Month Four- September

At around the fourth month of my pregnancy, Remus and I started to freak out just a little bit. Okay, we started to freak out a lot. I think it had finally hit us that this was a real child I was carrying. Not a pet like my cat in Hogwarts that I fed too much and subsequently killed. And certainly not like the Sea Monkey's that I knock over while playing with the cat I subsequently killed. No, this was a real, live baby we were dealing with and neither of us had any idea what to do. So we called upon the expert; Molly Weasley, who had the idea we babysit for a friend of hers to see what having a kid would be like.

"Why did she bring three of them!" I exclaimed, horrified. Molly's friend, Helga, had dropped off her kid for us to watch. I didn't realize there were plural kids for us to watch.

Remus, who was holding Helga's newborn daughter, looked as scared as me. "How are we supposed to take care of them? And what is wrong with this baby? Are all of them this ugly or did this one lose the genetic lottery?"

"Remus, all children are- Eww, what's on its face? Is that its nose?"

"I'm hungry." The eldest of the children complained. He was six years old and very tall. I didn't want to mess what that kid.

"Yeah, and I'm bored." The middle child whinged. She was two years younger than her brother and like him, the size of a small giant.

"I think we better give them what they want." I whispered. "If they turn on us I don't want to have to take them in a fight."

Remus nodded. "Okay, Duke and Franny, do you two want sandwiches?"

"No." They said in unison.

"What about some kebabs?"

"I want pizza." Duke protested.

"I want ice-cream." Franny argued.

The newborn, Erna, began to wail.

"Okay, okay." Remus interjected. "I will run to the shops and pick up those things." He handed me the baby.

"What?" I panicked. "Don't leave me alone with them!"

"It's okay, Dora. I'll only be a few minutes." He kissed me on the cheek- followed by some gaging sounds from the children- and left the house.

"I want to play a game." Duke announced. "Tag! You're it!" He yelled before running off.

"No, Duke, wait!"

"I wanna play dress-ups." Franny demanded.

Erna just cried in my arms. Boy, could that child scream.

"I'm sorry Franny, but we don't have any dress-up clothes." I said as sweetly as possible."

"I hate you!" She shrieked and kicked me in the shin.

"Crap that hurts!" I yelped in pain.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" She repeated, running off. "Crap! Crap! Carp!"

"No! Don't say that! It's a bad word!"

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" Franny echoed through the house.

Still, the baby cried. I rocked the baby but that only angered the beast.

I tried singing; "Twinkle, twinkle little star-" It just roared louder. "If you think I'm changing your nappy, you got another thing coming!"

I heard a scream from the back house. Scared the kids had hurt themselves or worse, broken something, I dumped Erna on the sofa and ran to the back. What I found was not pretty.

"Mother f- Duke! How the hell did you get up there?" I questioned as the six year old boy hung from the ceiling.

"I don't know!" He sobbed. "Help me!"

I was tempted to leave him up there but… "Okay Duke, calm down. I'll get you down just wait." I felt in my robe for my want but nothing was there. "Oh no-" An explosion from the kitchen proved my theory that Franny had stolen my wand. "Franny! You come here right now!" I yelled.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" Was her response.

Erna crying could be head from the living room. I was so stressed I could've punched a hole through the wall. Just when I felt like holding my breath till I passed out, Remus entered the house.

"I got pizza- What on earth?" He exclaimed

"Remus!" I sighed in relief, running to him. "Make it stop!" As usual, he acted calm and collected. He got my wand off Franny, helped Duke off the celling and changed Erna's soiled nappy. All while I had a mental breakdown in my bedroom. I came out to see every one eating pizza and ice-cream in peace.

"Oh my God, you tamed the animals."

"We're right here you know." Duke jeered.

Remus smiled. "Everything's calm now."

"But I board." Franny piped up.

"Well in that case, Dora here will entertain you." He encouraged.

I cleared my throat. "The sun'll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom-"

"No!" He corrected. "Don't sing! Ever! Just don't do it. I was thinking more along lines of your Metamorphmagi skills.

"Oh, okay then. What face do you want me to pull?" I asked the kids.

"A pig!" One shouted.

"A horse!" Said another.

And amazingly they watched quietly.

"Can we put our baby up for adoption?" I asked once Helga had taken her kids home.

"Why?" Remus smiled. "I found those little oafs just adorable and so lovely to mind. I especially liked the part where the big one threw-up on me." He joked.

"Yeah, you still smell. Take a bath or something." I laughed. "But more seriously, what's to say our kid won't be like that? What if it's just as charming as the brats? I hated those kids. I don't want to hate my own."

"Oh, I'm sure our kid will be just as gross and bratty as Duke, Franny and Erna. But we'll still care about the brat because it'll be our gross, bratty oaf. And we will love it."

I nodded. "You're right, as usual-"

"I know."

"-I just want one kid, okay? Three was way too much and with two we're almost outnumbered."

Remus nodded in agreement. "Fine, just one little brat. Sounds good to me."

Chapter four! Okay, that was not my best work but the next one will be better. I might do a naming chapter so in your review recommend a name you want to see mentioned in the next chapter (not your own and nothing stupid, just one you might like to see). Also, brownie points to anyone who can spot the 'Friends' reference.