Chapter 4
Awkward
At about 7am in the morning, I could no longer stand the comfort of my bed. If anything, my slumber had been pretty light since my unpleasant escapade from last night.
At least, I was up before Athrun, something that seldom happened under normal circumstances.
The mansion was completely silent when I first got into the kitchen; and thankfully, that pink little pest, that Haro, had been shutdown for the time being. I suppose I was still a little green when I finally reached the counter; so I resolved to grab a bite and make some coffee before I could figure out what to do next.
If anything, I might have been overreacting a little; or so I thought, until Lacus showed up. "Good morning, Cagalli." She had said, as she walked into the room.
"Hey."
For some reasons, the pink princess seemed to be in a really good mood today, and I would lie if I said I didn't have the slightest idea as to why that was. "Oh! You made coffee?"
"Yeah." I answered, not particularly interested in anything beside the cold toast that I was holding up in my hand.
By now, I figure she had already noticed that I wasn't exactly on the top of my game; for that, as she poured down the brown beverage into her mug, she asked. "Rough night?"
"I suppose you could say that." I replied, going for another bite of my meal, as she nodded.
Though I wasn't really aware of what she was doing, I think Lacus might have been whistling inside her head, which was getting a little annoying as she sat down to another side of the table. "Well, at least she hasn't brought the Haros…" I told myself silently.
Kira, on the other hand, came in about half-an-hour after her; shortly after the former had voluntarily decided to take care of the dishes, despite the fact that I had offered myself to do it. "Morning." He had said, to which we responded in the exact same manner.
Not so long ago, I had grabbed a magazine from nearby, and as my brother reached the side of his beloved, my eyes slowly crept away from the page I had started reading. "Hey…" He had said, as Lacus greeted him with a warm smile.
That was, when I really started to freak out…
I can generally keep it together, even while I am exhausted, but the sight of my brother's lips reaching hers… brought back some very unpleasant memories that would have been best left undisturbed. I could see them again, drenched in sweats, as their skins quivered with anticipation… … …
I made it through, somehow… and managed to stay for as long as common courtesy required me; but as soon as the deed was done, I was out of there.
Needless to say, my sudden decision to take my leave had somewhat startled them. To which the pink princess had commented. "I don't think she's feeling so well this morning."
"What am I gonna do?"
I kept asking myself as I did the eight hundred steps around the mansion. But little did I know, that I had already made up my mind.
My fiancé was already awake by now, and it didn't take long for me to find him, once he was done with his morning ritual. "Athrun?"
"Ah, there you are." He began, fit and well, as I had come to expect. "How long have you been up?"
"Hm… Long enough, I suppose…" I had answered, not really knowing how to break the news to him. "Listen, Athrun… I just got a call from my office, I'm gonna have to go…"
Obviously, my fiancé wasn't anything like a lie detector; but he wasn't exactly stupid either. "This early in the morning…? And aren't we on weekend?"
"I know that." I replied, trying to soften the edges of my voice to hide my predicament. "But something came up, I'm gonna have to go back."
"… … …" I could tell that he was trying to make up his mind, but still, he went along with it; since he seemingly had no saying in the matter. "Alright, I'm going to pack in our stuff and then we'll go."
"You should stay…" I told him, embarrassed. "I'm sure Lacus and Kira will give you a hand to get back; just give me the keys and I'll…"
"No..." Athrun responded, interrupting me. "It just wouldn't feel right if you're not there."
True, I didn't quite understand the reasoning behind it, but part of me sort of wanted him to say that; it's kind of nice really, to know that I can depend on him, even though I can't really tell him what's going on…
"Do you really have to leave?" Lacus asked, somewhat disappointed by our imminent departure.
"Yeah, something came up. I suppose it can't be helped." My fiancé replied, as I struggled to keep up my façade.
Kira on the other hand, seemed quite skeptical about this sudden development; if anything, the sadness that the pink princess was experiencing right now, did not seem to thrill him the slightest. "If you've got to go, that's fine; but can't you at least stay for lunch?"
"No." I answered, trying to fasten things up a little. "I'm sorry, but we really have to go."
"We understand, if you have to go, then you have to go." She added, a little bummed.
Then, Athrun turned to me and said. "We better be on our way."
That was when my brother finally dropped the ball. "Actually, before you leave; Cagalli…?" He asked, as he beckoned me to a door leading to the balcony. "Do you mind?"
It's not like I had much of a choice, so I executed myself; as he closed the door behind me, much to Athrun and Lacus' surprise.
I half expected that he was on to something, but instead, Kira walked all the way past me and rested his elbows upon the borders of the balcony.
There was a slight breeze going on today, and the wind brushed through his hair as easily as the leaves of a tree. Honestly, I didn't really know what to do with myself; until he finally said. "It's been a while since we've been able to do that…"
"Yeah…" I answered, apprehending this situation with great uneasiness.
"Between your position as Chief Representative and the kids, we haven't really had the chance to see each other much since the Plants were reformed…" My brother began. "And honestly, I have no idea when we'll be able to do this again…"
Of course, I was already well aware of that; but right now, that was the least of my worries. He turned back to me and went on. "I know that ORB needs you, but can't you at least think this over for this once? We barely see each other…"
Truth is, I was having a hard time keeping my act together when he was like that, but regardless, I had to say something. "No, I'm sorry; but that's really not an option… … …"
"I see…" Kira responded, turning his eyes back toward the horizon. "Is there… is there anything else I should know?"
I was really surprise at how perceptive my brother had gotten; even though, we barely see each other, he could tell that I was upset… He knew that the others would never think about spying on us; which is why he had chosen that very moment to ask me this.
I didn't know… Walking up to his side, I tried to come up with something to say; but unfortunately, I was speechless. And what if I did lie to him… would he buy it?
I had no idea, and after all, why struggle? We both know what happened, so why bother… … …
In the end, I came right out with it, better to deal with it now than later; besides, the pink princess and my fiancé didn't have to know. "I…" I began, trying to put some sort of order into my thoughts. "Last night… I saw you and Lacus having sex… … …"
"Oh… oh… …" My brother replied, extremely embarrassed about what I had just revealed. "Well… … … I suppose it's not such a big deal…" He tried to explain. "I mean, I'm pretty sure you and Athrun are doing it, so… I don't really see what the problem is…"
"Really? You don't know?!" I almost yelled, getting a little angry at how casually he was taking this. "I'm your sister Kira!"
"Cagalli…" He tried to interrupt me as I responded.
But it was no use, I was upset, and I really wished he could understand that. "I'm not… supposed… to know what my brother looks like when he's banging his girlfriend!"
"Cagalli, stop it…"
"We slept together, Kira!" I replied, not really thinking about the consequences of what I was saying.
"So that's… what this is all about… …" My brother began. "Listen Cagalli, we… we made a mistake once… But… we didn't know… … …"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing… Aside from that time when Kira came out of the Mendel colony, with a double of the picture that my father had given me; this was the very first time I had seen him acknowledging what had happened between us. "We didn't know… I understand that this is really… … … awkward… But that's the past, and that's the way it needs to stay."
I couldn't believe him, I couldn't even believe myself. "How can you say that?!"
"You've got Athrun, and I've got Lacus now, so it's better for the both of us if we just…"
"You're not my brother, Kira…" I finally said to him, as he looked back at me in disbelief. "I've tried… I really tried to think of you as my brother… But I can't."
"Don't say that…" He had tried to say, still trying to talk me out of this.
"There was a time when I thought I might have had feelings for you… but when I really needed you… you weren't there…"
"What are you…?" My brother asked, his voice tainted with incomprehension.
"You weren't there, Kira… I understand that you had a lot going on at that time, and I know perfectly well that what we did was a mistake; but when the deed was done, you just… completely ignored me!"
Obviously, he had absolutely no idea of what I was talking about. "You never even bothered to check if I was protecting myself… Do you have any idea of what I had to go through once I realized that we had forgotten to use a condom?! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to deal with this on my own?!"
"I'm sorry, Cagalli… I… … I didn't know…" He replied, as if every single one word I said were tearing him from the inside out.
"Of course you don't… … Well, I could really have used a brother then… but you weren't there. I'm not… attracted to you… in that kind of way; you're a great friend but… you're NOT my brother."
"… … … I understand…" Kira reluctantly left out, as if trying to regain some manner of composure. "So… what do we do now…?"
"I don't know." I replied, my feelings constantly alternating between relief and shame. "But what I do know, is that I don't have the energy nor strength to pretend anymore… It would probably be better for everyone if we stop seeing each other for a while."
"Yes… I understand." He said, walking back toward the mansion as he finished.
"Kira?" I asked, feeling horrible about the fact that I had actually managed to say it.
"Huh?" He replied, trying as hard as he might to hide his turmoil.
"This… … isn't goodbye forever. Things will get simpler… Maybe if we give it enough time, things will get easier… I…"
"I hope so…"
Author's Ramblings:
It may not be so obvious while looking at it, but I am essentially taking a contract with you here; which is essentially, that I won't write down a sex scene unless I have a good reason for it. While this is the very reason I choose to write this FanFic in the first place, it is not necessarily JUST about sex; but rather, how each of the characters relates to each other. And I believe this chapter accomplishes just that.
Though for the record, writing this is really fun thus far. Normally when I get an idea like Cagalli walking in on Kira and Lacus having sex, my first reaction will generally be: "Well, you can't write that in a FanFic". But when it comes to a story like this, the very first thought that I get, is generally what gets in.
What's particularly interesting about the content of this chapter, is that Cagalli essentially blames Kira for what is happening right now. The parallel that I'm trying to establish here, is that, in the beginning; the ship was on fire and Kira was the only one who could do anything about it. There were just so many peoples that depended on him, that he just couldn't save them all; and at some point, he was going to let someone down, and that is exactly why Cagalli might harbor some sort of resentment toward him.
Mind you, I am NOT getting rid of Kira; there are still plenty of avenues to explore there; but now, would an as good time as any, to delve a little further into Cagalli's love life.
