Cry Freedom! (aka What Happened To The Newsparks)
Jazz groaned in misery as the newsparks practically tackled him. Seriously, he had only been gone for a breem so Ratchet could check him over before he left, but the way they were acting, it was like he had been gone for cycles!
As if it wasn't bad enough he was stuck here whilst his comrades went to investigate exactly what the frag Barricade thought he was doing pretending to be part of the police…he was stuck with bitlets hanging off of him practically all the time!
It was nearly impossible to pry the little (and not-so-little) ones off of him. The longest he had been free of them after that ex-Con dumped them on him in Mission City was exactly one joor.
It was driving him insane! A mech needed some privacy, sometimes!
So far, Judy Witwicky and Sarah Lennnox were the only ones who had succeeded in getting the bitlets off of him, but they could only keep them away for so long. Judy seemed certain that Fixit, Miles' mother and Sam's godmother, would be able to help more, though.
Jazz publically hoped for her to succeed, but privately was of the opinion that she would have to be a slagging miracle-worker to get his personal leeches less dependent on him.
Jazz broke off in the middle of flirting with Fixit (and traumatizing Miles and Sam) in order to groan in exasperation.
She frowned at him in concern, the giant balloon crown wobbling as she tilted her head to the side.
"T' bitlets are getting' restless an' startin' t' sneak across t' base t' tackle ma real form," he sighed, answering her wordless question. He briefly dropped his head to rest against her shoulder in resignation.
She patted his head sympathetically, only a slight tensing of her shoulders giving away the fact that she was uncomfortable with his proximity.
"There, there…want me to work my magic?"
"If yah can do anything t' help, Ah will foreve' adore ya," he told her seriously, raising his head to look her in the eyes.
The albino smirked, patting his cheek. "Don't make promises you can't keep, bud. Come on then, tell me where the bitlets are."
Jazz gaped in astonishment as the bitlets utterly ignored him in favor of listening to Fixit tell her ridiculous (and amazingly, true) story about the Telephone Wire Caper.
She caught sight of his gaping form and winked a red eye mischievously. Her entire posture screamed 'I told you so.'
Jazz was infamous for taking everything in stride- hardly anything fazed him.
And then he met Fixit.
And watched her put the bitlets to bed without them desperately having to cling to the saboteur.
And then she proceeded to drag him off to locate a suitable hanger to design the playground/quarters for the bitlets without them stirring in the slightest.
He gaped at the elaborate blueprints she presented him with. This was…
"…brillian'," he finished out loud, causing her to blush slightly.
"Yes, well…you'll still have to be around them a lot for a while, but you should start having someone else with you. Maybe more than one, I don't know, it all depends on the bitlets' comfort level. However many others you get, wait to leave them alone with the bitlets until they associate them with you…with safety. Once that's done, you can slowly start increasing the amount of time you spend away from them. Slowly."
"What's going on over there?" Wheeljack asked curiously as panicked yelling, snarled curses, and hysterical laughter drifted out from one of the outlying hangers.
Jazz laughed, bouncing over to the commotion. "Tha', mah mech, is Fixit an' her family," he tossed over his shoulder, leaving his comrades to explain.
The saboteur was so happy! Fixit's plan had worked! The newsparks, whilst still needing a lot of attention, weren't utterly dependent on him anymore! He was free!
"Fixit!" he cried happily as he burst into the hanger. "Wonderfal, amazin', beautifal Fixit! Light o' ma spark! Ge' ova here an' let meh hug yah!"
"What the frag!?" the albino yelped as the saboteur scooped her up and cuddled her to his chest, allowing her son to escape to the relative safety of Barricade's shoulders. "Jazz, put me down!"
"Neva! Yah're mah savior! Ah mus' adore yah foreva!"
"How the frag does that translate to smothering me!? Barricade, help!"
Jazz glared at the cop car, pressing a protesting Fixit into the crook of his neck protectively.
Barricade raised his servos in the air as Fritz and Miles hid behind him helm. "…nah, I'm good."
"Barricade!"
The cruiser had trouble repressing his laughter as the saboteur happily went back to rubbing his faceplates affectionately against the cursing albino.
"Jazz, put me down- wait no, I take it back, hold me closer!" Fixit amended as Ratchet stalked in, a dangerous gleam in his optics.
"U-uh-oh," Fritz muttered. He and Barricade exchanged glances as the Autobot CMO stalked towards the suddenly indecisive saboteur and the defensively-snarling albino cradled against his chest.
The cruiser plucked his charge off his shoulder as his partner scrambled down his frame. Cade dropped Miles onto Fritz's back, and the two shorties made a break for it just as Ratchet and Fixit began yelling at their respective top volumes.
Barricade winced in mild sympathy for Jazz, who looked rather intimidated at being caught in the middle of the fight. Luckily enough for him, Fixit jumped from his arms to land on top of a pile of crates about as tall as Ratchet's waist, grinning fiercely as she taunted the medic with the sensor block around her neck that was preventing the doctor from scanning her.
The saboteur immediately retreated to stand (re: cower) next to the cop car.
Cade smirked at him before offering…an energon goodie?
"Humans have popcorn, we have energon goodies," the mech explained, leaning against the wall and snacking on his own treat as he watched Fixit and Ratchet swear at each other.
"…where did yah find enough energon ta make goodies?" Jazz accepted the offering cautiously, although he didn't eat it.
"Fixit has a massive energon conversion and/or production system at several locations around the world," Cade answered casually, ignoring the silver mech's surprised noise. "Ooo, that was a creative one. Never heard that before…"
Jazz was still trying to wrap his helm around the fact that Fixit apparently had a surplus of energon. Barricade noticed, and rolled his optics.
"She's going to share it with you lot just as soon as she figures out how to make something other than high-grade. Understandably, she doesn't want to see any of you drunk. It should be ready in a week, so just relax, sit back, and enjoy the show. Because really, how often do you get to see two masters of creative cursing have a cuss-off?"
The saboteur snorted in amusement at the cruiser's phrasing. But the ex-Con had a point.
And so, Jazz and Barricade sat back and laughed their afts off as an irate Ratchet began chasing Fixit around the hanger.
(They ended up in hysterics as Fixit, followed closely by the CMO, dodged between the pedes of the newly-arrived Optimus. Only Ratchet wasn't as light on his feet as the albino, and ended up flattening his Prime, allowing Fixit to escape with a gleeful cackle.)
