "You know very well that I had dreams," she went on, "but as long as those dreams were hinged on something so far above me, I was safe. I could go on believing that I'd grow out of them, the way I knew I had to. If I'd ever truly fallen in love, and been loved in return... I don't know what I would have done."
At this point, with both Shizuma and Chikaru moving as though to hug her, Miyuki waved them off idly. "But that's not the good part of the story. I'm still getting to that."
"Just so it has a good part," Chikaru smiled in reply.
"Oh, most assuredly, Chikaru-chan. Now, where was I?"
"Hopeless," Chikaru supplied helpfully.
"Yes, thank you. So I marched down the aisle in a dress that cost more than my last two years at Miator, said my vows like a good girl, danced stiffly with my husband and sleepwalked my way through the reception, then went to the best honeymoon suite in Kyoto for the newlyweds' first night of wedded bliss and passion. And it was there... that something incredible happened." She smiled slyly at Shizuma, then looked over the rest of the group.
"You... discovered that you're attracted to men after all?" Hazuki ventured.
"Better," Miyuki grinned.
Shizuma looked from a smiling Miyuki to a confused Nagisa, and lastly to Chikaru, who looked very much like she was on the verge of piecing it together, but could not find the last bit. "For heaven's sake, Miyuki, what was it?" Shizuma asked.
"My husband took me by the hands, walked me to the marriage bed and sat me down. He then sat beside me and, with great difficulty, told me that he had something very important to say. Something he could not, in good conscience, keep to himself."
Miyuki again looked around the circle, seeming to enjoy the suspense of her own tale. At this point, a slow smile brightened Chikaru's face as she figured it out. "You're kidding."
"Not at all," Miyuki nodded, her grin deepening further.
"Well, tell the rest of us, then," Shizuma insisted.
"My husband," Miyuki said slowly, "the man to whom I've been engaged as long as I can remember, whose presence in my life I've been dreading for almost as long... is homosexual."
This news was met with stunned silence from all except for Chikaru, who eventually began to laugh. "Layers upon layers," she giggled. "Oh, Miyuki, what happened then?"
"I stared at him for a few moments, then started to laugh. And then I couldn't stop. I was absolutely in hysterics, and I think I frightened the poor man to death, but then when I finally had my voice back, I looked him in the eye, smiled, and said 'What a coincidence.'"
"But - but what does that mean, Miyuki-sama?" Nagisa asked. "Are you still married? Will it be annulled?"
Miyuki chuckled. "Yes, I'm still married, Nagisa-chan, I daresay even happily married, and no, there are no plans to change that fact."
"Happily married?" Shizuma repeated.
"We stayed up all night talking," Miyuki elaborated, "and I learned that his situation was almost identical to mine. He'd been terrified that he would dishonor me or offend me, and it was as much a relief to him as it was to me. And so, rather than the dutiful night of heir-making that I'd expected, we spent our time getting to know one another at last, and all along I felt the weight of the world leaving my shoulders. We went on our honeymoon to Europe, and with those expectations gone, we were truly free to enjoy one another's company. I've made a very dear friend in that man. And in the process, we both came to the agreement that we will not hold one another back from being what we are. After all, he's a man, and he should be expected to spend time with his close male friends, and no one will look twice if there is, say, a live-in maid to help me with the children, don't you agree?"
"But... children?" Tamao asked. "Are you still going to..."
"To be honest, Tamao-chan, motherhood was the only part of my fate that I was looking forward to," Miyuki explained. "I would see to it that they were not raised as I was, and I would do everything in my power to ensure that they would have the chance to make their own decisions in life. Happily, I think my husband will more than agree with my intention to raise them in this way."
Tamao frowned. "Yes, but... how do you intend to... you know, have children?"
"Science is an amazing thing, my dear," Miyuki winked, then rolled her eyes. "When the time is right, after our countless hours of lovemaking fail to produce an heir, I imagine we shall resort to other methods of fertilization. But we're going to wait a little while, at least, and enjoy ourselves. This weekend he's skiing with one of his groomsmen, and I'm free to sit in an onsen with five absolutely delectable young ladies." Here, her expression became a comical frown. "All of whom are spoken for, damn you all, but at least you're easy on the eyes."
"I'm so happy for you, Miyuki-sama," Nagisa smiled shyly. "I always felt so terribly for... well, for..."
"For stealing the love of my life?" Miyuki replied, arching both eyebrows at the younger girl.
Shizuma rounded on Miyuki and was on the verge of saying something defensive (as, apparently, was Tamao), but Miyuki held up one hand and grimaced. "I'm sorry, that was supposed to be a joke, but it was in terrible taste, wasn't it?"
"A bit," Shizuma nodded.
"I apologize, truly," Miyuki sighed. "There's still a shadow of the old bitter Miyuki left, though I've been trying to rein her in. Honestly, Nagisa-chan, as jealous as I may have been of you from time to time, you brought my best friend in all the world back to us, and I've always been grateful for that. I don't begrudge you for a moment. I only hope you don't do what I did."
"Mope and wait for your doom?" Shizuma replied, deciding to share the wealth, as it were.
"Touché," Miyuki smirked, but then her face darkened. "No, what I mean is, don't waste this. I went to my marriage bed thinking that I'd never have the chance to truly love someone, because I'd staggered through my life trying to avoid my feelings. Don't you dare waste a moment of this, you two... and that goes for the three of you as well. Whatever the hell it is you have, don't waste it."
Shizuma felt Nagisa's arms slip around her waist, and she pulled her beloved even closer. Across from them, Tamao put her head on Hazuki's shoulder, and Chikaru reached across the middle girl to squeeze Tamao's hand. Miyuki smiled at them all, then took another sip of sake, and Shizuma found herself smiling as well. Not a moment had yet been wasted this weekend, certainly, and she had no intention of letting even one slip past.
Momomi was having one of her customary evening showers when Kaname arrived at their room (the joke had always been that she needed to scrub away the daily blood of her enemies), but Kaname was in no mood to wait for her to finish.
Without a moment's pause, she grasped the edge of the shower curtain and pulled it open. Momomi let out a tiny shriek and moved to cover herself, but then scowled and lowered her hands. "What do you want?" she growled, turning to face Kaname directly, her stance defiant, her eyes all but daring her former lover to look at what she could no longer have.
"Can this be over now?" Kaname asked, quietly.
For an instant, Kaname thought she saw a flash of fear in those eyes, but then Momomi's scowl deepened. "I thought it already was over." She shut off the water, then barged past the taller girl to grab her towel and head back into the main room.
"I don't mean that," Kaname sighed. "I mean... this. Can we just fast-forward past the obligatory angry period and try to work this out?"
"You're the one who cheated on me," Momomi reminded her. "What was her name, anyway?"
"What?"
"Her name! What was her name?"
"Lilith," Kaname said after a pause. "Her name was Lilith."
"What kind of stupid name is Lilith? Jesus, did you cheat on me with an American?"
"Momomi, I'm not going to try to make excuses for what I did, but there were reasons. I'd just been through something that tore me apart inside, and I wasn't thinking clearly... or at least, I wasn't thinking like myself." Not that this had been a bad thing, really...
"Was it some tourist, then?" Momomi went on, seemingly ignoring what Kaname had just said. "Just a nice little Welcome To Japan f**k with no strings attached?"
"We've gotten through worse than this," Kaname said in a hard voice.
"But you cheated on me!" Momomi screamed back at her, holding onto these words like a life-raft. "This wasn't just one of your sick obsessions with Minamoto and Ohtori and Azuma, either. You cheated!"
Kaname gazed levelly at the other girl "Do we really want to go this way? How many times did you cheat on me, Momomi? And don't lie: I have names."
Momomi shifted uncomfortably, but her eyes remained defiant.
"We made it past all of those," Kaname reminded her. "All I'm asking is that we try to make it past this."
Conversation had been soft and sparse after the conclusion of Miyuki's story, with all of those present seemingly lost in their own thoughts.
This was, in some ways, more uncomfortable than the conversation had been, at least for Hazuki, because it left her mind wide open to her surroundings. She honestly could not think of a time when she had been surrounded by this much beauty. Like the shower she had described earlier to Tamao, there seemed to be a good amount of staring going on, but there was a difference this time, as most of the contact seemed to be eye to eye. Several times she found herself watching either Nagisa or Shizuma (who were somewhere between cuddling and petting), only to have the other girl look over, lock eyes with her, and smile in acknowledgment. Shizuma even winked at her once, as if to say she didn't mind. This trip had been her idea, after all.
Closing her eyes was little better, though, as this merely intensified other senses, making her acutely aware of everywhere that she, Tamao and Chikaru were touching one another. More than that, her Souma was going crazy, its motions far more intense and erratic than during their meditations or even their nighttime cuddles. The transfer of energy between them had always been a skin-to-skin thing, and right now there was a lot of skin touching and being touched.
To put it bluntly, Hazuki was finding herself hornier than a herd of antelope.
Just as she was trying to think of a way to dismiss herself, though (and drag the others off with her), Miyuki opened one eye and stared at the engaged couple. "Nagisa-chan, remember what I said earlier about not wasting time?"
Nagisa's hand, which had been idly stroking Shizuma along the collarbones, stopped short. "Miyuki-sama?" she asked.
"For heaven's sake, girl, we're all family here. Either touch your fiancée's boobs or so help me, I'll come over there and do it for you."
"Miyuki!" Shizuma exclaimed, caught between amusement and annoyance.
With a dramatic sigh, Miyuki stood up, put her hands on her hips, and faced the rest of them down. "All right, as the former president of St. Miator, I'm going to fall back on old habits and call this meeting adjourned." She then pointed at Shizuma and Nagisa. "You two, go back to your room and have sex." She then brought the finger around to Hazuki. "You three, go back to your room... figure out who's going to do what to whom, and... well, do it. I, my dear friends, will go back to my room and have very, very happy dreams. And with that, I bid you good evening."
Not nearly as unsteadily as might be expected given the amount of sake she'd been drinking, Miyuki hoisted herself out of the onsen, wrapped her towel around herself, and was off to her section of the rented suite, leaving the remaining couple and trio to themselves.
"Is she... okay?" Nagisa asked at length.
"More than I've ever seen her," Shizuma smiled after her friend. She then turned back to Nagisa and gave her a small kiss that Hazuki could have sworn made the world go green behind her eyes again. "Shall we be off as well, then?"
Nagisa looked from one of them to the other, her eyes eventually resting on Tamao. "I'm... glad we were all able to get together like this. See you at breakfast, then?"
"I'll be there with bells on," Chikaru smiled. "And clothes on, for that matter."
"How novel," Shizuma smirked. "Good night, my dears."
And then they, in turn, slipped out of the warm water, wrapped themselves, and walked hand in hand to their own door.
Hazuki was about to suggest that they follow suit with all haste, but Chikaru was already moving away from the side of the sunken spring and turning to face them. "I'm... going to see if I can't prevail upon Miyuki to let me stay with her tonight. Not like that, of course, but..."
"Chikaru," Hazuki started, but Chikaru shook her head and smiled.
"Do you think I can't feel it?" she asked gently. "Do you think I don't know what the two of you have in mind? I'm sorry, my loves, but... I'm still not there."
"But Chikaru, we don't have to..." Tamao tried to interject, but Chikaru brought one finger to the girl's lips to shush her.
"As I said before, never delay a pleasurable activity while waiting for me. And as Miyuki said... don't waste a moment, my loves.
She held out her arms, and they shared a three-way embrace that would surely have made Hazuki's legs give out had she been standing. Souma of every kind raced through her, making her feel as though every nerve ending was aflame, and she was almost painfully aware of every tiny motion of damp skin sliding against damp skin.
But then Chikaru broke away from them, and the fires retreated to a dull roar. Hazuki watched her as she slipped out of the onsen, her eyes taking in every detail as the water cascaded from her, leaving her glistening softly in the lamplight.
"Chikaru," Tamao called softly.
"Hmm? Chikaru smiled, turning back to them as she retrieved her towel.
"You're beautiful," Tamao whispered, her tone nothing short of reverent.
"Thank you, sweet Tamao. As are you."
Once she was gone, Hazuki turned to Tamao. "Tamao-chan?"
Tamao fixed dazed eyes upon her. "That was..."
"Yeah, that was..."
Rather than complete the thought, they fell together into a silent, passionate kiss, which said far more at that moment than any words could have done.
Finally being able to let her hair down again was not unlike letting out a long-held breath, Shizuma decided. She regarded her reflection with no small amount of humor, though, as her silver locks refused to go "down" as such, choosing instead to spread more or less to either side until they looked rather like a thundercloud. There was a long brushing in her near future, but that was going to have to wait. There were more pressing concerns for the remainder of the evening.
And then, just as the word "pressing" went through her mind, she both saw and felt Nagisa's arms encircle her from behind, followed by the welcome, uniquely perfect feeling of her lover's lithe body pressing against her. "Shizuma-sama is very beautiful," came the younger girl's soft voice.
Something in the tone of her voice, not to mention her unexpected formality, immediately caught Shizuma's concern, and she turned in Nagisa's arms. "What is it, my love?"
"Nothing really, just... me being silly."
Shizuma took Nagisa's face in her hands. "You're not nearly as silly as you think you are, sweetheart. Now, what's on your mind?"
Nagisa took a deep breath and let it out in a slow sigh. "Miyuki-sama is very beautiful."
"More so now that she's happy, yes."
"And she cares very deeply for you."
"And I for her. Nagisa, what's this all about? If there's even a whisper of a concern that I'm going to leave you for her now that she's free... please, put it out of your mind. I'm yours now, and nothing will change that."
Nagisa nodded slowly, but then looked away, unable to meet her fiancée's eyes. "Would it make Shizuma-sama happy if we... tried to..."
"Tried to what, Nagisa?"
"Tried to..." Nagisa swallowed hard and went on. "Tried to... share? Like Tamao-chan is doing?"
Shizuma flashed back guiltily on her whimsical thought of numbering her wives, and wondered for a moment if Nagisa had somehow picked up on that. Given the nature of the three girls sitting opposite them, that might have been possible, after all. "No, my sweet," she whispered, pulling Nagisa even closer. "I may joke about it, I may tease, I may even try to get us all into a hot spring together, but... why would I want any more than what I have?"
To her relief, Nagisa smiled up at her. "Really?"
"Without a doubt," Shizuma assured her, pulling her into a kiss.
"Well?" Kaname asked quietly.
"What do you want from me?" Momomi shot back at her.
Kaname took a measured breath. "How about we start with what I don't want? I don't want a by-the-numbers trip through your erogenous zones. I don't want to get you off in seven minutes or less - which we both know I can do - and then roll over and go to sleep. I don't want a quick f**k."
She took a step closer, and while Momomi's eyes widened, she did not budge. "I also don't want there to be any talk of ropes, scarves, cuffs or anything else of the sort. I don't want to play into any of your rape fantasies. I don't want to dominate or be dominated. I don't want this to be a game. I don't want to make you want it, because that means you didn't want it to begin with."
After a short pause, she took another even breath and went on, her eyes intent on the other girl. "As for what I do want? I want to learn your body again: your entire body, not just the highlights. I want to explore every last centimeter of you. I want to find every single place that makes you gasp, shudder, squirm and even laugh. And then I want to kiss, lick, fondle, pinch, nibble and tease those places, one after another. I want to love your body, and to know your body. I want to immerse myself in you. I want to spend hours upon days finding you again. The next time you say my name, I want to hear 'Oh, God' next to it. And then, if you would do me the honor, I want to share myself with you again as well. All of me, with none of the safe boundaries we used to play in. Every. Last. Bit. No safety net, and nothing held back."
"Kaname," Momomi whispered.
"None of this means anything, though, if you don't want the same," Kaname replied in a husky voice as she inched still closer. "And honestly? I think you do."
Momomi bit her lower lip, and for a moment it looked like she might launch herself into her ex-lover's arms, but she then turned away and closed her eyes. "Tomorrow. Ask me tomorrow."
"Why? What does tomorrow have to do with anything?"
"Because you don't even sound like yourself right now!" Momomi shouted, looking back at the taller girl with tears in her eyes. "I don't know what's gotten into you tonight, but I need to know that this isn't just drunk, horny Kaname saying whatever she has to! How do I know that all this talk about no games isn't just a game itself? If you really mean any of what you just said, then say it again tomorrow after you've had a chance to cool off!"
Kaname felt something crumple inside herself, and she took a step back. "Momomi," she sighed.
"Just... tomorrow," Momomi quavered, and now she looked deeply unsettled and even frightened. "I can't deal with this right now. Please, Kaname. Tomorrow."
The ensuing silence was, to kill the cliché, positively deafening. At last, though, Kaname nodded, turned stiffly, and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Momomi asked.
"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Kaname replied, not looking back. "Right now, though, I don't think either one of us wants me to be here." She pulled the door open, stepped through, and quietly latched it behind her.
Only then did she feel her eyes begin to mist over, but she quickly forced that back. Now was not the time: she would be damned if she let herself cry over this. In a way, she couldn't blame Momomi for having her doubts: after all their head-games and shifts of power, why should she take Kaname seriously now? Why should she expect this to be real? What example had she ever been given, really?
Kaname briefly rubbed both hands over her face, then through her hair, and let out a deep sigh. Now she needed to find a place to spend the night. Perhaps Chikaru's room? It was a commonly known fact that Chikaru never locked her door, even when she was off campus. She could always apologize later if need be.
As she started down the hall toward the staircase, however, she heard a door creak open just ahead of her. She pulled up short, not really wanting to be seen in her current condition, but after several moments, no one emerged.
Was that... Hazuki's door? But Hazuki wasn't even here: she was in Miyazu, no doubt getting all sweaty and disheveled with her threesome.
Cautiously, Kaname approached the door and pushed it the rest of the way open. It was unoccupied, but the lights were on, and to Kaname's surprise, there was a small tea table set up, with a very un-Hazuki-like china teapot and cup, each giving off fragrant steam. Next to the cup rested a small silver flask. Hazuki's bed, which (the few times Kaname had seen it) tended to be neatly, even obsessively tidy, had the covers pulled back as though waiting for someone to lie down in it.
"Hello?" she called softly. There was no reply, so she closed the door behind her and knelt at the tea table.
A pair of small notes were attached to the teapot and the flask. Kaname peered closely at the unfamiliar handwriting on the former.
Dear Kaname-chan: This particular mix of tea won't be invented on your world for a good forty years, but you looked like you could use it. XOXO
Smiling now, Kaname picked up the flask, opened the screw-top, and took a sniff that ended up roaring through her sinuses and making her eyes water. Whatever this was, it was stronger than any sake she'd ever tried.
The note attached read: This, on the other hand, is something very old fashioned, in the event that tea is simply not enough. XOXOXO
They returned to their room with nothing more than two fluffy white towels separating them, and those didn't last for long.
Sitting between Tamao and Chikaru in the onsen had indeed been both torturous and deeply arousing for Hazuki, and based on the way Tamao was kissing her, she had not been alone in that. Kissing had always been something gentle and sweet between them, with only hints at the hunger that lay beneath the surface. Now, there was little more than an aching need as they fell into bed together, Tamao landing more or less on top of Hazuki.
With surprising strength, Tamao grasped both of Hazuki's hands and pinned her to the mattress. She then pushed herself up and stared wide-eyed at the other girl, and her unbound hair spilled over Hazuki's neck and shoulders. "I love you," she said in a tremulous whisper, the quaver in her voice at odds with her forceful actions.
"I love you," Hazuki echoed, her own voice coming in a soft growl. Tamao again leaned in to kiss her, and Hazuki wrapped both arms around her beautiful poet's back and rolled to her left, so the two were now lying side by side, with a barely perceptible shimmer of tiny green sparks running over their bare skin.
Hazuki had long dreamed of sharing this moment with Hatsumi, of course, and for the briefest moment she allowed herself a pang of regret that it had never happened. But it truly was only the briefest of moments, because the reality now in her arms was worth every endless day of that unrequited fantasy. A second, more pronounced feeling of dismay came from the knowledge that Chikaru was not here to share this with them. How long was their beloved friend going to separate herself from the two of them as she had tonight? Would Chikaru ever be able to feel this incredible rush of emotions for herself?
For another brief moment, Hazuki wondered if they should stop after all, and hold back, as Tamao had suggested, until the third of their circle was ready. But Chikaru had wanted this for them all along, hadn't she? And even though it was selfish of her, Hazuki wanted this as well. Perhaps, she thought with a smile, she and Tamao could learn a few things along the way that would shock the daylights out of their resident healer once she did feel ready. And what a pleasure those lessons would be...
Except now, with their bodies pressed close and their Souma thrumming from every point where they touched, with Tamao gasping for breath and whispering her name again and again, Hazuki realized that she had no idea what to do next.
Unbidden, a memory flashed through her senses, of another darkened room, and another shapely form lying beside her, this one with half-lidded violet eyes, pale blue hair, a mischievous smile, and a gently mocking voice. "And when you finally catch up with this one love, the one you've been dreaming about and saving yourself for... Tell me, Hazuki, what do you intend to do with her? What comes... naturally, perhaps?"
Maybe things wouldn't come naturally after all, but she would be damned if she didn't try. "Turn over, Tamao-chan," she whispered.
"Um, over?"
"Lie on your other side."
Tamao looked confused at the request, but complied. The brief separation was like a shock of cold water, but then Hazuki scooted herself to lie behind the smaller girl, and the Souma again sparked as she pressed herself as closely as she could to Tamao's back. Hazuki rested her chin over Tamao's shoulder so that they lay cheek-to-cheek, then reached one hand around and began tracing her fingertips up and down the soft curves of her lover's bare skin. Tamao inhaled sharply, and as she did, Hazuki could almost feel her reaction through the joined Souma.
"Forgive me, Tamao-chan," she whispered. "This is all... new to me, too. I'd like to try something, though, if you'll let me."
"Anything," Tamao gasped in reply, flashing a brief, brilliant smile before again closing her eyes to these new sensations.
Hazuki continued slowly and gently gliding her fingertips over Tamao's soft skin as though trying to commit it all to memory. As familiar as the topography was, she knew that she had a lot to learn.
Oh, wonderful, she thought to herself, I'm naked in bed with Tamao, and I'm thinking of words like topography?
"Hazuki-chan?" Tamao asked suddenly.
"Hmm?"
"You, um... you giggled."
"Sorry, Tamao-chan," Hazuki grinned, and just like that, the tension was broken. No, things wouldn't come naturally, and no, things wouldn't be perfect.
But they had plenty of time to work toward that.
Closing her eyes now, Hazuki let her fingers drift lower. It was true enough that she had no real experience with loving another woman's body, but she'd had plenty of practice on her own, and even as Tamao again drew a sharp breath though clenched teeth, Hazuki reasoned that this would be as good a place to start as any.
Miyuki's room, as it turned out, had as good a view of Amanohashidate as the onsen itself, so Chikaru sat quietly at the windows, gazing out into the night as she tried to quiet her mind, which was currently awash with thoughts both her own and... not.
After a long while, Miyuki, dressed in one of the kimonos supplied by the resort, sat beside her former Lulim counterpart on the sofa. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked softly.
"You can go back to sleep," Chikaru smiled. "I don't sleep much anymore, myself, but please, don't let me keep you awake."
"And a fine friend I'd be if I did," Miyuki snorted. "Do you want to talk about it? It seems obvious enough that the three of you aren't fighting, so... is this relationship not what the rumors say it is?"
"You know as well as I do that none of us can ever live up to the rumors," Chikaru reminded her. "Still, Tamao-chan spoke the truth. We've made a commitment, and I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with the two of them, for as long as they'll have me."
"None of which explains why you're sitting here with me in the Not-Getting-Any suite."
Chikaru smiled at these words. "I'm so glad to see this side of you, Miyuki. I feel like I'm finally getting to meet a part of you that you never let out while we were both still in school."
"Thank you," Miyuki nodded, "but you're changing the subject again, and I don't intend to let you this time."
"No, I suppose you don't," Chikaru sighed. "It's... complicated. There are some things I'm not... ready for."
"I see. Now, is this normal, run-of-the-mill Sex Is Scary apprehension, or are you being like me, and trying to convince yourself that you're something you're not?"
Chikaru looked away, returning her gaze to the distant lights of Miyazu. "That's just it, Miyuki," she said, her voice suddenly constricted. "I... still don't really know what I am..."
"I can tell you one thing you are," Miyuki said quietly, slipping one arm across the other girl's shoulders.
"What's that?"
"You're... crying."
Now that there was no denying it, the tears came freely, and Chikaru collapsed against Miyuki's shoulder and let herself be held. "You poor thing," Miyuki sighed. "We're quite the pair, you and I. I'm married to a friend and still looking for what I want, and you're married to two friends and still looking for what you are."
"Sums it up nicely," Chikaru laughed through the tears. "Thank you, Miyuki."
"How many times did you let me cry on your shoulder, Chikaru-chan?"
"I never kept count. It's... just what I do."
Miyuki stroked her hair and held her tighter. "Then tonight it's what I do," she whispered gently.
Next: Tomorrow