CHAPTER #17

As Nate drove, Eric said, "you had a great idea picking up all this fabric and Jenny's sewing machine. If anything will cheer her up, it's this stuff."

"I hope so. I'm glad she had you there for her too," Nate said as they waited for the light to change to green.

He felt so bad about how selfish he'd been. No one deserved the exile and drama Jenny had gone through lately. Nate only had himself to blame. He had encouraged Jenny's feelings for him and accepted her support. He didn't like when she schemed/manipulated and lied to people. That's what he had disliked in Blair, Vanessa and Serena.

"I know about her cutting," Eric said suddenly.

Nate looked at him in surprise, "how did you know that?"

"I saw the marks on her wrists. Remember I was in a psych ward for my suicide attempt a few years ago. I've seen it all." Eric said.

Nate asked, "you're worried like I am that she's going to start doing that again, right?"

"Yup. She'll go back to it like an emotional crutch. Jenny uses it to control something. The pain from cutting is all hers, she owns it. She can stop it and start it. I'm sure she's struggling with her inner demons. She doesn't have a shrink in Brooklyn, so no one she trusts to tell how she feels."

"Why wouldn't she tell you?" Nate asked, slowing down to make a turn.

Eric smiled sadly, "we haven't been very close lately either. And I did get Dan involved over the whole Chuck thing. Her trust in me is slowly rebuilding, but not quite there yet."

They looked at each other, both thinking the same thing and both hoping that one of them could get Jenny to open up. Jenny needed to tell someone how she felt or it would eat at her from the inside out. It would mentally destroy her a little piece at a time. They needed to get to her and help her soon. As fast as Nate was driving, the trip was still going to be over four hours long. The reason they didn't take the helicopter was because they didn't' want to alarm Rufus or any parental units, unless it was necessary. It was Friday night and they'd probably arrive early Saturday morning. Nate and Eric talked about a lot of things. But Serena was not a topic that Nate was ready to discuss with anyone.

"Want to stop and get something to eat or just do a drive thru and keep going?" Nate asked as his stomach grumbled with a dull roar.

Eric laughed, "drive thru sounds good and looks like we need gas too."

After stopping for gas and getting food, they were their way again. Eric navigated and kept an eye out for cops. He suggested Nate invest in a radar detector. Nate laughed and said his Grandfather had connections if he really got a bad ticket.

"Yah and I'm sure Chuck has someone too…. Do you hate Chuck for sleeping with Jenny? I know you and Jenny were close once."

"I did at first, mostly because he took advantage of her vulnerability. But she wasn't completely innocent either. It happens, so I don't blame either of them. But their timing couldn't have been worse. And I'm sure Chuck was pleased with himself for getting Jenny."

Eric asked, "why do you say that?"

Nate answered, "when Jenny first came to town, Chuck tried to seduce her. She turned him down. Then Dan had to pull Chuck off Jenny when he tried to force her to want him. That was back in Chuck's more evil days."

Eric nodded with understanding, "oh pre-Blair."

"Blair definitely brought out the best in Chuck."

CHAPTER #18

Eric and Nate arrived in Brooklyn at 10:15 am. At 10:30 am they were parked out front of Jenny's mom's house.

"Ok let's get on with this," Eric said. He walked to the front door and rang the bell. Jenny's mom came to the door.

"Hello Eric!"

"Hi Allison, this is Jenny and my friend Nate. He drove us here. We brought her sewing machine and some fabric to cheer her up."

"Eric good to see you. It's such a long drive, come in and join us for breakfast. Jenny's in the shower. You can put the stuff in the den."

Eric led the way. They put down the things for Jenny and took a seat at the kitchen table. Jenny's mom mentioned how sad Jenny was and that it might be nice if they took her to the park or a movie. She was going to give Nate money to do so, but he declined and said he would cover it. Jenny's mom looked relieved. They ate breakfast and still Jenny had not appeared.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's taking her so long."

"It's okay we can go up and surprise her," Eric said.

"Alex and I have to go grocery shopping. Jenny has a key to lock up if you leave."

They thanked Jenny's mom, then excused themselves. Both Nate and Eric went upstairs. They knocked on the door and waited.

"Mom I'm not hungry!" Jenny called out.

Eric and Nate looked at each other and both knocked. They heard Jenny's annoyed sigh and grinned. She flung open the door and stood there completely shocked. Eric moved forward to hug her and she jumped back before he could touch her. Nate frowned.

"Hi Jenny, we missed you and are here to kidnap you!" Eric joked not missing a beat.

Nate followed Eric's lead and walked into her room casually. "We came with gifts; sewing machine and fabric."

Jenny's face lighted up just a little. "Thank's guys!" Then it closed again. "What are you doing here?"

Eric answered, "just visiting. It's boring without you around."

Jenny snorted in disbelief, "I'll bet it is."

Nate observed how Jenny made sure that she always faced them. She moved to make sure neither he nor Eric touched her. These were not good signs. "How about you show us around Brooklyn."

"There's not much to see," Jenny said.

"We'll the judge of that," Nate encouraged.

Jenny could see they weren't taking no for an answer. "Okay we'll go to the park, we can walk there."

Jenny was wearing shorts and a tank top. Eric nodded at Nate, no new cut marks. That was a relief. And at least she was talking to them. Nate checked the trunk of his car and found a frisbee. Jenny rolled her eyes and Eric said he though it would've been a football. They went to the park and tossed the frisbee a while. Then Nate sent Eric to get some ice cream cups, to give him time alone with Jenny.

With their backs against the same tree, they waited for Eric to get back. They both took off their sandals. Jenny crossed her legs. She shifted her feet and that's when he saw the cut marks. Jenny was cutting, but where she thought no one would see it. The bottom of her feet showed fresh marks. He didn't want her to shut down on him, so he acted like he hadn't seen anything.

"Jenny I read the letter you sent Chuck. I wanted to tell you this because I always tell you I hate lies and didn't want to be a hypocrite."

Jenny's voice was dead of emotion, "I'm not pregnant anymore."

Nate turned to face her, waiting for her to say the final words. He didn't wait long.

"I aborted it. I'm a murderer. Still want to be my friend?"

He heard the self hate in her voice. He was not there to judge her and said so. "You did what was best for everyone. You aren't ready for a child, Chuck is missing in action and Lilly would freak that she'd be a grandmother." He though Jenny would smile, she just blinked at him. "Do you want to come back to the Upper East Side?"

"No, not now… not yet. Anyway, Blair exiled me and threatened me if I come back. I'm no match for her."

"She's in Paris for the summer. Give her time, she'll let you back and you have me in your corner."

Eric came back and they ate the ice cream cups. He suggested he and Nate get a hotel room and stay the night. He said he'd already called home to let his mom know where he was and with whom. So after the park Jenny recommended a hotel and they checked in. Then they went to the movies. After that the three of them went to diner. Jenny's mom called and told her she didn't have a curfew since her friend and step brother were visiting. She asked to speak to Nate and told him she expected him and Eric to have fun and protect Jenny. He confirmed he would and they hung up.

When Eric went to the washroom Nate finally said, "I saw your feet Jenny."

Jenny couldn't look at him, she looked at her food. "It makes the pain inside my head go away. I don't have to think about it. No one has to see the darkness around my soul. Sometimes it just bleeds out of me."

Nate admired her courage to tell him and admitted something too, "it's like falling uphill. You'll do anything except face the pain or your personal demons."

Jenny looked into his eyes and saw he wasn't faking. "I'm numb and it's all I feel anymore. I took a life just because I was selfish and had a moment of stupidity I couldn't face. I'm a coward Nate."

"You're also human. You trusted me once to lean on . I'm sorry I was a jerk and dumped your friendship. I'm here now if you will let me. I can catch you when you're falling. If you'll forgive me."

Jenny laughed without humour, "I can't even forgive myself. I feel dirty and ashamed."

"When you feel like you're drowning in quicksand, reach out and take my hand. We may be in different cities but I'm just a phone call, a text message or an email away. When you really need me I promise that I will come. I'll use the helicopter even."

Nate reach out his hand. Jenny didn't take it, but she touched his finger tips. That gave Nate hope. They needed to sit down and talk.

Eric came back and as they all shared desert he said something that Nate felt was very profound. "None of us should ever be alone; not in our head or our hearts. That's a quote I heard once and it helped me get through a lot of bullshit."

Jenny smiled at the two of them and this time it reached her eyes. "Your hotel has a jacuzzi right? Let's go relax there."

"I'm glad we both packed overnight bags." Nate said to Eric. Then to Jenny, "do you want to stop and pick up a change of cloths or bathing suite?"

"Ya and I should check in one last time with mom before we go."

CHAPTER #19

Jenny's mom could see that Eric and Nate were improving her daughter's mood. She allowed Jenny to decide when to come home. Nate drove them to the hotel. Once there everyone changed and then got into the jacuzzi. The hot water jets felt great on their backs.

"Wow I needed this," Eric sighed, "I didn't know driving for so many hours could make your muscles so sore!"

"Yah my shoulders are so tight," Nate said rotating his arm.

"If these jets don't turn me into jello I will give your shoulders a massage," Jenny said.

Eric mentioned, "I bet when you are stressed it affects your shoulders, that's where I carry it too."

Nate nodded and gave his pouty look to Jenny. "Please don't turn into Jello."

Jenny and Eric both laughed and started a water fight. Nate went to dunk Jenny under and she got out of the jacuzzi all laughter gone. Nate right away backed off, seeing the look of fear in her face was from being touched not dunked. Under the water Eric nudged Nate, that he saw it too.

She recovered saying, "I think I'm going to change… and no I'm not jello."

After she left, Eric looked at Nate. "I know her letter to Chuck says the sex was mutual consent, but she reacts like she was forced. Some girls at the psych ward acted just like Jenny is."

Nate agreed, "I was beginning to wonder that myself. When she went to him, she wasn't emotionally stable. He might have forced her, but made her feel like she wanted it."

"She seems to be more relaxed around you, I'll go out for a bit, pick up some snacks. Try and get her to talk to you more," Eric coached.

Eric left, Nate drained the hot tub and changed. When he was alone he found Jenny sitting on a sofa.

"Eric went out to get munchies," Jenny said.

"Can I convince you to give me a back rub then?" Nate asked hopefully. He watched her hesitate and then nod ok. "Do you want me lying down or sitting up?"

A bit of the old Jenny popped through and she grinned at how it sounded. Nate rolled his eyes realizing how his words came across. She let him off the hook. "Lying down is fine. I'll use my hand cream if you want to take off your shirt."

"Wow that's cold!"

"Sorry," Jenny giggled.

"It's okay, this feels so good. We drove straight through stopping once for gas and food."

For ten minutes they didn't talk. Then Nate rolled over. Jenny froze. She looked at him, all her emotions jumping through her eyes. He saw she still desired him, but everything that had happened disturbed it. "Jenny did Chuck hurt you?"

"I … it was… he. It wasn't like when I was with you." Jenny blurted getting off and sitting beside him.

"Okay. I wont push you." Nate said. "You know I wont hurt you or force you to do anything you don't want, right?"

With the softest voice, full of emotion Jenny said, "yes."

Nate sat up and taking a chance hugged Jenny. For a minute she was very tense. Then she put her arms around him and let it all out. She cried her heart out. Deep hard sobs, that shook them both. He saw Eric come in and gave him a nod. Eric joined the hug briefly.

"You're going to be okay Jenny, we're here for you," Eric said and then left them alone.

Jenny eventually stopped crying. "I'm sorry. All I seem to do lately is cry."

Nate cupped her chin, "that's normal for what you've been through."

"Would you just lie beside me and hold me?"

Nate was glad she was talking and letting it all out. She was letting people touch her again and that was a big step. She lay down on his bed on her side and he beside her. They talked a little and then she slept.

"I'm sorry, so sorry!" Jenny cried out.

She was having another nightmare. Nate held her and woke her up. "Jenny it's okay, it was just a dream."

"No Nate, it was real."

Nate stroked her hair and put his arm around Jenny. Eventually she went to sleep again, but it was fitful. Around 1:30 am she woke up. They talked like they use to; open and honest. Nate made her promise on their friendship to stop cutting herself. He told her to call him any time to talk. She wanted to go home, so he drove her back.

"Let's go to breakfast in the morning, deal?"

"Okay Nate… and thank you."

Nate hugged her and made sure she got in her house, before he left to go back to the hotel.

Later that morning at breakfast Jenny told Eric and Nate that she was staying in Brooklyn to emotionally heal. She needed to take a break from it all and everyone. They promised to visit frequently throughout the summer. Jenny smiled and it stayed when they took her home. Eric hugged her and gave her a card. Nate hugged her and went to give her a kiss, which Jenny made sure landed on her cheek. Nate said he'd call her when they got back to the Upper East Side. She thanked them for visiting.

"Let us know if there's a weekend this summer that you want to come home for a visit, okay?" Eric said through the open car window.

Jenny waived good-bye as they drove away. She felt a little lighter and a bit more normal again. Even her mom noticed that her mood was better and on the upswing. Jenny looked over her summer school courses. Just like school, she had to work to get back on track.

CHAPTER #20

There were days that Jenny felt like she was in quicksand up to her neck. As promised, instead of cutting she contacted Nate and Eric. First she would send them a text and then whomever responded is who she would call and talk to. The more she leaned on Eric, the better their friendship became. Sometimes he would just call to update her on stuff happening in the Upper East Side. Nate usually was the one who responded to the late night texts. If Jenny couldn't sleep or had a nightmare, he would call her and they'd talk. Jenny even surprised herself, wishing she could have some sessions with her shrink. One conversation with her Dad and he said that when she returned after summer, he would arrange it. Jenny wasn't sure when she'd be ready to come back; to face Blair, Serena and Chuck. Maybe in the fall she would do one more semester in Brooklyn.

Eric got Van Warp Tour tickets for Uniondale, NY. Nate couldn't go. Eric took the helicopter to Brooklyn. Then the limo company arranged to drive Jenny and Eric to and from the concert.

"I feel like a rock star. I forgot about how awesome it is to ride in a limo. And I can't believe you got us back stage passes!" Jenny said enthusiastically.

Eric grinned, "Mom came through for us alright. It's her way of saying she misses you too."

"I will email her a card with the concert pics in it," Jenny promised.

Once they arrived and got their wrist bands, both of them headed for the merchandise booths. There were t-shirts, hats, bandanas, stickers and much more. Everything they bought was put into Jenny's backpack. The crowds of people at each of the stages were insane. Eric and Jenny made new friends and got phone numbers from various people. Backstage got them autographs on T-shirts and free merchandise too. There were many bands and genera of music to see; punk, pop rock, grunge and hard core metal. Jenny crowd surfed during the Anarbor show and NoFx. She left Eric to go into the mosh pit for The Pretty Reckless. Eric was glad to see she was no longer afraid to let people touch her. They both lost their voices cheering for their favourite bands. Dehydration happened fast and nothing quenched their thirst like a bottle of cold water.

Jenny said to Eric as they doused each other with water, "the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless, has cool fashion style."

Eric said, "I think her name is Tyler Momsen."

At the end of the night, once the concert had stopped, the limo picked them up. Two minutes sitting on the soft seats and they both fell asleep. When they arrived at Jenny's mom's house, Eric declined staying the night. Since Jenny had no voice left, she hugged him good-bye. Eric left, as the helicopter was waiting to take him home.

Jenny sent him a quick text before she went to bed, 'thanks so much Eric, that was one of the best days of my life!'

Eric replied, 'yah I had a blast. So tired tho, need sleep… all day tomorrow. G'night!'

CHAPTER# 21

Summer in Brooklyn was boring. Jenny was taking classes in school to fast track. She wanted to finish high-school and get into a business college course. The less time she had to spend in hell, the better. Especially a hell controlled by Blair and her Queen B prodigy. Working for Eleanor Waldorf was now no longer an option, she knew that.

Jenny called Eric. "Hi Eric…"I'm okay. Just wondering if you could check something for me?"

"Sure, what's up?" Eric asked.

"Well if I do come back in September for school, I want to work with another fashion designer. Do you think Tinsley Mortimer will still give me an apprenticeship?"

Eric said, "I'll ask around. So you will come back in the fall?"

Jenny sighed. "I do miss you guys. I'm definitely thinking about it. But it also depends on Blair."

"Let Nate and I work on that for you. We want you to come back Jenny. Mom, Rufus, Dan, Nate and I."

"Jenny smiled at her phone, "Thanks Eric, that's comforting."

"Have you talked to Nate lately?" Eric asked.

"No, why?" She asked.

"Oh… well I don't want to spoil the surprise. I'll get Nate to call you," Eric said mysteriously.

"What? That's not fair! You can't say that and leave me hanging!" Jenny whined.

Eric laughed, "Yes I can! Bye!"

Jenny stared at her phone in disbelief. He'd just hung up on her. She was about to call him back, when her phone rang, it was Nate.

"Hi Nate.. Eric said you have a surprise for me. Please tell me what it is." Jenny begged.

Nate chuckled. "Hi back at you. I have three tickets to Metric, who are playing in Brooklyn. So Eric, you and I can go check it out."

Jenny jumped up and down. "Oh my god! That's wicked!"

"And I already cleared it with your mom, that you can stay the night at our hotel. The hotel by the way, is within walking distance of the show." Nate smiled as he heard Jenny's happiness transmit through the phone.

"How much do I owe you for my ticket?" Jenny asked.

"It's all on me. Some investments I made with my Grandfather's help, paid off big."

Jenny said, "Oh Nate, shouldn't you save it and re-invest?"

Nate appreciated her concern, "Jenny don't worry, most of it has been put away for a rainy day. I wont be as stupid or greedy as my father was. But I do have a nice chunk to spend on things that make me happy. But thanks for saying that."

"Well thank you!" She replied.

"Hanging out with you guys at a concert like that, will be so much fun. Especially since I missed Van Warp Tour…. You make me happy, when you're happy Jenny." Nate said honestly.

There was silence for a minute and Nate wondered if he'd said the wrong thing. Then Jenny said, "I've been okay lately; happier. I haven't forgiven myself yet, but I've accepted everything…" She paused and Nate waited. "And you make me happy too Nate. You always have. I'm glad we're getting our friendship back on track."

Nate let go of the breath he was holding. She sounded more like her old self, for that he was grateful. "How about you and Eric? He said Warp Tour with you was lots of fun. He showed me the picture of you crowd surfing, I couldn't believe it." Nate said re-directing the conversation.

"He's been there for me when I needed him the most. I'm glad he's my brother. I apologized to Eric for all the rotten things I've said and done to him this year. Going together with him and you will be awesome."

"Cool. We are coming by helicopter and then the limo, courtesy of Bass Industries. It's one of the great things of being Chuck's roommate and best friend."

Jenny had to ask, "Have you heard from Chuck yet, Nate?"

Nate kicked himself for mentioning Chuck. "No sorry, no one has. Lilly is handling business while he is away. After all the shit that went down with Chuck's uncle and previous lawyer, Lilly is the only person Chuck trusts with his assets when he is gone."

"Will you text me when he checks in? He deserves to know what happened." Jenny said.

"Sure. Anyway about Metric, we couldn't get backstage passes, but the seats are great."

Jenny and Nate talked about the concert, but her mind was on Chuck. How would he react or punish her when he got back? Could he forgive her and move on? Would they become enemies or friends again? Finally Jenny said goodbye to Nate. Nate would text her when the helicopter landed, so she could be ready for the limo. Even after Nate hung up, Jenny thought about what he'd said about Chuck. She hoped she heard from him soon, to get it all over with.