Title: Forever

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the crazy plots. Not even the songs.

Pairing: Kuroro and Kurapika.

Warning: Harsh language and adult themes.

Rating: Varies (T or M)

A/N: Hi guys. This is a collection of KuroxKura songfics. Once you read this, you'll be absolutely, completely certain that I am batshit insane!


CHAPTER FOUR

EVEN IN DEATH


Author's senseless rant: This is another companion to 'My soul to Find'. I seem to be in an angsty mood these days. This is from Kuroro's POV, after Kurapika's death. Enjoy. And review.


Give me a reason to believe that you're gone

I see your shadow, so I know they're all wrong

Moonlight on the soft brown earth

It leads me to where you lay

It was so much better to be cold, to be emotionless...to shut myself off from others, than to feel this agony. How did people cope with this? With every second that passes, with every breath I take, it feels like I'm dying. I wasn't used to feeling this way. I shouldn't be feeling this way. But I did.

I reached out and placed a trembling, dirt-stained hand on the simple, handmade grave. There were other, rougher ones spread out behind this one. Kurapika had once told me that he'd buried all the people in the village by himself, in the village itself. That was why I brought his...body...here to be buried. He'd like to be with his family.

It has been 4 days since the actual burial. No funeral, no wake... just a simple burial with no one but myself present. I couldn't bring myself to let his friends know.

Even now, I couldn't leave the grave that I had dug for him. I kept seeing his image, hearing his words. I kept seeing the way he'd looked at me as he lay dying. There was no accusation in those eyes, no anger, no loathing. Just affection and regret. That made it all the more worse. It would have been better, easier if he'd died hating me. Then I wouldn't hate myself.

I've been staying here for the last 4 days. I should probably eat or sleep, but I just couldn't. And I couldn't leave him. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

I will stay forever here with you, my love

Those softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

How could I have killed the one person whom I loved? The only one whom I truly cared for. How?

Some say I'm crazy for my love

But no bonds can hold me from your side

They don't know you can't leave me

They don't hear you singing to me

Shalnark and Machi once tried to get me to leave. I refused, though I didn't show my emotional turmoil to them. There was only one person who could wrench out any reactions from me and he now lays dead in the earth beneath me, killed by my own hand.

I should have refused. To hell with my promise. I should never have fought him. At the very least, I should have pulled back when I realized that he didn't intend to kill or even seriously hurt me. I should have known he would try something like that.

The small smile he gave me before he threw himself on my knife keeps flashing in my mind. What were his thoughts then? Did he intend to exact his revenge by torturing me with his death? If that was the case, he had succeeded. I felt as if a piece of me was missing, like there was a gaping hole inside of me.

An array of 'what-if s' plagued me. What if I'd refused to fight him that final time? What if I'd never sought him out and forced him into the Ryodan in the first place? What if I'd never massacred the Kuruta tribe? What if I'd never ever heard of those damn eyes in the first place?

I would always wonder, knowing full well that I would never find out.

I will stay forever here with you, my love

Those softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

And I can't love you

Anymore than I do

Exhausted, in both body and soul, I lay down beside his grave. I closed my eyes, but it wasn't darkness that greeted me. It was a face, angelic in its brilliance, with liquid gold hair and vivid blue eyes. He was smiling.