After Henry calmly assured Dunhill that everything was alright and that people would soon grow accustomed to their new location, the older man settled down. In fact, he seemed a bit cheery.

"Henry, I got a real treat for you."

"Oh, boy. I can't wait to hear it."

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna properly introduce you to the ladies in Echo Village. Think of it as matchmaking!" It was at that moment that Henry felt his stomach drop. "Emma wanted to tag along, but I couldn't imagine why. She's got her stripin' business to do, after all. Anyway, wear something nice tomorrow. I'll be here to unnecessarily wake you up like I usually do."

Henry began slowly, still trying to get over the fact that Dunhill wanted to hook him up with someone, "Yuri refuses to sell me clothes. You know, because someone thought it would be a freakin' jolly idea to require me to bring her the materials she should already have."

Dunhill stroked his beard. "Well, you can always borrow a suit from Allen. He's a sharp dresser!"

Henry thought about that for a second. Something about the idea of Allen's clothes rubbing against his naked body made Henry feel strange. But he stopped himself, because he was coming dangerously close to liking the idea. "Uh, Dunhill... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm," he paused, "not interested in a relationship right now."

"Oh, nonsense! This is Harvest Moon! Everyone makes it a goal to get laid!"

"Well, I don't think everyone does, but-"

"Oh, I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeeep. You're..."

"I'm...?"

"You're shy."

Henry gave a soft sigh of relief. "Yeah, sure. I'm shy." Well, it wasn't far from the truth.

"That's why I'm gonna help you out, boy! Now, don't you worry about a thing. Dunhill knows what's best for you."

"Um... are you sure about that? Because I don't really see the basis on which that statement is coming from. I don't even really know you."

"But, see," Dunhill grabbed Henry's shoulder in a sort of affectionate gesture, "I knew you father. So by knowing your father, I know you."

"That's... no."

"In due time, Henry. In due time." Dunhill gave Henry's shoulder two good pats before walking off. He didn't stop when he hollered back, "Oh! And tell Neil I said hi!"

"Which one?"

"The cow, of course!"


Henry finished his farm work around ten, and waited impatiently on his farm until about 10:30 so he wouldn't get caught up in Neil's and Rod's opening cutscenes.

"Damn, that's annoying," he hissed as he walked out of his farm.

He had one goal that day: Interview all the bachelors. Why? Because he needed a friend, and everybody knows the best way to find your perfect bromance was through an unannounced interview. He even found it in him to give Allen and Neil a chance, even though both scared and aroused him in different ways.

Thanks to his masterful reworking of the town the night before, Henry could easily get to the all the bachelors in a single afternoon. He figured he would start with Neil first, then Rod, then Allen, then the Japanese guy who eat coins, and finally to Amir and Sanjay.

Balling his fists, Henry headed out to Neil's animal stall. He knew this was going to end either really well or really unwell, and he had to mentally prepare himself for it.

Whatever you do, don't get punched in the face. But at the same time, don't let him walk all over you. If he's having a bad day, restrain yourself. Wait, but isn't every day a bad day for him?

"Neil!" Henry called out when he was within shouting distance of the stall.

The fiery eyed blond turned his head very slowly to face Henry. It was almost mechanical, and Henry even shivered. "What the hell do you want?" Neil growled.

"I want to talk to you for a minute."

Neil's brows furrowed. "Can't you see that I'm busy working?"

"Neil, I'm the only farmer in the entire town. I am literally your only customer."

The blond thought about this for a few seconds. When he spoke, his tone was defeated but resistant, "Alright. What do you want?"

"To get to know you."

And with that, Henry noticed a sudden change in Neil's expression, as if that simple answer had completely shattered Neil's very core. His eyes were wide with surprise, and his mouth just kind of hung open for a few seconds.

But it went as quick as it had come, and Neil was right back to the indifferent scowl he wore so well.

"What for? I don't trust easily."

Henry shot back before he could stop himself, "Well, Neil, how am I supposed to trust a guy who puts toupees on his cows!"

Neil stared at Henry as if he'd just dropped a bomb. Henry stared back, quickly regretting his words and wondering if he was going to get kicked or not. But then Neil's expression softened, and he even frowned.

"Since you brought it up, I might as well tell you the story."

Henry lifted a brow. "The story?"

Neil began with a sigh, "About a year ago, my favorite cow, Amoolia, gave birth. But the calf wasn't normal. She had a small tuft of hair on her head. All the other cows would laugh at her and call her names, and I couldn't stand it. So I bought a bunch of toupees and just started putting them on all my other cows so Moogan-she was the calf-wouldn't feel like an outcast. But then I couldn't just stop putting toupees on them because then the ones without a toupee would be the outcasts! So I just had to keep doing it." Neil concluded with an intense, bold voice, "That's why my cows have toupees, Henry. That's why."

Henry couldn't believe what he was hearing. But the end of the story, he didn't know if he was disturbed at the whole thing-especially that Neil claimed he had laughing cows-or if he wanted to laugh at the fact that Neil named his cows Amoolia and Moogan.

"Okay, so what else did you want to know?" Neil growled when Henry didn't say anything.

"Oh," Henry snapped out of his daze. "Um, how good are you at listening to other people's problems?"

"I have too many of my own to worry about anyone else's."

"Understandable." Then Henry asked the next question as if he were going down a list. "What kind of music do you like?"

"My iPod consists of Linkin Park-not their wussy new albums! The old stuff. The hardcore stuff. My favorite song is Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. It's not by them, though."

"Oooookay. How do you feel about gay rights?"

"What?"

Henry shook his head, "Sorry, wrong question. Uh, do you drink a lot?"

"I drink when I need to."

"Fair enough. Are you the kind of guy who would be okay with having a casual one-night stand with someone? Maybe a few one-night stands with the same person? Totally casual, of course."

"Are you purposefully throwing in weird ass questions in-between normal questions?" Neil growled as he shot Henry a glare.

"Not at all. Not at all. Well, thank you for your time, Neil."

"Tch. I don't mind entertaining idiots from time to time."

"Mnnnhmm. Okay, now, you get back to work. Make daddy proud." Henry gave Neil a few reassuring shoulder pats before walking over to Rod.

"My dad is dead, you insensitive asshole."

But Henry was already standing by Rod and engaging in conversation.

"Hiya, Henry! I kinda overheard you talking to Neil. Do you get to ask me cool questions now, too?"

"Yes, Rod."

"Oh, boy! I don't have a cute cow story to tell you, but one time, I got trampled by a horse." He didn't even stop smiling.

"That's... nice. I mean, I'm sorry to hear that. But you're okay now so it must not have been too bad, right?"

"Oh, it hurt like crazy! I broke a few ribs and my skull got kinda fractured."

"That would explain a lot."

"I was in the hospital for weeks, but they had really good food. The juice came in these really cool squeezey pouches."

Henry then made up his mind: Rod was too cheerful to be considered best friend material. Even if the guy was a sweetie, Henry could only tolerate happiness for so long. "Uh, Rod... I gotta go-"

"Hey, did you wanna buy something? I have the cutest pets for miles!"

"...Do you have cats?"

"You bet!"

Henry didn't waste a second to think it over. "How much do you want for one?"


"Welcome to Allen's Salon," the stylist greeted from behind the counter. He stopped abruptly when he noticed that Henry had just walked in with a cat on his head. "You realize you're wearing a feline as a hat, right? Though, I have to say, it does look a little better than the thrifty cap you usually wear."

"This is Winston," Henry informed as he walked up to the counter. "And if you don't allow cats, then I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not." This made Allen scoff, amused. "You got a minute?"

"That depends."

"I just want to talk, ask some questions, maybe get my brows trimmed."

Allen's eyes shot up to above Henry's. "Oh, they're barely noticeable."

"I'm self-conscious, okay? Anyway, I want you to tell me about yourself. I imagine you're the kind of person who loves talking about himself."

Allen grinned smugly. "I am, but you're not going to get such precious information out of me so easily."

"Uh..."

Allen rested his forearms on the counter and leaned forward. "If you ask in the cutest way possible, I may tell you a little bit about myself."

"Oh, you've got to be shitting me."

"That wasn't very cute."

"You're a creep sometimes. I barely know you and I'm saying that."

"Still not impressed~"

"I am going to shove my fist up your ass."

Allen's brows lifted. "Getting a little ahead of ourselves, are we?" Then he hummed in thought. "Well, you could tell me something about yourself. Give, and then receive in return. That is, if I find your story interesting enough."

"Oh, would you just stop with your self-assuring superiority bullshit-" Henry stopped, knowing it was useless. He gave a defeated sigh. "Okay. I'm 21 years old, I've only been in one relationship, the world disappoints me on a daily basis, my family hates me, and I gave up half my hopes and dreams by the time I entered college. I'm kind of like the girl from that Bowling For Soup song."

Allen frowned and adopted a sympathetic look. "Honey, you have problems."

"I know."

The stylist took Henry's hands in his own and spoke in a soft voice. "But it's okay. I'm going to help you."

"Y-You are...?"

"Yes. First, by giving you a trim."

"But I don't need-"

"Shhhhh," the stylist cooed as he walked Henry over to the sink.

And so Allen began washing and shampooing Henry's hair. The hot stream of water made Henry's whole body felt warm and fuzzy, and Allen's gentle massaging felt good. Really good. A little too good. Soon, Henry began to feel a familiar tightness in his overalls.

The stylist noticed this and grinned. "Is that a pen in your pocket, or do you really like Herbal Essence?"

"Nope. It's just my penis."


Properly beautified, Henry left the salon with Winston in his arms and Allen waving goodbye.

You know what? He's not such a bad guy after all. I should get haircuts more often.

Next on his hit list was that weird guy in the dress, or yukata, or whatever it was called. And something was telling Henry that he was somewhere near the river. This wasn't the first supernatural phenomenon that Henry had; often times he'd just know where everyone was, without any real explanation as to why. It was almost as if there was an invisible map that pinpointed everyone's exact location.

Anyway, Henry and Winston headed for the river.

When they arrived, Henry noticed a man somewhat writhing on the ground, moaning in pain. Oh, that was the guy Henry was looking for. His effeminately colored dress-thing was indistinguishable.

Henry approached him. "Hey, man, are you okay? Damn, what's it with people passing out near this river? Is there something in the water that I should worry about?"

The man groaned, "Where am I...?"

"Echo Village. Is everything alright?"

"Urgh..."

"Okay, then. You sound a little drunk, to be honest. Do people normally get drunk in the middle of the day around here?"

"Drunk? No, no...! I had too much to eat, that's all... Did I break a hip...? God, I hope I didn't break a hip."

"Are your hips especially sensitive or something?"

"When you're an old geezer like me..."

Henry lifted a brow. "You can't be that old. What, are you thirty-five? Forty? If it makes you feel better, you pull it off well."

The man only groaned and attempted to stand, but he stumbled when he tried to take a step. Luckily, Henry was there to catch him before he hit the ground around. "Whoa, easy, there! Hey, I never got your name. I saw you the other day but we never really got introduced because you were being weird and eating money."

There was a pause before the man answered in a dazed voice, "I'm... I'm Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Okaaay, Haruhi. We need to get you to the clinic."

"Carry me on your back..." The man who was definitely not Haruhi Suzumiya suggested.

"What? There's no way I can carry you all the way to the clinic like that. It's a good half mile walk, if not more." But then Henry looked at the drunken, pathetic man and sighed. "Alright, come on." And so he hoisted him up and began the arduous march to the clinic.


"Drunk. Definitely drunk," Klaus concluded.

"So you're telling me his name is Soseki? And that it's not Haruhi Suzumiya?"

"Precisely. I haven't the faintest idea what a 'Haruhi' is, but his mind was certainly clouded in a drunken haze. He's resting now, and should be fine by the morning. It looks like your cat is currently enjoying sitting on his face. Are you the missus?"

"Excuse me?"

"Pardon me. I was just curious. Anyhow, you serve no further purpose here so I'll have to ask you to leave."

Henry was about to listen to the strict doctor, when he suddenly stopped before he walked out of the door. "Wait, Klaus, I want you to tell me about yourself. Just a quick and easy summery of you as a person."

Henry figured he might as well give Klaus a chance. Although he had a stick up his ass, Klaus didn't seem like too bad of a person.

The doctor pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "I do not care for idle chit-chat."

"This is for business purposes only. I'm looking to recommend a doctor to my friend."

"Oh. Well, if that is the case... I will not talk about myself."

"Wait, what?"

"Rather, I feel the need to talk about macaroni."

"Um."

"Firstly, why does it have a hole? What was the purpose of this design? Is the hole necessary? Does it serve any function? This bothers me a great deal. In fact, I spend many sleepless nights thinking about the hole in macaroni. It consumes my thoughts. When I am on the job, macaroni holes always enter my mind. And believe me, I have done extensive research on this. I first considered the boiling time and whether the hole reduces the time needed to boil the pasta. I quickly proved this fact. Then I began thinking about how it feels to eat the macaroni. When I bite into a macaroni, it is soft. And when I chew the macaroni, I imagine that I am a ravenous carnivore, perhaps a honey badger, tearing through the soft pasta. Sometimes I imagine the macaroni are people, and that as my teeth cut through one, I am tearing through flesh and bone. I hear the macaroni cry out in pain, sometimes."

"Klaus," Henry interrupted. "Klaus, Klaus. This isn't going to work out."


On his way out of the clinic, Henry heard a voice call out to him. "Henry~! Henry~!"

It was the all too familiar voice of Michelle. Henry was beginning to anticipate the time she'd find him. It was a daily occurrence. And Henry stood there, frozen, waiting for her to catch up to him so she could-no doubt-make him incredibly uncomfortable.

"Henry~ would you like to help me do a magic trick?"

He turned to her and noticed she had lugged over a magician's box. "Uh, I'm a little busy..."

She opened the box. "It'll just take a few seconds! Just climb into my ~magical box~ and I'll make you disappear, oooh!" Michelle waved her wand around in front of the open box for an added effect.

"It doesn't work like that, does it? Isn't there usually a trick door involved or something? You can't just make someone disappear in the middle of the road."

"Chris Angel could," she muttered. "Ahahaha, but that's besides the point! Pleeease, Henry? I'll give you something special if you do it~"

"Yeah, no."

Michelle's eyes narrowed and her voice was dangerously low as she growled, "Alright. We're going to have to do this the hard way."

Before Henry could react, Winston leaped from his arms and, with a blood curdling cry, latched onto Michelle's face. The magician screamed and began flailing as she tried to pry the ravenous feline off.

"Winston!" Henry cried. "Winston, what the hell are you doing?!"

Michelle screamed hysterically, "His claws are piercing through, like, all seven layers of my skin! They're like deadly little hooks on the sides of my face!"

Henry tried to help her. "Hold still!"

"IT HURTS SO BAD!"

"Winston!"


"So your kitten attacked Michelle? That is rather unfortunate."

"Is Miss Michelle alright, though?"

After that cat attack fiasco, Michelle stumbled off to the clinic and Henry went off-while carefully restraining Winston in his arms-to find Amir and Sanjay. Now the three of them were having tea at the garden table in the mansion plaza. These would be his final two "interviews."

"Yeah, Klaus said there shouldn't be too many permanent scars."

He could almost hear Amir and Sanjay gasp, and Amir adopted a concerned look. "Too many? But that means there will be some at all, doesn't there?"

"Yeeeah. Winston is sorry."

The kitten hissed.

"Fake it, Winston," Henry hissed. "Fake it." He shook his head. "Anyway, I was just wondering if there was anything important I should know as a new farmer and Town Coordinator. You know, things that I should really have been told beforehand but would probably need to look up in an Internet guide after it's already too late?"

Amir looked up in thought as Sanjay answered, "Miss Rachel visited the mines often. There are many important minerals and ores to be found. But, you may only mine a certain number of times per day."

"What? Why?"

Amir chimed in. "Because the ones who developed this world hate you, I suspect."

Sanjay nodded and added, "And they want you to hate yourself, too."

"Is that why they created characters like Michelle and Klaus?"

Amir nodded. "Yes, I believe so."

"Oh, hey, uh..." Henry's voice dropped off awkwardly as he struggled with how to formulate the question. "Sanjay, you don't happen to be Amir's butler or anything, right?"

"That would be right. It is my royal duty to serve him."

"Ohhh, haha!" Henry laughed nervously. "Because when Dunhill was telling me about you two, I wasn't sure if he said butler, or... uh, brother. Yeah."

"Well, Master Amir is very dear to me. I cherish him like family."

Amir's cheeks went red. He turned to gaze affectionately into Sanjay's eyes as Sanjay gazed affectionately into his. Slow jazz music began to play in the background. "Sanjay," he started softly. "I cherish you, too."

"Hearing you say that means everything to me, Master Amir."

Henry watched them in disbelief.

They're screwing each other. They're definitely screwing each other.


Dear diary,

I think I actually made friends with Allen today. He's not that bad of a guy after all. I mean, he's still a bitch, but he can wash hair like nobody's business.

I'm starting to think differently about Neil. I was really touched when he told me that cow story. I think that deep inside, he's a softie.

I am 100% done with Klaus that whole rant was weird as hell.

Finally figured out that Sanjay is not Amir's escort, though quite possibly they're into each other. They kind of had a really gay moment while we were having tea. That's not so bad though, right? I barely knew Amir, anyway. There's plenty of fish in the sea, right?

Speaking off... Dunhill is going to play matchmaker tomorrow. In all honesty, I think I like Yuri the best. She's mellow, and kind of looks like a guy.

I still can't believe Soseki's name isn't Haruhi Suzumiya.

My final thoughts about today? Well, I guess the lesson to be learned is that maybe things aren't as bad as I thought they were. Just maybe.

I'm almost afraid to sleep. Michelle could be lurking in the dark corners of my house. I wouldn't put it past her. But Winston is sleeping right beside me, so I guess I'll be safe. Still, I think I might have a nightmare about being trapped in a dark room filled with Michelle blowup dolls. One of them might touch my butt. If I wake up crying, this will be the reason why.

Well, goodnight diary.