Interesting Times By GirlX2

Chapter Four

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Ted let the hot water beat down on his back. He forced himself not to jump out of the shower; Barney was completely safe with Robin and Lilly. There was no reason to worry.

'You really believe that?'

He shut the water off.

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"This is a great idea, Lilly."

"I'm glad you think so." Lilly's eyes were shut tight. "Could you hurry up and get in?"

"It's not like you haven't seen me naked."

"Yeah, that doesn't make it any easier."

Barney rolled his eyes and slid into the hot water. "Alright."

Slowly, Lilly straightened the mug full of hot soapy water she'd been tilting. Barney slid a little on the smooth porcelain surface, the water lapping at him. It felt amazing.

"I still say the teacup was a better idea." Lilly sighed, opening her eyes. "You'd be able to get in and out by yourself."

"I'm not taking a bath in a teacup." Barney glared up at her. "I have some dignity."

"But it'd be safer, and sooooo-"

"Please, don't say cute."

"…Fine. I won't. But it would be."

Barney thanked whatever God was watching him that Robin had stepped into the hall to answer her cell phone. This was embarrassing enough without her watching.

As if answering this prayer, Lilly's phone bleeped.

"It'sMarshall." Lilly looked a little guilty. "I'll take it in the living room. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

"Of course. Go talk to your Godzilla husband." Barney waved her off with a semblance of his usual humor. Lilly smiled and retreated into the living room.

Barney sighed and closed his eyes. The hot water felt great. Lilly's voice dropped to an ignorable drone.

*Skitterskitterskitter*

Barney frowned and opened his eyes.

*SkitterskitterSTAMPSTAMP*

'Okay, not imagining that!' Barney eyed the high walls of the mug. They were too slick for him to grab on to and look over the edge, but maybe if he could just jump high enough…

He jumped, and caught a glimpse of the kitchen. Nothing.

"Maybe it's just something mechanical."

*STAMPSTAMPTHUDTHUD*

"Lilly?" Barney called, starting to panic. "Lilly?"

Lilly continued to talk to Marshall.

'I can hear her, but she can't hear me.' Barney realized.

*THUDTHUDTHUD* The source of the noise was right next to the mug. Steeling himself, Barney leapt up, determined to see.

A living nightmare waved its antenna in his face.

Barney screamed, dropping back into the water. A gigantic cockroach was on the mug!

'Not gigantic, Stinson. And as far as that thing's concerned, you're lunch.'

Barney heard the stamping start its way up the mug.

"tedtedTedTedTEDTEDTED!"

Nothing.

'I'm gonna die with everyone in the apartment.'

He was too small to knock the mug over, and he couldn't climb out. A desperate plan formed as two whip like antenna crested over the rim. Barney took a few deep breaths and sank below the water line.

'If I can just hold out till one of them comes back, I'll be…'

An enormous leg clawed furiously at the water.

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Robin hung up, finally free of her boss. He was demanding she get to the station right away to cover the Lilliputian story. She promised to be there ASAP, but it would probably be a few hours.

Lilly stood near Ted's desk, chatting on her own phone.

"Where's Barney?"

'He's in the kitchen.' She mouthed.

Robin nodded. Maybe Lilly had fixed him a scrambled egg; they wanted to start out on soft foods and go from there.

'Not that he could eat a whole egg. He's only gonna need…'

She frowned at the odd splashing sound coming from the apparently empty kitchen. "Barney?"

The splashing was coming from a mug. Robin peeked in.

A roach paddled on the surface.

Robin wasn't a timid woman; she carried a gun and didn't use it lightly. ButNew Yorkroaches still scared the bejeezus out of her. There weren't any inToronto, or if there were, they were decent enough to hide unlike their uncouth American cousins.

"UGH!" Robin's hand struck the mug, seemingly of its own accord; she couldn't recall moving.

The knocked-over mug spun lazily, discharging water, the roach…

And one unmoving pink form.

"Barney?" Dumbfounded, but only for a moment. It was obvious what had happened.

It was also obvious that the tiny man wasn't breathing.

Again, as if a higher power had taken control of her hand, she reached out to him, and flicked a finger against his back.

'Can't try rescue breathing or compressions, I'll kill him.'

His lips were blue.

"C'mon Barney, breathe!" She got ready to flick him again.

A thin jet of water spouted from Barney's mouth as he rolled into his back. He began coughing violently.

"Thank God." Robin whispered.

"Nuh-nuh-nice aim, Scherbatsky." Barney's voice was hoarse. "You shoot…with that hand?"

Robin wanted so badly to embrace him. She settled for wrapping him in a dishcloth.

"Don't you ever, ever scare me like that again, Stinson." She choked.

"Glad…to oblige." Barney looked as the Roach scurried away. "Since when…does Ted have roaches?"

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A/N Gotta give a shout-out to Berserker Nightwitch for giving me a lil inspiration. You rock!