Folie A Deux
Disclaimer: I do not own the Santa Clause series. Please excuse any and all grammatical and/or (especially) spelling mistakes in past, present, and future chapters. I do attempt to proof read each chapter prior to uploading it but I often overlook a number of problems and do not notice them until after I have uploaded the document. I know they are annoying and, believe me, I find them quite embarrassing ("comfotable" and "saftly," WTF?). Nonetheless, taking the chapter down and reloading it until it reaches perfection is tedious work and I simply refuse to do it. This chapter is rated a strong T due to intense flirting and suggestiveness.
Chapter 4
J'Veux Ton Amour Et Je Veux Ta Revanche*
To say that Rachel's return during her break was awkward would be an understatement. Technically, she had not done anything wrong nor did she even realize that anything was wrong. She believed that their relationship had only increased from casual acquaintances to best friends and Bernard was not about to disillusion her when doing so would only drive her further away from him. Nonetheless, Bernard could ignore neither his growing attraction nor his resentment. Thus began the first of many years that lead to their current situation; they were, and continue to be, stuck somewhere between best friends, almost lovers, and enemies. Over the years, Rachel had been accepted to the Carnegie Mellon dance program on a scholarship and had subsequently moved from Illinois to Pittsburgh. Her relationship with Justin had not survived the move, but a fellow-student named Zachary, who was enrolled in the university's acting program, had taken his place long before Bernard, who had swiftly noted his frequent placement on the naughty list as a child, had even gotten wind of the break-up. Rachel was now in her senior year at the institute.
And that brought him to today. Bernard knew that Rachel's comments about his lack of sexual prowess were meant just as teasingly and untruthfully as his own comments about not being attracted to her. They still stung. Nonetheless, Bernard had decided years ago that he would rather suffer her callousness than risk cutting her out of his life completely. Therefore, when Rachel pounced atop his desk at lunchtime, bearing a peace offering in the form something other than cookies to eat and wearing a cardigan over the offending tank top from earlier, he forwent the tongue-lashing he had been reciting in his head all morning in favor of merely grinning back at her like the love-struck fool he was. And when she resorted to rather sordid insinuations to make Curtis leave, by leaving her seat on the edge of his desk in favor of her finding a new spot on his lap while making a show of kissing and nibbling along his neck and jaw line and simultaneously telling Curtis to "scram unless you plan on paying to watch the show," he could do nothing more than close his eyes, grip the arms of his chair, and choke out, "Curtis. Leave. NOW." With his eyes closed all his other senses were amplified; Bernard heard Curtis' hurried footsteps and the slamming of the door and he felt puffs of Rachel's laughter against his neck. After a few silent moments she pulled back to grab their lunch off the desk. Bernard, unwilling to break the intimate contact just yet, pulled her back against him, wrapping his arms around her in a hug and leaning his head against hers. "I'm going to pay for that later," Bernard sighed, "the entire workshop will be abuzz over our affair before you leave this room and by evening Santa will be calling us both to his office after hearing that I've impregnated his only daughter." He was rewarded with another near-silent laugh from Rachel who responded, "Pregnant? Me? No, the worst it will come to is he'll hear that Curtis walked in after lunch to find that you had me bent over your desk and were finally releasing years of frustration caused by putting up with my smart-ass comments". Bernard blushed and remained silent. She paused before continuing, "I'm sorry about this morning. I was completely out of line." Bernard responded with a friendly squeeze before dropping his arms. "So was I. Besides, given the chance I would gladly stare at your 'tits'!" he joked, complete with air quotes, before playfully pulling at the neckline of her top, "stop squirming" he quipped," I can't see anything!" Rachel pushed at his shoulders, exclaiming, "stop making fun of the way I talk and maybe I'd let you see them!" Bernard responded by widening his eyes in what was supposed to be an innocent expression, but the effect was ruined by the smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. At this point the semi-shocked Rachel fell into a fit of giggles. Bernard loved these moments, few and far between though they were. He and Rachel were alone and he could almost imagine that they were already together. Few people had seen Bernard's playful side; the stress of his job often left him feeling too drained to do anything more than bark out orders even in front of his most trusted friends. Occasionally, however, Rachel would surprise him with a visit during a break and leave him feeling rejuvenated. Bernard grinned, shifted his hold on the girl-who-was-nearing-hysterics, and leaned forward to grab their lunch off his desk. Munching contentedly on the simple, but thankfully non-sweet for a change, meal Bernard was startled, and confused, when Rachel stopped laughing abruptly and asked, "is that even possible?" Swallowing his sandwich cautiously, Bernard asked, "is what possible?" Rachel fumbled with a gold tassel that was embellishing his tunic for a minute, presumably trying to find the words to express her question before finally asking, "could a human and an elf produce a child together?" Bernard froze for a moment before looking down to search her eyes, however, Rachel's gaze refused to meet his own. Drawing a breath he answered clinically, "yes, the difference between human and elf DNA is miniscule so the two could, and have in the past, rare though it is, produce children. In such cases a piece of the elf's magic latches onto the human so that their life expectancy is approximately the same. The offspring would have the same life span as any other elf. Why do you ask?" "Oh, you know," Rachel responded nonchalantly, "I've always wanted kids with naturally sparkly cheeks and eternal youth." Bernard shook his head and tossed an arm across her shoulders. He could not help but wonder how different the last few years could have been had she known that such a relationship was within the realm of possibility. They finished the rest of their lunch in silence. Once they finished eating Rachel stood up asking, "will you come see me after work? It gets terribly boring up here without you around." Bernard responded in the affirmative. He was not prepared, however, for the unexpected, overlooked technicality that would consume much of his time and energy during the upcoming weeks.
* "I want your love and I want your revenge"
