Chapter Four

Life support was a relatively small room and the air was a little drier than some of the others on the Normandy but that suited the drell just fine. The furniture was scarce, consisting of a small area for Thane to rest and table with two chairs. Thane was sitting in the chair that faced the window to the ship's core. His back was to Gidget, hands clasped and head bowed in prayer.

She stood behind him, shifting awkwardly. She didn't know if she should speak or even what to say and there was no doubt the assassin knew she was there which made her feel all the more awkward in the silence. After a few minutes of deliberation, she decided to speak first and had just begun trying to think of something appropriate to say when Thane's lips stopped moving in his silent prayer and his head rose.

"Agent Gidget," he said formally without turning his head. "Please, sit."

Slowly, like prey watching a predator, Gidget moved around the metal table and slid into the chair across from him. Thane's black eyes were unerringly focused on her face, his body straight in his ever-perfect posture. Gidget knew her own body was wound tighter than a batarian drill sergeant. For a long time the two just stared at each other, Thane expressionless and Gidget frowning slightly.

"I would very much like you to elaborate on what you told me earlier," Thane said in that cool, gravelly voice. Not a single syllable betrayed any emotion he may have been feeling. "Please, tell me everything that happened."

Gidget pressed her lips together for a moment before asking, "Are you sure?" She gazed levelly at him, her eyes expressing that some of the things she would say wouldn't be pleasant.

Thane folded his hands neatly on the table. "Yes. I have ruthlessly killed everyone responsible for my wife's death but I have still spent many years wondering what transpired that day."

Nodding, Gidget leaned back in her seat and tilted her head back. She ran her hands over her face, rubbing her forehead as if she were trying to pull the memories forward. "Odd how badly you want to know," she said quietly, "considering how badly I'd like to forget." Her eyes met Thane's as she leaned her elbows on the table. "I may not have a perfect memory, but that day… I can close my eyes and remember every minute detail."

She met his solid black eyes and began her story. "I was on Kahje for a contract, stealing valuable research on the cure for Kepral's Syndrome for a salarian. The job had gone smoothly; no resistance, lax security. It was a walk in the Presidium. I had just sent the data to the salarian and began erasing everything in the hanar's files." One of Thane's ridged brows lifted slightly in surprise and Gidget held up a hand defensively. "It wasn't without remorse, I assure you."

"If it was part of your contract I cannot hold it against you," he said. "You merely acting a tool and have responsibility for the loss of that data." At the look on his face he added, "We can debate our different beliefs at another time. For now, please." Thane motioned for her to continue.

Gidget obliged, pushing any arguments about free will to the side. "The deletion process had barely begun when a drell woman walked in. I remember her eyes were a blazing orange-red and her skin was a beautiful burgundy. She was searching around the lab for something and I assumed she worked for one of the hanar scientists."

Thane gave a small nod, eyes distant. "Yes, Irikah was particularly close to one of the hanar in that lab. She would spend much time there helping him."

It was Gidget's turn to nod once, then she licked her lips and continued. "I was waiting under my tactical cloak and hoping she'd leave before it wore off and praying she'd stay away from the damn console. After a few minutes, the doors opened and several batarians stormed in. I recognized a few of them of as clients of another agent but I didn't know why they would be on Kahje until they started speaking to her. One of them-- the one who had done most of the dealings with the agent-- asked your wife, Irikah, where you were. She refused to give up any information and called him a few colorful words. That's when things got ugly."

When Gidget paused in her story, she looked to Thane. The drell's lips were twisted into a frown and the ridges of his brow were drawn tightly together. "Go on," he whispered.

"They kept demanding to know where you were and where your son was but no matter how hard they hit her, she wouldn't say a word. She barely even cried out. The whole time she just looked at them defiantly." Gidget shuddered as the memories became more vivid and she felt her throat begin to tighten. "The things they did to her," she whispered. "I was horrified. I wanted to stop them or kill them all myself or anything but I couldn't move. I couldn't even yell so I remained hidden, listening to her being brutally murdered. There were so many of them and I was just one woman with a pistol."

Her eyes watered and Gidget gritted her teeth against the sting of tears, her gaze focused on the table. "I was a coward," she admitted hatefully. "I waited until they were gone before I came out of hiding but by then she was nearly gone and the only thing I could do was hold her hand as she died."

Now the tears leaked out and she looked up at Thane. The assassin's head was bowed but she could still see the tears that streamed down his apple green skin. He didn't see the broken look in her eyes as she croaked, "I've blamed myself for her death every single day since then."

Slowly, Thane looked up at her. He blinked slowly and his breathing remained steady and even. It astounded Gidget that he still managed to keep his voice unchanged in its calm tone as he said, "You are not the one I hold responsible. You were young and afraid and against a band of armed batarians you would have died as well. I can only rest assured knowing Irikah did not die alone."

Lip trembling, Gidget slowly shook her head. "I was a coward," she repeated quietly. "I have been ever since my father…" she broke off, unable to finish. She took a steadying breath and wiped away her tears. "I could have helped her. I should have helped her."

"If anyone is to blame, it is I," Thane said. "Had I retired from my work as an assassin, her life and my son's would never have been compromised. At the time I blamed the batarians who killed her and I sought them out, killing each of them slowly. I reveled in their deaths but in the end, I knew it was I who had killed her."

Gidget's eyes were full of empathy as she met his obsidian gaze. "You can't blame yourself for what they did."

"Can't I?" His voice was oddly sharp and he blinked both sets of eyelids. "You of all people should understand the dangers of keeping close relations in work like ours. I knew the risks when I took her as my wife and I paid the price."

Pursing her lips, Gidget leaned back again. "At least you had the courage to take that chance. I've spent twenty years avoiding even a friendship."

Thane blinked again, considering this. "You do so out of concern for others. It is admirable, in a way, to isolate yourself for their safety."

She shrugged a little. "Admirable, sure but you've walked the other path. You've lived what I've missed all these years. I'd hardly call what I've been doing 'living'. Hiding from people, hiding from the Shadow Broker, watching innocent people die and failing at any attempts for atonement." Gidget shook her head sadly.

"You saved my life today," Thane said, one hand hesitating to rest atop Gidget's clenched fist. His hand shied away from hers and he folded them neatly in front of him again. "And you have joined this crew to find a cure for all the drell afflicted with Kepral's Syndrome. I would say that is a good start and if it brings you any peace from any guilt you feel about Irikah, we shall call ourselves even."

She snorted quietly. "If it hadn't been for what happened in the lab, I never would have left the Shadow Broker," she said. "So the way I see it, if you're allowed to blame yourself for what happened then we're not even close to even."

One corner of Thane's lips quirked up in a half smile. "Very well," he said, choosing not to argue. "We shall discuss this further at another time. For now I would like to reflect on what we have talked about."

"Later then," said Gidget, rising from her chair and giving him a nod. As she passed he returned the gesture before bowing his head to his clasped hands.

When the door to life support hissed closed behind her, Gidget leaned against the wall between their two doors. She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a long, slow breath. It had gone far better than she had expected, considering she was both alive and unharmed. And she had to admit it felt good to have talked about what happened that day, which she had never done before. It had also been nice to reach out to another person and connect with them instead of staying distant to protect them from the Shadow Broker.

Thinking of the Shadow Broker made Gidget scowl. She forced herself to remember that she was still on the run from him and getting too close to anyone on the Normandy would be dangerous for everyone involved.

"Oh, hello Agent Gidget!" She opened her eyes to see the bright smile of Kelly Chambers. "I've been looking for you. Would you mind talking for a bit for your evaluation?" With no excuse for an escape, Gidget's mouth opened a closed a few times while she floundered. Then, resigned to her fate, she gave the yeoman a forced smile and invited her into the port observatory.

As she ushered the overly enthusiastic woman into her room, Gidget mused, 'On second thought, maybe endangering the lives of certain crewmates isn't such a bad idea after all.'