Fuck my life.
FUCK MY LIFE!
Si. That was the mantra I was repeating over and over again in my head as I kept my face buried in a thick, feathery pillow. A fucking dirty one stained with my pathetic tears. Yes. There I go again with the stupid self pity. I've really got to stop that. Or actually no. I won't. Because I don't have to. That's right, motherfuckers.
I attempted to stifle my sobs by holding my breath so that those damn shudders wouldn't escape my lips, but it just didn't work. What the hell was the use? No one's here anyways. So, I'm going to just let it all out! And fuck you for criticizing me for doing so.
I rolled over so that I was facing the ceiling, my eyes studying the strange pattern of cracks that ran across it; damn, this really was an old room. It seemed like not much has changed since I was a kid around here. The walls were the same color, the garden outside looked the same, the scent was always the same, Antonio himself was always the same…
Antonio, my precious Antonio. Holy mother-effing virgin tits, that sounded corny as fuck.
Okay, let's back up and try that again.
Antonio, that fucking tomato bastard, Antonio.
Alright, that's much better.
I just don't understand it.
I'm right here, dammit.
I've been here all along, haven't I?
Sure, I've beaten up on him a bit and shit, but it's not like he didn't deserve it! Plus, he's always seemed to love me. Ever since I was a kid! Si, I gave him a shit time when I first came to live with him; yes, the queen at the time wanted me gone… but he still fought for me. And the scars all over his body prove that!
Maybe I should've been a bit more appreciative, a bit more docile like my sister. After all, she is the one that caught his eye. And now, they're on a fucking date. Probably sharing pasta, slurping it up until their lips meet like that one movie about those two dogs. Uh…what was it called again? Merda, I'm horrible. Disney is going to kick my ass one day.
No…no….NO. What am I saying? I sat up and rubbed my eyes, glaring at the wall opposite me.
I am Lovina fucking Vargas. I am the personification of South Italy, dammit. I have the damn Mafioso under my big left toe, and I am an independent woman. I don't need Spagna to love me like that. Hell, I don't need anybody.
Fuck romance.
I can just romance myself, si?
It's called masturbation.
…. Don't tell the Vatican that I just thought that.
I grabbed a pillow and slammed it against my face, squeezing my eyes shut and biting my bottom lip to prevent another round of shudders.
Stop it, Lovina. Just stop. You're better than this. You're not some weak, mortal bitch who cries about some asshole going on a date with your prettier, perfect-as-fucking Mary Sue sister. Hell, you're a damn country. Okay, well part of a country…but STILL! That counts. Right? RIGHT?
Removing the pillow, I glanced over at the small clock propped on the beside table. It was eleven forty two. ELEVEN FUCKING FORTY TWO! Gesu Cristo, restaurants are definitely closed by now. Please do not tell me that they are going on a mother-effing walk under the starlit sky.
Pffft. Fail. There aren't even any stars out tonight. HA!
But there is a full moon. A very pretty full moon.
Dammit.
Or…no. NO! What if they're…they're…
What if they're engaging in human-like reproductive activities?
Ahh…hell… that was phrased badly.
What if they're fucking.
ACK! Che Palle! Noooooooooo! They better not be, or I'll…I'll…
I got nothing.
Deciding to sit up, I winced slightly as my head ached. My nose was slightly stuffed and my eyes stung from the amount of crying I had done. Hopefully my eyes weren't too swollen. If Antonio notices that I've been bawling my eyes out, he's never going to leave me alone until I tell him what the problem is, and he'll be so damn persistent that I'll have no choice but to tell him the truth.
And as I've said about a trillion times before, that would definitely NOT be a good thing.
I looked out at the scenery beyond the open window. I always warm nights like this, where I could just leave the windows open with no fear of it becoming extremely cold. Sighing, I forced my ass off of the bed and walked to it, running my hands against the frame, sniffling.
Huh…I feel like that one bitch with the extremely long hair. You know…that one that throw a huge ass braid out the window for her true love to climb it? Okay, Eiw. Just no. That guy must have some sort of weird hair fetish if he's willing to tap a chick with that much hair.
But for some reason, I had always loved that story. I always found it charming, that he was willing to love her, to visit her, even if she couldn't leave the tower, even though her hair was nastily long. (Oh God… if her hair grew that much, and she had no access to scissors, I would LOVE to know how long her OTHER hair is…actually, no. I wouldn't. I'll just shut up.)
The warm breeze felt nice against my tear-stained face. I almost momentarily forgot about why I was upset. In truth, I loved it here. A lot. I would never admit it, but it was home to me. So many memories lingered here; from being a little brat to Antonio, to cleaning and sweeping shit, to cursing out Antonio as a little kid, to climbing into his bed when I was frightened at night, to picking tomatoes out in his garden then and now…
I just…I just don't like the idea of sharing that with anyone else.
I know. It sounds selfish as hell.
But the idea that Feliciana might be…might be taking my place… okay. I'm being stupid.
I'll just…no.
These are my thoughts.
Fuck off.
The thought that Feliciana might have all of this, that I may be replaced… it hurts. I'm afraid that I'll mean nothing to him soon. That's what's already happened with everything else, si? Feliciana is always the remembered one, the loved one. No one gives a shit about me.
Is that going to happen with Antonio now?
My thoughts were cut off by the sound of laughter.
Twitch.
Twitch twitch.
The sound of the front door opening and closing resonated throughout the house as the laughter continued. An entanglement of joyful laughter, loving laughter.
Antonio's laugh was unmistakable.
Sadly, so was my sorella's.
They sure as hell sounded like they had a damn good time.
Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.
Fucking hell, I wish noises didn't reverberate throughout this house so easily.
"Dios Mio, Feli, you are adorable!"
A giggle. My sorella's charming giggle. "Grazie, Toni; you aren't too bad yourself."
Twitch. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.
"I had an amazing time tonight."
I could tell that his tone had shifted. His voice had grown tender, almost husky. I could almost envision him inching closer to Feliciana, his green eyes shining.
"I did as well. I…"
"Si?"
"I…like you, Antonio. I like you a lot."
Aaaaaannnnnnddddddd…. Silence.
Which pretty much means…cue kiss scene.
…..
I bit my bottom lip as my chest clenched unbearably, a fresh load of tears spilling out of my eyes. Don't think about it Lovina. You knew that this was going to happen. Just look out the window, breathe, and think of the good times.
Yet, I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but think about the little romantic rendez-vous that was happening downstairs. It should be me in Feli's place. I should be the one kissing that stupid-ass tomato bastard. Oh Jesus. I sound like a desperate, pathetic cagna.
After a few more seconds, the voices started again.
"Feli…"
"Toni…"
My gag reflex.
There was another beat of silence before I heard my sorella speak again, her voice laced with concern.
"I want to go check on sorella. She was really upset about something today."
My eyes widened at her statement as I quickly detached myself from the window and literally dived into the bed, letting out a small yelp as my nose hit something hard. Jesus Christ…NOW what the hell was hiding in this plethora of blankets? I quickly thrust my hand in front of my face, feeling around for what I hit.
Another box of condoms.
Are you kidding me?
As I mentioned before, I am NOT sexually active.
Fucking hell, Spagna.
I tossed it angrily over my shoulder and proceeded to angrily burrow my head into the sheets, inhaling sharply to calm my hyper-active emotions. However, the tears were still spilling, and I could still hear them talking down stairs.
"Ah, si. She told me what was wrong, but I don't think she wants anyone else to know about it," Antonio answered, his voice abnormally soft, yet still discernible. I could almost picture that concerned expression on his face… the way his green eyes would widen, the way his lips would downturn just the slightest fraction…
Yes. I have it memorized.
Again. We're not judging here, right?
Feliciana gasped lightly. "Si? She told you? I am her sister; I want to know so that I can comfort her."
"Ay, Feli, I honestly don't think she wanted anyone to know. She even had an extremely hard telling me," Antonio responded.
"Ve... But… Lovi…"
"Why don't you talk to her tomorrow, mi amor? I'm guessing that she is asleep right now; it's very quiet. If she were awake, you'd be able to hear her raging upstairs."
Wha-I don't.
The fuck.
I don't "rage."
I just put my foot down and holler out my opinions so that everyone can understand that I have an opinion.
And…no. He didn't.
Did he just seriously call her…
Mi amor?
Farewell, happiness.
It was nice knowing you.
Feliciana gave a light chuckle in response. "You're probably right. I don't want to disturb her if she is sleeping. I guess I'll be heading home then."
"Que? But it's late, Feli. Are you sure you don't want to just sleep here, tonight? It wouldn't be any trouble," Antonio asked, his voice acquiring a hopeful tone. A bit too hopeful if you ask me. I felt my fingernails dig into my palms as my chest burned once again.
"No. I really should be heading home; I'm currently staying at Ludwig's guest house. He's letting me use it for a few days while he's out of town. I was left in charge of his dogs, and I realized that I forgot to refill their water bowls," she responded with a light chuckle. I absolutely hated her for having such a lovely chuckle .
I can't really chuckle.
I laugh.
And my laughs consist of loud, ear-deafening, bird-like squawks and snorts that would put pigs to shame.
"Alright, mi amor, Buenos noches. And please drop by tomorrow for a bit. I would love to spend some more time with you." I could literally see that cute little grin that was probably playing on his lips right now. And it destroyed me. Absolutely annihilated by precious emotion box.
Yes. Emotion box.
You know how you're supposed to have a laughing box?
Well, there's an emotion box as well.
Don't ask fucking questions, bastard.
Just go with it, si?
Another lovely giggle. "Of course. Buonanotte, Toni. Expect to see me around ten tomorrow. And grazie for a lovely night."
With their final farewell, I heard the door shut. I held my breath, my ears ringing with a deafening silence. However, after a few minutes, I heard the unmistakable sound of the idiot's footfalls. For some reason, I was always to discern different people's footsteps.
Feliciana's were light and swift. The potato bastard's were heavy and steady. His stupid albino brother's were uneven and all over the place. Bella's were medium paced and gentle. Antonio's always seemed unsteady, yet fairly heavy. His footfalls had a certain characteristic about them that made them the most discernible of all.
I know. It's sad that I listen for people's footsteps.
Actually, no it's not.
For the billionth time, we're not judging! Jesus!
I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard his footsteps travel up the stairs, the echo resonating throughout the house in an almost ominous way.
To my utter misfortune, they stopped right outside my door. My breath hitched slightly as I heard my door creak open, the noise causing me to visibly cringe.
I knew that Antonio was looking at me. I could literally feel his emerald green eyes seer through my clothes. And no. I'm not strangely addicted to the idea of some weird-ass stalker watching me while I sleep.
God. I'll never understand Alfred and his weird-ass supernatural romance stories.
Hey, at least Toni's not a pale, sparkly Romania-wannabe.
Antonio always used to check up on me every night to make sure that I was sleeping well when I was little. I always pretended to be fast asleep, unless of course, I was genuinely scared or bothered about something. Those were some of the only times I'd ever let him hold me. And during those times, he'd gently rock me until I fell asleep again.
But usually, I was just plain annoyed that the tomato bastard bothered at all. I thought it was fucking creepy. It wasn't until later that I realized that he was just a poor, paranoid idiot who was under the impression that I'd suddenly undergo cardiac arrest if he wasn't there. In other words, he was always worried about me.
Even though I was usually always awake when he checked up on me, and usually found myself scowling into the pillows, I had grown to secretly appreciate his check-ups.
He doesn't do them very much anymore. Hell, if he did, that would be fucking weird. I'm an adult. I don't even live here anymore for fuck's sake.
But here's a confession for you, bitches.
When my sister and I got our own house, there were nights were I wouldn't sleep at all because Antonio wasn't there to do his routinely check up.
Si. Don't laugh at me.
It's called fucking familiarity, alright? I found damn comfort in it.
I struggled to keep my breathing even; even the room itself seemed to be holding his breath as Antonio's bright green eyes rested on me. A tingle went down my spine and I had to repress a shudder. He was so close, yet so far away.
I wish…I wish he would just climb into bed with me.
….Whoa.
Okay.
Back the fuck up, Lovina.
No. No. No. No. NO.
You do NOT wish for a taken man to be in bed with you; especially, if he's your sister's boyfriend.
…Well, technically, they aren't official yet…
Shut it. Even you know that to lust after someone else's man is just disgusting. Not only that, but to lust after your own sister's man is purely sinful.
I may not have the best moral code, but I was always very strict about that. Yes, there was no denying that I wanted Antonio, but to actually want him so desperately…so much…to want to…to do things with him while he was with your own sister was almost as bad as banging the poor bastard full on.
With those thoughts in mind, I felt the brush of fingers against the bare skin of my shoulders. I tried my best not to stiffen up visibly or give any sign that I was consciously aware of his FUCKING fingers making contact with my skin.
His fingers moved from my shoulder upwards, to brush some of the hair from my neck gently. Alright…holy shit… brain spasm overload.
Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEP. BEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP.
Then, in another swift movement, I felt his lips brush my ear. Do you understand how much willpower it took for me not to start squirming? I'll tell you something, bitch. It took A LOT of effort.
"Feel better, Lovi," he whispered, his voice so tender, so gentle that it made my insides literally melt away like hot caramel. Then, in another swift movement, he tenderly placed his lips on my exposed neck before I felt the space between our bodies increase.
The familiar sound of his footfalls retreating seemed to reverberate through my head as my brain buzzed and my spine tingled. When I heard my door close, leaving my ears to be victim to the ringing silence once again, I let out a large breath, frantically shifting my bodily position so that I was sitting up, my eyes wide as I stared at the door.
It hurt so damn much.
So, so much.
To the point where I almost felt numb.
To the point where I couldn't cry anymore.
I knew that I was long gone.
To know that those lips would be on my sister's , to know that those hands could be trailing down the length of Feli's body…
Nope. Nada. Absolutely not.
I would always be second best to Feliciana. I should've accepted that a long time ago. I thought I had, but I guess that Antonio was the one person I had hoped would break that pattern.
Si. I was stupid.
I know I sound like a mumbling-bumbling, whiney, attention-seeking whore, but hell, fuck you. I can't help it.
With one final look at the closed door, I squeezed my eyes shut, slammed my head against the pillow, falling into an uneasy, torturous night dream-filled night of emerald eyes, and the inability to breathe properly.
You know. Sometimes, I really really hate computers. Especially fucking social networking sites. Like facebook.
Especially facebook.
Personifications shouldn't be allowed to have fucking facebooks. Or twitters. Or Myspace. Or FaceSpace…or whatever the hell there is out there.
We all know that the lovely Lovina Vargas is already in a fucking pissy mood, so to have her log into her facebook account early the next morning, her eyes already swollen as crap, and to see a preposterous update that acted as a lovely punch to the face…
It's just not good.
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo is in a relationship with Feliciana North Vargas
Like . Comment. See Friendship. 4 hours ago
Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt, Francis Bonnefoy, Bella Jansens and 12 others like this.
Elizaveta Hedervary OH MY GOODNESS! YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE!
4 hours ago. 3 Likes
Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt Kesesese… since when the hell did you two start screwing?
4 hours ago. Like
Elizaveta Hedervary GTFO, Beilschmidt.
4 hours ago. 2 Likes
Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt Fuck you, crazy-ass bitch
4 hours ago. 1 Like
Vladimir Stefan I agree with the albino.
4 hours ago. 1 like
Elizaveta Hedervary FFFFFUUUUUUUU! STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU FUCKING LEECH!
3 hours ago. Like
Roderich Edelstein Brawling on a public networking site is not the way to handle things. Stop acting like children.
3 hours ago. 2 Likes
Arthur Kirkland Yes, I agree. Plus, the point of this thread is to congratulate both Feliciana and Antonio, is it not?
3 hours ago. 5 Likes
Alfred FackingHero Jones ! CONGRATS! I LIKE…TOTALLY SAW THIS COMING, BRAHSKIS! AND STOP AGREEING WITH THE PIANO-MOLESTOR, IGGY!1111
3 hours ago. 9 Likes
Arthur Kirkland I am undergoing cardiac arrest just by observing your usage of mechanics. Good God, Alfred, you are insufferable.
3 hours ago. 2 Likes
Roderich Edelstein Excuse me?
3 hours ago. Like
Francis Bonnefoy Ohonhonhon. I believe that Monsieur Kirkland needs to loosen up. Maybe a massage will do the trick? I do have magical hands~
2 hours ago. 6 Likes
Arthur Kirkland DON'T YOU DARE MAKE SUCH COMMENTS ON A PUBLIC SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE, YOU INSUFFERABLE FROG.
2 hours ago. 1 Like
Francis Bonnefoy Oui. You definitely need a massage, mon ami. Don't you dare move; I will be at your place in approximately dix minutes.
2 hours ago. 2 Likes
Alfred FackingHero Jones WHOA! SWEETNESS! CAN I LIKE…COME? I WANNA GIVE IGGY A MASSAGE!
2 hours ago. 5 Likes
Arthur Kirkland You two imbeciles better stay where you are, or I will personally chop both your bollocks off.
2 hours ago. 3 Likes
Alfred FackingHero Jones Nahhhhhhhh. Don't be like that, dude. You know you want a massage. Francis and I will like…totally make you feel good.
2 hours ago. 9 Likes
Francis Bonnefoy I never cease to bring pleasure, mon ami.
1 hour ago. 2 Likes
Elizaveta Hedervary Holy shit! I so want to see this!
45 minutes ago. 4 Likes
Gilbert Beilschmidt You would.
45 minutes ago. 2 Likes
Elizaveta Hedervary No one asked you. Go fuck yourself.
42 minutes ago. 5 Likes
Gilbert Beilschmidt I'd rather fuck you. You. Vlad. Specs. Me. Foursome. Now.
41 minutes ago. 11 Likes
Elizaveta Hedervary Don't pull that bullshit on me, Beilschmidt.
40 minutes ago. Like
Bella Janssens Congrats! You two are so cute, together!
20 minutes ago. 5 Likes
Feliciana North Vargas Grazie everybody! Toni and I really appreciate it.
18 minutes ago. 13 Likes
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo Si. Gracias, mis amigos! I offer you all internet tomates!
18 minutes ago. 14 Likes
Kiku Honda I can honestly say that I did not see this coming. But I offer you my congratulations.
15 minutes ago. 2 Likes
Feliciana North Vargas Grazie, Kiku!
12 minutes ago. 1 Like
My eye is fucking twitching right now. Literally convulsing. It's having its own damn seizure. And not just because the relationship between my sorella and Antonio is deemed "facebook" official
Facebook has the ability to melt brains.
With another scowl, I quickly logged off, and leaned back in the chair, my eyes stinging from last night, and my throat feeling as if it had permanently closed up.
Guess it's a done deal. Once something is deemed facebook official, then there's no going back. I don't know when this generation has decided that facebook was the sole judge of relationships, but that's just the fucking way it is, si?
After a few moments of staring at the desktop screen, I forced my ass up from the chair and sauntered toward the hallway. A delicious smell filled my nostrils, and the sound of something sizzling on a pan reverberated through the house.
Maybe some food would do me good. Fucking hell, I'm hungry. For all the pain and grief he's cost me, that bastardo better be making me something with tomatoes in it.
I don't know why, but I was careful to make sure that my feet were light as I walked down the stairs. I really wasn't in the mood to catch anyone's attention before I was ready to be seen. Hell, I would make my presence known when I wanted to, dammit! And that definitely wasn't now.
However, I froze when I heard the sound of voices talking over the hiss of whatever was cooking. Frowning, I clenched my teeth and continued to make my way down the stairs, my chest clenching as a sudden realization hit me. It was my sister. With Antonio.
Tiptoeing, I made my way to the wall next to the doorway that led to the kitchen, and pressed my back against it. With another deep breath, I peeked into the kitchen and observed the sight before me.
There was definitely something cooking on the stove; the smell was astoundingly delicious. So delicious that I was about to get an orgasm. That just tells you that there are definitely tomatoes involved. And only tomatoes can give me orgasms.
…Okay. So can Antonio. And German porn. And vibrators BUT THAT'S A FUCKING DIFFERENT STORY, OKAY? STOP. JUDGING.
My chest immediately clenched when I saw my sister leaning against the counter, a devilish smile on her lips as she gazed up into Antonio's glorious face. His emerald green eyes were extremely bright and they grazed hungrily over Feliciana's face. A smirk played on his lips as he leaned forward, his body pressed against hers, and both of his hands pinning her wrists down on the counter.
Holy hell. I sense the beginning of a porno here.
And Jesus, do they move fast.
According to facebook, their relationship has only been deemed official for four hours. FOUR HOURS!
I THOUGHT THAT NO ONE DEFIED THE FACEBOOK RULE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
YOU DON'T GIVE EACH OTHER SEXY TIME LOOKS WITHIN THE FIRST FOUR HOURS OF A RELATIONSHIP! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO! NADA!
"You know Toni, not all women enjoy being cornered like this," Feliciana cooed, her lips set in a cute little smirk, her long curly brown locks barely touching the tile of the counter behind her.
"I guess I'm just lucky then, si?" he asked, his voice possessing a huskiness that made me want to fucking smack Feliciana, and then glomp the bastardo myself. But noooooo… we all know that technically, that wouldn't be the best thing for me to do.
I almost gagged as my sister let out a tiny giggle, before giving him a look that would make Hugh Hefner's saggy old dick go poing!
"Si. Very very lucky," she responded.
Then, in another swift motion, Antonio's lips were on hers. The sight sent an unexpected jolt of stabbing pain through my body and I had to resist the urge to start convulsing like some fucktard. My eye twitched as I stood there, my back against the wall, frozen in this position, my eyes trained on the kissing couple.
To make matters worse, Antonio suddenly gripped my sister by the hips, lifting her up effortlessly. With a small squeak, Feliciana broke the kiss for a second to catch her breath, her eyes wide with hungry lust as her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist before she attached her lips to his once again, her hands tangling in his brown hair.
Yeah. No. Get your hands out of his fucking hair, you bitch.
He had her positioned so that she was witting on the edge of the counter, his hands now travelling further and further up her bare thighs, her dress hiking violently.
And fucking hell, did I have a migraine by just watching them. The sound of their kisses over the hissing of the pan made me nauseous.
No. No. nononononononononononono. NO!
I am so not tolerating this bullshit, no matter what facebook has declared. Fuck you Zuckerman!
With a shallow intake of air, I barged right into the kitchen, wearing a scary-ass smile on my face. My fists were clenched and my head was spinning uncontrollably as I burst out, "GOOD MORNING, SORELLA! GOOD MORNING, TOMATO BASTARD! WHAT A FINE, FINE MORNING, SI?"
Don't ask me why I decided to start yelling, because I don't even understand why I decided to do so in the first place. All I know is that I was successful in my intended task because the two immediately broke apart with a yelp, scrambling to get into decent positions, their faces both sporting intense blushes.
"Uh…good morning, sorella," Feliciana stated sheepishly, avoiding eye contact as she busied herself with straightening her dress. Antonio was also in a state of nervousness, his hand running through his hair as he looked anywhere but at either me or my sister.
"Did you sleep well?" Antonio asked, clearing his throat a bit as he chanced a glance in my direction. Judging by the slightly frightened expressions I received from the two of them, I must really look like Ivan on crack or some shit like that.
"OH, I SLEPT FUCKING FINE! AMAZINGLY IN FACT! IT WAS THE BEST DAMN SLEEP I'VE HAD IN CENTURIES!"
"Lovi…why are you yelling?"
"OH, AM I YELLING? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I gave out a hearty guffaw before placing my hands on my hips, my cheeks aching from the amount of strain I was forcing into my smile.
"I JUST FEEL REALLY HAPPY TODAY! I FEEL AMAAAZING! IN FACT, I THINK THAT I'VE BEEN TOUCHED BY GOD! I THINK…HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT! I THINK HE WANTS TO SPEAK TO ME! ISN'T THAT AMAZING, SORELLA? IT'S LIKE WHEN HE SENT THE ANGEL GABRIEL TO TALK TO THE VIRGIN MARY…"
"Sorella… are you sure you're okay?" Feliciana asked, a genuinely frightened look plastered on her pretty features.
"I COULD NEVER BE BETTER! HOW COULD I NOT BE OKAY IF GOD HAS SINCERELY TOUCHED MY HEART! YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'M GOING TO START GOING TO CHURCH AGAIN! THE VATICAN WILL BE FUCKING PLEASED, DON'T YOU THINK? MAYBE WHEN I DIE, I CAN EVEN SKIP PURGATORY BECAUSE I'LL BE CLEANSED OF ALL MY SINS AND BECAUSE I HAVE PERMANENTLY GIVEN MY BODY UP TO BE A GOD'S TEMPLE! YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE DISCOVERED MY VOCATION! GOD WANTS ME TO BE A NUN! NO WONDER WHY I WAS NEVER LUCKY IN THE ART OF ROMANCE!"
I knew that my eyes were bulging, and…and…when did I start flailing my hands? Then again, when the holy hell did I start yelling in the first place? My ears were ringing and the blood was rushing through my head as I stared at the bewildered couple. I think that if I smile anymore, my face is going to break, and then my jaw is going to fall off, and then I'll just look like that ugly-ass Japanese bitch from The Grudge. You know, that one who got her jaw ripped out? Ewww. Seriously, Japan.
"Lovi," Antonio spoke, his expression softening as he looked at me with sympathy. My resolve almost broke. Almost. It's alright, Lovi. Just don't look at the lips. Or the eyes. In fact, just keep that maniac smile, and look down at your feet. That's right.
"If this is about…you know…"
I knew what he was referring to. He was referring to this "secret crush" that I had. This "crush" who supposedly didn't like me back. Which he didn't. Because said crush was currently dating my stupid little sister.
And it's facebook official.
That just blows.
"PFFFFT. WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT THAT FUCKING BASTARD! I JUST SAID THAT I AM BECOMING A NUN BECAUSE I HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED MY VOCATION!"
Please don't ask me where I'm getting this bullshit from, because I honestly couldn't tell you. I swiftly turned around toward the pan to see what was cooking. Apparently, Antonio didn't get very far with the cooking, because all I saw were sizzling tomatoes in olive oil. Even though my stomach was in knots and I felt like I was going to vomit, I had to admit that the smell was still intoxicating.
"MIO DIO! THIS LOOKS DELICIOUS!" Without thinking I immediately reached into the pan to pull out a tomato.
See, the thing is, when I'm emotionally distraught, I don't think straight. And when I don't think straight, I tend to do stupid ass shit. Such as blatantly reaching for a tomato in the middle of a sizzling pan with popping olive oil.
"Lovi! You're going to-" Antonio started.
"FUCK! OW!" I exclaimed, the tears immediately forming in my eyes as I withdrew my hand from the pan, immediately bringing my finger to my mouth. After a few seconds of sucking on it, I observed it, horrified to see that blisters were already forming on the surface of my skin.
Well, fuck you too, pan.
"Sorella! Are you okay?"
I immediately felt my arm being yanked as Feliciana grabbed my hand to observe my finger, her eyes wide, and her face slightly pale.
Nope.
I immediately jerked my hand away, causing my sister to stumble slightly, her eyes still wide as she stared at me. I still had that creepy-as-fuck smile plastered on my lips as I stared her down, never leaving my eyes from her flawless face.
"I'M FINE! IT'S JUST A FUCKING BURN! PLUS, GOD CAN HEAL IT! ALL WE NEED IS GOD! AND JESUS! AND THE ARCHANGELS! AND CELIBACY!"
With that, I turned on my heel and made toward the stairs, ignoring the gobsmacked expressions that I am one hundred percent positive that the two were both giving me.
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as my face crumpled, the tears starting to spill down my eyes once again. I held my breath to prevent myself from sobbing, and my chest was literally on fire.
My emotional distress levels were so high that I didn't even realize the throbbing of my finger (which by the way, looked disgusting as crap already).
Finally, I reached my room, slamming the door shut behind me, and crumpling to the floor. I covered my mouth as the tears streamed down my face. My mind was an emotional whirlwind of utter bullshitted brokenness, and my already swollen eyes were puffing up even more.
To top it all off, my finger was now a blistered mess.
In fact, I could see two large blisters leering at me through my blurred vision.
I will now name them Mistress Ugly, and Sir Uglyton.
And they will be my new best friends. And we will sit in this room, huddled in a corner, unloved and unwanted, while Feliciana and Antonio go skipping off into that damned sunset.
Oh well. At least God loves me.
I hope.
He does want me to be a nun after all.