Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. I'm just having some fun diving into characters' minds.

A/N: Yep, more of the hospital scene. Sorry for the long wait....


It simply was not possible. A human could not feel as strongly, as passionately, as completely as a vampire could. Bella may say that I was the core of her existence, but humans change all the time. Memories fade and ideals change; I'd seen it too many times to count. I had seen a few humans who sought to become vampires, but they never truly understood what they asked for; they romanticized vampirism, spurred on by novels and other silly stories. There was nothing romantic about our lifestyle, even those of us who were… vegetarians… and we were few and far between. If Bella would not fight for her humanity, I would.

I faced her, jaw clenched and eyes determined. "I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you." Why do you think I saved you in the first place?

"Why not?" Her voice came out raspy and quiet, but there was no mistaking the indignation in her tone. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago… anyway, after that, it should be nothing."

Nothing? God, Bella, you really don't understand, do you? You have no idea how close I was to killing you... and enjoying myself. I can still taste you, and I still want you... and your blood. How can I make you see? How can you possibly want to be what I am?

I felt my eyes narrow, reflecting my anger and frustration.

"And the pain?" I challenged, simultaneously recalling her screams at the taste of venom in her veins and my own pain of transformation. I would never forget either.

Bella winced and grimaced slightly before she caught herself and smoothed out her features.

"That's my problem," she stated with surprising confidence. "I can handle it."

I suppressed a scoff and shook my head slightly. My Bella was brave and stubborn, not the best combination for a danger magnet as she was.

"It's possible to take bravery to the point of insanity," I said as evenly as possible. And, my love, you are treading a very, very fine line.

"It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal." I winced at her dismissive tone and at her knowledge. I never wanted her to know so much about… my nature. It was my instinct, an overwhelming instinct, to protect her from pain at all costs.

I wanted to snap back at her and express in excruciating detail exactly what the pain of transformation would do to her. She obviously remembered the pain she had been in. I wondered if she could truly conceive of three full days of that pain and then the resulting bloodlust. She would not be herself for quite some time, though the… essential… Bella would surface eventually. I loved her enough to wait for her to come back to herself… Wait. No. I could not consider that possibility. Bella had to stay human. Maybe if I pointed out what she would lose.

"Charlie? Renée?" You will never be able to see them again. You will have to leave them. Do you understand this? Can you understand this? I can't take you away from your family. I won't take you away from them. I'm not worth it. Can't you see?

The silence stretched while Bella tried to come up with an answer. I could see her struggle. She was too selfless to leave Charlie and Renée behind, even as awkward as the relationships may be. It had nearly killed her, literally and figuratively, to leave Charlie behind when James was a threat. There was no way she could do it to satisfy herself.

I allowed myself a small smile.

"Look, that's not an issue, either," Bella said weakly. She was such a terrible liar. "Renée has always made the choices that work for her—she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."

"Exactly." Finally, love, you see my point. You. Have. A. Life. You will forget about me. Give me more time and I'll be strong enough to let you go. I promise. "And I won't end it for you."

Two could play the stubborn card.

"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!"

I flinched and recalled again her broken body on the ballet studio floor, her screams… her taste. I swallowed and composed myself quickly.

"You're going to recover," I said as firmly and gently as I could.

Bella inhaled sharply; her body twitched in pain but she ignored it. Stupid lamb. You're in pain. You need to rest. Please, love, don't make this harder than it is.

She held my gaze for several moments, neither of us giving in to the other's arguments. Part of me could see her point; truly, I could. I had entertained the thought of Bella at my side forever, but she would no longer be… alive. She would be condemned to this half-existence with me, living a façade that must never be broken.

"No. I'm not," Bella contradicted me.

I frowned and furrowed my brow in confusion. She was definitely mending. I could smell her injuries healing as we spoke; there was no trace of infection, no sign of inadequate knitting of her bones.

"Of course you are. You may have a scar or two…."

"You're wrong," she insisted quietly but firmly. "I'm going to die."

"Really, Bella." Your injuries are not that serious. I would know. Please. Relax. "You'll be out of here in a few days. Two weeks at most."

I wanted to reach for her, smooth back her hair, and press a kiss to her forehead, make it all go away. Her icy glare stopped me. She had never leveled such a look on me before, not even in jest.

"I may not die now," she paused for a moment, choosing her words carefully. I raised one eyebrow. I don't like where this is going, love.

"But I'm going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I'm going to get old."

I frowned and pressed my fingers to my temples as if I had a headache. In some sense I did. Bella's mind was fascinatingly quick; her seemingly simple statements filled with implications I was never sure she truly considered. She had gone where I hoped she wouldn't go, cataloging her humanity, boiling it down to one of our most basic differences: she would age and eventually die while I… did not, could not.

"That's how it's supposed to happen." And until I knew you, I longed for that to have happened to me. Bella, love… How can I make you see? "How it should happen. How it would have happened if I did not exist—and I shouldn't exist." I could not make it any plainer.

Bella snorted derisively. I opened my eyes, surprised by the sound.

"That's stupid," she declared, her beautiful brown eyes snapping with inner fire that still drew me despite our current… disagreement. "That's like going to someone who just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way.' And I'm not buying it."

Run Bella run. "I'm no lottery prize." I could not contain my growl. Stay Bella stay.

"That's right. You're much better."

I exhaled sharply. She was not going to see. I didn't know how to make her see. As much as I appreciated her… faith… in me, it was ultimately misplaced. I was fundamentally a monster.

Right?

If you are such a monster, why is she still alive? Why did you stop drinking from her? You remember how she tastes. So good. So satisfying.

How quickly my own mind could betray me.

I rolled my eyes at Bella's assessment of me and set my jaw. "Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore." I tried to keep my tone as formal and… resolved… as possible. "I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

She leveled her gaze on me, the same spark in her eyes now reinforced with an inner steel I did not realize she had.

"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well. You're not the only vampire I know."

I did not miss the warning in her voice and felt my eyes narrow as my vision became tinged with red and black.

Don't even play that card with me, Isabella Marie Swan! No one in my family would dare to do that without my… consent. Not even Carlisle. Especially not Alice.

"Alice wouldn't dare," I said with as much control as I could muster. There was no mistaking the outrage in my tone. Bella's breathing hitched slightly and her pulse accelerated slightly. I could smell her adrenaline. She was afraid of me.

Good.

"Alice saw it already, didn't she?" Bella guessed. As usual, her perception was right on. I remained motionless, unwilling to answer her, but my stillness only confirmed her suspicions.

"That's why the things she says upset you," Bella continued. "She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."

Not if I have anything to do with it. Have I not gotten through to you at all? Have I not made myself clear, love?

"She's wrong." Run Bella run. "She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen either."

"You'll never catch me betting against Alice," Bella declared firmly.

Stay Bella stay.

I steadily and silently held her gaze, memorizing her features. Soon, I would find the strength to leave her, to let her live her life as fully as possible. If I could not leave now—and as much as I should, I was not about to leave her helpless and injured—then I would do my best to make sure that she did not miss any important human things. Prom was coming up. She had made her feelings about Prom quite clear, but I knew I could manage to get her to go. Alice would help me.

I felt my face relax as I thought of Bella in a formal gown, in my arms on the dance floor.

"So where does that leave us?" Bella wondered aloud. I sighed inwardly and quickly replayed our entire conversation. Neither of us were going to budge.

I chuckled without humor. Stubborn lamb. Do you have any idea how much I love you? "I believe it's called an impasse."


A/N: Wow. Sorry that this took so long. I do have three stories going on as well as a pressing academic project--a must-get-done-or-won't-graduate type of project. As fanfic is my fun writing, it's my reward. I made a lot of progress on my academic project. Hence, a new chapter of this and Safe In Forks all in one day. I think, though, that this one may need to go on hiatus for a while simply because I have so much going on. I'm not sure yet, though.

As always, reviews are lovely but not required. I will soldier on with this--even if it takes a while between updates--so that I can revel in my exploration of Edward's mind. Thanks for reading and for your patience. --ocfm