Bellevue
"We want intimate. Stylish, yet intimate – that's going to be the theme for our wedding. We'd like to get married within the year and we want only our families and closest friends with us," Mia, My sister announces, when our parents ask her and her fiancé, Ethan Kavanagh, if they've decided on anything for their wedding. I don't know which one is worst, listening to my sister replay how her fiancé proposed to her during their romantic weekend getaway in Napa weeks ago every chance she gets, or the never ending discussion about possible wedding themes and shit with my mother, or my mother discussing the details of the many parties they'll throw to celebrate the upcoming nuptials. The first of the many parties is the happy couples' engagement party that my parents and the Kavanaghs are throwing in a week at the Kavanagh estate in Redmond, WA, since it's been decided that sunset at Bellevue will be the perfect place for the actual nuptials.
"Do we have the rough number of attendees?" my mother queries. Knowing my sister, two hundred fifty is considered intimate.
"For the wedding? We don't know yet. But since we both don't have a lot of friends and we do have a budget, I say, less than a hundred and definitely no more than a hundred and fifty for the wedding and no more than fifty for the engagement dinner, right Hun?" Mia says, turning to her fiancé for confirmation.
"Uhm… yes, that's the plan," Ethan says, softly.
"Now, like want we already discussed, you two don't need to worry about the engagement party. The parents will take care of it for you," my mom tells them, fondly. As the only princess and the youngest of the Grey siblings, Mia is showered with anything a girl could ever hope for and more. She did everything girly. As a child, she did ballet and went through the whole the princess shit. In high school, she joggled her schedule between cello lessons, cheer-leading, boys, shopping, and fashion. Our parents even put her on all that 'debutante' shit. Now, after graduating cookery in Paris and opening her restaurant and event planning business, Mia, is still all about fashion, but this time, she also settled into the food and events business, travelling and off course, her now fiancé. The only man who lasted, not to mention understood, my sisters' overbearingly energetic spirit. Ethan Kavanagh, who's been silent throughout dinner and is currently alternating between quietly listening, pondering while toying with his food, and eyeing me intently for unknown reasons, deserves a fucking award for putting up and taming my sister for two years and for his bravery to spend his life taming the wild beast that is my little sister.
"Yes, we know and we are very grateful," Mia says sweetly.
"So, tell me, who did you invite so far? I need the official headcount for next week," My mother asks.
"Just a few of my friends, except for Lily. She told me she'll be in Ireland for a month or so. Jada, Mariah, Claire and three of my colleagues, all confirmed attendance for the engagement party," Mia answers swiftly, then ever so slightly, she nudges her fiancé to answer. I didn't want to hear any of it, it doesn't interest me. This is the part where I wish I am in my playroom, beating the shit out of a submissive, rather than listening to this shit, but I know better than to not attend or walk away from dinner. I hate disappointing my mother. Christ, that reminds me, I need a new submissive. The last one who Elena recommended was a complete shit. Mica, didn't fucking last. Apparently, I was too 'harsh' to her and that her previous dominant wanted her back, so she voided the contract, packed her bags and took the first flight to Boston. Christ! Why fucking sign up to this shit if you think canning is too 'harsh?'
"Same here. Closest friends, my best man and his girlfriend, a few close friends from graduate school, oh, and maybe a very close friend of mine and my sister," Ethan finishes, a little uncomfortably, while my brother, Elliot, who is studiously ignoring the wedding conversation, as he is too busy scarfing down the crème Brule, looks up upon hearing Ethan's the last word.
Elliot and Katherine Kavanagh, had a very tumultuous relationship. They were together for a long time. Well, by Elliot's standards, a while, you get the picture. Elliot considered Katherine to be the only woman he'll ever consider settling down with, until of course, they started fighting and then Elliot made a colossal mistake he calls the ultimate fuck-up, by having a drunken sleepover with Gia Matteo at his apartment, and Katherine caught him the next day, red handed. Safe to say that things ended with a bang and Elliot almost lost his balls after that. That was years ago, yet even to this day, I can tell that Elliot isn't over how things ended between them.
"Elliot, Kate is Ethan's sister, of course shell be there," Mia tells him.
"Hey! Of course, Kate and I are civil. Sure, things ended pretty badly but, you know, it's been a while. We both moved on," Elliot prattles. To say that Elliot was sorry he spent a drunken night with a predator was a bit of an understatement. He begged and begged Katherine to forgive him, to take him back, but nothing worked.
"Good," Mia says in ill-disguised skepticism, but let's the issue go for another as she turns her attention back to Ethan and ask, "Hun, I don't think you ever mentioned this friend of yours and Kate?"
"Well, she hasn't confirmed the invitation."
"Oh, okay. Well, who is it then?"
"It's Ana. Ana Steele, who else? She's visiting from New York for a couple of weeks. She err… arrived last night," Ethan finally says, a little uncomfortably, as he looks at me, as to say that he isn't comfortable with the idea of telling this bit of information about her. The only woman I ever publicly dated. The only submissive I ever given more, partially, until off course, I fucked it all up. My Anastasia. The one who got away or went away, or whatever. And I let her.
"Ana? She's in town? Oh my god! Why didn't you tell me? It's been a while, how is she?" Mia exclaims exuberantly, in an array of questions and exclamations. All I can think about is that, she's back. Ana, my Anastasia is back.
Ethan's smile doesn't reach his eyes when responds to each of the questions, "Kate didn't tell me when th– err, I mean, she was gonna arrive, until she and Kate arrived last night. I think she went to visit her dad in Montesano first, then Kate picked her up. She looks… well, happy with a little bit of that New Yorker thing, I think."
All I could think about is that she's back. And she's in town.
"If she's still here next week, then you have to tell her to join us for next week," I hear my sister say, almost beg. Mia has always been fond of Anastasia. Actually, everyone in the family is fond of Anastasia. They love her simplicity, her kind heart and how she 'makes me really happy,' which was true. She really did made me happy. She has always been a breath of fresh air with her wit, that smart mouth and her innocence, she never failed to amaze me. Until the day she decided to that she wanted more of what's already been a more and when she couldn't get her more, she left.
I had the best of both worlds the moment Ana agreed to be mine, at least, by contract. She agreed to be my submissive on the condition that she gets her more. By more meaning, I will try to give her the relationship she wanted, of which I wholeheartedly agreed to. So we signed a contract where she is to become my submissive and part time girlfriend. To the eyes of my family and those around us, she is my girlfriend and I get to fulfill the duties of a boyfriend. But between the two of us and once back to my penthouse, my girlfriend, must in turn, perform the duties of a submissive. My submissive. At least inside my playroom.
The arrangement made me more than happy, ecstatic even, until she starts acting really, odd. All of a sudden, she starts bringing the idea of removing the contractual side of the agreement and replacing it with a purely more type of relationship. I mean, I've given her more. She is my more in the eyes of everyone who could see us, not just in the eyes my family, her parents and her friends. She was my more. I completed my part of the deal, truthfully and with the best of my abilities. But suddenly, she fucking wants more. More. How can you add more when you've already given more? Oh yes! Of course, she wants a full-time vanilla relationship, without all the fucking fillings. Without the kinky shit. But I couldn't. And it's not just the kinky shit. I just couldn't, period. I'm too fucked up for that hearts and flowers kind of relationship. Christ! The mere thought of someone touching me makes me shudder, let alone doing it in real time. Like on a twenty-four-seven basis.
The shocking part is that she was willing to walk away, like the others, when they've given up hope for the chance of getting their more. How can one utter the words, I love you, then walk away and say goodbye at the same time? How can one say I love you and then leave you, all on one go? What kind of love it that? She just gave up, walked away and I fucking let her. That woman is so infuriating! No one has ever got into my nerves as much as she did. But for some reason, I can't stay mad at her. In fact, I still think of her. No, I never kept tabs on her (even though I badly want to) because I gave her my word, but still, sometimes I wonder… Yes, I am way too fond of her. She set a very tall bar to the next submissive and no one, I mean no one, has ever fared against her. I'll even go as far as to say that nothing was ever the same after her. She's a breath of fresh air. I miss her. I miss her wit and her smart mouth. I miss what we had.
We were perfect, but she threw it all away just because she wanted her more, and I was not willing to be the person she wanted me to be. The sad part is that I let her leave, when clearly she didn't like the idea of leaving any more than I did. Her eyes are telling me to convince her to stay even though her words are telling me otherwise. How I didn't ask her to stay or convince her to give me time is beyond me. But the past is the past, I can't dwell on the fucking scenarios and what-if's or it'll drive me crazy. All I know is that, right now, she is back in town.
"Christian, you don't mind if Ana attends the party next week, do you?" again I hear a voice say. I look up to find everyone, both my parents, brother, sister and her fiancé look at me expectantly. Of course they'll ask me if it's okay to invite my only known ex-girlfriend, the only girl I dated and the only girl I was willing to give more, provided she be a part-time submissive, to a party that is not mine to begin with. To everyone's knowledge and assumption, I fucked up and she left me. I didn't bother correcting them because technically it is true. Being the fucked-up bastard that I am, I, as usual fucked up by not giving her what she really wanted, a normal relationship. The hearts and flowers kind of shit. So she went. Took the hills and left. Left me.
"Why are you asking me? It's not my party," I reply, vaguely aware that I sound like a bored-as-hell and sullen teenager.
"Because she's your ex-girlfriend and no one wants an awkward party?" Mia replies, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, while Elliot simply laughs. Christ!
"Look, I don't mid. It was a mutual decision to end things between us. We promised to be… civil and friendly. In fact, it'll be nice to see Ana, it's been a while. So to answer your question, I'm all for you inviting her," I say, coolly. Acutely aware that my family isn't sure whether or not to buy my bullshit. Of course it'll be awkward running into your ex, especially when she was the one who left. But I miss her and I'm… curious.
"Good to know. Now all my fiancé has to do is get her confirmation," Mia says, delighted by my response, winking at Ethan, who simply smiles.
"So how is Ana? Tell us about her?" my mother asks Ethan.
"She's good. We haven't really catch-up coz Kate says I have to wait for my turn so… you know," Ethan responds with a chuckle. His eyes go towards my direction for infinitesimally, again, with some unknown emotion that I can't put a finger on. Then he adds, "But I do know that she's happily working as an editor for a lifestyle company in New York."
"I gotta ask, is she dating someone? I'm sure Christian here, is dying to find out," Elliot suddenly asks, mirth in his eyes.
For a second, I stop breathing. Though I would die first before admitting it, it's true. I am curious as to whether Ana really is with someone. Has she moved on? More importantly, has she found her more? Is she happy? Does that fucker, whoever he is, make her happy? The thought of someone touching her, touching what's mine – was mine, even though I know what I shouldn't and couldn't care anymore, and that I voided the right to call her mine ages ago, still, for some reason, fucking infuriates me. And if it's really true, if Ana really did move on and has found her more with some fucker in New York. The mere thought is somehow, unsettling.