Chapter Four – Boom Clap, You Make Me Feel Good (Not Without You)
Alfred was so grateful, grateful that he'd managed to free many of the POWs, and especially grateful he'd found Ivan. Though his condition wasn't optimal, eyes glazed over and breathing much too heavy, loosely hanging on to Alfred as he staggered onwards, Alfred had completed his rescue mission. Now if only they could find a way to get out of this damn facility…
BOOOM BOOOOOOOM BOOOOOOOOOOOM
AH WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?! Oh yeah, Alfred had told the freemen to blow everything up, right. Anyways, the duo found themselves on the catwalks over the blazing main room of the base, face to face with the enemy. Now while Alfred didn't know the two opposing Nazis, he still had a grudge towards them for imprisoning everyone; also Ivan was staring at that old guy so intently that it had to mean something, right? "Hey there sausage-face! Whattup?" You could still hear the American's gratefulness through the cracks in his ginormous ego. Alfred nonchalantly walks to the middle of the catwalk as the main evil-German-bad-guy-dude stalked ever closer.
"Wow, if it izn't ze Captain America? You look great for anozher of Erskine's lab experiments!" The mean German guy inspected Alfred, then shrugged. "Not much of an improvement, but ztill, ah, impressive~!" And then, for no apparent reason other than 'he's the bad guy!', Alfred punched Mr. Wurst in his big sausage-face. Mr. Wurst (who will remain unnamed because no one cares), touched his now ruined face and glared at Al. "Vell, zhat's no fun!" He swung a falcon punch at Alfred, who sorta blocked it with his shield, then the two fought for about three seconds before Mr. Old Guy retracted the bridge and separated the two.
"Aw man! I totally had him on the ropes, why you gotta do that?" Alfred groaned and pouted. Meanwhile, Mr. Wurst started peeling off his face, and after struggling for a few minutes, got the mask off and revealed the ugliest, pinkest skull face anyone could ever have. Alfred heard a gag and something along the lines of 'chto yebat'' from behind him. The base continued exploding obnoxiously under them.
"You d-don't have one a' those do you..?" Ivan managed to say over the explosions and his nausea. Alfred shook his head vigorously.
"S-So Pink Face, uh, what the crap?!" Alfred tried not to laugh/gag/run-away-screaming.
"It's not pink, it's salmon!" Pink Face shook his head and gestured around him. "Remember zhat ve are better zhan zhem; remember to embrace your power! Now, auf weiderschen!" And with that Mr. Wurst and Mr. Old Guy poofed in thin air- I mean stepped into an elevator and left. Alfred looked at Ivan and shrugged exasperatedly, before remembering that everything was freaking blowing up all around them.
"Let's get outta here, c'mon. Up these totally safe stairs that will definitely lead to an exit!" Alfred led the way as Ivan followed and grimaced. While the stairs were pretty safe, now they had to cross an even safer rickety beam over a giant flaming chasm of doom. No biggie, right? Al looked over the railing and gulped. "Okay Ivan, you go first because I am totally not scared of heights, okay?"
Ivan just sorta glanced around apprehensively and went along with it, which Alfred was totes thankful for. The Russian almost fell about a million times, then when the beam fell from under him he jumped and miraculously made it across. Alfred didn't have time to think about how that was basically un-possible for a normal human (but maybe Ivan wasn't a normal human? OoOOoooOOo spooky). After definitely not dying from falling (cough-foreshadowing-cough). Ivan yelled across the chasm. "Alyosha, there has to be way to gets across!"
Al shook his head. "Just go! Get outta here!"
"NYET NOT WITHOUT YOU!" Alfred almost found himself groaning; he knew that wasn't going to work. His attempts at dramatic sacrifice were in vain. Glancing down and gulping again, Al shrugged and began to run, jumping across the chasm screaming 'YOLO!'.
Now if this were the actual movie, the scene would end. But I'm not going to do that.
Ivan's eyes widened and he staggered backwards, Alfred barely grabbing hold of the railing and pulling himself up. Al huffed a moment as Ivan stared at him exasperatedly. After catching his breath, Al began to go, motioning for Ivan to follow, "C'mon, you weren't the one who had a death-defying experience! Let's go~!" (now the scene ends).
The duo meet up with the other POWs and heroically make their way back to camp, staying vigilant even as they got lost twice and went straight into a Nazi base thinking it was a McDonalds. Eventually they get there, and that's all that matters. The 400-or-so men (out of the 5,000 that were missing, lol) storm into the camp, Alfred with a skip in his step. They'd even stolen a few trucks, so it all was really epic when all the POWs walked into camp with the patriotic music playing in the background and everything. All the soldiers of the camp went to go see what the heck was happening, and began cheering upon seeing their friends and family returned. They all formed a big crowd in the middle of the camp, Colonel Philips himself greeting Alfred and admiring his work. Al was so humbled by all the attention that he even said he'd go in for disciplinary action, to which the Colonel simply told him he was excused of all that mess. Peggy was a lot more grateful, it seemed. "You're late," she told Al, smiling softly.
Alfred shrugged. "Had to stop for burgers, you know the deal." Ms. Carter rolled her eyes and started thinking about tea.
"Oi!" Ivan, who'd been quiet the whole trip, called out. "Let us hear it for ah, Captain Amerika!" Everyone cheered louder as he smiled at his little Alyosha; though he realized that Alfred wasn't little anymore and he became a little sad. Oh well, no one noticed anyway.
…
Alfred relayed the info that he'd acquired about Hydra to the Colonel and went out for a drink, meeting a few of his future teammates along the way. These teammates, soon to be the Howling Commandos, all laughed and went along with Al's plans; though they were probably drunk and were going to regret that decision later. The super soldier went to go grab more drinks, finding it funny how he wasn't the slightest bit tipsy. After passing out drinks to his men he noticed Ivan sitting alone at the bar, and went to go join him. "Hey, how many of those drinks ya had?"
"Four," Ivan mumbled, downing the rest of his glass. Alfred cocked an eyebrow.
"You should be drunk by now, eh?" Ivan shook his head, shrugging. "Hehe, I've had a lot, but I guess I can't get drunk like this! Not even tipsy, lol." Alfred looked over at his friend and noticed him staring down at his glass contemplatively, or perhaps spaced out. Al stared at him a little awkwardly, before noticing a few strands of grey in his otherwise corn silk hair. "What's this?" Al reached over to look more closely. "You getting grey hairs buddy? Already? You ain't that old!" Ivan's eyebrows scrunched, pale blue eyes unreadable.
"Chto? Grey hair?"
"Yeah man! Weird huh?" Ivan shook his head, still confused, and Al decided to change the subject. "Anyways, are you ready to follow 'Captain America' into the jowls of death?"
"Nyet," Ivan said bluntly, and Alfred pretended to look taken aback.
"Whaaa? It's because you're Russian isn't it?"
"No," Ivan stared straight into Al's eyes. "That little guy from Brooklyn, the one that was too dumb not to run away from a fight," Ivan looked forwards at the wall dramatically, "I'm followin' him." Alfred nodded his head like not bad; he knew Ivan could have his moments of seriousness, so this wasn't too too odd. The Russian turned back to him. "You're keeping the outfits though, da?"
Alfred chuckled. "You know what, I would'a preferred something cooler, but hell yeah I'm keeping the outfit. It's grown on me." Then he added, "Not literally though, lol."
"The fukc is a lol?" Ivan blurted out the question, seeming to be returning to his usual self; but before the question got answered, a beautiful British lady walked into the bar. Someone wolf-whistled as she strutted over to Al and Iv rather seriously. The duo stood at attention, mostly because damn did Peggy look hot in that dress.
"Captain," she greeted, entirely ignoring Ivan and his… attentiveness.
"Yo Peggy you look hot- I mean hi. What's up?" Alfred stumbled over his words, glancing down a little before snapping his eyes back up to her face.
"Mr. Stark wants you to check out some new weapons he has, if you're up for it," Peggy said, all business. Alfred nodded, entirely giddy because hot damn. The agent glanced over at the other Commandos, who pretended that they weren't staring. "It seems your team is preparing themselves for the fight."
Ivan followed her gaze. "Chto, you don't enjoy their musics?" Her gaze fell back on Alfred and stayed there.
"I do enjoy music, I might even.. Go dancing, when this is all over." She smiled at Al.
"What are you waiting for?"
"The right partner." Her body language very obviously communicated that this person was very obviously Alfred, but Alfred has always been very oblivious. "I'll see you then, Captain." Then she strutted off again.
"I'm invisible," Ivan said, incredulous. "Der'mo, I'm turning into you." He turned to Alfred, who was still recovering from that beautiful lady. "What a horrible dream." Alfred smiled at Ivan, shrugging.
"Maybe she's got a friend?" And then the whole audience facepalms.
…
At o'800 the next morning, Alfred walks into Howard Kirkland's secret bunker of science. Everyone seems to be bustling about mathematically, something that he will never be able to understand ever. He shrugs at the hustle and bustle, walking up to the (pretty hot) secretary. "Hey there lovely, I'm lookin' for Mr. Kirkland, is he around?"
She didn't even glance at him, continuing to read her newspaper. "He's with the Colonel currently." Alfred made a small 'ah' and began to stand around awkwardly because he's such a dork. The secretary finally noticed who he was. "Oh! But you're welcome to wait here of course." Alfred smiled gratefully and sat against a desk as the secretary continued. "It's a wonderful you've done."
"Just doing what was right," Al replied, humbled.
"But it was more than that, huh? You saved 400 men!" The secretary fluttered her eyes at him in a flirty way. "All the wives of those men must be so grateful, Mr. America."
"Ah, I-I'm sure not all of them were married," Al stuttered, not used to so much attention. The secretary walked up to him and grabbed his collar, causing him to shut up as his cowlick bounced.
"And seeing as none of them are here, I have the responsibility of thanking you for all of them," her voice became low as she dragged him behind a shelf and began kissing him-
"MR. JONES!" A British lady rudely interrupted him and his first kiss (from a girl, *wink*) Peggy seemed furious as Alfred quickly snapped out of his fervor.
"It's not what it looks like!" He quickly said, standing at attention.
"Mr. Kirkland is ready for you," she nearly spat, glaring and walking away. Alfred whined a little and chased after her; he began to plead but she quickly shut him up.
"Well well well, it's not like I dunno about you and Mr. Kirkland!" Peggy turned around and gaped at him.
"You know nothing." Then she disappeared- I mean walked away.
Alfred groaned at how badly he'd screwed up, standing in the middle of the secret bunker all flustered and such. Eventually Mr. Kirkland found him and dragged him along to look at all the cool weapons and such and such. "And look, this one's cool, but I highly doubt Hydra will attack you with a pocket knife, you know." (cough-forshadowing-cough) "Hey, you like this shield don'tcha?"
Alfred nodded. "Hell yeah, you don't know how handy this thing is!" He glanced at the huge dent it had from Pink Face earlier in the chapter.
"Well, I've got some cool new versions that are so cool you don't even understand. Look at what this one does, it's got this electrical wiring and stuff like it is so coo-" Alfred motioned for him to stop, picking up a shiny round shield that was on a lower shelf.
"Hey, this one's cool!" Alfred held it up as Mr. Kirkland explained how rare it was and such and such. Al saw Peggy approaching, and having forgotten the earlier events because of how cool the shield was, asked her what she thought. Peggy replied by shooting Alfred in the face. Thankfully, he deflected it with his vibranium shield.
"It works great, you should use it." Then she left as quickly as she'd come.
Woohoo, 'nother chapter! The chapter title is first of all a song, and in parentheses one of Bucky-Buck's quotes. :D Hope you liked it! Reviews make everyone happy oWo. I just noticed, this chapter turned out a lot more lighthearted than the others... -shrug- Whatever, it is a parody after all.
~EpicFroggz