So, it was English class and everyone handed in their assignments. Jessica's plan was foiled, for you see, though she had done a 37 page essay, each page said something along the lines of:
Ed and Jess 4 ever.
Mike and Jess 4 ever, 2k9.
Bella and Jess, homies 4 life.
(The last was scribbled over by Bella)
This meant that Jessica had to watch Bella-perfect-Swan receive an A+, while Jessica herself received a mighty ZILTCH.
Later on they watched Romeo and Juliet, which was odd because their assignment was done.
"Celebrations suuuuuuuck." Bella moaned.
"Would you like some cheese to go with that whining?" Edward asked.
"I say that Romeo sucks." Bella moved on.
"But I'm Romeo!" Edward gasped.
Bella turned to him slowly. "What?"
"In Stephenie Meyer's amazing parallel. I'm Romeo, you're Juliet and Paris is J-"
"Enough of your rambling." Bella waved him off.
"Although, Romeo does have luck in some ways." Edward shrugged.
"As in?" She asked suspiciously, glaring at the dead Juliet on screen, like she was some sort of threat.
"He could top himself so easily." Edward observed enviously.
Bella stared at him for several minutes. "What…the f-?"
"It's almost impossible for me." He sighed. "Humans can drown, they can suffocate, they-"
"When and why did you try and kill yourself!?" Bella whisper shouted.
"-can be crushed by an impact, be impaled on a spike, drink some harmless bleach-"
"Answer me!" Bella begged.
"Or my personal favourite, being set alight by a flame thow- Oh, Bella! There you are. Yeah, well, I just thought about it once."
"You mean the time James bit me." Bella remembered resentfully. She was glad James had been disposed of. If he hadn't then she would have done it herself when she was a newborn. If he had a grave she could go and give it a swift kick now.
"Yeah, I would have had to ask the Volturi, very nicely, to kill me."
"The Volturroro?"
"The Volturi."
"Voltimopolie?"
"The Volturi!"
"Vololololololol." Bella kept on until the sound had turned into "lol" over and over again.
"THE VOL-FREAKING-TURI!" Edward yelled.
"Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Birdie called.
"Mr. Birdie." Edward acknowledged.
The rest of the students called, "CAW CAW!"
"It's Berty!" He shook his fist at them all.
"Sure, it is." Edward nodded.
"Recite some more Shakespeare for us!"
"Oh, hell…" Bella rolled her eyes.
Edward cleared his throat. "O here will I set up my everlasting rest. And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, O you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss, a dateless bargain to engrossing death."
Edward finished this, ready for applause. But everyone was watching Mike Newton who was standing upon a table doing some sort of jig.
"Narrow minded, small town, ignoramuses." Edward mumbled.
Bella was staring up at Edward, looking worried. I know that wasn't funny, but it was a fact!