Chapter Four: Squad Up
"Shit!" I blocked the sharpened blade with my left gauntlet before kicking my hooded attacker in the back of the knee then in the stomach, sending them into the door. I sprung to my feet, drawing the baton and aiming it towards the unknown hostile entity.
They blocked, their blade pressing back against my baton. I braced my baton with the back of forearm, trying to pin them on their back but they went around my guard and tried slicing from an angle. I leaned back, unwillingly going into a backhand spring. After righting myself, I saw that they were charging towards me; I had a short time to counter when their blade began slashing at me. I blocked strike after strike with my gauntlets, this swordsman knew how to use their blade decently well, they even went after my legs and didn't attack in a wild flurry of strikes. There was no pattern for me to interpret, all I could do was pick my moment and strike.
I sidestepped one of their strikes, using my right arm as a secondary line of defense just in case, and elbowed them in the face twice before ducking under their next strike. As I stood up, the assailant kicked me in the back of my left thigh, making me falter and drop to my knee. I dove out of the way of their downward slash before sweeping their legs out from under them. They quickly did a roll and were back to their feet.
'This person is actually pretty good. I actually have to use some skill to keep up with them.' I charge in, guarding with my left and launching a back fist after their attempt at stabbing through me. My back fist missed and I almost caught a knee to the gut but shifted just in time. I used our new positions to toss them onto their back. Their hood flew off when they landed and I finally got a good look at their face.
She was a young-looking woman, no older than 30, long dreadlocks pushed back by a headband. She had a hardened look in her eye, she looked like a mother bear defending her cub. It didn't matter, she attacked me first and now she was about to die.
"STOP IT!" I hear Carl yell from behind me.
My attacker took this chance to spring to her feet and swing at me again. I countered with my baton but it was knocked out of my hand and into a nearby car. I proceeded to use the cars around me to my advantage; the close quarters meant her range of motion was limited and when she only had one direction to strike from, I readied myself.
"PLEASE. BOTH OF YOU STOP!" Carl sounded frantic but with this next move, this fight would be more in my favor.
As she swung towards my left side, I blocked again, but I brought up my right arm, and braced it against the dull side of her sword. I was prepared to shatter the blade with no remorse when Carl called out once again.
"TAY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP!" That got through to me. I stopped dead in my tracks. I kept the sword locked between my forearms in case this swordswoman got any ideas. Carl put himself between the woman and I, facing me with a desperate look in his eyes. "Please…both of you stop…"
"Carl what are you doing?" I asked intensely.
"You know him?" The woman behind him asked, looking down at Carl.
"You know her?" I questioned.
He looked over his shoulder at her before looking back at me. "Michonne…please…put the sword down. I will explain everything when you two calm down."
I looked up at the woman before looking back at Carl. I could feel my features soften as my lock on the sharpened blade relaxed. "Alright?" I questioned the woman.
"Alright." She retorted. She looked down at Carl and sternly says "Start explaining, runt."
"Runt?"
After about 45 minutes of explaining, Michonne and I finally had a slightly better understanding of each other and our connection to Carl.
"So you two were at the prison together. Okay, that explains how you know him."
"And you two have been traveling together for almost two weeks."
"Yeah…he had the chance to kill me when I passed out in a house a few miles from here, he tried to leave instead but I woke up and…well I told you…"
This woman had a weird effect on Carl. He had his head down whilst sitting beside her, he seemed tense. I couldn't help but glare up at her. "What's with that look?"
"Carl seems uncomfortable."
"I'm fine! I swear." He pleaded.
We both looked at him and simultaneously said "You're a terrible liar."
We looked at each other then back at Carl. "What's wrong? You can tell us."
"You two just tried to kill each other. Two people I care about just tried to kill each other…over me…"
"Carl…"
"I thought you were in danger. I just saw you falling backwards into the car and…"
"You proceeded to manhandle me and try to spill my blood all over the street and any surrounding cars."
"Hmph, you say that like it was as easy as breathing. You put up a hell of a fight, you were about to break my sword."
"I thought you were a threat to both of us, besides, when I fight to protect someone I care for, I fight ten times harder."
She sighed heavily. "Admirable, but as you can see, Carl and I are clearly familiar with each other."
"Yeah, we were close at the prison."
Michonne patted his head before chuckling a bit. "You were such a little shit."
Carl laughed a bit harder than I expected him too. "Shut up, I was not."
"Whatever you say."
I stood up abruptly. "We should find someplace to sleep. I'll take first watch when we do."
Carl looked at her and nodded. "Okay then. If Carl trusts you, I suppose I can trust you enough not to shoot us in our sleep."
"It's a start. I saw an RV up the road that we can crash in. High enough for me to see for a mile or two, enough room for sleeping."
"Sounds good, Tay. I'll get our things." Carl started walking back over to the car we were in, leaving Michonne and I alone.
"Where'd you learn to fight like that?" She asked me sternly.
"Learned from a master back in college."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"Fits…I pegged you for 19 or 20."
"I look older when I don't shave."
"I bet. So…how long have you been a fighter."
"Metaphorically speaking, all my life. In terms of being trained, about three and a half years. I was a blue belt before the world went to shit."
"Language."
"Excuse you, I'm an adult."
"I'm still older than you, respect your elders, didn't your mother teach you that?"
For an instant I felt my anger flare. "My mother taught me to respect those who respect you, regardless of age." I glared down at her, trying to suppress the anger boiling inside me. "Don't you speak of a woman you know nothing about ever again, or else we will have problems. Are we clear?"
She leered up at me before smirking. "Crystal."
"Got our things, let's get moving." Carl said cheerily as he trotted over. He looked back and forth at the looks on our faces and his smile vanished. "What happened?"
"Nothing." Michonne lied.
"We were talking and she brought up something she shouldn't have. Admittedly, she didn't know. But now she does." I looked back at her. "This is something minor enough to be honest about. Don't lie to him about small things." I took my bag from Carl before patting him on the shoulder and nodding towards the direction of the RV. "Let's get going."
Carl POV
"Michonne, he's not a bad guy I promise. He's been looking out for us, teaching me how to fight, he's done so much for me in the 2 weeks we've been together and I can't really picture him not being near me. Can you please at least give him a chance?"
She sat silently on the seat near the window, listening intently to my plea for, at the very least, civil behavior. She kept her gaze fixed on a spot in front of her. "You really trust him that much?"
"He's saved my life twice. Four times if you count him not killing me when he had the chance. He soothed me to sleep when I had a fit of sleep paralysis, held me when I started thinking too much, stuck with me when I hurt him…I trust him more than I thought I would anyone else after the prison fell."
She sighed heavily, thinking for a moment. "I'll try. I'll give him a chance."
"Thank you. You'll see, he's a good person."
"We'll see." Things got a tad quiet, I just heard Tay padding around on the top of the RV. "I have a difficult question to ask you."
"Is this about dad?"
"Where is he?"
Tay POV
I heard the door to the RV swing open a few hours later. I looked down and saw Michonne. She peered up at me before jerking her head away from the RV, telling me to come down. I climbed down the side of the vehicle, coming to a stop in front of her.
"Let's go for a walk."
"A walk as in 'Round 2' or a walk as in we're talking in private?"
"The latter."
"What about Carl?"
"We aren't going far." She began walking without me. I caught up to her, waiting for her to speak. "He cares about you."
"I can see that."
"So you know not to do anything to hurt him."
"Of course."
"Do you know why he cares so much?" She asked stopping in her tracks.
I turned to look at her. I noticed her face was sullen and she had a tone of seriousness in her voice. "It probably has something to do with why he was alone and tired when I found him. I never dug into why because it seemed too recent and too painful for him to discuss so I left it alone. I decided to spend my time making him feel better."
"He just talked to me about it."
"Is he okay?!" I started to walk back towards the RV at a quick pace but her voice stopped me.
"He's asleep. He needs some rest."
"Agreed…Look, we both care about him, he cares about us. I'm willing to put aside the little scrape we had a few hours ago if you are. No need to go turning on each other if we don't have to." I extended my hand towards her. "Truce?"
She looked at my hand then at me before grasping it firmly. "Truce."
"Is…is he okay? Emotionally?"
"Not really. He's still torn up about what happened."
"All I know is that the prison fell…people he cared about died…I don't know who but I was going to let him tell me in his own time."
"That would be best."
"I'm worried about him…I see flashes of what happened to him in his eyes and I want to help so much but he…"
"Give it time."
I looked back at her trying to get my emotions under control. "Okay…"
We walked back to the trailer after agreeing that Michonne would be on watch for the next few hours, giving us time to sleep. I handed her Carl's AR before going inside the RV. Just as she said, Carl was asleep. He was curled up on the bed in the back of the RV, sleeping soundly from what I could tell. I slowly walked towards him, kneeling when I reached him. I brushed hair out of his face, smirking slightly at how peaceful he looked.
"I was wondering when you were going to come in." He said, scaring me a bit.
"I thought you were asleep."
"I pretended to be asleep so Michonne would give me a bit of space."
"You okay?"
"Not really…Michonne and I talked about some heavy stuff and I'm still feeling the after effects of it."
"Want me to sit with you?"
"Can we…can we…umm…"
"Sure." I slid into the bed behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He scooted further into the groove of my body, letting out a relief filled sigh.
"Thank you."
"Of course."
After a few minutes I felt Carl's body relax completely and shortly after that, I could tell he was sound asleep. I was drifting off myself when I heard the door to the RV open. I drew my gun and pointed it at the intruder just to realize it was Michonne. She looked kind of shocked and I didn't think it was because I pointed a gun at her.
"I'm not going to question it. You got him to fall asleep for real and he looks comfortable, so I'll let it slide."
"Were you just checking on us?"
"Yes. I figured he wasn't asleep and you could get him to fall asleep so I lied and let you talk to him."
"Not very good at building trust, are we?"
"I do what I must, it was…mutually beneficial I see."
"You're an asshole."
She smirked sincerely before walking back out of the RV. "You're welcome."
Geeze, she's a shrewd one. I looked down at Carl, gently brushing his hair behind his ear. I guess it all worked out.
The next morning, I awoke still curled up with Carl. I tried to enjoy the nice feeling but it was short lived. Michonne was bidding us to awaken and get moving while we had a lot of daylight left. I woke Carl up with a kiss to the temple and a slight shake. After eating, we made our way up the highway, taking occasional breaks as the day went on. I noticed something though…Carl seemed happier than he had been recently. He and Michonne were cracking jokes and messing around like they'd known each other forever. I liked seeing him happy but I also felt a bit jealous.
It was an all too familiar feeling but I kept telling myself that they were just friends. Michonne was probably old enough to be his mother or something. Unfortunately for me, logic rarely overrode my emotions. I picked up on that years ago and tried my best to control it but I sucked at it.
Me handling their close relationship only got worse at the day went on; I took any opportunity I got to try and impress them both. If a few zombies appeared, I would 'dazzle' them both with a playful disposal of the undead threat. Normally I'd get a nod of approval before they started walking again but once I turned around to see them not even paying attention.
As we neared the end of the highway, we started checking cars that we thought might work. By this time, I was feeling like shit. I felt like Carl didn't need me anymore. I knew in my head it wasn't true but what I was seeing and what I was feeling overruled my logical thoughts.
"FOUND ONE!" Carl shouted as he started up an old sedan.
"Great. I'll drive."
"Good job, Carl." I tried to sound happier than I was but I fell a bit short.
He looked at me quizzically before taking my hand and leading me away from the car. "Are you okay? You seem kinda down."
I put on my best fake smile before responding. "I'm fine. Just a tad tired is all."
"You sure?"
I hated lying to him but I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. "Yeah, I'm sure."
"If it's about Michonne, she's great once you get to know her."
I can tell, they seemed friendly enough with each other, which was sort of the problem. "I'm sure she is. Just still getting over the whole trying to kill each other thing."
He gently squeezed my hand. "I figured. If it's any consolation, you put up a great fight, Harley." He cooed slyly.
It did kinda make me feel better. "Thanks, Puddin'." I draped my arms around his shoulders before pressing our foreheads together. His hands found my hips soon after. He timidly applied light pressure to them, I smirked a bit at how nervous he was.
"Hey love birds, let's get a move on."
"Mi-Michonne! Jesus! It isn't- uh." Carl sputtered.
"Shall we go?" I said chuckling a bit.
"Not much of a choice." Carl groaned.
In that moment we shared, I felt a lot better. Michonne ruined it and by doing so, a familiar realization set in: I was now second fiddle to Michonne. It was just like what I'd told Carl. Granted their relationship was not romantic in nature, it still made my heart ache the same.
"Shit."
We syphoned some gas from stalled cars by punching holes in fuel tanks before we started driving. Michonne and Carl were in the front seat laughing about something and I was in the back seat looking at my phone. The battery was at 79%, no signal as always, brightness all the way down, power-savers running, and the only app open was my calendar app. Tomorrow was a special day and it would also be as sad one but I had made up my mind and nothing was going to stop me.
We drove until the sun had started to set, at that point we started looking for a place to sleep for a bit. I noticed that as we drove we had crossed out of Kansas and into Colorado. That was something at least, we were in a new state and I was inching ever closer to California.
"Hey, that looks like a good place to stop."
"A hotel? Really?"
"Well it's not like it's a 30-story hotel that we'd have to clear."
"We're not stopping there. We'll pass through this town and find a secluded house to hole up in for the night."
"Fine. You okay with that, Tay?"
"Yeah, it's e better idea than staying in a hotel."
"Alright then. It's decided."
We drove for another 45 minutes or so before Michonne pulled into a long, winding driveway that led to a modest ranch style house. It appeared to be in good shape but then again looks can be deceiving. We climbed out of the car quietly before making our way up to the front door. Before Michonne tried the knob I nodded towards the rear of the house, trotting off by myself. I calmly counted to three before tearing through the back door with my bat in my hand. I instantly alerted the undead I could see that I was there and had to get serious, there were at least six.
The first was a child, I hated to do it but it was them or me and with a clean swing, the now decapitated body fell to the floor. I heard Michonne and Carl try to breach the front door but it was barricaded from the inside.
"Well isn't this just peachy." I ducked under another attacking zombie kicking it out the door I had just come through. I disposed of another with an upwards swing and before it dropped I kicked it backwards into another pair of zombies. I leapt on top of the pile of zombies and as I bashed one of their heads in, I felt something heavy using my back as a vault table. I looked up and saw Carl land on one of the last zombie's heads before carving through another's skull with the baton. One more rounded a corner and we both swung for it, our weapons colliding in the middle of its skull.
"I see I wasn't needed." Michonne said as she sauntered into the house, stepping over the freshly lain corpses. "We can toss the bodies off the drop off behind the house after we finish clearing it. I'll take the basement, you two finish this floor."
"Got it."
We finished clearing the house and disposed of the bodies before putting things in the bedrooms. Michonne, surprisingly, let Carl and I share a room. I sprawled out on the bed, enjoying the feeling after a long day. I wanted nothing more than to pass out for a few hours and try to dispel the emotions cluttering my heart.
My calm state was short lived when Carl pounced on top of me excitedly. "Hey, you wanna spar? We can show off to Michonne, show her how good of a teacher you are." After such a long day, I normally would have objected but I made an exception.
"Sure. Weapons or bare hands?"
"Bare hands. But no coaching, I sink or swim on my own."
"Deal. Go get her and we can duke it out in front of the house."
"You're the best!" He said eagerly as he dismounted me and ran out of the room.
"The best huh? Sure…"
I climbed out of the bed before making my way outside. Michonne was close behind me, being dragged along by Carl. "Is this necessary? I already know he can fight."
"But he started teaching me! I can kick ass too."
"Language."
"Heh, sorry." Carl looked at me before doing the bow I taught him. I showed the same kindness by bowing back and readying myself.
"You sure you don't want me to coach you?"
"Positive. I'm going to do my best."
"That's the spirit."
Michonne leaned against the railing to the porch, crossing her arms and smirking. "This should be good."
I locked eyes with Carl one last time before shouting "Begin!"
We timidly stepped forward and once he was in range, I did a sliding step to close a bit of distance before unleashing a quadruple combination kick. I'd never done something that was so difficult to counter before when we trained but I was going to push him this time. I started off with a low kick, followed up with a high kick, then a mid-kick. He successfully dodged the low kick by raising his leg, the high kick he ducked under, and the mid-kick he barely got his guard up. My final kick, a hook kick, caught him by surprise and he took the hit on the chin.
Michonne looked like she wanted to jump in but Carl wasn't fazed. He came back in with a flurry of fast punches, he managed to tag me once before I backed off a bit. He ignored a rule I instilled in him early on: Do not pursue. He ran after me and aimed a punch directly at me but I managed to catch him in a shoulder lock before tossing him away from me. He rolled as he was thrown and got right back to his feet. I mentally applauded him for remembering that.
I charged at him as he tried to do a spinning hook kick. I countered at the same time with one of my own and did something I'd yet to teach him: I used the force generated by my kick to stop his momentum and in a smooth movement, I delivered a kick to the back of his supporting leg's knee. He dropped immediately but rolled a couple of times to get out of the way and recover.
I was on him before he could get steady on his feet, launching a kick towards his body. Instead of blocking, he decided to grab my leg and put it in a lock. I had to admit it was clever, but not clever enough. I rotated and threw a kick at the back of his head with my heel. Now he had to either decide to take another kick to the face or duck out of the way. He picked the latter, opting to drop my leg and roll out of the way.
I landed in a crouched position and upon looking up, Carl was charging at me. He stopped short and tried to deliver a brutal axe kick but I countered with a soft high x block above my head and used his momentum to redirect it, throwing him off balance before I swept his supporting leg out from under him. The second he hit the ground, I put him in an arm bar. He knew he was beaten because the only ways he could get out of it would be to pick me up and slam me to the ground or to try and use a pressure point but if he tried that, I could pop his bicep.
Through ragged breathing he admitted his defeat. "I concede."
"Well damn Carl, you can fight."
I released him before helping him up. "That was great, you did so well. This was your best session yet. You actually landed a solid punch on me AND got me into a leg lock. Granted, you ignored my rule of do not pursue, you still did incredibly well. Are you okay though? I know I kicked you earlier but I tried to dial down the powe-"
He cut me off by raising his hand between us. He took a step backwards before bowing. I quickly mirrored him, smiling the entire time. "I'm fine. I managed to deck you once and put you in a lock, plus now Michonne knows I can actually fight." He plucked a few leaves out of my hair before patting my cheek. "Now let's go eat, I'm starved."
After getting cleaned up and eating, Michonne decided to be on watch duty while we rested up. Carl and I were in bed together, just enjoying one another's company but I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow. In just a few hours everything would be different.
"Hey. You asleep?"
"No, why?"
"Can we listen to a couple of songs?"
"Sure. I'll let you pick."
After turning on my phone, I handed it to Carl, letting him scroll through my music library for a few minutes before he selected something I hadn't expected him to pick. The smooth, melodic sound of the stringed instrument wafted through the speakers before the vocals began. 'Red like roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest.'
"Red Like Roses, huh."
"Do you not like it?"
"I love the song; I just didn't expect it is all."
"Tell me how it makes you feel."
I shut my eyes and listened to the song as it played. "Well the first portion that actually has lyrics makes me feel so calm and peaceful. I feel like the singer is describing the traits of one person or describing four different people. Then the rest of the song makes me feel like I'm in battle and taking on a bunch of enemies with ease. What about you?"
"Well…it was calming and I felt safe when the singer described the four people. I felt like they were guardians of different aspects of people…then as it progressed it kinda got lost…but I like it."
As the song drew to a close, I saw Carl was eager to pick another one. "I like your interpretation."
He blushed a bit and it got worse when I heard his next selection. 'How can I decide what's right, when you're clouding up my mind?' My eyes widened as all the memories attached to that song flooded back to the forefront of my mind.
"Carl…"
"I know. I remember what you told me but I wanted to try and help you reclaim this song, maybe make some new memories to it."
"Carl…please." He took my hand in his before placing his head next to mine.
"Look at me. You're okay. It's me and you. Me. And. You." 'How did we get here? When I used to know you so well.'
I felt tears brimming in my eyes and as they started to fall, as I started to slip back into what consumed me years ago, I felt something that stopped me from falling. Carl pressed his lips to my forehead, forming a sort of tether that connected us. I was now grounded in the present with him and I didn't feel as anxious as I did when the song started.
'I'm screaming, "I love you so!" On my own. My thoughts you can't decode.' "I'm here with you." He reassured me. I felt better as the song drew to a close until the last words were sung. My heart dropped when I applied them to what I'd be doing tomorrow. 'Ooh, there is something, I see in you. It might kill me. I want it to be true.' "Tay?"
"I'm okay…can we just stay like this for a bit?"
He wordlessly brought my head to his chest, allowing me to just be. I breathed in his scent and felt his heart beating evenly in his chest. I took a deep breath enjoying the subtle scent of a pine forest during a rain storm mixed with a tiny bit of musk. It was unique and it was his. I let it soak into my memory before pulling away to look up at him.
"Wanna sleep?"
I simply nodded before shutting off my phone and getting into our typical, at this point, sleeping positions. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him a bit tighter than I normally did, and feeling him push back into me. The room was silent for a while before I heard Carl say "Tomorrow, I'll tell you why I was alone when you found me."
That's everything. I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulders before grabbing my bat and rifle. I looked down at Carl who was still sleeping soundly. His hair was messily strewn about the pillow under him, his mouth slightly open; he looked so peaceful and at ease. I hated what I was about to do but I felt like it was best.
I placed the note I'd written for him next to my phone, on top of the pillow beside him. I took one last look at his sleeping form before exiting the room and silently making my way out of the house. Light was barely creeping over the horizon, dousing everything with the first vibrant rays of a new day. It was bright enough to see but dark enough to move without detection, from a distance at least.
"Going somewhere?" Michonne asked from behind me.
"Yes, but it doesn't concern you."
"It concerns Carl, which concerns me."
"You're not going to stop me."
"Just tell me why."
"It's better for him this way, he'll be happier with you."
"Do you really believe that?"
"I've seen how you two are, he needs someone like you more than someone like me."
"Someone like you?"
I finally turned to face her before continuing my tirade. "He doesn't need a romantic interest right now. Especially when he's still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants. He needs someone like you, a role model, a parental figure. You're better for him in the long run. He needs someone to keep him grounded and focused…I'm afraid I'll become a liability. That is my reasoning."
"I can't force you to stay. All I can do is hope that you'll be safe out there."
"Keep him safe for me…even if our paths never cross again, keep him safe."
"I will."
"Promise me."
Michonne looked at me intently for a moment before stepping down off the porch and extending her hand towards me. "I promise." I shook her hand firmly before walking down the driveway towards the road. "Take care of yourself." She shouted.
"You too." I'm sorry Carl, but this is for the best.
Carl POV
I felt a bit cold when I woke up. Usually if Tay and I fell asleep together I'd feel the warmth of his body but today I felt cold…I slowly opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the dimly lit room. "Tay?" No answer. "Harley?" Still no response. "I swear if you're still sleeping Michonne is gonna be mad-" I let my hand drift behind me and felt that his side of the bed was empty. I slowly sat up, looking around the room for him. I noticed his things weren't in the room and as I got up, I noticed the note on the pillow next to his phone.
"What the hell?" I unfolded the note and began to read it. 'Carl, I know that this is a fucked up way to do this but I couldn't face you. I couldn't stand seeing your heart break through those beautiful eyes of yours. I'm a coward and I'm sorry but I had to leave. Michonne is a way better influence on you than I could ever be. I saw how much of a bond you two share and as jealous as I was, I think she would be better company than I was. I'm doing this because I care for you and want what's best for you. Remember to keep training. I left my phone and charger with you as a way to remember me. With much love, Harley Quinn. P.S. Happy Birthday.'
"Hey Carl, are you up? I need to-" Michonne stopped talking the second she saw me standing at the bedside with the note in my hand, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Shit…Carl…I'm sorry. He left this morning. I tried to convince him to stay but his mind was already made up."
"Why didn't you stop him!? Why didn't you force him to stay?!"
"Would you have wanted me to fight him? To injure him so he would be forced to stay? Then what? Hmm? Then what would you have done?"
"I…would have talked him out of leaving! He didn't need to go, Michonne! He could have stayed; we could have…"
"You could have what, Carl?"
I crumpled the note in my hand before clamping my eyes shut. "We could have been happy together…" I whispered more to myself than Michonne.
"I'm sorry that he's gone. I know he meant a lot to you and he was a good person from what I saw…I wish I could take the pain away but I can't."
"He filled the void…he helped me get over what happened and now he's gone."
"Is that his phone?" I looked up at the pillow where his phone and charger were resting and nodded. "Turn it on."
"Why?"
"Just a hunch."
I picked up the small device before powering it on. As soon as the lock screen appeared, I was on the verge of tears once again. The lock screen was a picture of him kissing my temple as I slept. I unlocked the phone and saw that the home screen was a picture of us when we were back at the cabin. We were both smiling and laughing as the afternoon sun was beating down on us. It was a great picture that I'd honestly forgotten all about.
"Damn it."
Michonne walked over, looking down at the phone with me. "That's cute. You guys really made each other happy…I'm sorry Carl. I'll give you a minute."
She exited the room, leaving me to stew in my feelings of rejection and heart break. All I could think of is the time we spent together and how happy he made me. He was making me into a better person. He taught me how to fight, he allowed me to laugh again, he made me smile, he did so much for me in such a short period of time and now he was gone. I don't even know if I'll get to see him again.
I looked down at the phone in my hand, noticing the screen had gone dark. I pushed the lock button, feeling a mix of emotions upon seeing the picture of us again. I looked in the top right corner seeing that the battery was at a solid 68%. I unlocked the phone, taking one last look at the home screen before shutting it off and tucking it away in my pocket. "Some birthday this turned out to be…"
Tay POV
"Take me high and I'll sing. Oh you make everything okay. We are one in the same. Oh, you take all of the pain away. Save me if I become…my demons. Save me if I become…my demons." I softly sang the familiar tune as I drove down the empty road in my freshly pilfered car. I'd gotten back into town and scavenged for supplies before testing out a few cars to see if they'd work. I got lucky and found a working coupe that had a decent amount of gas in the tank.
I'd been driving for a few hours and had almost no clue where I was, I just knew that I was nearing the border of New Mexico. I had thought that driving would help clear my head but it hadn't. It gave me more time to think about what I'd done and with each passing second I wanted to turn around and go back even more. I knew that doing so would be bad for me and bad for Carl so I kept driving.
After another hour or so I came across a pair of people walking in the middle of the road. They appeared to be women around my age, one caramel skinned, one a shade darker. One wore a purple bandanna and a matching tank top, dark blue jeans, and a flannel shirt wrapped around her hips. Her feet were clad in worn, jet black combat boots. The other wore a light pink shirt with a star on the back. She paired her shirt with khaki capris and dark brown shin high boots.
"Excuse me, ladies. I don't mean to be rude but can you please step aside."
They both slowly turned around and once I saw their faces, I slammed on the brakes. "Is that…"
"TAY!"
"BRITTANY!? CAMILLE!? YOU'RE BOTH OKAY!" I threw the car into 'park before turning it off and rushing out of the driver's seat. We all collided in a huge emotional heap, screaming and sobbing about how we thought we'd never see each other again. "I'm so happy you guys are still alive!"
"We are too; we knew you were tough enough to make it on your own but…we had our doubts."
"Reasonably so. This world is a shit show. Get in, we can talk in the car." We all piled into the car and zoomed off down the road.
"So, how've you been? You look great for someone we haven't seen in a month." Camille asked.
"Yeah, we had it kinda rough when we were out there but you look like you've been with another group."
"I…kinda was. I found this guy and we ended up sticking together. Then we ran into a friend of his…who…tried to kill me."
"WHAT!?" They both exclaimed.
"Calm down, I'm fine. She had good reasons behind doing so and we all stuck together for a couple days but I had to split."
"Why? Sounds like you had it good." Brittany chuckled.
"It's…complicated."
"Well, you're gonna tell us, right?" Brittany prodded.
"Brit, he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to."
"I know…I'm just curious. A bitch hasn't had someone pour them some tea in ages. I'm parched."
"I'll tell you guys. Just…not now."
"Okay…that's fine. Well, we can catch you up on what's been happening with us."
"Sure. Go ahead." The pair proceeded to recant their experiences in our time apart as I drove but all I could think about was Carl and what he must be feeling. I could feel the gravity of my actions settling in my chest. I wanted to cry right then and there but I held it together. Barely.
We drove well passed nightfall, Camille and Brittany had fallen asleep an hour or so ago and I didn't want to wake them. I pulled alongside a viewing area that overlooked a town, putting the car in park and setting the emergency brake before climbing out of the driver's seat. I sat on the guard rail, looking at the starry sky and the town that was bathed in the bright rays radiating from the moon. I looked up at the moon, admiring it for the first time in ages. I used to look up at the sky, particularly the night sky, and feel the weight of the world melt away. The vastness of the dark expanse above me soothed me in a way. Seeing the twinkling lights in the distance gave me something to focus on that wasn't impending doom, or finding a place to sleep, or getting to California.
"Hey…you alright?" I heard Camille say as she approached me from behind.
I peered over my shoulder at her, smiling a bit. "Yeah, come sit with me."
She did as I instructed, opting to sit with her back against the guard rail instead of on top of it. "So."
"So."
"Wanna tell me what this mystery guy is like?"
"He was such a great guy: cute, kinda broody, gorgeous blue eyes that contrasted with his dark hair, always wore a sheriff's hat, shy, cute smile, about 2 or 3 inches shorter than me, so easy to provoke, damaged, but also really sweet."
"He sounds great. He got a name?"
"Carl."
"Like my chick from the museum!"
"Oh Jesus, Camille please no."
"He must be a precious angel like my chick."
"Your chick was a bully and you know it!"
"No clue what you're talking about."
I rolled my eyes before looking back out over the cliff. "Anyway, he was so broken when I found him. He was exhausted, I could tell he'd been through some shit and hadn't been sleeping well. So, our first night together, I took watch so he could sleep. He went through a fit of sleep paralysis followed by a panic attack. I calmed him down though."
"What did you make him focus on?"
"Me. I made him describe what I was wearing and what I looked like. He said I had pouty lips."
"You do."
"Shh…I know. After that I let him sleep on my lap and we spent the next day raiding the houses near us and that same day I saved his ass. One of them almost got him but it got a bat to the face before it could touch him. After that he had a rage fit. Something having to do with a promise he made to someone."
"Oh my…was he okay?"
"After reducing a zombie to a pile of bone and pulverized organs he seemed a bit better…I told him about Andrew and Almira…then we listened to music and I fell asleep on his lap. I feel like…when I told him how they treated me, we shared a moment. Like we both just wanted to make out for a while but I let it pass. We did end up cuddling together, which was the first of many times."
"Go on." Camille said enthusiastically.
"Well...I kinda pushed him to see if he actually liked me. At first I was just kidding around and being my usual flirty self but then…it got real. We were kissing each other's necks and I was going to go down on him to see if he'd like it but he was hesitant and I don't like hesitation. He was unsure…I had flashbacks to Andrew and I stopped. The week following that was awkward and I resorted to killing walkers to alleviate my stress and give myself space."
"Walkers?"
"Shit, did I say that? That's what Carl calls them."
"He rubbed off on you quite a bit, didn't he?"
"Yeah…he did. He tried to kiss me."
"WHAT!?"
"It was to get me to stop being mad at him in a sense…it was to make me feel better…it was out of pity. It wasn't genuine or sincere so I rejected the kiss and explained why I did. After that things were even more awkward but he tried to talk to me…and me being who I am, I forgave him. We ended up holding hands as we walked until we found the highway. After that we talked for a bit and I hugged him tight right before he asked me to be patient while he came to terms with the new things he was feeling. I agreed because some things are worth the wait."
"You're still a hopeless romantic, somethings never change." Camille said shaking her head.
"Hey, I didn't go looking for this one. It just sorta happened."
"What happened after that?"
"Michonne tried to kill me."
"Who did what?"
"Easy girl, she was someone he knew from the group he was with. She thought he was in trouble and came after me. Obviously, I'm okay. Carl stepped in right before I snapped her sword into pieces."
"You take way too many risks."
"You sound like Carl."
"It's the truth."
"What was I supposed to do? Get killed? Nah, son. I ain't going out like that."
We both chuckled and looked off into the distance for a moment before she spoke again. "So…why'd you leave?"
I hesitated for a moment, looking up at the sky once again. "A bit of self-preservation mixed with some 'it's for the best' and a lot of 'this is for him'."
"I see..." Camille looked over at me, analyzing me for a second or two before pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "You miss him don't you?"
"Yeah…a lot. It's only been a day but it feels like a life time."
"Well…you know what they say, 'if it's meant to be, they'll find you again'. If you two are really supposed to be together, you will find each other."
"You're right…it's just that…in a world of uncertainty…I wanted to be certain just this once."
Camille got up and drew me into a hug while rubbing my back. I felt another pair of arms wrap around us and figured it was Brittany. I felt so lucky to have two people in my life that I could talk to and depend on. I'd never appreciated them more than I did at this moment in time.
