Title: What Not to Do At Hogwarts
Author: Le Rouge du Sang
Summary: Rules are in place for a reason. These are no different. Learn what you are not allowed to do during your stay at Hogwarts. Follows various characters through short one-shots.
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world is a product of the genius mind of J.K Rowling, who is, sadly, not me. The ideas for this are taken from [586 Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts] Check it out. There's some pretty funny shit.
29. "I do not weight the same as a duck."
30. "Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar."
James and Sirius were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, staring lovingly at their friend, Remus.
"Whatever you guys are thinking of – stop right now." Without looking up from his paper, Remus shifted.
"But Remus – "
"No, James."
"You didn't even hear me out!"
"It just sounded like you were going to start about the flea collar again."
Sirius feigned surprise, "Now, why would we want to ask something like that. It seems to me, since you were the one to mention it, that you really want a flea collar."
"No. I do not."
"Yes, you do!"
"Why would I want a flea collar?"
"He just said it! He wants a flea collar!" Sirius pounced on Remus, pinning him to the ground.
Meanwhile, all the students in the common room paused to take a look at all the commotion.
"Sirius! Get off!" Remus kicked Sirius, taking him by surprise, "What have you been eating?"
James gasped, "Are you saying he's fat?"
"Moony, I am not fat! I am in perfect shape. In fact, I checked this morning, I weigh the same as a duck."
"…Exactly how big of a duck are we talking about?" Remus regretted his question as soon as the words left his mouth.
"Oh, man. He called you fat again."
"And that, my dear Madam Pomfrey , is how I ended up with this tail, Remus with those troll ears, and James with…well, he looks the same."
"Black, I did not look like a giraffe!"
"Are you sure? You don't look much different. Actually, I'd wager that you look better."
I am sorry it took so long and it seems ultra-crappy. I've had finals for the past week and a half, and now winter break has started, which is the main reason I was able to get another chapter out. This was for a friend who insisted I write more. Erm. Yeah.
So please, read and review!
