Disclaimer: I am not a writer and do not own the characters of GWTW...I just like to think up what I would like my favorite character's lives to be like! I am sorry this has taken me so long to get this out...'real' life has kept me very busy these past couple of weeks so I made this chapter extra long to make up for lost time! I know exactly where my story is going and how it will end but it's all in my head and takes time to type out. I will get out a new chapter as quickly as possible, hopefully once a week! Also, please review this chapter if you have the time so I can know if you like my story so far or if this is a complet waste of your and my time...LOL! :)
Scarlett awoke after two hours of restless sleep knowing she was in for a very rough day. The brandy she consumed the previous evening, her lack of appetite, and the extended crying spell she couldn't control all worked in tandem against her, causing the torment she was now in. Not only was she in a state of depression at the turn of events from the previous day but now she also had a splitting headache, a nauseous stomach, and as she sat at her vanity tending to her hair, noticed her eyes were as red as the fire the night Atlanta had burned.
"Great balls of fire!" she blurted out loud as she lamented her condition while looking at her reflection in the mirror. Realizing that today all of Atlanta society would be paying their respects for Melly at Aunt Pitty's house, Scarlett was hoping there wouldn't be a dry eye in sight and her appearance would fit right in with the rest of Melanie's mourners. "Oh Melly, if only you were here! I know you'd help me find a way to get Rhett back," she thought as a fresh round of nausea upset her stomach again. Scarlett swore to herself as she violently vomited into the chamber pot she had used in Rhett's room the night before. Her gluttonous night of imbibing alcohol served as a painful and unwelcome reminder of how low the once proud Scarlett O'Hara had sunk. She knew the long road towards any semblance of recovery today would only be an uphill one.
Even though the gray clouds overhead threatened rain, Scarlett decided to walk the five blocks to Aunt Pitty's modest red brick home at the end of Peachtree Street. As she was dressing in her well-used widow weeds, Scarlett decided the fresh early autumn air and exercise from a walk would relax her exhausted body and strengthen her mind. Today of all days, the pretense of inner strength would be as essential as air in order for her to survive the hours ahead with India Wilkes and the old guard ladies who despised her. Scarlett knew their watchful eyes would be slyly zeroed in on her and Ashley in the hopes of catching them in an illicit conversation. "I can't bear for them to find out that Rhett left me…that would just make their day, especially India's." Scarlett fretted and a fresh round of anger overcame her as Rhett came to mind. "Damn you for leaving me at a time like this when I need you so badly," she spoke under her breath with irritation as the awareness she had arrived at her destination abruptly ended her train of thought.
Dr. and Mrs. Meade arrived outside of Aunt Pitty's white-washed fence at the same moment as Scarlett and they all politely greeted one another as Dr. Meade unlatched the gate. The Meade's, in unison, silently watched Scarlett with a piqued curiosity. Her normally creamy complexion was ruddy across her cheek and nasal area while her glassy eyes were red and swollen, as if she had spent many hours in tears. Dressed completely in black crape from head to toe, Scarlett was a striking example of a woman truly in deep mourning. Dr. and Mrs. Meade glanced at one another as they both were suddenly struck at the depth of emotion they thought Scarlett must have felt for Melanie. For a brief instant, Mrs. Meade felt a twinge of guilt at her participation in spreading gossip at Scarlett's expense. She knew the whole town, starting with India, had been speculating Scarlett would immediately throw herself at Ashley upon Melanie's death. She was even ashamed to admit she had wagered a small amount of money with the other ladies as to how long it would take before Scarlett would divorce the scoundrel Captain Butler and claim Ashley as her next husband. All the respectable women in town knew Captain Butler spent a considerable amount of time at the Red Horse Saloon over on Decatur Street. No judge would deny Scarlett a divorce if she desired one based on the knowledge of Rhett's suspected infidelities alone. Today, all of proper Atlanta society would pay their respects for Melanie Wilkes while silently observing Scarlett to see if India's rumors had any factual basis. Mrs. Meade decided her final judgment on Scarlett would be pending upon closer observation of her behavior today.
Walking past a bed of pink and white azaleas edged with myrtle, Mrs. Meade turned towards Scarlett with dismay. "Scarlett, dear, where is Captain Butler? Is he not here to pay his respects with you?" She asked with a feigned look of horror. Realizing the news of Rhett's leaving would not yet have made the rounds of gossip, Scarlett felt a brief calmness wash over her. Mustering up all the dignity and strength she could, Scarlett hesitated for a moment then properly replied, "Unfortunately, Captain Butler was sent away to Charleston on an urgent business matter and will not be able to return to Atlanta for a little while. I am afraid he will not be able to make it here today but, instead, sends his condolences through me." At her admission, Scarlett felt all calmness fade as tears began welling in her tired eyes. She quickly walked ahead so the Meade's wouldn't notice her change in demeanor and opened the black-draped heavy wooden door of the home she once called her own. Alone now, Scarlett stepped inside the house to meet the stares of all those gathered inside.
Aunt Pitty's modest home was typically warm and inviting. Today, however, it took on a new character as it had become somber and dark both in mood and appearance. The plantation shutters and heavy drapes were tightly drawn closed while all family photos, mirrors, and fireplace mantels were covered in black-dyed crape mourning cloth. The pungent odor of the dye permeated the home, making Scarlett's bitter stomach turn. The sad reality of all the deaths she was witness to within the past few years sunk in and Scarlett began to long, once again, for the simple comforts of home at Tara. She knew her father, Ashley, and Rhett had all been right about one thing: she did get her strength from the red earth of Tara and knew her childhood home would not fail to draw out her strength once more, especially when it was needed more than ever before. "I only have to make it through today and for Melly's burial in the morning then I will be back where I belong," she wistfully sighed.
The large crowd of mourners tightly packed the foyer and main level rooms of the home. As Scarlett pushed through the throng on her way to the parlor, she greeted Mrs. Merriwether and Mrs. Elsing, knowing they were silently critiquing her unpolished appearance. She knew she looked horrible but today she just couldn't bring herself to care what anyone other than Rhett thought of her and she knew he would not be here to see her at her worst anyway. She was going to remain strong in front of these people if it killed her. As a sudden hush fell over the crowd, Scarlett felt all eyes watching her intently as she heard her name softly called out. Turning around quickly, Scarlett gasped with shock as she took in the sight of Ashley as he stood before her: His pale face was gaunt and haggard while his hair, usually perfectly groomed, was disheveled, long bangs spilling over one eye. His blue eyes were devoid of any life, any spark from within. A large, ugly yellow bruise graced one side of his jaw and Scarlett gasped as she realized he had not had it yesterday and briefly wondered what had caused it. As Ashley moved closer towards her, he stumbled over his own feet and the realization hit Scarlett that he was drunk and not doing a very good job at hiding it. Scarlett was taken aback at his despondency and lack of strength as well as his disheveled appearance and unpleasant odor. She had never seen Ashley in such a state before and it was apparent he had overindulged in order to lessen his deep rooted pain at losing Melly.
"Scarlett, my dear, I am so glad you are finally here," he slurred as he enveloped her in a smothering embrace and kissed both her cheeks. She obviously knew Ashley wasn't in love with her nor she with him any longer but, being drunk, Scarlett knew his sloppy actions would be misconstrued by the old guard watching their every move anyway. "I was eager for your arrival so you could be strong for Beau….. And for my sake like you always have been…But now I know I must be the strong one for Beau and my self," he said, abruptly stopping when his voice cracked with emotion. Scarlett knew Melly would have wanted her to help him get over his anguish but as she noticed the guests staring at the scene Ashley was causing, all she wanted to do was get away from him as far as she possibly could. Instinctively pulling away, Scarlett swooned as the overpowering scent of cigars and whiskey lingering on Ashley's breath intensified her nausea. The many mourners continued to stare in indignation at the scene of the two suspected lovers and Scarlett's irritation with Ashley finally reached her boiling point.
Scarlett slowly began backing away from Ashley, all the while cognizant of her audience, and suddenly found a new strength within her as she turned back to face him. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, she responded, "Oh, fiddle dee dee Ashley! You have always been strong when you most needed to be. Please excuse me. I must go see Melly now," she firmly responded as she quickly walked away. She didn't bother to look around to notice the surprised reactions of those present at her indifference towards the one man everyone believed she had set her sights on. Just having witnessed the lackluster conversation that revealed nothing other than a respectful relationship, no one believed there could be any truth to India's gossip.
Melly, in life, was a juxtaposition of opposing characteristics. Outwardly, she was a very petite and delicate woman radiating an inner grace that hid the animalistic strength she possessed deep inside. The shell of the woman now laid out in front of Scarlett was frail and childlike, even in death seemingly vulnerable. Observing Melly like this only caused Scarlett further pain as the reminder of losing her best friend and husband on the same day was tearing her apart inside. She stifled a sob with a fisted hand as heavy tears fell onto the white satin of the coffin lining. Melly's waxy, pale face looked so peaceful and relaxed, for a brief moment, Scarlett wished she could be with her. Scarlett knew Melly was in heaven as Melly was too pure and honest to be anywhere else. Kneeling down in front of the simple wooden coffin, Scarlett tried to remember the prayers from her youth Mother had taught. As not one came to mind, she began to feel deep shame for not giving more importance to her faith in the God she knew existed. Silently asking for God's mercy on Melly's and Bonnie's souls, Scarlett turned as Aunt Pitty knelt down to pray too and wrapped her hands around Scarlett's. "My dear, Miss Melanie sure did love you. You were so good to her, bringing Beau into the world and taking care of them and all. I can see how much you are hurting, you poor thing…..come here," she sobbed while taking Scarlett into her arms, both crying for the loss of such a great woman. Feeling shameful at her remembrance of impatience with the flighty Aunt Pitty, Scarlett came to the realization Melanie's aunt was truly a tender hearted, kind woman who had done the best she could raising Melly and Charles with what little she had. Scarlett suddenly discovered a new found respect for Aunt Pitty knowing she always had only wanted the best for those she held dear in her heart.
"Scarlett, how nice of you to come here today to comfort my dear brother Ashley," the grating voice of India Wilkes hissed, breaking the reverie of Scarlett's and Aunt Pitty's quiet moment. Observing Aunt Pitty's nervousness India continued, "Such a comfort you are for the rest of us too, of course. Melanie would have been so pleased." India glared at her aunt and, sensing trouble brewing, Aunt Pitty quickly excused herself and left to put out more refreshments for the guests in the dining room. Scarlett stood up and moved away from Melanie's coffin. India was mean and spiteful and Scarlett would gladly face up to her but she didn't want it to be in the presence of their reason for being there as that would be a sacrilege to the memory of Melly's goodness. India seethed through tightly clenched teeth while taking in Scarlett's forlorn appearance and continued on, "You know I do appreciate how only you seem to be able to comfort Ashley, especially when he seems to need you most. I heard even you looked very comfortable in his arms only a few minutes ago." India thrilled at any opportunity to bait Scarlett and, in the process, show Atlanta society the evil, conniving person she thought Scarlett to be. Scarlett wasn't going to give India the satisfaction in knowing how emotionally distraught she was due to Rhett's leaving. This was one time Scarlett knew she had no patience for India and should walk away without putting up a fight. She didn't have to turn around to know everyone present was listening in to their conversation, eagerly awaiting her response. As India defiantly stared at her like the cat that swallowed the proverbial canary, Scarlett's prideful instincts kicked in and she realized she would have to put India in her place after all or she would never be able to hold her head high around these people ever again.
"Why India, what a kind thing for you to say," Scarlett said with her own brand of sarcastic charm that wasn't lost on India and those eavesdropping. "Of course I know Ashley is your blood relation but after I married your dear cousin Charles I truly grew to care for Ashley, and Melly of course, as their new sister too." Scarlett was growing empowered as she watched the expression on India's angry face grow more enraged at the remembrance of having Charles' affections so easily stolen away. Scarlett knew India's blood was boiling and needed only a few more seconds to drive her point home. Scarlett smugly continued on, "If only I could have been here earlier today, I know I would have made sure the well-being of my dear brother would have been ensured." She paused for effect, watching India's eyes turn blacker than coal. "However, it seems you have allowed Ashley to become embarrassingly drunk for all of Melly's mourners to see. I do sympathize with him, of course, witnessing his level of distress last night when Melly tragically died. You, on the other hand, live in the same home as Ashley and claim to care for him yet do nothing to stop him from embarrassing himself or even harming his self! Oh, how my mind does wonder what vicious gossip will be spread all over town regarding your lack of sisterly concern." Scarlett took a deep breath and drove in the final point, "Seeing as it is always you starting all the untruthful gossip circulated in the first place, I think your reputation as the boring and jealous spinster you truly are will be quite safe after all."
India's mouth tightly pursed at the insulting remarks, yet deep down, she knew Scarlett was right. She had hated Scarlett all her life, more than ever after Charles had been stolen away. Now she was related to the wench she despised and had no marriage prospects of her own while Scarlett already had three husbands and was working on adding a fourth….such injustice! All India could do was silently stand there and fume while her mind turned over and over, trying to think of any bit of information that could be used in gaining back the upper hand. A sudden thought came to mind causing a slow smile to spread over India's face. Something she had overheard Mrs. Meade discussing a few minutes ago with Mrs. Merriwether struck her as particularly odd. Knowing there was more to what she overheard than what met the eye, like Scarlett's "so-called" sisterly regard for Ashley, India couldn't resist knocking Scarlett back down to size. Glaring at the one woman she truly hated, India spoke with a smug tone in her voice, "By the way, I would have thought Captain Butler would have been here with you today. I know Melanie really cared for him for some reason I will never understand. It would only seem natural he would be here to pay his respects for her too."
Scarlett felt sick as the color drained from her face upon hearing India's words. Sensing she humbled Scarlett at last, India continued on, "I wonder why he isn't here by your side today…. Since our dear Ashley apparently is in no state to be left alone and Rhett isn't here with you, maybe you should be the one to assist Ashley since he seems to prefer your company over mine anyway." She didn't think India, or the rest of Atlanta for that matter, would have learned so quickly of Rhett's leaving town last night as most everyone's focus had been on the news of the death of Melly. She suspected India had only been speculating as to Rhett's absence and Scarlett owed her no explanation. However, she decided to call her bluff by replying, "Captain Butler had an extremely urgent business matter to take care of away from Atlanta. He will return soon." Scarlett couldn't resist one last remark as she eyed the plain-looking India's hideous black dress that was at least two years out of fashion and completely covered every inch of her skin from neck to toe. "By the way, India, I've wanted to tell you how much I love your dress. I just can't take my eyes off it," she flatly said with a new twinkle in her tired eyes as she walked off, completely aware of the look of bitterness spreading across India's face. Feeling a sudden rush of nausea coming on, Scarlett sped up her pace and snuck out the back door, away from the prying eyes of India and the rest of Melanie's mourners.
Scarlett vomited in Aunt Pitty's backyard flower bed just as raindrops began to fall. Never before had she been sick in public, not even during pregnancy, and she was ashamed at her lack of self -control. However, she was glad to be all alone outside and reveled in the fresh scent of the autumn rain, feeling as miserable as she knew she looked. Scarlett wasn't naïve, it was apparent everyone had been talking about hers and Ashley's uncharacteristic appearances. In mourning or not, there was no denying the physical signs of one who had imbibed too much from the bottle, no matter how great the pains taken to disguise them. Rhett's haunting words about her not needing to care about a reputation flooded her mind once more as she realized she did care what these people thought of her even though she didn't personally care for any of them other than Ashley and Aunt Pitty. Without Melly's unconditional support to back her, Scarlett knew the old guard would go back to hating her again and believing everything India told them in no time at all. She knew she couldn't afford to lose any more social standing than she already had. In doing so, she would have nothing left here anymore if her lost reputation hurt her business dealings.
As the soothing coolness of the light rain lowered the temperature, Scarlett's nausea began to subside. Her head was still aching yet, for the first time all day, she actually began to feel a ;ittle better. As soon as the formal prayer service was over she would be heading for home and she imagined her achy body relaxing in a warm, fragrant bath before going to sleep in Rhett's comforting bed once again. Scarlett climbed the five steps to the covered back porch just as the rain began falling harder. Finding a comfortable wicker rocking chair, she took a seat and closed her eyes, the sound of the raindrops soothing her tired mind. It wasn't long before Rhett was the main subject of her daydreams and silent tears began flowing. "How I miss him!" she thought with great sorrow. "Why was I so blind not to have seen how much he loved me…. it just can't be too late for us, I know it can't be…..a true love like his just does not die," she thought as her head became dizzy from the motion of the rocking chair. Scarlett sunk her hands into her hair as she cried out Rhett's name.
It truly had been torturous waking early after a long night of emptying his conscience and drinking Belle's imported scotch but Rhett had no other choice. He had needed a release from the pain of knowing he would love, for all eternity, the most selfish, stubborn, hardened woman alive. Nursing one of the worst hangovers he ever experienced, Rhett barely found the strength to rouse his worn body from the chair he passed out in only a few short hours ago. "I'm an idiot. I should have left for Charleston yesterday when I had the chance," he thought as he agonizingly dressed himself, the pounding in his head raging on. With a silent apology to Melanie Wilkes, Rhett finished dressing quickly, knowing all the while he would never leave town without paying his respects at her home. She was truly an honorable woman and he owed her so much gratitude for all the kindness she showed him. Earlier that morning, Rhett had brightened when he suddenly remembered how Scarlett was purposefully late to social events. She loved to have all eyes and attention turn towards her upon her arrival and he knew today's service for Melanie would most likely be no different. Rhett was counting on her late arrival as he planned on arriving early in order to avoid Scarlett.
Physically and emotionally, Rhett was in no shape to have his body and mind wracked with the pain of knowing Scarlett could never love him as he loved her. He had sent his bags to Union Station and soon would be on the three o'clock train bound for Charleston. "Besides," he thought, "Scarlett thinks I am already long gone and now that I won't be around, she'll decide she had been in love with Ashley after all." Rhett physically felt as if a train had run over him and knew it was not going to be easy to put on a brave, sober face in front of all those who despised him for everything but his fortune. The quicker he went through the motions of the day, the quicker he could leave his past and everyone behind in Atlanta. He knew someday he would need to find the mental strength to make an appearance for Scarlett's benefit in upholding her shoddy reputation but figured he'd think of that tomorrow.
Rhett knocked on Aunt Pitty's crape draped door an hour before guests were due to arrive. He needed to finish this last course of business before he could finally relax and knew no one would be expecting him so early. Hiding his lingering drunkenness the best he could, he greeted Aunt Pitty with relief and a bold smile as she gave him a look of surprise upon opening the heavy door. Rhett was hoping the sour India Wilkes would not be the one to greet him upon his arrival as he knew she would spread the news over all of Atlanta of his intoxicated appearance and he did not want to dishonor Melanie's memory with India's embellished gossip. "Good morning Captain Butler. What a surprise to see you here and so early too," Aunt Pitty somberly greeted him as she took in his rough yet strangely appealing appearance.
In her day, Aunt Pitty had been quite an attractive woman with many dreams for her future before duty called and she was forced to raise her niece and nephew. Even though it was not meant to be, she often reminisced how she would have enjoyed the romantic attentions of an exciting, worldly, and handsome man like Captain Butler. She knew she could never admit it to her strict societal friends but the truth was that she truly cared for Rhett as a person and was secretly glad Scarlett had married him. He not only had been a loving father to dear little Bonnie but she knew it was Rhett who had been indirectly financing her needs all these past years, never expecting anything from her in return. She had heard all the gossip that had made the rounds regarding his affinity for loose women, shady business dealings, and his suspicious past but she had also learned a long time ago that he had a soft heart and was a kind-hearted, loving man beneath his roguish exterior. His goodness trumped all else as far as she was concerned. Initially, she had been disturbed upon hearing India's gossip regarding an affair between Scarlett and Ashley yet the more she thought about it, she never had bought in to it. Scarlett and Melanie were as close as true sisters and Aunt Pitty knew no real sister would sink so low as to steal another's husband. She correctly deduced the true source of India's apparent hatred for Scarlett as she realized India was increasingly jealous after Charles, then Melanie, showed their preference for Scarlett over her. "Besides," she thought as she looked Captain Butler over, "With a fine man like that at home why would Scarlett go after someone like Ashley anyway?"
The silent house stood as a somber reminder of the lack of energy and life it no longer contained with Melanie's passing. Rhett was glad India and Ashley were not there to greet him as he did not think he would be able to put on polite airs for their benefit. As Aunt Pitty directed Rhett towards the parlor, he spotted Beau hiding behind the railing upstairs, intently watching him. Rhett gave a forced smile for the benefit of Bonnie's favorite playmate and Beau ran off as Aunt Pitty opened the parlor door. Ushering him into the room, she quietly closed the door, leaving Rhett alone to pay his respects. Rhett wasn't sure if there really was a God but if He was listening, Rhett decided he should say some prayers for Melanie's benefit as he also had done at Bonnie's funeral. Eyeing her pale, stiff body, Rhett's eyes dampened as he remembered how the delicate woman, now dressed in white like an angel, had seemed larger than life when comforting him over Bonnie not so long ago. She had been the only person who had been able to break through his three day long drunken haze and talk some sense into him. His precious daughter would always be in his heart yet he knew that day, not so long ago, Melanie had truly helped him to let Bonnie go so he could be free to go on living. For that alone he would always be grateful to Melanie Wilkes.
"How can I bury the only dream I ever had that didn't die in the face of reality?" A weakened voice broke out from a darkened corner of the room. Rhett had startled at the realization he wasn't alone after all and turned around to see Ashley sitting on the floor, hidden behind an end table with a half empty bottle of whiskey in hand. "Melanie was all I ever wanted and now she is gone. I have no dreams left. I don't know how to go on any longer…..even for Beau," he said in anguish as his slurred speech continued on, "I imagine my broken heart is a lot like yours was when Bonnie died…..Rhett, you are the only one here who knows what I am feeling…..please tell me, how do I go on now? I am so lost…..I just don't know what to do," he said, taking another swig of the amber colored liquid.
For an instant, Rhett was angered at the delay to his schedule he knew spending time in conversation with Ashley would create. His head was still throbbing from the previous evening of over indulgence and the last thing he wanted to do right now was to help comfort anyone, especially the one man whom he despised for having stolen Scarlett's heart. As far as Rhett was concerned, he was the one who truly needed comforting right now, yet, as he stood watching the pitiful drunken Ashley sprawled on the floor deeply anguished, his feelings began to soften as he was reminded of his own self not so long ago. With a soft sigh of resignation, Rhett accepted his role in the poetic justice of the moment: that he would be spending the day helping Ashley get through the pain of losing Melanie just as she had helped Rhett. He had been indebted to Melanie for her kindness towards him and, in his heart he knew it would be dishonorable to leave Ashley at a time like this. As much as he disliked the man, Rhett would do what he could to help, as long as they finished long before Scarlett arrived.
Walking towards Ashley, Rhett extended his hands and helped Ashley to his feet. "Thank you," Ashley slurred as he used Rhett's shoulder for support. "I have some things I need to discuss with you and I suppose we should go someplace quiet where India and Aunt Pitty will leave us alone," he mumbled as he ushered Rhett towards the back door. Aunt Pitty quickly rushed into the foyer upon hearing the commotion Ashley's stumbling feet made. "Captain Butler and I have business to discuss," he firmly stated with formality, surprising both his aunt and Rhett. "Please see to Beau and make sure India doesn't know anything of this. I won't have her speculating as to the nature of Captain Butler's and my business and then spreading her lies around town. I will return before our guests arrive," he finished, not waiting for her to respond. Rhett gave Aunt Pitty a sympathetic smile as Ashley continued out the door towards the garden. Rhett's curiosity over Ashley's unexpected, brusque attitude was piqued and he had a feeling that their conversation would be more than just discussing how Ashley would survive the future without Melanie.
Ashley directed Rhett towards a stone bench tucked behind a stand of Magnolia trees on the side of the house. Here, he knew India's spying eyes would not notice their presence. He loved his sister dearly but knew he must keep her at arm's length as everyone knew she was always the main source of Atlanta's gossip. Much of what he had overhead centered on Scarlett and it broke his heart to know India hated her so much. Scarlett had done so much to ensure his family's survival that Ashley knew he could never do enough to completely settle the debts he owed her. Surprisingly, there now was one thing he understood he could do towards repayment and it all began with clearing the air with Rhett concerning his wife.
"This will be a good place for us to talk," Ashley told Rhett, motioning for him to be seated. Rhett obliged while taking a cigar out of his pocket then lighting it. Inhaling the fragrant smoke, he felt his headache begin to calm down and waited patiently for Ashley to begin. Sensing he was having a hard time knowing where to begin, Rhett decided to get the conversation started. "First of all, I want to let you know how truly sorry I am for you and Beau. Mrs. Wilkes was a very great lady and the only completely kind person I have ever known," Rhett said from the heart. Ashley nodded in agreement and replied, "You knew that about her too." He paused then looked pointedly at Rhett, "She thought the same of you and Scarlett, actually." Noticing the surprised expression in Rhett's eyes, he continued on with his explanation, continually slurring as he spoke, "She knew how Scarlett would stop at nothing to help feed everyone dependent on her charity and how she thought of only everyone's needs and not her own. Why, she entered into a loveless marriage just to keep a roof over everyone's heads at Tara, as I'm sure you learned a long time ago," he added. "As far as you are concerned, Melanie was aware of your own kindnesses towards our family. When you bought back her wedding ring from the Confederate collection basket during the war, she knew from that point on that you were an honorable man and you never failed to disappoint her in that regard." Ashley shocked Rhett with his words, leaving him speechless as Ashley continued on, "She loved you as she loved Scarlett and made sure everyone was aware of her respect for you both…..no matter what their own opinions may have been." Taking a long swig of the almost-emptied whiskey, Ashley quietly rambled on, "She knew you two were a perfect fit and even though she was distraught when Charles died, she always realized you and Scarlett were meant to be together." After Ashley finished, he began to break down crying, slumping onto Rhett's shoulder while his tears spilled onto Rhett's finely tailored black suit. Rhett could do nothing other than pat Ashley's shoulder while looking on with a strange feeling of sympathy and irritation. He realized losing the wife he had clung to for direction most of his life had dealt Ashley a major blow yet no man should go on a crying jag like a woman. As the minutes went by and Rhett realized the other guests would soon be arriving to pay their respects, he began to soften as he realized roles had been reversed yet again and he was now acting the role Belle had played last night for his own sake, albeit for different marital issues.
After a few minutes of waiting for Ashley's emotional outburst to end, Rhett decided he couldn't take it anymore and had to speak the truth Ashley needed to hear. The words began spilling out of Rhett's mouth furiously as he spoke, "It's good to get your pain out, but damn it Ashley, you must be strong… For once in your life, be a man! You must do it not only for Beau's sake but for yourself. After this conversation is through, you are going back inside the house, straightening yourself up, and trying your hardest not to let everyone know how drunk you really are. Then, you are going to stand tall and be strong while greeting your guests who will be coming to pay their respects to the kindest, most honorable woman in all of Atlanta. Do you understand me?" he asked, waiting impatiently for an agreement. Ashley took out a handkerchief and dried his eyes while nodding his head. He knew Rhett was right and no matter what, he had no choice but to learn to live a life without Melanie and, somehow, find peace in the process. He had a son who needed his father to guide him through his own ups and downs. Ashley had no idea where life would take him but, with Beau, he would always have a physical reminder of Melanie by his side. Sensing Ashley acquiesce to his demands, Rhett continued on, "After your business with Melanie's funeral is concluded, I suggest you take Beau on an extended vacation someplace far away before you try to figure out what your next step will be. When I went away for three months with Bonnie, I realized exactly what I had to…," Rhett's flowing words abruptly stopped as he realized he was inadvertently about to give too much information away to the man he still held deep reservations about. Ashley watched Rhett's mood further darken while rubbing his temples, deep in thought. Ashley knew where Rhett's thoughts were leading but didn't let on: In Rhett's drunken conversation with Melanie after Bonnie's death, it had slipped out how Rhett realized he wanted, more than anything in the world, to be with Scarlett and he came home to beg for her forgiveness. Both men sat in silence for a few moments as they pondered the pains, both emotional and physical, they felt in different measures, over their wives. Rhett's ears suddenly perked up as he heard chattering from inside the house and realized Ashley's presence would be needed soon. Reaching for the remnant of Ashley's whiskey bottle, Rhett downed what was left, then turned to look at Ashley who was deep in thought. "He probably realizes he's free as a bird now to go after Scarlett," Rhett bitterly thought as anger began brewing. As his tension continually grew heavier, the question he desperately wanted to ask all these years tumbled out before he could stop it,
"So tell me, Ashley…..what exactly are your intentions regarding my wife?"
Ashley was mulling over Rhett's advice when his thoughts were suddenly broken by Rhett's abrupt change in conversation. His pale blue eyes jerked to attention while locking onto Rhett's sharpened black ones, impatiently awaiting an answer. Ashley had actually been waiting for this conversation for quite a while and knew one day Rhett would either question him, as he just had, or else call him out to a duel, if Rhett believed the rumors India spread. Knowing all about Rhett and his capabilities with guns, Ashley was extremely relieved Rhett had made the sensible choice. The air between them was charged and full of tension and Ashley vowed he would have to dig deep within himself to find the right words. He knew this was his only chance to make Rhett understand the truth once and for all. Ashley, even though he knew how drunk and unsteady he was, decided he needed to put some distance between himself and Rhett. He wavered as he carefully stood up then walked a couple of paces away from Rhett. Ashley turned to face him as he began to speak the truth Rhett needed to hear, "I guess you know that I do love Scarlett and have for years but there is much more to say to you than just that..." Ashley's words were abruptly cut off as Rhett's balled fist connected with the side of Ashley's jaw. Yelling out in pain, Ashley fell hard into Aunt Pitty's bed of jonquils and lilies of the valley while Rhett stood by watching, ready to hit him again if necessary. Rhett felt an intense feeling of relief at releasing years of pent up anger towards Ashley yet a profound sense of embarrassment overcame him as he knew that he had unnecessarily taken it upon his self to inflict hurt on a pathetic wimp of a man. He began to feel pity for Ashley, especially after remembering the man had just lost an angel of a wife, and regretted the immature action his anger had caused.
"Stop, Rhett! Stop!...Let me finish," Ashley yelled out with fear as he got up and rubbed his quickly bruising jawbone. "I apologize….I guess I didn't start that explanation out the best way and I need just a minute to put my thoughts into words so you can understand exactly what I am trying to say," he drawled as Rhett sat back down on the bench. "Ok Ashley …you have exactly three minutes to say what you have to say. After that, I am through and am leaving for the train station," Rhett responded, not liking the direction he knew the conversation would probably be heading.
Ashley sat back down, rubbing his face once more, then began speaking quickly in order to get out all the words he had in his mind before they were lost, "Just listen to everything I have to say before you make another rash judgment," Ashley said, waiting for Rhett to nod his approval before continuing, "Yes, it is true I loved Scarlett the first moment I met her when she was just a child, and I still do," Rhett's heart sunk at Ashley's admission and witnessing his discomfort, Ashley held up his hand and said, "Let me continue." Taking a deep breath in order to relax, Ashley went on, "From the first moment I met Scarlett, I was just a young man, and I discovered she was different from any other female I had ever known. She was, and still is, charming, fearless, and not afraid to push the societal boundaries of what is considered right and wrong when it comes to propriety. I love her courage and stubbornness, her passion for living and as long as her actions get her to where she needs to go in order to survive this tough, cruel world she will do whatever she needs to do to make a difference and provide for the needs of those she loves. She's tougher than any man I know with an inner strength and drive I don't think even she understands. In many ways she is still such an untamed child as she had to grow up so quickly and experience so much hardship after the war that she is so scared to completely live for herself."
All Rhett could do was to sit still and continue to listen. He understood exactly what Ashley had meant as these were all the things he had fallen in love with and realized about Scarlett too. Even though deep down he had known Ashley was an honorable man and would never have pursued an affair with his wife, Rhett felt a huge sense of relief to learn Ashley's regard for Scarlett all these years had, in actuality, been nothing more than a deep admiration of her personality traits. Rhett had always thought Ashley a dull, ineffective man and was quite surprised to discover Ashley was smart enough to realize and value Scarlett's worth.
The heavy, oppressive atmosphere that had been growing between the two men for years had somehow lifted during the course of Ashley's heart felt explanation and both men felt relief at the words that should have been spoken long ago. Ashley, through his drunken haze, could no longer hold back what he held inside for so long and decided to spill his deepest secret to his new found ally. Lowering his head in shame, Ashley again continued, "I am so ashamed with myself that I can't even support my own family without relying on Scarlett's charity. She's always been a survivor while I have floundered in this new world of ours, clinging desperately to the ways of the past I once knew. Don't you see?... Scarlett is the person I should have always been. Every time I see her, I am reminded that she possesses the characteristics that I myself should have in order to survive this changed world and take care of my family. I am deeply embarassed with myself as I know my father would have long ago pointed this all out to me and steered me on the right course." Lowering his head, Ashley continued to gather his thoughts and concluded, "So do you now see now how it is when I tell you I love Scarlett? I love everything about her, everything that I, as a husband and father, should have been but never was. She is the complete opposite of me and that terrifies me as I realize in order to thrive in this new world I need to change and become resilient like her. I never had any desire to accept her as anything other than a friend." As a lone tear rolled from one eye, Ashley softly said, "Melanie and I were meant for one another and we both knew it from our childhood. She was my life and I don't know how to go on without her." Rhett was startled at Ashley's deeply personal admission yet admired his truthfulness. The fact of the matter was that Rhett now clearly understood Ashley's position and the bonds of resentment and bitterness strengthened over the many years of not understanding one another began to fall away. Now, Rhett was beginning to feel kindness and sympathy towards Ashley instead of contempt and pity as he once had. The burden of hating Ashley all these years was gone yet Rhett knew his battle was far from over as Ashley was only half of the story. Rhett could not understand Scarlett's sudden change of heart from the day before and knew, as stubborn as she was, it was not in her nature to have readily allowed years of feelings for Ashley to have suddenly disappeared, as she had declared to Rhett.
Realizing his time was up and would be needed inside to greet Melanie's mourners, Ashley shook Rhett's extended hand then walked towards the house. Turning to Rhett once more, Ashley said, "Thank you for coming to see Melanie today and for letting me get a chance to explain things to you. I would like to consider you as friend and hope you will think of me the same way." Pausing for a moment, Ashley concluded, "I do hope you realize Scarlett never really loved me in the way you and everyone else but Melanie and I thought. Scarlett may not fully understand it herself but it's so clear that she really loved the youthful idea of what I represented to her: the old way of life she was raised to believe in and the familiar sense of security it brought her. That is why she loves Tara so much and seems to build up strength when returning there. I can understand why as I often long for the comforts and security those days long gone once promised…..don't you?" Ashley asked, not waiting for Rhett's response as he waved goodbye and stumbled through Aunt Pitty's back door.
Rhett sat in silence for a long while and lost track of the time as he was deep in thought at the enlightening conversation he had been part of. Unconsciously twirling the dead stub of his cigar, Rhett finally noticed the brewing storm overhead and decided he must leave before the rain fell. The muffled sound of voices alerted Rhett to the fact that the mourners had been arriving and with them, Scarlett would be arriving soon too. His emotions of the past day were still raw and his body too tired to go up against his unconquerable wife if he happened to run into her now. As a soft rain began falling, Rhett quietly walked through the garden as inconspicuously as possible, ducking under the windows in order to hide from the curious eyes of viewers inside the house. Alerted to the sound of persistent sobbing Rhett's heart suddenly stilled in his chest. There just a few feet away, Scarlett was bent over the flower bed, retching violently as the rain fell in tandem with the tears from her eyes. Wiping her mouth, Scarlett slowly walked up the porch steps then sat on a wicker chair, staring off into the distance. Rhett continued watching her from his hidden vantage point, not noticing the rain beginning to soak through his jacket. The sight she presented tore at his heart as recognized the physical signs of her intoxication and had a pressing need to know the source of her agony. "Probably a combination of realizing Ashley doesn't love her after all and knowing how she undervalued Melanie's friendship all these years," he thought with a sad mixture of sarcasm and regret. As he continued watching her distress, he was struck at how haggard her appearance had become in the course of a day. The thought that he may have had something to do with her distress upset him while also giving him new hope but completely understanding her stubbornness, he realized it was highly improbable that her crying was over him. He knew his last chance to leave Atlanta behind and piece together a new life was now yet his feet were firmly planted in the spot where he stood.
Suddenly aware of the drenching rain, he looked around and found an open gate about twenty feet behind him. Knowing he could still quietly make his escape after all, Rhett turned back towards the bench where he and Ashley had been talking and quickened his pace, distancing himself from the lover he never really could call his own. As thunder rumbled in the distance, Rhett's body stiffened as he stopped dead in his tracks. He had heard Scarlett calling out his name and swore to himself his slowness in leaving had now caused for him to be discovered. As he turned around quickly, ready for the ensuing battle he was expecting, he discovered he had not been spotted after all. Scarlett still sat on her wicker chair with her head cradled in her hands, quietly crying out his name once more. Rhett knew he was firmly stuck at a crossroads and whatever choice he made would have dire consequences towards his desired plans. Wasting no time, Rhett found his feet moving on their own accord, completely disconnected from the directions his mind was screaming out. Rhett's hand reached into the dry pocket of his rain soaked jacket and found what he was looking for. As Scarlett's shocked eyes widened at his sudden appearance in front of her as if in her dreams, Rhett sank to his knees and held her close, offering her his ever-present monogrammed handkerchief clutched in his hand.
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