Chapter 4: How to Spy on Your Teacher
Iruka lay sprawled on Anko's couch, sleeping soundly. Sometime during the night the sheets and blankets had been kicked off, and were now lying in a messy heap on the floor. Though it was still quite early, the sun had found its way through the curtains on the window, and was bathing the sleeping chunin in light. It was managing to slowly coax him awake, but he thwarted its efforts by burying his head under the pillow.
For several minutes, everything was calm and peaceful again, and Iruka managed to drift off to sleep once more.
The chunin woke with a start, causing Orochimaru to topple over onto the couch next to him. Anko stood over them, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"You dropped him on me didn't you?" The chunin asked accusingly, scowling at the jonin.
The woman ignored his question. "Morning, gorgeous." She chuckled.
Iruka looked at her quizzically for a moment, then his eyes went wide. Remembering he was in nothing but boxers, he dove for the blankets and tried to cover himself up. The chunin quickly formed a cocoon of blankets around him and scowled up at Anko, who was still staring at him. "What?" He snapped, trying unsuccessfully to hide his embarrassment.
"Just thought you might like to go to work today." The kunoichi answered. "It's already 7:30."
Iruka's eyes widened in shock, and a curse escaped his lips. "School starts in half an hour!" He groaned, jumping out of his cocoon and making a beeline for the bathroom.
A remarkably short amount of time later, Iruka reappeared from the bathroom. His hair was still slightly damp, making his now limp ponytail shine in the sunlight.
"IhavetogoI'llseeyouthisafternoonbye!" The chunin said quickly, without pausing to breathe as he ran out the door, pulling his green vest on.
"Hey, wait, you forgot this!" Anko yelled after him, holding up the heavy black bag that contained the materials and lessons for class that day. In her other arm, Orochimaru was waving 'bye-bye'.
Iruka stopped on a dime, turned, and ran back to the front door. Quickly, and without thinking about it, he grasped the bag, patted the top of Orochimaru's head and gave Anko a quick peck on the cheek. Immediately both ninja froze, realizing what had just happened.
'I…uh, um….I…."Iruka stammered. His face turned deep crimson as he frantically searched for the right words.
Meanwhile, Anko fixed an icy death-glare on him. "GO. NOW."
"I didn't mean to!" The chunin protested.
"Just go away! Enjoy your day because I'm going kill you when you get home."
The baby let out a small giggle that sounded suspiciously like a snicker.
Defeated and embarrassed, the schoolteacher trudged away to the academy, leaving the baby to face Anko's wrath.
Not long after, thirty children under the age of nine were whispering among themselves, all concocting theories to explain why Iruka-sensei looked so spacey.
"Sensei..?" A small girl asked timidly, raising her hand. There was no reply as the chunin continued to stare off into space.
The girl tried again. "Iruka-sensei?"
Silence.
"Sensei?"
A few crickets chirped.
Confused by their teacher's lack of attention, Konohamaru decided to help the girl. He rose from his seat and walked directly in front of his teacher.
"Transform!" The child exclaimed as pale pink smoke filled the air around him. It gradually dissipated to reveal a completely nude young woman winking at the chunin.
"Huh?" Iruka asked, finally glancing at the students, all of who bore sweatdrops on their heads.
"Sensei, if you're not going to teach us, can we just leave?" Konohamaru asked bluntly. "I need to go train!"
"No! Change back right now and go sit down!" The chunin snapped. There was a short pause as Iruka surveyed the classroom. "When did all of you get here?"
"Iruka-sensei, are you feeling all right?" Moegi spoke up, her voice laced with concern for the teacher.
"Yes, I'm fine." The chunin lied as he glanced at the clock on the wall. His eyes widened immediately. "Oh…it's late." He mumbled to himself. The timepiece proudly displayed 8:47 on its face. 'How long have I been ignoring them?' Iruka wondered, blushing slightly.
"Sensei, if you're gonna keep zoning out, why can't we go?" A certain honorable grandson whined. "This is boring!"
"I'm fine now, so quit asking!" Iruka said firmly, snapping back to attention. "Now, hand in the assignment from yesterday, class."
"I forgot to do that." Naruto's little prodigy said, grinning sheepishly.
The chunin mentally groaned as the merciless timepiece ever so slowly ticked away, creating a harsh reminder of how long his last day alive was going to be.
Several blocks away Mitarashi Anko sat at the table glaring at Orochimaru. Across the table from Anko, Orochimaru sat in his high chair, pouting in return.
"You're going to eat these whether you like them or not!" The jonin snarled, thrusting a spoonful of baby food at the infant.
The former Sannin retaliated by sticking his little nose in the air and smacking the food, which happened to be peas, away. Unfortunately for Anko, luck was not on her side, and the green goo landed in her face.
The jonin glared fiercely at him, but refrained from shoving the entire glass jar down his throat, as was her first instinct. Instead she stood up and grabbed a paper napkin from the counter.
"Why me?" She muttered as she cleaned her face. "I hate you. And now I'm stuck living with you and Iruka….somehow you've managed to further ruin my life you little prick."
Orochimaru simply stared at her, his expression unreadable.
"Am I ever going to be rid of you for good?" Anko snapped.
The infant locked eyes with her, and for a moment the jonin thought she saw a small flicker in them; perhaps of understanding, but perhaps it was merely the evil glint returning to his gaze. She tore her eyes away and grabbed a rag and held it under the faucet.
"Your face is a mess. It's all green, you little pig." The kunoichi said as she began to wipe the remains of Orochimaru's breakfast from him. He scrunched up his face in dislike and tried to pull away, but remained bound by his high chair. Refusing to admit defeat, even as a baby, he batted at her hand and whined.
"Shut up, I'm almost done!" The jonin growled. Upon completing her task, Anko give his now clean cheek a somewhat less then gentle pinch. "There! Happy now?"
The baby showed her his pouty scowl once again, and began to wiggle in the chair. The woman allowed him to struggle for a few minutes, mostly because it amused her.
Finally, realizing he wasn't getting out on his own, Orochimaru stretched his pudgy little arms out to his caretaker. "Maa! Mm….ma…mom, mom…. Mommy!" He whimpered.
Anko's eyes widened in shock. "Huh?" She asked dumbly, not sure if she heard him correctly. 'It almost sounded like he said…'
"Mommy! Mommy!" the baby continued to whine.
'That sounds like….he's calling me his…but he wouldn't…couldn't…' The bewildered ninja lifted the baby out of the high chair. "What did you say?" She demanded.
Of course, now that she asked, the baby said nothing. Instead he smiled brightly and gave her hair a good yank.
"Ow!" The jonin yelped and cursed. "Damn brat…" She muttered, and then stopped herself. In the back of her mind, she could almost hear Iruka's disapproving voice. 'He's learning to talk now! Don't teach him things like that!'
"Speaking of Iruka, wait until he hears you."
Outside the apartment, two girls 'awwwed' in unison, then each clapped a hand over the other's mouth.
"Shh! Be quiet, Billboard Brow!" One hissed.
"Me? You're practically yelling, you pig!" The other retorted.
"Oh please! You're about to break the sound barrier!"
"If you don't shut up she's going to find us!" The pink-haired kunoichi snapped quietly, and then added, "You porker."
"Argh! I can't help it! He's too adorable for words!" Ino protested.
"THEN SHUT UP!" Sakura shot back, somehow managing to yell without raising her voice above a whisper.
The blonde obeyed, but glared daggers at her fellow spy. "Fine, but how are we supposed to help their relationship if they spend the entire day apart?"
"Good question." Sakura replied, and then fell silent as she pondered.
Several minutes went by, and the girls remained silent.
A few more minutes passed, and a passing squirrel threw an acorn at Ino's head.
Three more infuriatingly silent moments passed before the blonde lost all patience. "What are we waiting for? What's your plan?!"
"Huh? Plan? Isn't that what you were thinking about?" Sakura asked, surprised.
"No! You were supposed to think of a plan while I thought about Sasuke-kun!"
"Oh? What sort of plan?" A third voice inquired.
Both genin froze and slowly turned to face their discoverer.
"Tenten!" Ino said; the relief in her voice was quite obvious. Sakura sighed in equal relief.
"Um…what are you two doing in Anko-san's bushes?" The weapons-specialist asked, looking at the other two like they were crazy.
The spies exchanged glances.
"Well…you see…" Ino began. "It's a little complicated, but really sweet."
"Anko-san and Iruka-sensei are…." She looked around to make sure no eavesdroppers could hear, and lowered her voice. "They're in love." She whispered excitedly.
"Sort of." Ino corrected. "We think their relationship is a little rocky now, what with the baby and all."
"Baby?" Tenten repeated, hoping she had heard incorrectly.
"Yeah, they had a baby!" Sakura confirmed brightly. "He's the cutest thing you'll ever see!"
"He looks just like Anko-san." Ino agreed, grinning.
Tenten paused to take in what she had just heard. "So you're telling me…Iruka-sensei and Mitarashi Anko had a baby? Together?" She asked slowly.
Both girls nodded happily. "So for the little angel's sake, we're going to save their relationship and make them fall even deeper in love!"
There was another pause from Tenten. "Riiiiight. Have fun with that." She said, and turned to leave.
"Wait!" Both spies exclaimed, grabbing the other kunoichi's arm.
"Now that you know, you have to help us!" Sakura insisted.
"Please?" The blonde added, hoping it would improve their odds.
"But I don't wan—" Tenten began, but was cut off.
"But it's for the baby! That's a good cause if I ever heard of one!" Ino begged.
"Do you want him to grow up having to live in two separate houses, having to divide holidays between parents, deal with tension in the family, and worse?!" Sakura cried, giving Tenten her puppy-dog eyes. 'Let's hope this works!' She thought.
The weapons-specialist sighed heavily, and hung her head in defeat. "Fine." She muttered. "But if you guys turn them into your next stalking targets, I'm out of here. Poor Sasuke has it bad enough. We don't need you spying on every ninja in the village."
"Okay, sure! Whatever you say!" The other two exclaimed, nodding their heads eagerly in unison.
'Why do I suddenly have a feeling that something's going to go horribly wrong?' Tenten wondered silently.
"Okay, meet us at the academy in half an hour, okay?" Sakura asked.
"For what?"
"Well, we're not going to watch Anko-san all day!" Ino answered. "We have to go spy on Iruka-sensei too. Who knows? Maybe we'll get some interesting information as to why their relationship is going downhill."
"But where are you guys going?" Tenten pressed.
The other girls, whom she had decided needed constant supervision, smiled sheepishly at her.
"Well, Sasuke-kun always trains around this time of day." The pink-haired kunoichi answered, blushing slightly.
"He's so amazing…" The blonde added. A slight pink tint dusted her face as well.
Tenten revised her opinion of them. 'They should be locked up somewhere.'
THE NINJA ACADEMY
One hour later, a certain brown-haired kunoichi sat beneath one of the Academy's many alone.
"They're late." She grumbled for what felt like the millionth time. "Why did I ever agree to help them? There are probably laws against this kind of thing."
"Tenten!" An irritatingly familiar voice exclaimed. The kunoichi glanced up to see her co-spies bouncing toward her gleefully. Far too gleefully for her current mood.
"Sorry we're late!" Ino apologized, though she hardly sounded sincere.
"What, did Sasuke-kun train longer than you thought?" The brunette asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, sorry about that!" Sakura answered, sounding every bit as apologetic as the blonde.
"Never mind that." Tenten sighed, rising to her feet. "What comes next? Or don't I want to know?"
Twin grins appeared on the other ninjas' faces. Tenten decided she definitely didn't like it when they smiled like that.
"Now we gather information from Iruka-sensei, of course!" Ino replied brightly.
"What's the plan?" The brunette inquired. Sweatdrops appeared on both instigators' heads.
"Um….good question." Sakura said sheepishly.
'Why did I ever agree to this?' The weapons-specialist wondered for what would be the first of many times. "All right, give me a minute." She said, sighing loudly. The kunoichi's brow furrowed slightly as she slowly formulated a plan.
"What are you thinking about?" Sakura asked after a moment of silence. Tenten's eyebrow twitched slightly.
"I'm trying to come up with the plan that you two were supposed to make half an hour ago." She replied in an unnervingly calm tone of voice.
"Oh…" The other girls mumbled in unison. Guilty expressions crossed both their faces, and they awkwardly hummed or twiddled their thumbs while the brunette did their job for them.
"All right, I've got it!" Tenten spoke up at last. "This plan should be foolproof." She paused a moment, thinking, 'Of course, these two could prove me wrong…'
"Great! What's the plan?" Ino inquired brightly.
The weapons-specialist paused to take a breath, and then began her explanation.
To be continued…
Author's Notes:
And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is my first attempt at a cliffie.
I'd like to apologize for taking so long with this chapter! Classes and finals were taking up a ton of time. Fortunately, I only have three classes this semester, so hopefully I'll be able to add chapters faster. Again, I'm sorry for not posting it sooner.
