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That night again, as the wind picked up and the thunder roared, Cat tiptoed across the hall to Jade's room and climbed into the bed. She didn't ask the taller girl if it was okay, because she knew that Jade would just scoff.
When Jade awoke in the middle of the night, she became hyper aware of her proximity to the peacefully slumbering redhead, and thoughts of Sikowitz's class flooded her mind.
Jade was surprised by how unbelievably tangled their legs had become under the covers. She was unsure of where her legs vanished between Cat's, and what may stir within her gut if she tried to slide free of her though.
Jade's body was heated as it is. Cat's hand had snaked its way under Jade's top and rest gently against her flat stomach. Cat shifts slightly in her sleep and moved in closer to Jade, and the brunette's head spins with the smell of Cat's shampoo flooding her senses.
Jade was entirely cognizant of what it meant. Of the affection. Of the feelings that she had for Cat. A girl.
But Cat of all people.
Jade wasn't a stranger to intimacy. She had been together with Beck for as long as she could remember. He was one of the only people she knew who could actually stand being with her and was willing to put up with her insane number of faults. She loved him for it.
She loved him.
And yet, with him, she never felt the things that she had acquainted love with. Love was all about sweaty palms, racing pulses, blushed cheeks and butterflies. As much as she loved Beck, Jade never felt these things with him. Not in the way that she feels them for Cat.
But she can't. Jade knew she wasn't gay. Countless nights in Beck's RV with the two of them clothed in only the covers of his bed as they lay skin on skin had told her that. But there was something about Cat that Jade just couldn't push out of her mind.
But she was determined to try.
She slowly and gently separated herself from the redhead, trying her hardest not to wake her from her peaceful slumber. Jade grabbed one of the many black pillows off her bed and tiptoed down the stairs to spend the next three hours of her sleep on the living room couch. She was glad that it was at least a Saturday and that she wasn't going to need to spend a school day with kinks in her beck from the discomfort she'll endure.
Hours later, Cat rolled over in the bed and shut her eyes tightly as a blinding sunlight fought its way into the room and right onto her face. She buried her face deep in the pillow, and found herself smiling.
It smelled like Jade. The West's house had this interesting scent. Something along the lines of warm vanilla and happiness. Every part of the house shared that smell, except for Jade's room. Jade was different. It was tangy oranges and a sharpness that was entirely Jade.
Cat opened one eye, noticing that she was alone in the room. That thought alone caused her to lift her head and look around, not seeing the taller girl anywhere. Cat grabbed onto her stuffed giraffe and headed down the hall and towards the staircase. She heard Mr. West snoring and the sound of the shower running in the master bathroom where Mrs. West must be.
When she heard the microwave door shut, Cat knew it must be Jade in the kitchen, and so she tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jade had her back to her as the darker girl poured herself a glass of milk. Cat stood there and just watched her for a moment.
She looked at the sliver of exposed porcelain skin between the top of her black and white striped pajama pants and the hem of her black t-shirt. She watched as her shiny black hair, streaked with green and blue danced along her back and delicate shoulders.
"I don't get you," Jade said suddenly, startling Cat. The taller girl didn't even need to turn around to know that Cat was watching her. She put the gallon of milk back in the fridge and took a sip from her glass before turning around to meet brown eyes.
"Why?" Cat asked. Jade reached into one of the cabinets and pulled out a box of Lucky Charms and slid it across the table in Cat's direction, watching as her eyes lit up.
"You keep switching the way you act around me. In the mornings, you're all fine and whatever. Then, during the day, something snaps in you and you hate me. No, you're scared of me. And yet, at night, you still crawl into my bed. Why?"
Cat shook her head as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. "I don't like thunderstorms."
Jade rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I got that. But why do you sleep in my bed when I obviously scare the shit out of you?"
"You don't scare me," Cat said quietly. Her voice rose to no more than a whisper.
Jade watched the small girl as she poured milk into the bowl and grabbed a spoon. "Yesterday at school, you kept repeating to yourself that you were under your bed. Did you hide under your bed a lot?"
Cat's eyes flickered up for just a moment before falling back down to the colored marshmallows swimming in the bowl on the table. "It's a safe place."
"Who were you hiding from?" Jade pressed. She tried to make her voice sound soft and inviting, knowing that she didn't want to scare the girl away, but softness isn't something that came particularly easily to Jade.
Cat whimpered and looked up at her father. She saw his jaw tighten behind his trim beard and an almost indistinguishable twitch in his left eye.
Her mother casually stood up and walked to the kitchen. Cat heard the telltale sound of glass bottles clinking.
Then, her father's fingernails pierced the skin of her upper arm as he shoved her backward. The liquor on his breath clouded around Cat in a sickening sweetness. She raised his hand and a slap resounded through the room, followed by a radiating pain from her cheek.
His words instilled in her heart how worthless she was.
He left her, a sobbing mess of a daughter on the cold wooden floor.
"Does it matter?" Cat asked.
Jade's experience with all of the people who have walked in and out of her home have given her an innate ability to read the people around her. She could notice subtle changes in their demeanors- the dulling of eyes, a twitch in a smile, or nervous habits. Jade was a pro.
She saw the way Cat's expression darkened. She saw the way that the corners of her lips turned into the faintest of grimaces before evening out into a blank slate of pure nothingness.
"Of course it matters," Jade whispered. "You matter."
Cat's eyes looked up and her broken brown mixed with Jade's curious green. But Cat didn't say anything. She looked back down and ate her cereal in silence under Jade's scrutinizing glare. She put her empty bowl in the sink and headed up the stairs and into the bathroom.
Cat turned on the hot shower and locked the door. She stood before the sink, eyes falling on her reflection in the mirror as warm steam began to fill the small room around her. She kept her eyes locked on her body as she began to remove her clothing.
She saw the scar on her shoulder. The bruises on her stomach that have yet to fade all the way. The burn marks from cigarettes on her stomach. She didn't need to turn around to see the long red stripes that went across her, serving as a permanent reminder of the pain she felt as his belt made contact with her skin.
Cat shook her head and stepped into the shower, letting the scolding water cascade down her tiny body, and not caring in the slightest.
Jade, her mother and Angela were all sitting around the kitchen table when Cat finally made her way down the stairs. Jade smirked as she took in the sight of the girl. The pink skirt Cat was wearing was her own, but she was wearing one of Jade's blue blouses. The chiffon material was almost see-through, and Jade could see the bright yellow of Cat's bra poking through. Jade noticed that Cat's hair was also curled slightly at the edges, and Cat must have helped herself to Jade's curling iron.
"Catarina," Mrs. West sang, pulling out the chair beside her as an invitation. Cat noticed that she still had yet to begin to call her Cat.
"Jadelyn promises me that you've been enjoying Hollywood Arts," she states, and Cat notices that she isn't the only one the woman insists calling by her full name. "Is that so?"
"Yeah," Cat chirped, smile set on her face. "It's really a great school. I've met so many amazingly talented people."
"That's wonderful to hear," Angela said. "So, the reason that I'm here is because I have a couple boxes of your belongings from your parent's house that I thought you'd want to sort through. You can pick which stuff you want to keep with you here, and the rest we can put in storage if you'd like."
"Thanks," Cat said. Jade noticed how her voice seemed to get lower.
"I'll help you bring them up to your room?" Angela offered, and all Cat could do was nod.
Each of them grabbed a box, being that there were four, and carried them up the wooden stairs to the room Cat has been calling her own. They set the boxes on the floor and just looked at them for a second.
"Well," Angela said, "we'll just leave you to sort through your things on your own."
Angela and Mrs. West left the room, but Jade simply took a seat on the bed. Cat gave her an impatient look, but Jade just shrugged.
"Don't mind me," she said. "I don't talk much. I'm just here to observe."
"You and I both know that's not true," Cat said, sitting herself down in front of the first box and beginning to open it. "You talk more than anyone else I've ever met."
Jade smirked. "It's part of my charm."
Cat turned away from her and reached into the first box and began to pull out piles of books. For the most part, they were all old, worn covers of classics. She pulled them out one by one, placing them beside her until all 20 of them sat on the floor. The books had previously sat on the only bookcase in her bedroom, but she had never even opened a single one of them.
Cat wasn't very big on reading.
Jade picked one up and flipped through the pages, reveling in the smell of old books. It was a wonderful musky, dusty smell that Jade loved. "Catcher in the Rye," she commented. "Good book."
Cat said nothing as she reached into the next box and pulled out a quilt. It was pale pink and yellow squares, stitched together. There were fraying threads hanging from here and there, and Cat held the quilt close to her body as she inhaled deeply, smelling the familiar scent of what was once her bedroom.
Was once, but isn't anymore.
"My Nona made it," Cat mumbled, folding the quilt back up and setting it beside her. "She hand stitched it and embroidered it."
"Are you and your grandmother close?"
"Nona passed away when I was 13."
Jade didn't say anything as she watched Cat pull out an old VHS tape. Cat read the label and smiled. "Nona videotaped my first school performance."
Again she reached into the box and pulled out a tiny jewelry box, like what you would find a ring in. Cat opened it and looked down at the shining gold surrounding a beautiful diamond set amongst tiny emeralds. "Her wedding ring," Cat whispered.
Jade said nothing. She just watched as Cat took more things from the boxes. There was a porcelain doll that looked just like her, complete with the incredibly red hair and big brown eyes. She had a voice synthesizer that, from the looks of it, was far from being inexpensive. There was a photo album that she quickly thumbed through, and Jade recognized a smaller version of Cat, but with her natural brown hair.
Jade decided she liked redheaded Cat better.
In a shoebox were more pictures, but these much older. They were filled with people Jade didn't recognize. Cat had a tiny pink blanket that looked like a baby blanket, and a bracelet filled with dozens of tiny silver charms that she snapped onto her wrist. She shook her hand once and smiled faintly at the jingle.
Apart from one more box filled with clothes, that was all of the things Angela brought.
Jade remained sitting on the bed as she watched Cat hang up the clothes in her closet.
"We can redecorate your room," she said suddenly. Cat turned around and looked at her. "I mean, look at this place."
Mrs. West never wanted to do too much decorating of the bedrooms because she was never sure what exactly the teens who would stay with her would like. The walls remained a very pale pink that was almost white. The bedspread was white. The desk, bedside table, and dresser were all a warm mahogany. But that was it. There was no personality. There was no personalization. There was none of that pizazz and quirkiness that Jade would have assumed Cat's old bedroom would have looked like.
"Really?" Cat asked. "But I don't want to decorate too much," she said. "This isn't really my room."
"I know," Jade said. "It's not. You're just staying here. But honestly, you don't seem like the type of person who likes boring rooms like this."
Cat smiled. "I painted the walls of my bedroom myself," she said. "The walls had a base color of a really bright teal. Then I got little containers of a whole bunch of different color paints and just doodled on the walls."
Jade scoffed. "And how'd your parents feel about that one?"
Jade watched as Cat's smile faded for a moment. "My parents didn't go in my room much," Cat said. "My mother wasn't home very often and my father and I tried avoiding each other. We didn't really get along too well."
"Why's that?" Jade asked.
"One time, my brother took me to the park. And he squeezed his way into a baby swing and told me to push him, so I did. And then there was a lady who was looking at us funny because he wasn't a baby. So I got on my bike and drove to the store and bought him a binky. Then he put the binky into his mouth and said 'goo!', and the lady left us alone."
Cat's airy laugh filled the room. "Isn't that so funny?" she asked, dimples proudly on display. "He's not a baby!"
Jade raised a brow at the off kilter story, but she smiled slightly. It was cute. Cat was cute. She was pretty sure that the redhead had no mind-to-mouth filter whatsoever, but it was endearing.
"Great story," Jade said dryly.
Cat's smile suddenly faded and she watched Jade seriously. "Why are you so sad?" she asked, concern lacing her soft voice.
Jade frowned. "I'm not sad. I'm always like this."
"Exactly. You're always sad. I never see you smile."
Jade forced a smile onto her face and looked straight at Cat. "You see?" she asked with mock enthusiasm. "I'm smiling."
Cat rolled her eyes and sighed, and Jade couldn't help but think that the exasperated annoyance just looked adorable from Cat. "I meant a real smile."
Jade frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Cat looked at Jade, trying hard to see into her.
She had seen glimpses of it before. The way that Jade's eyes softened ever so slightly when she talked to Cat. Cat wanted to see the look in those green eyes again. She wanted to see joy and happiness.
She needed to see it more than she's ever needed to see anything else before.
Cat is surprised to find the green eyes before her looking so intrigued.
"You're beautiful," Cat whispered.
Jade quickly shifted her eyes down at the ground, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. It wasn't a feeling she was used to feeling, and she definitely did not like it.
"I'm not as pretty as the other girls at school," Jade said, shaking her head. "I'm weird. I'm different. I like different things and I wear different clothes. Half of them think of me as a freak. If I wasn't such a bitch, I'd be at the bottom of the food chain."
Cat was stunned by the admission. She hadn't expected such a confession to be spurred from her simple comment. To be honest, she had started to set herself up to be completely dismissed.
Jade always seemed like the type to bury her emotions. She would tuck them deep inside her. This Jade, the vulnerable and unguarded Jade was new to Cat.
"No," Cat said, voice even and certain. "You're perfect."
Jade rolled her eyes and snorted, gaze still down at her feet. "Maybe to you."
"Yeah." Cat took a tentative step closer to Jade and gently touched the girl's chin to bring her gaze up to meet it. The idea of touching Jade like this scared Cat senseless. Jade had this aura about her that felt like a very high-end art museum, where if you reach out and touch something, laser beams would shoot out of somewhere and cut your hand off at the wrist.
But Jade didn't push Cat away. Instead, curious green eyes bore deep into expressive brown.
"Maybe that's all that matters," Cat said with a weak smile.
The smile was warm and gently. In part, it made Jade want to turn on her heel and run back to her room. To slam her bedroom door shut, blast some music and forget all about this strange redheaded girl with the adorable smile. To Jade, Catarina Valentine was a giant contradiction.
The people who walked into Jade's house saw firsthand that the world was not a good place. They knew that it did not contain good people. They saw the corruption, the deceit and the horrors that Jade had only ever heart about.
Cat was one of those people. Jade didn't even know for certain what horrors she had seen in her life. And yet, there she stands, smiling, eyes shining with a purity Jade had never known before.
It made Jade want to run. Far, far away.
But, she remains, feet grounded. Her stomach was a mess of churning, conflicted emotions as they looked into those brown eyes.
Jade moved her head gently to the left so that Cat's hand fell from the place where she had been touching Jade's smooth skin.
"I should probably get going," Jade said, hating how low her voice sounded. She stepped away from the other girl and began to head out the door. At the last moment, she popped her head back in the room and said, "We can go looking for stuff to decorate your room tomorrow."
She hated the smile that spread across Cat's face.
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