NEW CHAPTER! I already know what the next one is, but here you go! This is actually a splice of two chapters I wrote. Note: Language warning, minor spoilers.

Roy Mustang, on Parental...RoyEd…*vomits*…tentacle…noncon… ugh… IN A MINSKIRT!

In address to those who are called fanfiction writers…

BURN IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

What the hell is this? And WHY ARE YOU WRITING IT?

I don't have much interest in anything without a miniskirt, sure!

BUT THAT NEVER EQUATED TO BECOMING A PEDOPHILE!

Look, I'm not even interested in that Pipsqueak! EVEN WITH THE MINISKIRT!

And seriously, what sick person gets off to THAT kind of roleplay? Even if you do, you'd think that with what kind of parents everybody in this show has, that sort of thing would be off-putting! Foster parents aren't allowed to do that to their kids, it's against the law! AND I RULE HERE!

Plus, didn't you get the memo? The kid's married… READ THE $*% MANGA! WATCH BROTHERHOOD! GEEZ!

I need a vacation…

Also, that use of alchemy is not looked upon with much respect, not to mention I can't use it.

Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang