THE DIARY OF A EVIL PRICK ENTRY 4
Thursday
End of this entry has extreme sexual content and language. Just to let you know
I am starving! There is nothing to fuckin' eat in this place…okay there is, but I do not know how to work the fancy tools that Ryou has in the kitchen. I guess that I will have to do it the old fashion way. I have two options. A) Go to Marik's house and have Izishu make something for me or B) Make a bonfire and roast something. I like option B much better.
I reached the back porch of the apartment and found out that I have no room to grill out here. Wait! I see an empty lot right behind the building that looks promising. Now all I need is some firewood. I didn't see any in the lot so I guess that I will have to chop up the sofa and burn that. It is a hideous thing anyway-cream and flower print. Every time I look at it I gag. No need to wonder why I don't spend a lot of my time in the family room.
Dragging that sofa out of the building was harder that I thought it would be. I had a hell of a time getting it into the elevator. I had to drag it through the front door, and while I was at it I manage to drop the sofa on Ryou's neighbor's cat. I guess it was not a total waste of my time. Now all I need is something to start that fire with…cooking oil! Ryou has some of that. I flee back to the apartment and select a cooking oil that I feel will burn nicely. All I have to do now is find something to roast…I have it! I head back downstairs with the neighbor's fish bowl and the body of that cat that I dropped the sofa on. This should make a good meal. If not I will wait until Ryou gets home and eat him…but if I am not quite so hungry I will invite Yugi over for a bonfire. I'll put him between two gram crackers and a piece of chocolate. Now I am getting creative! Holy shit. Charles Manson never thought of this shit now did he. Guess I am the better man.
Just as I am about to poor the cooking oil all over the sofa a copper walks by. He eyes me suspiciously and I tell him that I am only bring my mother's new sofa into the apartment. It is a birthday gift for her. He smiles and walks off. I chuckle. Stupid fuck wait! I could have eaten him. I guess Marik and I will have to do that when we go camping next week. That reminds me, I still have to pack for this occasion. As soon as I poor and light the cooking oil I call Yugi and invite him over posed as Ryou. He says that he will be there in 10 minutes and that he would bring over some gram crackers for the s'mores. Perfect! Just enough time to get the fire nice and hot to roast him over. I roast and devour the cat. I must say it was the best that I have fuckin' had. Must ask Ryou to make cat…perhaps he could fry it or something.
I am finishing up my fish diner when Yugi arrives at the fire. I act all sweet and ask him if he would like anything to drink. I go and get him a can of soda but before I do I put a little Nyquil in it. He drinks half of it when I hand it to him. Sleep well fucker. As soon as he is asleep I tie him up on the roasting stick that I have fashioned for myself. I am about to put him over the flames when I hear a girly scream behind me. I don't have time to turn around before Ryou has ripped my roaster of my hands and is trying to wake Yugi up. He yells at me for about an hour and has me untie Yugi and tell him that I am sorry. What a load of shit. I was hungry and in this world only the best survive. It is not my fault that Yugi is lower than me on the food chain. Ryou is silent as we walk into the apartment. His eyes explode when he looks into the living room to find that the sofa is gone. He asks me where the sofa is and I tell him that he knows where it is. Yugi was just over it. He passes out in the doorway. I decide not to eat him. Maybe tomorrow, as I have plans tonight.
LATER
Well, I must say that I, Bakura, have made a mistake today. I will never make this mistake again. I still am amazed at what happened. As you know, I hade plans this evening…so I go out and pick up this chick that I met in a bar that I was at the other night. We start kissin' and rubbing. It is getting all hot and heavy at the local club. Ryou was supposed to be at Yugi's tonight, so I knew that the house was going to be free. I suggested that we go to my place. She nods and is all over me as we get in the taxi to go to Ryou's apartment. I enjoy the blow job that she gives me on the way home and I am totally aroused. We are both half naked as we stumble into the dark apartment. We knock over the umbrella holder right next to the door but neither of us seem to care. I tell her to head to the bedroom while I get us some more to drink. She stubbles to the bedroom and I know that it is going to be a good night…and most importantly I will not get caught.
I head to the bedroom with a couple bottles of vodka and I am too fucked up at the moment to notice that the umbrella stand was picked up and back in order. I get into the bedroom and she is naked sprawled out on my bed. I rip off my pants (the only thing that I have on) and jump onto the bed next to her. We start to talk dirty and we start rubbing and sucking. It was a good night so far! Just as soon as she gets on top of me the door opens up and Ryou looks shocked at the scene that he had just walked into. He covers his eyes and shouts something about being sorry. He runs out of the room faster than me fleeing a tomb. After that the mood had been killed and I walk her to the front door. We make plans for next week, next time at her place.
As soon as she is gone I go to the kitchen and I see Ryou sitting there with a mug of tea in front of him. When he sees me he rambles about how he is sorry. I ask him why he walked into the room anyway. He told me that he heard me saying that "I was known for rippin' the pussy walls." and that he wanted to know if I was okay. Well, what a show. I told him that I was fine and I flee to my room. I hope he feels guilty. Teaches that fuck to knock, now doesn't it.