"Kat! Kat! C'mere! Look at this!" shouted Kairi, running towards me. She shoved a letter into my hands.
"I sent my Christmas list to Santa, and look at the letter I got back!" She pointed.

Dear Kairi,
Ummmmmm, no. Sorry, but you're on the naughty list. For more information, please visit our website, at www.imnaughtyandidontknowwhy.gov or call our toll-free number at 1-800-IMN-AUGH-TYA-NDID-ONT-KNOW-WHY. Thanks, and I hope you have a crappy Christmas YOU NAUGHTY LITTLE BRAT!!!

Love,
Santa's Little Helper Stevie Wonder

"Wow..." I said reading over the letter.
"Did you cheat on Sora or something...? With Riku maybe...? He has been seen toting around your limp body..." I inquired.
"NooOOOO!!! No way I would do that!!!" she said.
"Oh, okay, just checking... But just out of curiosity, since when has Santa worked for the government...?" I wondered, reading the web-adress.
"I don't know. We should check it out." said Kairi.

"Okay... www.imnaughtyandidontknowwhy.gov..." I said outloud as I typed it into the web adress bar. Kairi looked over my shoulder.
"Your computer is so slow..." she commented.
"Tell me about it..." I said angrily. I knocked the side of my computer.
"Hey what're you guys up to?" asked Sora, entering the parlor with Hillary, Riku, and Yuffie in tail.
"SORA-CHAN!!!" Kairi screeched and ran over to him. She glomped him and started to play with his fuzzy, grey cat ears.
"Hey Kairi! I got some cookies!" Sora said, freeing himself from Kairi's constricting hug. He help up a sumtuous looking cookie.
"Oooh! Can I try one, just a little bit?" asked Kairi, reaching out for the cookie that she so desperately desired. Sora pulled the cookie out of her reach.
"No way, Kairi. Not until you give me my Kelly Clarkson CD back!" Sora retorted. Kairi groaned.
"Ugh, well isn't that just a lame twinkie wrapper on the Britney Spears CD that is my day!" Kairi whined and returned to hovering over my shoulder.
"What's wrong Kairi?" asked Yuffie, who isn't a ninja.
"I'm... I'm... I'm..." Kairi jumbled the words.
"You're PREGNANT?!?!" screeched Hillary, her eyes widening in shock.
"NO!!! It's just that... Well... I... Ummm... You know..." Kairi mumbled, still stuck on the words.
"You're a CANADIAN?!?!" shouted Sora.
"NO! Well, I might be part Canadian, but that's not the point here... the point is that I kinda am on the... you know..." said Kairi softly. There was an awkward silence as everyone speculated what she could possibly be on.
"Not like that you wierdos!" screamed Kairi.
"I think what she's trying to say is that she's on Santa's Naughty List, am I right, Kairi?" offered Riku in a caring tone.
"Yeah... that's it..." said Kairi as she hung her head in shame. Riku walked over to Kairi's side, and leaned in to look at the computer. I shoved him away.
"Nuh-uh! You're not coming near my computer after what I caught you looking at the other day!" I shouted. There was an awkward pause as every one stopped again to speculate at just what Riku had been looking at the other day.
"NOT LIKE THAT YOU WEIRDOS!" he screeched.
"He's right. He wasn't looking at porno- he was looking at worse. It was the Barbie Website." I said. Riku's face flushed.
"It was going to be a Christmas gift for my little cousin." he explained. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief.
"Hey, since when has Santa worked for the government?" he asked, looking at the web adress.
"That's one of the things we're trying to find out." I said, turning back to the computer screen. Sora, Kairi, Riku, Hillary, and Yuffie all leaned in to watch. I hit "contact Santa.
"What the... it says that I have to log-in..." I mumbled. I hit sign-up. I typed in Kairi's info, and disposable email adress (she didn't want any spam from Santa.
CONFIRMATION LINK SENT!
"Oh, thats just great... we have to confirm this stupid thing." I grumbled. Kairi reached over and went to her email. After clicking the link, and being sent back to www.imnaughtyandidontknowwhy.gov, I hit the login button. Kairi typed in the information.
THANK YOU FOR LOGGING IN!
"... And...?" said Hillary. Suddenly there was a chilly breeze at my back. I turned around to see a frozen wasteland.
"What the...?" said Yufie.
I turned around. My computer was gone! Then I realized- so was my chair. My butt landed on the frozen ground.
"Youch!" I said, my tail seething.
"Kat fell down! Haha!" laughed Sora.
"Shut up Sora!" I snapped.
"OMG! Look! It's a frozen wasteland...type...place...thing..." said Hillary.
"It's so pretty!" said Kairi, spinning around and humming Simple and Clean.
"Do you really think she's dressed appropriately to be out in the freezing snow...?" wondered Riku.
"Well neither is Yuffie, you idiot." I said, pointing to Yuffie.
"So? I'm a NINJA!" shouted Yuffie.
"SHUT UP YUFFIE! YOU'RE NOT A FRICKIN' NINJA!!!" I roared at her. Yuffie teared up.
"You're right... I am cold... RIKU HOLD ME!!!" screamed Yuffie as she glomped onto Riku.
"Well, ya know, none of us are really are really dressed for this type of weather. Except for maybe Hillary- she always wears sweaters..." commented Riku, comforting Yuffie in his arms.
"And Kat, why are you in a kimono...?" asked Sora, munching a cookie.
" 'Cuz it's leopard print." I said with smug grin.
"Hey, look at that! There! Over yonder!" exclaimed Yuffie.
"Is that a house..?" I asked, and squinted, even though squinting impairs your vision.
"I think it is!" said Hillary.
"C'mon, I wanna see whats in it. Let's go!" I announced. We started the trek to the house. We ignored the fact that we had no idea where we were, because we're all insane, and don't notice that type of thing, and when we do, we usually don't worry about it. The wind dramaticly blew our hair around. I heard a noise behind me. I turned arourd. Probably just the wind, I thought to myself, as I surveyed tthe area and saw nothing but snow. I continued the climb up the large snow drift. Suddenly, Riku fell down, and started sliding down the hill-thing at a breakneck speed.
"Help! Somethings got me!" he screamed.
"What is it? I can't see!" exclaimed Yuffie.
"I don't know! I think it's a... PENGUIN! PENGUIN! PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Riku screamed. The wind stopped blowing for a second, long enough for us to see a renegade penguin holding Riku's foot. The penguin, in it's other flipper, held a sword.
"Noooooooooo! RIKU!" Sora cried out dramatically. We all slid down the hill, but by the time we got there, it was too late. The penguin had murdered Riku.
"N...No...Riku..." said Kairi, tearing up at the sight of Riku's corpse. I picked him up and slung his body over my shoulder.
"Maybe, it's not too late! If we get him to Santa!" I said hopefully.
"Santas not real!" yelled Hillary. Every one gasped.
"Hillary! How could you say that?!" Yuffie screeched.
"Think about it-" Hillary began. Sora interrupted her.
"Think about this Hillary. When Kat opened an email for Kairi, we got landed in this frozen wasteland, then Riku got killed by a renegade penguin HOLDING a sword, even though penguins don't have opposable thumbs, and YOU think that there's no chance of Santa being real." said Sora. Every one stared at Sora, who had suddenly become the mature voice of reason in Riku's absence. I speculate that since Riku was dead (once again) and therefor not able to hold his position as the alpha-male, Sora's instincts had commanded him to cut the cookie-loving crap, and become a more mature young adult. But thats just a speculation. We began the trek up the hill of snow once again. Riku's body still warm, kept me company.

The snow and Riku's dead weight began to weigh me down as we reached the top of the hill.
"Finally, we're here!" Kairi exclaimed. I read the sign on the door at the house from far away.
"Santa's Workshop" it read.
"Look, Santa's workshop! Let's go!" I said. We raced towards the building. Riku's weight was getting heavier. We reached the door. I opened the door and walked inside. THUD! Oops, Riku's head accidentaly hit the door frame on the way in. I dropped his body onto the floor, as every one entered through the door into this dark, dark room. The only thing I could see was the back of a chair, facing a fireplace. I heard some one clap. The lights turned on.
"Fancy!" said Kairi, grinning. The chair swivveled around. In it was a fat man in a red suit.
"You're clothing choice is extremely garrish!" exclaimed Hillary to the man.
"I'm Santa, stupid." said the man to Hillary.
"Oh... sorry!" said Hillary.
"What can I do for you people?" asked Santa.
"I'm on the naughty list and I don't know why!" said Kairi.
"I wanna know why you're wrking for the government." I demanded. Sora fealt like he was forgetting something important that he should tell Santa.
"Oh yeah!" He ecxclaimed. "Our friend Riku was murdered by a rogue penguin"
"I can fix all your troubles!" said Santa cheerfully.
"Kairi, when you were five, you stole a pack of bubblegum from a Wal-Mart in San Fransisco." he said.
"Wait, I lived in San Fransisco?" asked Kairi.
"No, but you stole a pack of gum anyways." said Santa blatently.
"WHAT?! THAT'S IT?!" screeched Kairi.
"Kat, I have no idea what you're talking about." said Santa ignoring Kairi's screeching.
"And Sora, even though you technically don't believe in me because you're Jewish, I'll bring Riku back to life." he said.
"Oooough... what happened...?" moaned Riku from the floor, getting up.
"Riku!" Screamed Yuffie.
"Allright kids, well I have to go make my rounds now." said Santa, "But you can see the take off if you like"
"YAY!" we all shrieked, and ran to the barn. I started petting Cupid, while Riku stroked Rudolph. Suddenly, the take off started. I jumped out of the way, but Riku was too slow. He was trampled to death by a bunch of reindeer. Santa's sleigh slid over him and launched into the air. Blood soaked the snow. Riku didn't move.
"Sorry about that kids!" Santa shouted from his sleigh.
"It's okay, he'll come back to life in the next story anyways!" Kairi shouted.
As Santa flew off into the night, a thought crossed his mind.
"That kid Riku had some uber-sexy hair." he said to himself, as he flew off into the night.

Back down in the barn, a panic had begun. How were we gonna get back home? Oh well. We'll be home in the next story anyways...