As it happens, Loki never makes it to the library that night, but not for lack for trying. While people tend to give the trickster prince a wide berth, Thor is approachable and amiable and people flock to him. Loki finds himself besieged by friendship and kindness.
It's incredibly annoying.
One of the northerners finds him in the hall and fawns over a campaign Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three undertook that saved his fields some centuries before (boring). Four warriors that Loki never bothered to learn the names of invite him out for ale and wenching (classy). And the Svensdottir twins gigglingly invite him to visit their room tonight because - apparently - last time was wonderful.
Lovely.
Loki declines and inwardly questions his brother's taste in woman. The Svensdottir twins are simpering girls who pose no challenge whatsoever. Where is the fun in that?
The library is but two turns of the hall away and Loki actually thinks he shall finally make it there, albeit far later than he'd intended, when Odin rounds the corner in front of him. His footsteps stutter at the sight of his father wearing a warm, easy smile and directing it at him. His father loves him, surely, but there has always been a sense of reservation in their interactions that Loki has never been able to make sense of. And this look now, this look reserved for Thor, would be both heart-warming and heart-wrenching if he were prone to acknowledge such sentimentality.
"What brings you to this part of the castle so late this eve, my son?" Odin asks.
Loki cannot confess to his true aims - they would be far too suspect - but he is ever quick-thinking and sharp-minded and it is a small thing to come up with a suitable response.
"While I much enjoy our time on other realms, I find my bones longed for the Asgard's familiar halls. I merely wander," he replies.
Odin nods thoughtfully and places a warm, heavy hand upon his son's shoulder in affection and solidarity.
"Shall we wander together then?" He asks.
Even if he could find reason to deny Odin this, Loki does not have the will to forego an opportunity for such amiable companionship with his father. He craves it and yet he resents it because the very smile on Odin's lips, the affectionate hand on his shoulder is stolen. This is not his. And yet, he will take it. And he will treasure it. And he will despise it. And envy and hatred will coil in his gut for how much wants this for himself.
"Have you thought more upon the matter we discussed before we left for Alfheim?" Odin asks as they fall into step with each other.
"I have," Loki replies, wary of how this conversation will go.
"And what further thoughts have you had?" Odin asks.
It's terrible wording and Loki answers the only way he really can.
"I find my opinion on the matter has not changed," he says smoothly.
A heavy huff of frustration passes Odin's lips and the king shakes his head in disappointment or disbelief. It's momentarily somewhat heartening to see that Thor - precious, perfect Thor - can evoke this reaction, too.
"I had thought you would be agreeable, truth be told," Odin tells him.
"And why is that?" Loki questions, still searching for footing in this conversation.
Odin sighs at this and thinks too long upon his answer for Loki's liking.
"I wonder… can you imagine what my rule might be like without your mother?" He finally asks.
Loki furrows Thor's brow as he looks to his father. It sounds like a subject change, but Loki knows it isn't and the direction this conversation has taken is making him wary.
"I cannot," he says truthfully.
"The burdens of kingship are many," Odin says gravely as they make their way outside to Frigga's gardens and continue their walk. "And it is vital to have someone at your side to share in them. Your mother is not only my wife, not only a smiling face to greet soldiers home from war. She is my confidant, my guidance, my staunchest ally and my most ardent voice in contention."
Loki suddenly wishes, ever so fervently, that he were anywhere but here, having any conversation but this.
"Mother is singularly suited to the task," Loki finally grits out.
"She balances me well," Odin admits. "I can only hope to see you as well matched by the time such burdens of the realm fall to you."
Loki wants to laugh. Bitterly. Sourly. Madly. But he cannot, so he clenches his jaw so tightly that it hurts and he finds it somewhat amazing that Thor's teeth don't crack from the pressure. Of course Thor will have the throne some day. Nevermind there's no rule it must be the eldest son to inherit. Nevermind that he is rash and impulsive. Nevermind that his solution to any problem is the blunt force of a hammer. He's Thor. For all that Loki would surpass his brother in diplomacy and strategy, he cannot engender their realm's love as his brother can. He cannot even engender their father's. Of course it is Thor who will be king.
"Then let all of Asgard rejoice that you are well with mother at your side, for I am far from balanced," Loki replies, trying not to choke on the truth of his own words.
"The day comes sooner than you or I may like," Odin tells him gravely. "And before I fall into the Odinsleep, I would see you better prepared to rule."
"Perhaps if I am not, my brother will be," Loki says. "For you do have two princes and of the two of us, it is he who shows more consideration and forethought. More balance."
Odin eyes him carefully before replying.
"There may be two princes, but I have only one throne. I have not the gift of prophecy, but I would still see you readied for the possibility of the crown."
Well… at least he isn't dismissing Loki outright. That's something anyhow, he supposes. But the implication is still heavy and it takes all of Loki's restraint to resist demanding what it is about him that makes him so very easy to cast aside.
"Are my suggestions so outlandish to you, my son?" Odin asks and Loki realizes his silence is uncharacteristic of Thor.
"No," he admits truthfully. "There is wisdom in your words, but that does not mean I shall heed them."
Odin smiles a little at this.
"Yes, I discovered that several centuries ago," he responds. "But I would remind you this - when the time comes that you must settle down and choose yourself a wife, there are certain qualities she must possess. For you will not simply choose yourself a spouse; you will choose your realm a possible future queen. She must be strong and loyal. She must be a leader and an ally. To my eye, there would be no better choice in all the realms than Lady Sif."
Loki nearly trips.
"What?" He asks a little breathlessly, momentarily forgetting he's supposed to be Thor.
"As I said before, she is as fierce a warrior as this realm has ever known and I cannot imagine a more loyal subject of the realm. She would make a fine queen," Odin says, looking amused which is grating and only serves to further fuel the semi-rational ire starting to boil in Loki's blood.
"And this would be amenable to her, you think?" Loki asks tightly, trying so hard not to picture Sif as Thor's bride and failing.
"There is nothing Lady Sif would not give, I think, to serve her realm," Odin tells him.
A sick feeling floats through Loki's gut as he realizes that is the truth. Loyal Sif, who has no aspirations to the crown, would marry Thor for the sake of the realm if she was told to, regardless of her feelings on the matter. Regardless of her feelings for him, whatever those might be.
"Perhaps," he says. "And yet there is little balance to be found in such a match. We are neither of us diplomats and both far too fond of battle."
She might better balance Loki, he almost says but stays his tongue. He is not sure that's an idea he wants to plant in his father's head. Though he's not sure he doesn't want to either, which is a rather startling self-realization on its own.
"You might find these things bind you better to each other," Odin counsels. "And yet, I will not push you on this. You will come to a decision in your own time. I only wished to plant the seed of the idea within your ear."
Loki nods solidly, scarcely trusting himself to speak, for once. So much for his silver tongue.
"For now let us end our wandering, for the winds smell of coming rains and the hour is late. We ought both retire so as to be rested for the feast in the morn," Odin says.
"A feast?" Loki asks.
"Yes. Had you not yet heard?" Odin asks. "Lady Sif and the Warriors Three are victorious. They returned just a bit ago."
"They're back?" Loki asks needlessly as Odin watches him strangely.
He is portraying Thor poorly at the moment, but he knows where Sif is right now and this couldn't be any more messed up if it tried.
"Are you well, Thor?" Odin asks finally.
"I'm fine," Loki replies coldly as thunder rumbles and the clouds roll in. "I just realized there's somewhere I need to be."
