Kieren is surprised to find the old parish church full when Simon and he arrive at St. Jude's for Vicar Sinclair's Sunday service. The interior is quite different from how he remembers it; everything seems newer somehow. The last time he was there was for Henry Lonsdale's funeral five years before and he thinks back to Jem reading out a poem during the service.
Scrap that. That is not strictly true.
The very last time he was there, in actual fact, he was in no position to observe the décor – he was in his coffin for his own funeral service.
The new vicar had done a lot for the church in the few months he had been in Roarton. Vicar Oddie had held his services after The Rising at a barn converted into a makeshift church as the original parish building and surrounding cemetery had been cordoned of by the police - the entrance gates locked shut with signs marked, 'DANGER - QUARANTINED AREA - DO NOT ENTER'.
The boarded up broken stain glass windows - depicting Christ on the cross, the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and John the disciple whom Jesus loved looking on, and four Roman soldiers casting lots for His garments below - had been uncovered and repaired, now casting light in every colour on the solid stone floor from the morning rays. The large crucifix erected proudly behind the altar, had been repainted, and even the old church organ he noticed was clean and restored.
"Kieren, Simon, over here," Sue waves.
She is sitting next to Steve in one of the front pews. Shirley and Philip Wilson are sat in the row in front of them and Pearl Pinder, Duncan and Patty Lancaster are in the rows opposite. Now he looks around, he sees that most of the village are in attendance - those who are living anyway. Even Dean Holton nods a "morning" as Kieren and Simon make their way to join his parents.
"Weren't expecting you here," Sue says as they both sit down. Steve glances at Kieren and then Simon, but quickly looks away remaining silent.
"Simon wanted to come," Kieren tells her in hushed tones appropriate for their surroundings.
"Didn't know yer were religious, Simon?" Sue presses, making casual conversation.
"Depends," Simon replies. Sue raises her eyebrows - that was not exactly a proper answer, so he continues to explain, "On what they're selling and what the rule book says, I s'pose."
"Yeah, everlasting life is so five years ago for us," Kieren quips.
Steve moves as if to make a comment, but keeps his mouth shut and continues to look straight ahead.
Kieren cannot help but notice that he is acting oddly.
"Yer alright, dad?"
Steve nods and then looks at Simon. "Thought yer being a Catholic and all, they had some pretty strict rules about certain stuff?"
Simon smiles a lopsides grin. "That's about right. Basically if ye enjoy something and it's pleasurable, it's pretty much guaranteed to be a sin."
"Well, folk shouldn't always act upon their impulses, otherwise we'd be no better than animals," Steve replies, returning his gaze ahead of him again.
Keiren shoots his mother a look as if to ask 'what's going on?' but Sue only shrugs and turns her attention to the front as the organ begins to sound and everyone rises from their seats.
Picking up the well-thumbed red cloth covered standard hymn book in front of him, Kieren turns to the number listed on the old oak hymn board at the front of the church. He sees that the first hymn is 'Jerusalem (And did those feet in ancient time)'. It is based on the poem by William Blake, which he knows well having studied Milton for English Literature at school. He had even written an essay on it - how the poem was inspired by the apocryphal story of Jesus during His unknown years, where it is said He travelled to England and links back to the 'Book of Revelation', which described a Second Coming wherein Jesus establishes a new Jerusalem.
The first line starts and everyone begins to sing feebly.
"And did those feet in ancient time,
Walk upon England's mountain green?
And was the holy Lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen?"
Except for Simon, who as it turns out has quite a good singing voice. Kieren cannot help but raise an eyebrow and give him a broad grin at the sound. Simon simply frowns back and carries on singing next to Kieren's mumbles.
"And did the countenance divine,
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among those dark satanic mills?"
As far as hymns go, it was a nice enough Kieren supposes, but a complete fantasy, of course. The new vicar is singing at the top of his lungs though, trying to inject a little enthusiasm into his congregation.
Once the hymn ends, everyone sits and Vicar Sinclair bids them all a warm welcome, followed by a short prayer. Simon bows his head in a well practiced manner and Kieren's thoughts begin to wander, wondering how Jem is feeling after the night before and whether or not Matt has remained in his old room or has snuck into hers while the house is empty.
His attention is only roused when Philip gets up and stands in front of the eagle-shaped golden lectern in front of the pews, opening the large bible at a pre-marked page.
"Corinthians, Chapter 15, verses 35 to 44," Philip begins, pausing briefly to clear his throat, before continuing.
"But someone will ask, "How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?"
"How foolish!
"What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body. Not all flesh is the same: People have one kind of flesh, animals have another, birds another and fish another.
"There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendour of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendour of the earthly bodies is another. The sun has one kind of splendour, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendour.
"So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.
"And so endeth the lesson. Thanks be to God," Philip finishes.
The congregation are silent.
The only noise that can be heard is the creaking of the old wooden pews as people shift uncomfortably in their seats.
Philip moves to rejoin Shirley in the front row. She pats his hand gently in support as he sits down next to her.
"Well done, Philip," she whispers, "I'm proud of yer."
Kieren wonders idly who chose the passage? It would not be a surprising choice coming from Philip, but he has the strange feeling that Vicar Sinclair had picked it specifically - especially after inviting Simon and himself to church in the hope they may decide to attend this very service.
It is time for the sermon of the day and the new vicar looks eager to get started.
"Thank you, Philip," Vicar Sinclair says, taking centre stage in front of the church alter to address his parishioners.
"The Resurrection," he states in a clear, strong voice that echoes amongst the rafters. He pauses for a moment, long enough for the words to hang in the air a little longer. Obviously, this vicar has quite a taste for the theatrical.
"With Easter approaching it is not only the most important date of the Christian calendar; it is the most important event in the Christian faith.
"But why is it so important to us? When there are so many miracles that could have become the cornerstone of our faith, why The Resurrection in particular?
"Tell me, any of you? How did twelve men - twelve peasant fishermen and tax collectors, farmers even - how on earth did they multiply? Growing from the sum of twelve followers of Jesus to one out of every three people on the planet identifying as Christian?
"The answer? I'll tell you. It's very simple.
"The Resurrection!
"No other event in history has impacted the world as much as The Resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Resurrection changed everything.
"What year is it? 2014. That's 2014 'A.D'. It even determines our calendar. Anno Domini - After Death.
"And what is the reason behind why Christianity spread as it did? Why? Because it's really good news! It's not bad news. It's really good news. In actual fact, it's great news! It's not something to be feared or shunned, it's something to be rejoiced and revered.
"Can you imagine the thoughts than ran through the disciples' minds when they first discovered the stone had been rolled away from Jesus' tomb? That Jesus' body had been raised and he was once again walking amongst the living? They did not run in fear, they fell to their knees and praised God for such a gift!
"Do you know where the word 'gospel' comes from? When people talk about sharing the gospel? It comes from the old English word that means 'good news.'
"Christianity, the message of Jesus, the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus, is good news when you understand it.
"It's good, it's not evil, and blessed are those amongst men who this is revealed to.
"Jesus defeated death so we don't have to fear it. He loves us all unconditionally; we all have God's spirit inside us as He has a greater purpose for all our lives."
Kieren looks to Simon who is listening intently, and then looked around at his neighbour's faces. Some wear expressions of shock, some of anger and even fear, but others he notices are nodding in agreement, absorbing the vicar's positive words of hope and understanding like sponges.
He turns his attention back to the front of the church as Vicar Sinclair continues on with his animated sermon.
"But you don't have to take my word for it, let me give Jesus an opportunity to speak. For he once said to his disciples - and I believe if He were standing here now, instead of me before you - He would say to all of you today,
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.
"So what are we all doing here if we do not trust in what he teaches us? What are we doing with our lives, our beliefs, in the way we think and behave, dare to call ourselves Christian in His name, if we do not follow in his teachings?
"Truly believe and be faithful to God, for he will bestow his gifts on the worthy.
"And so, as it is written in Corinthians:
"For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
Kieren feels a strong and unaccustomed desire to clap as Vicar Sinclair speaks his last lines. It was not the done thing of course at church, but he could not remember hearing anyone speak so passionately, or with such conviction, on such a subject before – not from a positive point of view anyway.
As the vicar says, "Let us pray," he is shocked to find himself bowing his head in sincerity.
"God our Father," Vicar Sinclair begins, "Whose power brings us to birth; whose providence guides our lives; and only by Your command we return to dust.
"Lord, those who die still live in Your presence, their lives change but do not end.
"We pray in hope for our family, relatives and friends, and for all the dead known to You alone. And for those, who like Christ, once died and yet now live, may they rejoice in Your kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.
"Unite us together again in one family, to sing Your praise forever and ever. Amen."
After a spritely hymn rendition of 'I Vow to Thee, My Country', they next shared in the Holy Communion, which of course being PDS neither Simon or Kieren can participate in - although consuming one small white wafer and a sip of red wine was unlikely to make them sick – but Vicar Sinclair still lays his hands on them to give them a blessing instead.
After another couple of prayers and some local announcements, the service finally comes to an end.
Abigail Lamb begins to serve Tea, coffee and biscuits on a small table with blue faded china cups and saucers and two small urns on a table at the back of the church. Steve, Sue and Kieren make their way over to join some of the others who are staying behind, while Simon goes to speak to Vicar Sinclair.
"Well that was… different," Kieren says, still keeping his voice low amongst the mumbled chatter of the other attendees, and still a little shocked. The vicar obviously had not been kidding when he said all were welcome at his church and clearly was making a real effort to prove his point.
"He's certainly different," Shirley replies, overhearing him and coming over with Philip to join them. "Like a breath of fresh air after Vicar Oddie, God rest his soul. Shouldn't speak ill of the dead I s'pose, especially not while still at church," she laughs and pulls a face in mock regret.
Kieren sees that Philip is shifting uncomfortably on his feet as usual behind her. "Yer did a good job, Phil."
Philip raises his eyes and smiles warmly, somewhat surprised. "Thanks. Vicar Sinclair chose it."
Ah, well that answers that question.
"No Tom this morning?" Sue asks Shirley who instantly looks a little apologetic.
"Not really his thing, although he's coming over for Sunday lunch later."
"We're doing the same," Sue tells her and then to Kieren, "Are you and Simon joining us, love?"
Kieren shrugs. "Yeah, fine. Not sure about Simon though, I'll have to ask."
He looks over at Simon, who is still in a deep discussion with the vicar, a little out of the way of everyone else at the back of the pews. He cannot hear what they are talking about, but they both look very serious and Simon seems to be doing a lot of nodding in agreement with whatever Vicar Sinclair is telling him. Kieren decides not to go over and join in the conversation. He will ask Simon about lunch when they are ready to leave. Whatever they are talking about, he has a strong suspicion, he would be best off not knowing.
Jem and Matthew are coming down the stairs as Kieren arrives at his family's house later. They're giggling and messing around and he is warmed to see his sister smiling and being so happy for a change. Matthew is obviously good for her.
"Finally left yer pit then?" Steve says, coming out from the kitchen to see what all the ruckus is about. "Wanna brew? I've just put the kettle on."
"Nah, ye'right, dad. We're just on out," Jem grins back, slapping Matthew's wrist as he attempts to sneak a hand around her waist.
Steve looks unimpressed at them both. "What about lunch? Thought this was meant to be family time?"
"Thought we had that yesterday? Anyway, me and Matt are off down the pub."
Kieren raises his eyebrows, obviously they had not had their fill last night. "Hair of the dog, ay?"
"Something like that," Jem replies mysteriously.
"Jem, we could always come back for a bit later?" Matthew suggests helpfully, trying to placate Steve. Staying on the right side of his girlfriend's father seems to be a good idea.
Jem has other ideas though and is already shrugging on her jacket.
"Piss off! I'll be battered in an hour!"
Matthew looks sheepishly at Steve and then Kieren.
"Maybe another time then, ay? Don't worry, I'll take good care of her."
"Heard that one before", Steve mutters under his breath, retreating back into the kitchen without wishing them a nice time.
Kieren watches him go and says instead what his father probably should have. You only turn twenty once in your life, after all.
Except for Kieren.
He may have been born twenty four years ago this year, but he never had a twenty-first, or will know what it is like for his body to turn thirty, or forty, or seventy. A perpetual eighteen-year-old. Some people may think that a blessing, to never have to watch yourself rot with age, to have to look in the mirror one day and not recognise yourself, but Kieren does not see it that way. Growing old he realises is a privilege and you only really appreciate that fact when the possibility of doing so is closed to you. Then again, the thinking that led him to be in this state was to not exist full stop, so he supposes he should be grateful for being partially alive at all.
"Kier?" Jem asks him, rousing him from his contemplation. "Glad I got yer by yourself before we leave."
Kieren looks back puzzled. Wherever this is going, does not sound good.
"You and Si last night…" She begins, not entirely sure how to raise this subject.
This definitely sounds ominous. "Yes?"
"Well, dad saw yer. The two of you, I mean."
Kieren continues to look confused. "The two of us, what?"
To be fair, the HiGlow might have been less than conducive to memory recall and some of the previous night's events are a little bit hazy with or without a hangover the next morning. He does not remember anything out of the ordinary though. Jem was trollied, Gary was acting like a twat, so all pretty much a usual Saturday night down The Legion really.
Well, apart from those PDS strangers turning up. He had still no idea who they were. Perhaps from the camp site he and Simon had spotted on Friday?
Jem rolls her eyes at him while Matthew looks slightly awkward – which Kieren is beginning to wonder is his default state.
"What, Jem? Dad saw the two of us…"
"Kissing, Kier! He saw the two of yer kissing after Si threw Gaz out," she clarifies.
"No, we never, we…" but then he remembers.
Oh.
Shit!
Jem shrugs apologetically. "Just thought you'd want the heads up, like."
Kieren nods, feeling slightly sick as they both file past him on their way out. Taking a deep breath, he heads for the kitchen.
Simon did say he should tell his dad about them so he guesses it is for the best, all things considered, but it does not make the conversation he knows he will have to have any easier though.
The sodden grass from the heavy rainfall the night before squelches under Simon's feet as he leaves the roadside and heads for the turnstile in the fence that marks the boundary of the Lambert Farm land. He does not have far to walk as the camp site is only in the field beyond, but it is a journey he would rather not be making.
He had not told Kieren of his plans, simply stating he "had stuff to do" when asked if he was joining the Walkers for their Sunday family meal. Kieren had assumed, as he expected him to, that Simon needed a little time out after such a family intense weekend and so had not pressed the matter further. It was not that he was intentionally keeping the visit from Kieren, he just did not see any cause to worry him until he knew for certain there was something to worry about.
The fact was though; Simon had been expecting this – well, expecting something – and had been waiting for whatever it turned out to be for some months now.
It had not just been his own back he had been watching all this time, but Kieren's too. He had been wrong when he told Julian and the Undead Prophet that Kieren was The First Risen - it was really Amy Dyer all along. But despite her killing, The Second Rising had not occurred, and thus the ULA was still fixed on the idea that it must all hinge upon Kieren. It would have been embarrassing for them, to say the least, if they were forced to admit they had had the actual First Risen at their commune for the better part of a year and not even realised it. So Kieren was still potentially a target for them and their insane beliefs - which Simon now knew them to be.
As he draws closer, he can see the sheer size of the encampment. There are far more caravans and tents than he originally suspected from the brief glimpse he and Kieren had on Friday night in the dark. He can see a few people milling around, some rebuilding a fire in the middle of the site - presumably to be lit later on when the light was drawing in and the temperature dropped - but he is surprised to see a group of children, a few on bikes and another couple playing with two Staffordshire Bull Terriers.
One of the boys throws a stick for the dogs in Simon's direction and the two mutts come bounding over to him, wagging their tails and jumping up to be petted as he approaches.
"Hey pooches," Simon says, crouching down to ruffle both dog's heads. "Where's your masters?"
"Oi! Mate?" One of the older boys shouts out in an accent that sounds like an Anglo-Irish mix, and is quite frankly, every bit as rough as the kids look. "W'dya want?"
Even from the distance of thirty feet, Simon can see they are living and not partially deceased as he expected.
Another joins the first boy. Safety in numbers Simon thinks. "Who ye looking for?"
The only thing that Simon can think to say is, 'Take me to you leader', but dismisses the idea immediately. He has clearly been to too many of Steve's movie marathon nights. Luckily he does not have to come up with an alternative, as a man, tall, wiry and unshaven, appears from behind the nearest caravan and shouts at both boys.
"Jimbo, Mickey!" His accent matches the children's, but Simon sees his pinprick eyes and white mottled skin. So not all living then. "Go help ye ma, she's been asking after yez."
"Shite, but Liam's helping," Jimbo shouts back, while Mickey kicks the ground petulantly. "Liam's such a focking muppet!"
"Well, she obviously tinks she needs ye twos an'all! And don't gimme any focking cheek, ye hear?"
Both boys scarper and the undead traveller fixes his eyes on Simon. "Can I help ye?"
"Maybe," Simon replies, moving closer until they are barely six feet apart. "I was told to wait for something. Wondered if that something was you?" He gestures to the camp site in front of them.
The stranger looks Simon up and down, sizing him up and then slowly grins.
"Ah, that means ye must be Simon. Julian told us to look out for a fella like ye."
Simon's heart sinks. He was right then.
He had hoped that it was just an empty threat and nothing would ever appear that he knew he would have to deal with. The ULA clearly were not going to give up on him as easily as he had prayed they would.
"Is he here?" Simon asks simply.
The other man nods. "The name's Joseph, I'll take ye to him now."
Simon nods back and follows Joseph through the camp site.
Simon had not seen Julian since the day of Amy's funeral – the day he had planned to leave Roarton with Kieren. That was until Kieren told him he could not leave. So if Kieren was staying put, Simon was not going anywhere. No way.
After the wake, Simon had arrived alone at the bungalow to find Julian sitting in an armchair in the living room, a rucksack at his feet and an instrument case containing a collection of surgical weapons on the coffee table in front of him. Julian had been waiting for him; awaiting the arrival of his Judas; Simon the twelfth disciple.
Simon had not really been surprised the ULA had sent someone after him, although he was surprised Julian had come himself. Obviously, Julian was taking it personally.
"Alright?" Simon asked his uninvited and unwanted guest. His voice he kept to a bare minimum, prepared at any moment for things to get ugly.
"Suffer not yourselves to betrayed with a kiss," Julian quoted, calm and choosing his words with care. "As you said, The First Risen really is so much more for you then, Simon?"
"I got it wrong," Simon growled back, "He's not The First Risen. I was wrong."
"So you say, but the Victus MP sacrificed who the living thought The First to be and still our brothers and sisters remain entombed in the ground."
"It's not Kieren!" Simon reinforced again, "It never was."
Julian sniffed, clearly unmoved by Simon's proclamation.
"I've been speaking to the Prophet," he said, leaning forward and running his fingers over the instrument case, drawing attention to it for the first time since their conversation began. "Judas hanged himself from a tree for his betrayal. I wonder, will you do the same?"
Simon remained silent, slowly walking over to the sofa next to him. Julian watched him patiently, only speaking again once he was seated.
"He is willing to forgive you and offers a second chance," he said, unwrapping the case and removing the most savage looking weapon within. "You are to wait for a sign."
He placed the knife on the table and pushed it toward Simon.
"Do not disappoint him this time, brother. You will not be forgiven again."
Simon looked at the blade but did not touch it. Julian meanwhile, now finished delivering the message, wrapped up the case and put it back into his rucksack.
"How should I know what the sign is?" Simon asked, looking up as Julian prepared to leave.
"You'll know," Julian called back, opening the front door into the freezing night air, "And remember the deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers, Simon, never sinners."
Simon was left alone after that, staring at the weapon Julian had left behind. After some time, he picked it up and took it into his bedroom, inserting it into the empty pocket of his own instrument case, before concealing it at the very back of the wardrobe as an oubliette.
Simon's thoughts run through the events of that December evening as he and Joseph pass several people in the encampment on their way to Julian. Some are partially deceased like them, while others are living. Some have that strange Anglo-Irish accent, some sound local to Lancashire or at least the surrounding counties, but others have further away accents. It is hard for Simon not to overhear them as they whisper amongst themselves, while this stranger in their camp makes his way to a large caravan at the centre of the site.
"Julian?" Joseph calls out as he knocks on the caravan door, "Someone to see ye."
The door opens and Julian stands in the doorway, looking down at Simon.
"Brother," he says, surprising Simon with a genuine smile and wraps both arms around him to embrace the prodigal son in greeting, "You found us."
Kieren is sat in his usual place at the dining room table, brightly painted native masks hanging on wall behind him. He waits patiently in front of an empty plate, as Sue sets down the steaming joint in pride of the place on the table, returning from the kitchen a couple of moments later with plates of various vegetables and roast potatoes, making room for the gravy boat that is still to come next.
Steve meanwhile busies himself by pouring the New World Shiraz wine, which he had picked up for "three for two down the offy. A real bargain!" Kieren put his hand over the top of his glass before Steve has the chance to pour him any.
"Yer mum's done your favourite today, leg of lamb," he tells Kieren and then to Sue, "Looks lovely, love. Shall I carve?"
Sue nods, finally sitting down at her own place. Always the last to get to relax.
Kieren watches him as he picks up the knife and begins to carve thin slices of the tender meat off the bone. His mood seems to have improved over the day and now does not seem any different from normal, but Kieren knows only too well that when it comes to his dad this can often be a façade.
"Jem's do went well last night, I thought," Sue says to them as Steve puts the first pieces of lamb on her plate, "Thanks, love."
Kieren agrees, but his eyes never leave his father to see if he can detect any glimmer of response.
"Apart from that unpleasant business with Gary. Thank goodness for Simon, ay? Could have got a bit out of hand otherwise," Sue continues.
"I'm sure it would have been fine. One too many bevvies and young folk think they can take on the world. Remember that feeling all too well," Steve says, finishing the carving and sitting down to help himself to some of the roast potatoes.
"Bit of a hell raiser in yer time, where yer dad?" Kieren asks. The question was meant as a joke, but he realises no one is actually smiling.
Steve gives him a long stare. "Well, wouldn't say that."
"Definitely not," Sue agrees, noticing the slight tension at the table.
Kieren keeps his comments to himself for the remainder of the meal and much of it passes in silence, except for the occasional comment about the food or how changeable the weather has been of late.
Even though Kieren has not eaten, he still helps his mum with the washing up afterwards. Between the two of them, they make light work of it and the plates, glasses and cutlery are clean, dried and tidied away before Steve has even decided what to watch on the telly.
"I'm off for a bath," Sue says heading for the stares, leaving Kieren in the living room with Steve as he channel hops.
"A hundred bloody channels on this digibox and there's still nothing to watch," he grumbles, clicking the buttons on the remote control furiously.
"Maybe yer should invest in a satellite dish, dad?" Kieren suggests.
"Then there'd be a thousand and still bugger all on."
Kieren releases a long breath. He realises this is probably the time to bring the subject up about him and Simon and what Steve saw the night before as they are alone, which is a rare occurrence, but he does not know how to begin.
"Yeah, er, dad? Actually, while it's just you and me, I've been meaning to speak to yer."
Steve ignores him, giving all his attention to the remote in his hand.
"Yer know, I think the batteries have gone on this already. Only replaced them last month."
This is not going to be easy, especially with Steve doing his damnedest to avoid the conversation. Kieren does not want to have it either, but it was not going to go away, so he just had to be blunt and stop going around the houses.
So he made a start with that. "Dad, about last night. About me and Simon."
Steve finally stops messing around with the batteries he has got out of the sideboard drawer and looks at his son apprehensively.
"It's alright Kier, I understand."
Really? After Steve's behaviour this morning, Kieren was expecting anything but understanding from him.
"Yer do?"
"Yeah, course, you're just good mates, that's all. True, I was never quite a close with my pals back in the day as you two are, but things change. It's all very modern now. What do they call it – metrosexual?"
Steve goes back to trying to replace the batteries. Clearly in his mind the subject was closed, but Kieren feels differently. He would be delighted to play along with his father's denial, but he knows in his heart, that he has to do the right thing.
"Metrosexual, yeah," Kieren answers, thrown a little that his father would even know such a term. "But that's not what this is. That's something different."
"Well, I don't need to know," Steve says shortly.
Kieren is growing a little more agitated now. "Yeah dad, I think yer do."
"Kieren!" Steve raises his voice in warning. He really does not want to talk about it.
"Seriously, dad, yer need to hear this."
Steve stands up abruptly at the frustrated sound of his son's voice.
"Well I don't want to and yer can't make me." He is starting to pace now. "Always knew there was something funny between you and Rick Macy. The way yer were with each other. Never seemed to take any interest in girls, as you were always too wrapped up with him."
He sighs, feeling a little better for getting it off his chest. His mood seems lighter now and he continues on a little more gently.
"Have yer tried courting girls? Maybe yer just haven't met the right one yet?"
Kieren looks appalled. "I do like girls, but the point is, I have met the right one - and his name is Simon!"
There is complete silence in the room and it seems to stretch out without end.
Eventually, Steve begins speaking again, but Kieren can see him shake slightly as he does so.
"I thought you and that unconventional friend of yours, Amy, might have something going on. But oh no, it had to be some lad. It just had to be her boyfriend, didn't it?"
"Simon was never Amy's boyfriend," Kieren protests, "but by all means, say what yer think, dad. Don't hold anything back."
Steve has his hands on his hips now and is glaring down at Kieren who remains seated on the sofa. He looks so small sat there and Steve tries to see the child in him he once was. The cold skin and dead eyes looking back at him is a far cry from the boy he remembers though.
"Okay then, I will," he fumes, "You and another bloke? I think it's disgusting! It's not normal. The very idea of it. You and him, getting up to all sorts. It's not natural."
"I'm PDS," Kieren yells back, "There's no such thing as unnatural anymore - and besides which, of course it's natural, it's natural to me."
"Well, it isn't to me. Me and your mum were hoping for grand kids. Of course, that wasn't going to happen with you anyway, not now with yer coming back the way yer did. But still, I just wanted a normal life for yer, Kieren. I just wanted yer to be happy."
Happy? Really? Because happy is the last thing Kieren is right now with his father.
"Yer still have Jem. But dad, that's the thing, I am happy - with Simon. Simon makes me happy and if yer can't accept that?"
Kieren takes a deep breath to calm himself before he can continue. "Look, I know it's going to take time…"
"Time? Yer damn right. That's all it ever is with you, Kieren. Just because you have bags of the stuff. It's just one thing after another and your mother and I have had it up to here," he says, raising his hand to his eye level to demonstrate his point.
"Right, well, clearly there's nothing more to say," Kieren says, rising to his feet. "I told Simon you'd be like this, exactly like this. But he had faith in yer, told me I should stop hiding and that I owed it to both me and you to be truthful with yer."
Kieren is heading for the door and Steve calls after him, "Yeah and I wish you hadn't."
Opening the door, Kieren moves to leave, but before he does, he turns back to his dad one last time.
"Yer see, the thing about Simon is, he loves me for who I am, dad, not who he wants me to be. Pity you can't do the same."
He slams the door shut after him and leaves Steve alone in the living room, the useless remote control still in his hand.
Simon is in the living room when Kieren arrives home. He is restringing an acoustic guitar and Kieren pauses for a moment at the sight of him sitting there on the floor in front of the coffee table with the instrument on his lap.
"You're back early," Simon says not looking up, as Kieren continues to watch him silently, afraid to speak in case everything he feels comes tumbling out.
Simon raises his head when he does not receive a response. "Ye alright?"
Still no answer. Simon puts down the guitar and goes over to Kieren who is still standing numbly in the doorway.
"Kieren? What's the matter?" He is getting worried now. He reaches up and cups his hand under his jaw to get his attention, looking deep into his eyes to search for answers. "Kieren?"
"I told me dad. About us," Kieren whispers, unblinking.
Oh thank God, that is all. For a moment there… "Ah, and I take it, it didn't go too well?"
Kieren laughs bitterly. "Yer could say that. 'Didn't go too well' is certainly one way of putting it."
Simon pulls Kieren to him and holds him tightly. "I'm sorry."
Kieren buries his head in Simon's shoulder for a moment; greedy for the comfort he desperately needs right now.
"S'not your fault," he mumbles, unmoving.
Isn't it? Simon is not so sure. "Yeah, well. If I hadn't of pushed…"
"Yer didn't. This is not your fault. In fact, it's nobody's fault. I had to tell me dad, I just thought - well I hoped - he'd be different." Kieren pulls away, defeated. "Anyway, doesn't matter."
Simon does not let him go, taking both hands to his face this time and forcing Kieren to look at him.
"It does matter. Do ye hear me?"
"It doesn't," Kieren shrugs weakly, "Not really. Not in the grand scheme of things. It was always going to be like this. Always has been like this, for fuck's sake. But it doesn't matter now, not anymore."
"Not anymore?" Simon repeats, not following him.
Kieren presses his forehead to Simon's.
"Because I have you," he says, before gently touching Simon's lips with his own.
"Yes, ye have me and you'll always have me," Simon confirms, before kissing him again.
The second kiss turns into a third rapidly, and the third quickly merges into a fourth, and soon Simon and Kieren are grasping for one another, all hands everywhere and tongues mingled with their heavy breathing, desperately trying to get as close to one another as they possible can.
Simon blindly backs Kieren into the bedroom, unzipping his hoodie and letting it drop on to the floor. He continues on deftly unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders before starting on his own clothes. Kieren yanks his thick roll neck jumper up and between them, they pull it off hastily - cold flesh pressed against cold flesh, as they fall onto the bed.
Simon's hands are on Kieren's waist, unbuckling his belt and making good progress on his jeans, when Kieren suddenly grabs his hand to stop him.
"Hang on, wait, wait, wait," he pants, trying to catch his breath. "We've left all the lights on. It's like Blackpool illuminations out there."
"Wh-So what?" Simon practically stutters. Who cares about the fucking lights right now?!
"So," Kieren says, scooting underneath him to free himself, "I better go turn them off."
"Really?" Simon is aporetic. "Now?!"
"Better to do it now than have to do it after."
"Fine!" Simon huffs, rolling onto his back and taking several deep breaths. "But hurry up, will ye?"
As Kieren passes Amy's bedroom, he sees the door is ajar. Peering into the room, the light of the hallway illuminates it well enough to see in, but nothing has been disturbed. He closes the door softly and proceeds into the living room to turn the lights off, not noticing the small cuddly toy tiger sitting in the middle of the sofa.
Clicking the kitchen lights off and re-entering the hallway, he flicks the light switch down on the wall and heads for the only light now coming from their shared bedroom.
He stops in his tracks suddenly.
Amy's door is open again.
"That's weird," he says out loud to himself.
"What is?"
He spins around at the familiar sound.
If his heart still functioned, he is certain it would have stopped mid-beat there and then.
He stares straight ahead.
"AMY?!"
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
The sermon took a little to research and Rick Warren's Easter Sermon influenced part of it. The prayer is adapted from a 'Prayer for the dead' found on so it's not strictly Church of England. As far as I can tell, the parish church in Roarton was not given a name in the series, so I named it St. Jude who is the patron saint of hopeless cases, as it seemed fitting. Those of you who are Twilight fans will know Bella Swan wears a St. Jude saint bracelet in the film adaptations.
For the Anglo-Irish language, I looked to Guy Richie's film Snatch. I have no idea how accurate it is (probably not very), but I think it gives a flavour of the accent I intended. The flashback scene with Julian at the bungalow starts with a scene that was in the original script for the last episode in the second series but never made it to the final cut, but the conversation between he and Simon is completely imagined. The last line about the inner circle of hell is actually a Captain Jack Sparrow quote from 'Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl' only I changed mutineers to sinners as it was obviously more appropriate.
For the original characters and major players in this story, I have given all biblical names in accordance with In The Flesh, not that it needed more religious symbolism.
Finally, Kieren and Steve's conversation where he comes out to his father as being bisexual is probably the hardest thing I have had to write so far. I took great care in trying to get the tone as accurate as possible, but it is something that I have no experience of my own to draw upon, so I hope I did an okay job of making it somewhat realistic.
I have posted this chapter early in time for the #SaveInTheFlesh campaign tonight. If you haven't come across it yet, you can either tweet BBCThree, blog on Tumblr tagging BBCThree or post on BBC Three's Facebook page #SaveInTheFlesh and support a third series being commissioned by the BBC. Go check out .com to join in with the campaign! Writing this has helped fill the In The Flesh shaped hole in my life right now, but I think we'd all prefer the real thing in the form of series three!
