Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters, Ryan Murphy and Fox do.

Warnings: In this chapter there is strong language, some sexuality, references to drug use, and severe psychological issues. Also there may be some OOC. This also doesn't adhere to the season three canon (the biggest difference is that Blaine is a senior in this story unlike being a junior in the show) as this was thought up before the season premiered and I'm starting to lose faith in the actual canon as the show continues.

Summary: Even the strongest people reach their breaking point, but once they do can they ever get back what they've lost?

Kurt ran down the hallway to see Nick with a coffee cup. He looked shaken, like he had just seen someone die. The severity of the situation hit Kurt hard. Blaine was in worse shape than he thought. All he got was a text, he didn't text back he just ran to his car and drove two hours to see what had happened to Blaine. The whole drive he felt horrible. Earlier today he was thinking about starting a useless fight about cigarettes and now he was faced with the possibility that Blaine might be gone.

"Is he dead?" Kurt didn't know why that was his first question. He should have gone with the stereotypical 'how is he?'

Nick looked up at him and shook his head. "No…" he took a deep breath. "But it was so scary."

Kurt froze in place when he heard those words. "What happened to him?"

"He had a panic attack. One minute he's fine, the next he's on the floor gasping for air and vomiting all over Jeff's pants. Eventually he lost consciousness and we brought him here," Nick walked toward the room holding the coffee cup, his hands shaking up against it. "I've never seen anyone have a panic attack in all of my life, and now that I have I never want to see one ever again."

Kurt walked down the hallway. Blaine had a panic attack. He wasn't stupid. He knew no one had ever died of a panic attack, it was just an imbalance of emotional and physical reactions, but it didn't stop him from worrying about Blaine's condition. He had known Blaine Anderson for almost a year now and he never heard anything about panic attacks. Blaine seemed so secure. The thought of him having a panic attack was something that Kurt just couldn't swallow.

He walked through the door after Nick expecting to see something horrible. Kurt had never seen someone after a panic attack, but it had to be brutal. Blaine was most likely weak, tired, and to be confined to bed for hours. When he walked through the door, he saw the complete opposite.

"Is that my black coffee?" Blaine was sitting upright in bed still wearing his uniform. The only injury that he had on his body was a split lip that he most likely got from biting at it. "I was wondering where you went," he grasped the coffee and then looked over at his boyfriend; his eyes were filled with shame. "Kurt? What are you doing here?"

"I sent him a text," Jeff answered as he moved to rub at Blaine's shoulders. "I thought you were going to stop breathing."

"Okay for the eightieth time, I had a panic attack not a heart attack," Blaine took a sip of coffee and made a disgusted face. "Oh damn, black coffee is awful… can't you put some cinnamon in it or something?"

"No, that's gross and I'm not sure that cinnamon is good for your airways," Jeff answered as he continued to rub Blaine's shoulders, loosening him up. "It may irritate them."

Kurt walked toward Blaine, sitting on the bed to look him in the eyes. "Are you okay? When I heard you were in the hospital I was expecting blood and guts."

"There was blood and guts," he pointed to his lip. "Blood." He pointed at Jeff's vomit stained pants. "Guts."

"This is no time for humor, Blaine," Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's thigh, stroking it gently as he took a deep breath. "You had a panic attack. How can you be so calm?"

Blaine moved the coffee to his lips again, chugging it loudly. Kurt knew that he was hiding something as he watched Blaine down a whole cup of hot coffee, gagging at the taste after he drained the cup of all liquid. His eyes weren't looking at Kurt, his hands shaking as he handed Jeff the cup.

"Can you guys give me a moment alone with Kurt?" Blaine's voice was low as his eyes looked up at Jeff, his hands shaking as he took a deep breath.

"Yeah, sure," Jeff walked toward the door. "We'll see you later, Blaine. Come on, Nick. We probably have more people who want to try out."

Nick moved to embrace Blaine. "Feel better, Anderson."

"It was just a panic attack," Blaine smiled as Nick walked toward the door.

As the two Warblers walked out, Kurt watched as Blaine moved to lie down on the hospital bed, closing his eyes tightly. Kurt could see his chest rising and falling with every breath. Blaine was falling away from him. This was Blaine that he had never seen before. Blaine was never this vulnerable, he was never this human. Kurt moved closer to Blaine, taking his hands in his as their eyes met for a single moment before the Warbler closed his again.

"I'm so calm because this isn't my first panic attack," Kurt's heart sank when he heard those words. "Not by a long shot…"

Kurt tightened his grip on his lover's hand as he watched Blaine open his eyes. "How many? How many panic attacks have you had in your life?"

Blaine shook his head. "I've lost count. Too many."

Kurt crawled onto the bed to lay in it with Blaine, moving to rest up against his chest as he still held his hand, placing a small kiss on the knuckles. He got lost in the sound of Blaine's heart. It still sounded like it was in still panic mode, a little faster than what it usually was. Usually it was soothing, right now it sounded like Blaine had just run the marathon and was ready to pass out. He lost track of reality as Blaine wrapped his other arm around him, pulling him closer, pressing his lips to the top of his head.

"Why couldn't you tell me that?" Kurt asked as he propped himself up on Blaine's chest to look into Blaine's eyes.

"I wanted you to think I was perfect…" Blaine answered, tears were sparkling in his eyes. "I didn't want you to think that I was weak or damaged."

"You will always be perfect to me, Blaine," he moved closer to his boyfriend's lips, Blaine's eyes closing as he looked away. "I love you. I don't want you to ask me why and I don't want you to wonder when my love for you will end. I will always love you, no matter what's wrong with you."

"What if I told you I was medicated?" Blaine's voice shook as he tried to hold back the emotions that he had been avoiding showing Kurt for almost a year. "What if I told you that there's something really wrong with me? That I'm not the man you think I am. I want to be, but there are times when he's not here anymore, when it's like he just goes away."

"What do you mean he goes away?" Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's chest, rubbing it up against his sternum. "Blaine, what's wrong with you?"

Blaine shook his head. "I take anti-anxiety pills to deal with this. It's been consuming my life. I don't want you to live in the dark anymore, because my problems are back and I don't think they're going away…"

"Are you depressed?" Kurt asked, he was desperately trying to learn about his boyfriend. "Is that why you smoke? I found cigarettes in your bag, Blaine. I know you still smoke."

Blaine looked away in shame and sighed. "I hadn't had a cigarette in almost two years. Two damn years I was completely fine. For those two years I thought maybe I could be normal, maybe there was a chance to get rid of the past, to bury the pain," his voice shook as he tried to hold back the tears that Kurt could see coming, the first sob passing his trembling lips as he closed his eyes as the first tear fell. "I just want it to all go away."

Kurt froze in place; he had never seen Blaine really cry. He had seen him tear up lots of time, but never did he see him full out sob. It was a horrible sight. It was heart wrenching. Blaine's eyes watered violently as his jaw quivered with emotion, a sharp sound for every breath that he took. It made Kurt's heart break. He moved to wipe away a tear from Blaine's eye as they made eye contact, hazel eyes sparkling like rhinestones as he looked deep into them. Blaine opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he lost the words as he took a deep breath.

The two of them moved closer as Kurt kissed gently at Blaine's lips. "I'm here for you, okay. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere."

Blaine smiled as he moved to kiss at Kurt's lips. Their noses brushed together as Kurt chuckled before they kissed at each other's mouth once more. Kurt closed his eyes as he ran his hands up Blaine's chest to his shoulders lifting him gently off of the bed, wrapping his arms around him. Blaine let out a small moan as Kurt's tongue passed his lips, snaking his arms down to Kurt's waist, pulling him closer to his body. Their bodies liquefied into each other as they fell back onto the bed. Kurt's body temperature rose as Blaine moved to kiss at his neck, a shaky breath passing through his lips.

Kurt forgot where they were, only focusing on Blaine as he felt his tears on his own skin, his fingers moving to weave through Blaine's hair. He was caught up in the moment as he pushed Blaine up against his lips again, his grip tightening in his hair. It was then when he heard a knock on the door. Blaine gently pushed Kurt off of his body.

"Am I interrupting something, Blaine?" the man asked as he walked deeper into the room.

Blaine shook his head. "Not at all."

Kurt looked down at Blaine; his tune had completely changed as he wiped his tears away. Just like that it seemed like his strong, confident, sexy boyfriend was back and the new vulnerable, guarded, beautiful Blaine had disappeared.

The man then turned his attention to Kurt. "You must be Kurt. Blaine had told me so much about you."

Blaine then clarified who the man was noticing Kurt's confusion. "Kurt, this is my Uncle Harvey. He's kind of my baby sitter when my parents are busy working."

Kurt looked up at Blaine's uncle. "Yes, I'm Kurt."

Harvey smiled at Kurt and then looked at Blaine. "He is cute. Where was he during my college experimental days?"

Kurt blushed as he heard those words.

Blaine sat up in the bed as his uncle came closer to him. "Dad too busy to come get me again?"

"You know your dad. Work is the most important thing in the world to him. Always has been, always will be." Kurt saw the look of disappointment on Blaine's face as his uncle said those words. "Your mom wanted to come, but she was in a business meeting."

"Story of my life…" Blaine whispered under his breath.

Kurt moved to wrap his arm around Blaine's shoulders, gently caressing his arms. "People are busy sometimes, Blaine. Just be lucky that it was just a panic attack."

Harvey then asked a question that made Kurt's blood run cold. "Was it a regular panic attack or did you try to stop it?"

Blaine went pale as he gulped audibly, Kurt shivering as he felt his boyfriend's muscles tighten under his touch. "A-a regular one…"

Harvey moved to grasp Blaine's wrist, pulling up his sleeve as if looking for something. Kurt's body shook as he watched Blaine's eyes close as he bit at his lip. His pulse was racing so hard that Kurt could make out the rhythm through the veins on his neck. Whatever was occurring, Blaine wasn't having it. Kurt wanted to speak out, but after Uncle Harvey had inspected both of Blaine's arms, he backed away. But one question rolled through Kurt's mind as he watched his boyfriend start to calm down, exhaling sharply as he leaned on Kurt's shoulder: what did he mean did Blaine try to stop it?

Kurt pulled Blaine closer and placed a kiss on his forehead yet again. "It's okay…" he wished he knew what he was consoling him about. He wished he knew what was making Blaine so tense. There was so much he wished he knew about Blaine, but right now as he trembled slightly in his arms, he didn't think it was the appropriate time to ask.

"Do we have to talk about this in front of Kurt?" Blaine's eyes were blank as he looked up at his uncle.

"He doesn't know?" There was surprise in Harvey's voice before it dipped down into a whisper. "You haven't told him?"

Those words were enough for Kurt to make this awkward. "Told me what?"

"Nothing!" Blaine looked up at his uncle venomously. "It's just Harvey being stupid, isn't it, Harvey? So how about we stop the jibber jabber and we drop it?"

Kurt could tell that it was a touchy subject. Blaine never got like this. Even about the smoking, Blaine never got like this. Whatever this was, it was worse than smoking. It was worse than anything that Blaine had ever talked about with Kurt. It was horrifying. Kurt looked into his boyfriend's eyes as they made eye contact, Blaine was begging him to drop it and never bring this up again. He was unraveling at the seams; suddenly Kurt started to realize that Blaine wasn't as perfect as he thought.

Eventually, after a long silence, Uncle Harvey got a phone call and walked out of the room, Blaine letting out a frustrated groan as he fell back onto the bed.

"What's going on, Blaine?" Kurt asked as he looked down at his boyfriend. "What was that all about?"

"Can we not talk about this?" Blaine's voice was shaking, he was begging for Kurt to stop bringing up the subject. "I really don't want to talk about it…"

"It seemed serious…" Kurt ran his hand along Blaine's knee. "You can tell me. I won't judge you."

"It's not of import, because I don't do it anymore!" Blaine was yelling. Blaine never yelled. Even when people pissed him off, he never yelled at them. It was a horrifying sound, his voice almost shrill as the anger boiled inside of him.

"Kind of like the cigarettes? You told me you wouldn't do that again, yet I found an open pack in your bag. How do I know that whatever you're hiding from me won't ever happen again? Don't you think I have a right to know all of your secrets?" Kurt knew he shouldn't have brought that up, because the look that Blaine gave him was strong enough to cut through carbon steel.

"Aren't you so fucking precious?" Kurt shuddered as Blaine swore. Blaine never swore at him, the only times that Kurt had ever heard Blaine curse was when they were in the heat of a moment of passion. "You think you're so much better than me don't you? Oh so fucking perfect Kurt Hummel who's done nothing wrong in his life! Sure, I lied about smoking, but this is different. I don't want you to know this about me."

Kurt was visibly shaken at his boyfriend's outburst. "Blaine, if it's serious I want to know about it. Maybe I can help you…"

"Serious? It hasn't happened in two years. It's not going to happen again. I promise that it will never happen again! So do me a favor and leave it alone!" Blaine's blood pressure was clearly rising as he started to breathe heavy, his hands shaking. He had never seen Blaine have a panic attack, but he knew that this was the onset of one. He could feel the chemicals running through Blaine's bloodstream, forcing his body into a state of frenzy.

"Blaine, calm down. You're going to have another panic attack or pop a blood vessel," Kurt moved to rub his hand against Blaine's stomach, rubbing his stomach always calmed Blaine down. "Breathe, Blaine. Just keep breathing and calm down. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. If it makes you uncomfortable, we never have to speak of this again, not until you're ready."

Blaine closed his eyes and he shook his head, his breathing starting to tranquilize. "I don't think I ever want to talk about it. I'm sorry, Kurt, for yelling at you. I shouldn't take out my anger on you. Hell, you're the only person in the world who actually treats me like a human and not a priceless porcelain sculpture. I guess I'm just projecting my anger against myself onto you and that's not fair."

"It's okay that you got mad at me. I was overstepping my boundaries. I should have never tried to push it out of you," Kurt smiled as he looked into Blaine's eyes, seeing the anger start to fade away.

Kurt rubbed at Blaine's stomach as he closed his eyes feeling tears in his eyes as he thought back to what Rachel said. Everything was going to have to take a backseat in his life, including Blaine. Yet now as he looked at Blaine, he didn't want to be away from him. He wanted to be there for him when life kept beating him up until he bled. He didn't want to lose moments like these, when he had to fight for his love for Blaine. This was love. Blaine was the love of his life.

That only meant that he had to work harder for his dreams to come true. He had gotten comfortable with Blaine, he couldn't let go of him, but he could let go of the effects that he had on his body. As soon as he went home, he would ponder what he was going to do about his dreams, but for right now, he didn't want to leave Blaine. He never wanted to leave him.

"Is there any way I can get you to calm down?" Kurt asked as he kissed at Blaine's stomach, hearing his boyfriend giggle at the sensation. "You like it when I kiss you there?" he kissed at his stomach again, hearing Blaine giggle again.

"Stop it!" Blaine laughed as his hands tightened in the sheets. "I'll call the nurse…"

Kurt continued his assault. "I can't wait until I get you out of here and I can have to all to myself."

Blaine pulled Kurt up so they could kiss again, this kiss deep, passionate, almost sexual, their bodies moving closer to each other as Kurt fell on top of Blaine. He kissed at Blaine's neck as he realized that everything that he wanted to do couldn't be done, he couldn't tell Blaine that he wanted to see less of him.

"I love you, Kurt…" Blaine's voice was soft as he ran his hand along the back of his boyfriend's neck, tilted his head back so Kurt could get more access to his neck. Kurt took the invitation, kissing against Blaine's Adam's apple, biting gently at the flesh, running his tongue along his pulse point. "Kurt…"

As their lips met again, Blaine's hand pressed forcefully against Kurt's back, Kurt got lost in passion. He no longer wanted to know what Blaine was hiding. Once again, he didn't want to challenge anything, he didn't want to destroy the perfect life he had made for himself. It was obvious that this was where he wanted to be: forever. This is what the rest of his life was going to be. He was chained to Blaine.

OOOOO

After a long make-out session in a hospital room, Kurt stumbled back to his car as he thought about everything that he was going through. He remembered one comment that Rachel said that really stuck out in his mind: "right now you're heavy, you're fat with how comfortable you've been getting. You need to lose some of that weight and start focusing on yourself." He moved to rub his hand along his stomach. He was so skinny last year, but over the summer he got a little larger and he knew his relationship was to blame. He stopped taking care of himself the same way he did when he was a junior because he was hell-bent on spending the rest of his life with Blaine, and if Blaine didn't complain about the way that Kurt looked then there was no problem.

He rolled his hands down his stomach and felt tears come to his eyes. How could he let this happen to himself? How could he let himself go when he knew that his dreams depended on him looking good? He walked away from his car and made his way to the bathroom. It was time to take matters into his own hands. As he was finally in the hospital public restroom, he made his way to a stall, closing the door behind him.

He sat on the floor in front of the toilet just thinking about what he was doing. How could he even consider this after the moment that he just shared with Blaine? He could still taste the black coffee that was on Blaine's lips, the passion that was shared between the two of them still tingling through his body. Why should he care about what Rachel said when Blaine never said anything about Kurt's weight problem? The answer then became obvious, because Rachel was aiming for the same dream, she knew what they were looking for and Blaine would never say anything like that about Kurt even if it was a huge problem. Blaine was so clueless that he would let Kurt become three hundred pounds and still call him beautiful. Blaine Anderson with his supersonic metabolism and his semi-active life, a person who could eat anything that he wanted and still manage to look smoking hot.

He closed his eyes as his body began to shake brutally. It was all slipping away. He didn't feel like he was in charge anymore. Again, Blaine had managed to be in the spotlight of the Kurt Hummel show. He felt the tears start to pool as he realized that once again, his love for Blaine was taking over his whole life, that he was no longer in control of his destiny. He moved closer to the toilet as he took his left index finger, putting it past his lips as he moved to clutch the seat. He slid the finger in deeper, until he lost control of himself and vomited into the toilet, his whole body shaking as tears fell from his eyes. As he felt all of the contents of his stomach emptied into the toilet, his oblique muscles burned with every retch, his hands shaking as he tried to catch his breath after he was done.

He wiped his mouth as he moved to rest against the stall door. He sobbed violently as he realized what he had just done. He felt sick to his stomach, the acrid taste of vomit still in his mouth as he continued to cry, hoping that no one would come into the bathroom to see what he had done. He flushed the shame down the toilet and rose to his feet. Slowly, he opened the stall door and looked forward into the mirror. He looked different to himself. He wasn't the boy who seemed so confident in who he was. He was now a boy who would do anything to get what he wanted.

Kurt's problem has now been introduced and will work as a foil for Blaine's issues (which will be revealed in the next few chapters).

I'm already hard at work on the next chapter!

Feel free to leave feedback.