What's
The Worst That I Could Say?
I threw myself onto my bed, trying to
shut out Gerard's apologies.
I'm
sorry...And I love you!
"I
love you, too" I whispered pointlessly into my pillow. "But
I can't..." A tear streamed silently down my face. I remembered
the last time I was like this, only with Erik. And it wasn't only a
heartbreak that I was hurting from. I planned to never trust anyone
like that again. In case you hadn't noticed, that wasn't going too
well for me at the time. I sat up, the blood pounding in my head from
exhaustion. I walked to the door with slow, quiet footsteps. I
hesitated, letting my hand sit on the doorknob for a while. I heard
him say something, but it was incoherent through the walls. My cell
phone rang, almost mocking my silence.
"I really need to
change that," I said to myself.
"Hello?" I
mumbled, regretting answering every minute I was on the
phone.
"Heeeeeyyy, Auuuutuummnn!" It was
Victoria.
"You're drunk," I stated, plainly.
"Yeeaah,
but the sex was GREAT!"
"Slut..." She
laughed.
"Sticks and stones, bitch!"
"I have a
problem..."
"Oh...?" I waited before
answering.
"Gee's at my house, and -" I could barely get
the words out of my mouth.
"WHO CALLED IT?!"
"That's
not what I meant!"
I hissed.
"Why not try telling me what you mean?"
"I
mean...you were right," I admitted. She didn't say
anything.
"He, Gerard, got drunk." She still kept
quiet.
"And he tried to, you know..." She sighed into
the receiver.
"Do you want me to come over?"
"Nah,
it's okay." I knew it wasn't. I heard her giggle, and then the
line went dead. I dropped the phone to the floor, walked to where
Gerard was, and slowly opened the door.
"Gee?" He was
stomach down on the floor, his face rested on his arms. He was
breathing in what looked like painful, irregular patterns.
"Are
you okay?" I heard a muffled 'no'. I rolled him over onto his
back and propped him up against the wall. Sweat and make-up stained
tears streaked his face. I wiped them away, feeling a hint of irony.
I had always pictured the guy wiping away the girl's tears, not the
other way around. He looked pale.
"I feel sick..." he
whispered.
"It's okay...you'll be fine." I took his
hand and squeezed it.
"Autumn..." His eyes were rolling
back into his head. I tucked my hands under his arms in a sad attempt
to pick him up. He collapsed on top of me. I pushed him off, gently.
I didn't want to hurt him, not again.
Not another one.
I
disposed of the bag in the bathroom, and then went to check on
Gerard. He had passed out, as I had imagined would happen. I pushed
my ear up against his chest. There was a heartbeat, but barely. His
breath had grown short. I knew what was wrong with him, but I didn't
know what to do. I picked my phone up off the ground and dialed 911.
I told the operator that my brother had alcohol poisoning. I really
didn't need the story of my life on a hospital record. I told her
where I lived and soon enough, the ambulance had arrived. I felt
uneasy, and a bit panicked, during what seemed like a rushed
ambulance ride. I couldn't wait to see what my mother would do when
she found out...
"I heard your friend here had too much to
drink, eh?" I shrugged.
"Yeah" I wasn't in the mood
to argue with his nosiness.
"What's your girlfriend's name?"
"My brother's
name is Gerard" The man's face grew pale. He didn't say much
after that. Gerard didn't look that
much like a girl, did he?
We pulled into the hospital. Gerard was
wheeled to a room, but they made me sit in the lobby and wait. Some
pretty sad looking people came in through the lobby while I waited
for Gerard. One was a woman who was sobbing and wouldn't stop
complaining how cold it was. Another was a girl, a little younger
than I, with a baby on the way. By the time the doctor had come out
to tell me what happened, I had seen enough.
"Can I see him,
now!?" I begged, wanting to leave the lobby as soon as
possible.
"Sure, but don't have high expectations." I
wanted to say something, but I didn't. I found the room that Gerard
was in, and he was a sight for sore eyes. His hair was a sweaty,
matted mess. There were dark circles around his eyes from make-up or
exhaustion. Blood stained his lips from vomiting so much. I sat down
in the chair next to him.
"Oh, God, Gee." I stroked his
cold, pale cheek with my hand, and then ran my fingers through his
hair. Gerard slowly opened his eyes.
"A-Autumn," He was
having trouble talking; his voice was hoarse. "How...What
happened?" I didn't have to answer; he remembered on his own.
"I'm sorry, Autumn. I really -" I put my other hand to
his lips.
"Shh, it's okay" I rested my head on his
chest. His heartbeat was steadier now; his breath stronger.
"I'm
sorry, too."
"I should have told you. You didn't need to
see me like this." He tipped my face up towards his. I tried to
reassure myself that this was okay; that I could trust him.
"But
I meant it," He looked at me, hesitant. "I meant it when I
said I loved you." He pulled my face close to his.
"And
don't you ever
forget that." Gerard gently pressed his lips against my
forehead.
"I guess we all have secrets..." He said,
almost like a question.
"...That all have a time to be told,"
I finished for him. I sat up, silently asking him to go home.
I
gave the receptionist my address for billing, then called my mother
to come and pick us up from the hospital. I mentioned that I would
explain later. After an uncomfortably quiet ride and dropping Gerard
off at his house, Mom began the interrogation.
"I told you he
wasn't the right type to hang out with..." I kept my face
pressed against the window, not in the mood to answer my mother's
awkward questions.
"Mom..." I moaned.
"What as
he in the hospital for?" I didn't say
anything.
"Autumn..."
"What's the worst that I
could say?"
