Title: Across the Universe
Author: chocolatemooses
Chapter: Finding
Disclaimer: I don't own Iron Man, darn.
AN: Thanks so much to all my reviewers, what a great present. I had so many reviews that the second I got home I immediately sat down and wrote this. I am pretty sure that this is going to be a pretty big story. I am also debating whether or not uping the rating. It depends on how much time plot takes up. Anyhoo. Here is chapter four, please review. Enjoy.
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Have you ever had one of those moments? You know a moment where everything slows down and moves in Matrix slow motion. A moment where your body shakes and your palms begin to sweat. Where your body kicks up the adrenaline and you are torn between staying paralyzed and running for the hills. Where you try to move from your stationary position, try to think something beyond: "What the hell am I going to do now?".
If you haven't then it may be a little hard for you to sympathize with Pepper at this moment.
She sat there on his couch, her hair was now short and her red hair held more definite streaks of blonde now. It was pulled back into a little ponytail, and her bangs brushed the tops of her eyelids. She was dressed in a summery green dress that was appropriate for the warm June day, her toes peaking out of a pair of open-toed flats. Her eyes had been hazel an hour ago before she had stopped at an AM/PM to remove her color contact. Bu now her natural blue eyes were brighter than they had been for months even as they started to film over with unshed tears. She gripped the sofa tightly, trying to regain some of the strength that had overtaken her and gave her the will to drive from the valley to LA for five hours and fifty-five minutes non-stop.
But her energy and will were being drained by the sight of the broken man who stood in the doorway. And it was clear to see that the man who watched her unflinching was not the same Tony Stark that she had left six months ago. This was a different creature altogether. He wore no shirt and, although he was still toned, he was at least ten pounds lighter than the Tony she knew. The bags under his eyes were something that would have hardly ever graced his face before but now they seemed as if they had been a permanent staple for a while. At first glance, that was the extent of the change in Tony but Pepper, having spent years at his side, could see the subtle differences that would have gone unlooked by most people. His shoulders were stooped and his posture tired, contrary to the old Tony who walked around like he ruled the world (which could arguably be true to some extent). His thin hands hung limply at his sides and the former unbridled energy he used to carry, that would cause him to fidget and twitch with the need to just do something, was completely gone. But most frightening of all were his eyes. The warm, brown eyes that used to convey so much emotion and feeling were now cold and unseeing. He practically looked past her; and beyond the first sign of surprise (not shock, surprise; as though she had come into work an hour late instead of six months late) he betrayed no other reaction to her sudden reappearance.
She had tried on the drive here to come up with some sort of opening line for when this moment came. She had racked her brain for thousands of different ways to explain herself but all seemed as ridiculous as the next. She'd tried casual, "Hi, Tony. Long time no see." Stupid. She had tried professional, "Hello Mr. Stark. I am terribly sorry about leaving on such short notice; I am sure that I have tons of e-mails waiting for me." Who needs that kind of denial? She had decided to go for blunt and somewhat defensive. "Hey, Tony I know this seems weird and I am supposed to be dead but I need your help, so please hear me out." She decided that ignoring the personal aspect of the whole situation would be best for everybody.
She was trying to find those words when Tony suddenly spoke up. "Good morning Pepper. You are here a bit early don't you think. I mean, I haven't even had any scotch today." His words were teasing but his tone held no such indication. "I was just going to have some coffee this morning but it seems to me as if the appropriate drink for this occasion is something of the more alcoholic sort. Don't move, I will be right back." Then he slipped silently out of the doorway and into the kitchen, leaving Pepper flabbergasted on his couch.
Pepper's already bruised heart began to chip away into small pieces with his words and their implications. Did he think she was a hallucination? Has he been having many hallucinations of her? Had he really lost touch with reality so much that he couldn't tell the difference between truth and fiction? Finally the last comment broke through her heart-broken haze and a clenching feeling of guilt filled her. He has been drinking, and from what she could gather by his comments, he has been drinking a lot.
Tony stumbled back into the room, a glass of what looked like scotch in his hands. She felt a small amount of relief at the sight of a full glass instead of a bottle. He was leaning against the wall and watching her with a combination of tenderness and depression. Taking a sip of his drink, he finally said, "You looked dressed up today. I can't remember when you ever wore that." Another gulp of scotch. "Well, Miss Potts what is today's occasion? The anniversary of the last day you held my hand? Or maybe today is the seventh month anniversary of the day you and I danced? I really am at a loss, please enlighten me." His tone was so politely conversational that she shivered but was finally able muster the courage to speak.
"Tony," she marveled at how hoarse her voice sounded to her ears. There was a sound of shattering glass, he had dropped the scotch from his hand. He seemed shocked by her voice, whether by its tone or the fact that she was speaking at all, she was unsure. "Tony, I need your help." She stood up off the couch and made her way progressively closer to him. He now seemed unsure and slightly frightened, she was certain that he would have been backing up if his back wasn't already to the wall. "I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. And I know that this is probably a big shock but I am really here. I'm not dead and I really need your help." He was still silent and unmoving, it was scaring her. "Please say something Tony."
"No." He said mutedly as he imperceptibly balled his hands into a fist. His eyes now finally showed some emotion: anger.
Pepper stopped midstride. "What?"
"No, you are not doing this to me. Not again, not ever again." He looked like he wanted to put his hands over his ears and scream "I can't hear you. I can't hear you.". He resisted but still staunchly refused to look her in the eyes even though she was trying to catch his gaze with all her might.
"Tony, listen. I am really here and you need to believe that." She was within reach of him now and drew out her hand to touch him. She was a little afraid of what would happen when she finally did. They didn't often touch when she had worked with him and whenever they did the touches were always
filled with thousands of meanings. He could do anything from grab her tightly or flinch away from her touch, she tried to decide which would hurt her more.
She never got to find out though because he dodged her incoming hand before she even got a chance to brush against him.
"Stop it now. This isn't funny." He was definitely angry now and Pepper could tell that the anger was growing at a pretty steady rate. She, however, had seen Tony in all forms of anger (some actually directed at her) and so she wasn't deterred too much.
"Your right this isn't funny and I'm not laughing." She attempted again to at least place her hand on his but he jumped just out of her reach again. She made another feeble lunge and he dodged her again. If anyone had walked in on them at this very moment they would have been greeted by the comic sight of Tony and Pepper playing a strange sort of tag. Him dodging and avoiding her hand like she had the plague. Finally he jumped into the corner of the room, he had nowhere to go.
"Tony, you have to calm down." With that she finally grabbed his hand firmly into her own. He froze, eyes riveted on her soft finger wrapped around his palm. They both reveled in the feeling of each other, both trying to deny the amazing magnitude of longing they went through while apart. Then, without warning, he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and grasped her to his chest, so tight that the air whooshed out of Pepper like a tire. He held onto her like she was going to disappear at any moment. He held onto her like she was his last lifeline and he was drowning. He held onto her like (God help her), like he loved her more than anything else in the world and feared losing her again more than anything else in the world.
She let herself meld into his warm body and for a moment she let all of her numerous worries fade into the back of her mind, feeling content and safe for the first time in months. Despite all of the unsaid things and uncertainty that was a part of their relationship, Tony was her best friend and she had deeply missed him. And she was sure that he had as well, to a greater degree undoubtedly.
Then, just as suddenly, he released her from his grip and gently pushed her back. "Pepper?" His eyes held confusion, anger, betrayal, worry, and (her heart gave a flutter) joy.
"Yeah, it's me." She suddenly felt self-conscious and let her gaze fall to her feet. Tony stared down at her, Pepper had a fleeting wish for her old footwear. When she finally returned his gaze, she was surprised to find that the anger had returned full force but gratefully it seemed to be controlled, although only by a hair.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Come on. Sit down. You look dead tired and I feel like I am about to fall on my ass."
He led her gently to the couch, both finally registering the broken glass of scotch. Pepper gave him a look that clearly said she felt bad about causing its demise. He waved his hand in dismissal. "I'll take care of that later, for now I have a dead woman in my house who looks like she is about to faint." Pepper flinched slightly at the words 'dead woman'.
Sitting down on the couch Pepper let Tony kneel down on his knees to better examine her. Taking in her appearance and trying to decide whether or not she was healthy. He looked up, "Jarvis, how are Miss Potts' vitals?"
A familiar voice filled the room. "Heart rate is slightly elevated. Everything else is normal." He continued to search her person, looking for some hidden ailment. After a minute he seemed satisfied and sat back on his heels, clearly wanting to talk.
"I do believe that I deserve an explanation, Miss Potts."
Pepper swallowed visibly, she was worried about this. She knew that any way she sliced it, this was not a conversation that was going to end well. "What do you mean?"
The anger flashed more violently in his eyes but he soon reeled it back in. "Oh, I don't know? How's the family been? When did you get the haircut? Or maybe, I want to know where the fuck you have been for the past six months when I was here thinking you were dead!"
She cringed and kept her eyes closed tight, dreading what she had to say. "I can't tell you." She cautiously opened her eyes. Tony may have well exploded.
"What the hell do you mean you can't tell me!" He practically roared as he got up on his feet to tower over her. "Do you have any idea what I went through while you were gone? Do you? I was out of my mind! My life was a living hell. Now you show up here out of the blue and you can't even tell me where you have fucking been! Do you even know? I was going to-" He stopped suddenly, his chest heaving.
Pepper's eyes were once again filled with tears, one breaking free and traveling slowly down her cheek to pool at her chin. "Tony, I am so sorry, but I can't-"
"You can't what?" He was on a roll again. "You can't give me a moment's consideration. You can't care about my feelings for one god-damn second. You can't think about the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for the past few minutes. What is it!"
Pepper was now on her feet as well, flushed and breathing heavily. "Tony you don't understand."
She didn't get any further though because at that moment a pretty, dark-haired girl walked into the house. "Hey, Tony. There's some guy outside from the Strategic Homeland Intervention, god I can't even remember the rest. He's a suit from the government. He says-". She stopped short, finally looking up. Her eyes widened as she saw her boss in an obviously heated argument with his dead former assistant.
Pepper head swung around to face the new girl and a look of annoyance passed over her face. "Shit. They found me."
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AN: I know, another cliffhanger. The next chapter will explain mostly everything and it will be up Sunday night.
