Author's note: I own neither the characters, nor the story, nor the song. At least it's clear…
For a change, this is a Shinichi/Ran fic, Ran-centered mostly. The song is called 'Il y a deux filles en moi' (French song, as you have noticed), by Françoise Hardy and Sylvie Vartan. I was listening to it and it reminded me so much of Ran… so I hurried and wrote this although it didn't exactly turned the way I thought it would.
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Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
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Mouri Ran's mother, Kisaki Eri, had left when her daughter was only ten. For three long years, she and her father had eaten fast food and reheated pizzas. Then, one memorable evening when Mouri Kogoro had fallen asleep on his plate – or, rather, had got knocked down by alcohol – Ran had decided she was fed up and begun to dig into her mom's recipe books.
Ever since, the kitchen had been her territory. She was actually good at it, contrary to Eri, and even if she wasn't, it was either that or starving. The two males in the household were no use at all. Kogoro knew barely how to open the fridge to get himself a beer and Edogawa Conan was, well, seven.
Her day began in the kitchen and ended in the kitchen. From the morning breakfast to the evening supper, such was her dominion, just like her father's was his desk and the television, and Conan's was the outside with his friends. Meanwhile, from dawn to twilight, her life was that of a normal, smiling seventeen-years-old, high school student, karate champ, detective daughter, and adoptive neesan of a precocious, genius kid.
From twilight to dawn, however, things were a bit different.
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Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
Celle qui respire la joie
One who's a picture of joy
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7.30 am
First thing in the morning was making breakfast. All the guys did was getting out of their bedroom, sitting at the table and beginning to complain. She was sure that whenever she was sick or sleeping at Sonoko's, they went down to Café Poirot instead of opening the fridge and taking the milk.
The flat was silent as she took her shower and chose her clothes. When she entered the living-room, dust was glittering in the air in thin rays between the curtains. She opened them, letting sunshine invade the room, and went over to the kitchen. She could then be heard humming lightly to herself as she prepared the meal.
Her father was usually snoring when she got up. As for Conan, he may be awake at times but that he wasn't of the morning kind was an understatement. When in this mood, he reminded her a lot of Shinichi.
He always reminded her of Shinichi, Shinichi when he was seven and they went to school together. Now she was taking Conan-kun over to the same school, holding his hand in hers. They both enjoyed those walks as a neechan and her little brother, talking of his father's cases or the last football match they had watched on TV.
His bunch of friends usually joined on the way, always together, and started fussing around with their childish voices and childish matters. Genta was eating some remain from his breakfast, Ayumi hurried to talk to Conan first of all, Mitsuhiko wished Ran a good day with his affected voice, and Ai kept silent, watching them all with her grave eyes. Sometimes they even met Sonoko, who accompanied them to the school gates, where they parted.
A last wave of the hand at Conan who waved back, and the girls left off to their own classes, chatting of nothing in particular.
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Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
Celle qui pleure tout bas
The other cries for herself
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09.00 pm
By this time, she had tucked Conan in bed. She had to check on him a couple of times, because she had already caught him reading some mystery novel under his covers. Her father had usually got drunk and fallen asleep in front of the news, so that she had to wake him up with karate threats and pull him to his bed, where he lay snoring at the moon.
Then the evening was hers to dispose of.
She was seventeen. She could have been going out with friends, going to dance or to the movies. She could have enjoyed her life like she was supposed to, like she did during the day.
Instead, she washed the dishes and did her homework. At 10.30, she checked on the lights, locked the office door and went off to sleep.
Every night, the same gestures, the same dance. The same ritual she accomplished mechanically, thinking of something else altogether. One after the other, the lights went out, those of the kitchen first, then the stairs, the bathroom when needed, the dining-room, and finally the small lamp on her bed table, which she slowly switched off, driving the room in the shadows.
She lay then in her bed, staring at the ceiling with an empty gaze. The darkness wasn't deep, the night not much advanced yet. A rectangle of nightlight came through the drawn curtains, shading the walls a shimmering white.
So cold…
She shivered at the though and tucked herself under the covers, burying her head into her pillow, then prayed for sleep to come and take her off quickly. She did not wish to be left alone in emptiness and silence.
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L'une me dit que tu m'aimes
One tells me that you love me
Et l'autre ne le croit pas
The other doesn't believe it
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10.30 am
Ran…
"Ran…"
"RAN!"
She looked up, startled, only to meet Sonoko's pouting face. "Hm?"
"Don't 'hm' me, Ran! I was asking if you'd come for the prom night!"
Ran paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, which had gone wandering somewhere away from the classroom. The prom night. The ball. Yes.
Honestly, the answer was no. She didn't want, nor thought she would enjoy, to go to that ball. But Sonoko…
"Do I have to?" she asked lamely.
Her friend glared at her just like she had uttered an obscenity. "Now, I wonder… One," she counted on her fingers, "you're gorgeous, especially with that red robe you've only put on once…"
"Sonoko!"
"Two, you're a karate master, black-belted, tournament-winner…"
"What's that got to do with…"
"Three, you're intelligent – but you can be so dense at times!"
"Sonoko!"
"Four, you're popular…"
"No, I'm…"
"Five, half the guys here are mad about you…"
"No, they… they are?"
"… and would fall at your knees if you only deigned to look down at them, so yes, Ran, I really wonder."
Ran forced herself to laugh. "I would come, but I don't have any partner…"
"And, 'I still hope Shinichi'll come back in time to ask me to go and then we'll sail off on our honeymoon'…" Sonoko rolled her eyes at the ceiling and went back at her friend with that dirty grin Ran had learned to hate. "That's what you were thinking, right?"
"Wha- no!"
"You're blushing."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
Sonoko could be so annoying at times…
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Pour les deux, j'ai de la peine
For the both, I have sorrow
Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
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00.00
Insomnia is a very bothering stuff. Those of you who are familiar with it should know how exasperating it can be. Hours and hours of that frustrating feeling that sleep is sooo close, but just beyond reach, of staring blankly at the ceiling, of turning back and forth in one's bed with a hundred of silly questions – on one's stomach or one's back, face up or into the pillow, the covers up or down – and most of all, as hours pass by, the rage at oneself for not being able to drift off.
The most common thought in such a time is, "What did I do to deserve this?"
Ran's was something like that, but more abstract. Thoughts were spinning in her mind like capricious kites twirling in a wind she wasn't able to control. Headache was growing so close and powerful, threatening her need of logic and simplicity.
When had night fallen? Twilight seemed so far-away. The smiling faces of her dad and Conan came back to her like erasing pictures… and hers too, her own laughter and witty responses, as if they had belonged to someone else in an old film, someone so numb and weak now…
Ran? Yes, that was her name… or at least she thought so. In the whiteness of this restless night, certainties and assurances seemed – no, were – fragile and crackled. She could be Ran all right, but she could be some other kind of person as far as she knew. Maybe Ran was fast asleep and she was only the ghost of the laughing girl she usually was, an immaterial ghost weeping over the sadness she succeeded to hide during the day.
She rolled on her back, her arms struggling out of the covers. Cold air brushed past them as they lay down on the top blanket. She remained in this position for a few moments then, out of patience, sat on her pillow, growling at herself. She glanced at the luminous numbers of her clock – it was only several minutes past midnight.
She sighed and flopped back down on her pillow.
This was going to be a very, very long night…
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L'une dit j'ai de la chance
One says that I am lucky
Et pour lui j'ai tant d'amour
I have so much love for him
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02.00 pm
"Mouri-san? Mouri-san, may I talk to you for a minute?"
Ran actually didn't quite understand the situation until, as she followed the guy, she caught the seductive wink Sonoko sent them.
Don't like that… she thought.
She came back a few minutes later, dumbfounded. Her legs dropped her to the grass near her friend.
"He asked me to go to the ball with him," she said, words leaving her lips with the speed of a machine gun.
Sonoko made a victory sign that meant, 'I already know that.' "Well, that's great, Ran! Now we both have partners, we'll be able to enjoy that ball at its right value!"
This, in Suzuki Sonoko's world, meant, "Now ask me who's my partner," but Ran shook her head.
"I didn't say yes."
"What?"
Silence.
Sonoko, who until a few moments ago had been grinning like a maniac, switched off to her Let's Reprimand Ran mode.
"You refused him?"
"I…"
"Ran, do you know who he is? I mean, he's hot! Half of the girls here are at his feet – ever since Kudo-kun's gone, that is. He's the most popular guy in the whole school!"
"He is?"
"I can't believe – you said no? He chose you, of all people, and you say…"
"I didn't say no."
Sonoko blinked at her – twice.
"But you said…"
"I said I hadn't said yes, which is different." She shrugged. "I didn't know him well so I told him I'd think about it."
Sonoko gave her a pitiful look. "You're really head over heels about him, aren't you?"
"What? Who?" she asked, though knowing, of course, whom she was talking about.
"Don't play innocent with me. Did Kudo-kun call, these last days?"
Ran found herself blushing furiously, cursed herself for doing so, and answered with as much dignity as she could, "As a matter of fact, he did. And don't you start calling him my husband!"
Sonoko probably did, but Ran didn't listen. She was too busy being angry with herself. Why, why, why did she always have to blush madly whenever his name was pronounced in the area?
She never had any problem talking with him on the phone, or seeing him – rarely, she had to admit, but – she refused to think that way. Not in full light. Not in mid-day.
After all, it wasn't as if that idiot, stupid, silly mystery freak was right there with her at the very moment, was it?
Was it?
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Que mon coeur aura confiance
My heart will be confident
Attendant son retour
Awaiting his return
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01.30 am
Ran…
Ran…
Oï, Ran, listen to me…
Hey! Ran!
She looked up, as startled as if someone had tapped on her shoulder. Her gaze swept across the room, stopped on the closed door.
"Shinichi?"
She stumbled up into the living-room, but he was nowhere to be seen. And she hadn't heard his voice either – it was simply an illusion, an echo wandering on the borders of her tired mind.
She stood on the doorframe, sadly staring at the emptiness of the living-room. Once again she had thought he was back, and once again it was only a dream created from nothing.
"Shinichi…"
It had already happened – dozens of times, hundreds of times. She knew all of it by heart – the sudden, tender recognition of his voice, the ephemeral feeling of hope as she kicked her covers away and crossed the empty space between her bed and the door, the weak creaking of its opening – then the shimmering moonlight on the deserted floor.
Instinctively, her eyes turned to the phone – maybe he'd called, maybe he'd left a message, maybe that was what she'd heard… but there was nothing. There never was anything.
She leaned against the doorframe, closing her eyes. "Please," she prayed. "Please… come back to me."
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L'autre dit demain peut-être
The other says that tomorrow
Il ne me reviendra pas
He may not come back to me
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05.00 pm
"So your father received a Kid's note announcing his next heist?"
Ran nodded absently. "Yes, but it's impossible to make out. Kid may be a good thief and an incredible showman, but his poet skills are detestable."
She turned, and immediately jerked back; Sonoko was in full starry-eyed mode. Literally. She'd clasped her hands together and there were a lot of pretty stars in her usually brown eyes. If anything, the air around her had gone pinker.
"Raaaan…" she said, approaching her, and Ran hurriedly stepped back, "would you mind… if…"
"If…"
"If… I came over at your house and copied the note? I mean, it's an original, and I would put it safely in my Kid book…"
"Wait… you mean you keep everything about Kid in a notebook?"
"You don't?"
"Not exactly…"
"Anyway, I'll keep it and publish it one day…. The title'll be, 'The Chronicles of Suzuki Sonoko and Kid the Phantom Thief'!"
"Err–"
"You think it's a bad title?"
"Err – Sonoko, I'm afraid tou-san already took the note over at the police. It'll be in the papers tomorrow…"
'Really?"
"Sorry."
They parted at the next crossroad. Ran resumed her walk alone, chuckling at her friend's ideas. She was still smiling as she passed by the football field.
"Ran, were you waiting for me?"
She turned at the young man who'd been talking to her through the chicken wire.
"What?"
He gave her a surprised look and repeated, "Can you hand me my bag? It's the blue one over there."
"Oh… Sure."
He thanked her and went away onto the ground. She watched his back, smiling for herself.
Really…
She walked on. A kid pursuing a ball crossed her path. She bent and caught the toy easily.
"Here," she said, handing it back.
"Oï, children like you shouldn't be playing in such a dangerous place!"
"Oneesan?" the child said shyly, staring at her wide eyes and open mouth.
"Don't play on the road, kiddo." She stood up and slowly walked down the street, trying to catch the last snatches of his voice.
"Hello, Ran-chan," one of the shopkeepers called out.
"'Hey, Ran, aren't you finished with your shopping yet? We're supposed to be working at my house, remember?"
"Oh, Kudo-kun, let Ran-chan take her time!"
"Hello, Okuda-san!" she called back.
Most of the shopkeepers in the street knew her since she was ten. And, as Shinichi was always with her, they knew him too.
"How's your father, Ran-chan?"
"Occhan hasn't still given up his detective job?"
"He's fine, obaa-san!"
"Ran-chan, why don't come over and have a drink?"
"Ran, careful with those guys. They would seduce you if they could. … What? No, I'm not jealous! … Baaro! It's because of the sun!"
"Maybe tomorrow!"
"Ran-chan, where's that detective boyfriend of yours?"
"I'm your… childhood friend. And if you were ever in danger, I'd be the first to come and help you."
"Off on a case… and he's not my boyfriend!"
"Ran! Move it, we're late!"
… yet, she thought. You see, Sonoko, even if I wanted to, I couldn't forget him…
"The Sherlock Holmes of the nineties…"
"Then Tropical Land it is!"
"Typical of you, captain, my captain…"
... he's everywhere in the whole district.
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La maison sera déserte
The house shall be empty
La vie s'arrêtera
And my life shall stop
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03.00 am
One year, she thought. It's been one year.
She was sitting by the living-room window, looking onto the street. She couldn't go back to sleep. She couldn't sleep, not after…
One year. It'd been one whole year since he'd gone, and she'd only seen him… three times… four, counting the Christmas Eve when she hadn't seen him, but heard him and touched him,
One year… it felt surreal.
One whole year without him… without walking school with him, exchanging notes in class, laughing and arguing with him, teasing him and other karate kicking at him.
How had she been able to go on through this?
She was now seeing the last year with eyes of the Ran she'd been twelve months ago, of a girl who had spent her whole existence, ever since early childhood, at the side of Kudo Shinichi, and who simply couldn't imagine her life without him. Shinichi couldn't be gone, Shinichi… had always been there, and there he would always stay.
Otherwise? she asked tiredly.
Otherwise… and the one-year younger Ran gave a chocked sob, otherwise I think I'd die. Remember when he fell sick and I couldn't see him for one entire week? Remember how I felt?
Yes, she thought ruefully. I remember.
A soft noise on the windowpane made her start. Ran was beginning to fall. Drops were dripping on the transparent surface, matching the tears that ran down her cheeks.
"Shinichi," she sobbed, burying her face in her crossed arms. "Shinichi…"
It was relieving to cry after the tension of the day – let it go, let it drop, everything that was held back since the previous morning. It was relieving to weep softly, forehead pressed hard against the cold glass, to emerge from the abusive dream and feel one's share of reality for a change.
Crying was so simple… and, at the same time, so hard to bear, so difficult to understand one's weakness and one's sadness. To know what love is about – that it's neither rosy nor dark, that nothing is the way it seems – and to hope… and to fear…
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Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
Celle qui respire la joie
One is a picture of joy
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08.00 pm
"Here you are!" she said gleefully, putting the plate down on the table. Her dad and Conan cheered at the same time then glared at each other with mortified looks.
She just laughed.
The supper was devoted to the narration of their respective days – Kogoro having spent his drinking beer and yelling at Yoko, Conan going to school and playing soccer with the Shounen Tantei.
Ran told them about the prom ball and the guy who'd asked her out at the end of the meal. In a glimpse, she saw Conan's fork fall in his plate with a metallic thud, before Kogoro nearly knocked the table over and began to bawl. His words were almost incomprehensible but sometimes parts could be caught that said, "… won't let her… gotta catch him… who's the jerk!"
"Ran-neechan," Conan's little voice emerged after Kogoro had yelled as much as he wanted and drunk half his beer can in one go," did you say yes?"
She smiled at him. "I didn't say anything, Conan-kun. I told him I'd think about it."
His face shattered, but he made no comment and turned away.
They did not tackle the subject of this guy again but before the evening was over Conan came to talk to her.
"Ran-neechan?"
She was washing the dishes then and turned a surprised face at him. "What is it, Conan-kun? Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Yes," he admitted. "But… I wanted to tell you… that…"
"That?"
"That… I talked to Shinichi-niisan on the phone this afternoon," he blurted out.
Her heart flinched a little when he said his name – night was almost there and her mind was tired of her distraught lies – but she tried to keep her smiling face.
"Really, Conan-kun? What did he say?"
"He told me about the prom ball."
Ran's hand froze on the sponge.
"He asked if you had a partner…"
She turned the water off and looked down to him. This time her smile had gone numb.
"What did you say?"'
"That I didn't know. Ne, Ran-neechan, should I call him back and tell him you've got a partner?"
She kept silent.
"Because… because he told me that…" he hesitated, she had rarely seen him so childishly shy. "That if he could he'd reserve every dance of every ball in your life."
She fell on her knees and, before he could move or speak again, wrapped him in a tight hug.
"He said that?" she asked near his ear.
He was silenced for a few moments, then he buried his face in her hair, nodding. "Yes," he said, and his tiny arms hooked around her neck to return the hug. "Yes, he said that."
She said nothing but her shoulders shivered a little and he knew she was holding back her tears – he's already seen her cry at night so many times.
"Well, Conan," she said finally, loosening her grab around him and drying her eyes to give him a clumsy smile, " next time you talk to him on the phone, tell him that I don't have any partner."
His eyes widened with surprise. "But–"
"I'll say no. I don't really know the guy, and… knowing Shinichi, he'd be able to come just for the prom ball then disappear again."
I wish, he thought. He promised himself to talk to Haibara about that.
"And, Conan-kun?"
"Yes, Ran-neechan?"
"Will you tell him that… when he wants to know such things, he'd better ask me?"
"Sure."
He walked a few steps away – then suddenly turned back, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, on the cheek, of course.
"Good night, Ran-neechan." He smiled at her.
She smiled back, a much more warm smile than the false ones she usually bore. "Good night, Conan-kun."
Beyond the window, the sun downed slowly in an ocean of dark blue and black.
And thus, another night began.
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Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
Celle qui pleure tout bas
The other cries for herself
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05.30 am
The rain had stopped an hour ago.
Ran was cuddled up in the armchair near the window, in a position that recalled that of a cat's. She was deeply asleep – dried tears marked her cheeks but her breath was peaceful. Maybe she was dreaming – her face was grave and a sad smile stretched her lips. Her body was shivering in the morning's cold.
Someone – a fairy, perhaps, or some little elf – had covered her with a white blanket.
Through the window, between two immense buildings, the sun was rising from thin clouds into the clear azure of the sky. Light suddenly filled the whole room and the dreamer mumbled something under her breath before hiding her face with her arm.
A bird twittered playfully on a tree nearby – the postman's van roared down the street.
And thus, another day began.
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Mais leur amour est le même
But their love is the same
Et les deux n'aiment que toi
And the both only love you
Mais leur amour est le même
But their love is the same
Il y a deux filles en moi
There are two girls inside me
Il y a deux filles en moi
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Wow… this was so far my longest oneshot. It was also my first Shinichi/Ran one… so reviews are very welcome.