The Bellagio Peregrination Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own this show. Chuck Lorre owns this show.

Note: Long chapter! But I couldn't stand to cut it anywhere. I like to think there's an alternate universe where Parsons and Cuoco act out this chapter and I want to go there. Also, I hope you guys don't hate how I dealt with the Amy situation.

Chapter 4

Penny gave her name to the woman at one of the big tables at the entrance to The Tower Ballroom and took a deep breath. It had taken her a while to make herself presentable after that horrendous phone call with her mother. On the upside the Audrey Hepburn dress looked fantastic on her and her hair seemed to be cooperating. A little black and pink clutch purse hung from a strap on her wrist. The ballroom was all dinner tables and buffet lines. Half the people in the room were dressed more formally like her, the other half were dressed more like, well, the boys on an average day. There was a program and Penny was pleasantly surprised to see that there might actually be some fun stuff to see at this conference. Maybe she would put in an appearance at the next two nights of activities after all. Having become a somewhat savvy Hollywood person she could see that some of the stuff had little to do with science and more to do with grabs at demographics. There were the expected presentations on various scientific fields and how they related to media and entertainment. There were also presentations on green screen effects and holograms.

"Geez," Penny muttered. "S'like ComicCon or something."

And what the hell did The Mystic Warlords of Ka-ah MMORPG have to do with science? Penny shuddered at the memory of attempting to enjoy that horrible game with the guys.

"Ech. Travesty."

The text from Sheldon had been weird. At the time she'd still been sitting on her bed trying to will herself to stop crying. How the hell did he know something was wrong? If Sheldon Cooper was telepathic, she would have one more problem to deal with. Correction; the world would have one more problem.

Where was the adorable crazy man anyway?

She kept an eye out on her way to the bar. If there was one thing she needed, it was a drink. Well, that and enough money to pay her rent, go to school, start a fledgling homemade craft business, pay off her credit cards...

One Cosmo later, she still had not found Sheldon.

Wanting to pace herself, she followed it with a Shirley Temple (because it was cuter than a club soda) and a small plate of cocktail shrimp. Guys kept staring and asking her if she was a hostess from G4 or ScyFy.

No, but that would be an awesome job.

The thought of it just reminded her of all her problems in Pasadena and her potentially worse yet somehow easier problems in Omaha. Suddenly the enormous ballroom felt much too stuffy and she wandered out onto a balcony to get some air.

"Oh! This is where I am." It hadn't occurred to her that the Tower Ballroom was in the tower, at the very top of The Bellagio with a gorgeous view of the Vegas lights and the big fountain in front of the hotel.

"Penny."

She turned to see Sheldon approaching her from the other side of the balcony. He still looked good in his suit, albeit slightly disheveled.

"Hey!" She said lightly. "I've been looking for ya."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, that's okay." She held up her plate of food. "I have shrimp."

"No, I mean I apologize-"

"For what?" He stepped into the light and she saw that his eyes were a little red. "Oh my God, sweetie. Have you been crying or something? What's the matter?"

"You're not stupid," he said.

The joke was on her lips before she even processed the words. "That's no reason to cry."

He twitched. "If that is what is known in comedic terms as a callback, it's not funny."

He was upset. Penny wasn't accustomed to seeing him this upset when it wasn't accompanied by anger or petulance. "Moonpie, what happened?"

"You're...sad," he said carefully. He was staring at the ground. "You're quite distressed."

She swallowed and tears threatened to well up. She shook her head quickly so that her hair whipped her face. "No! No, I'm not! I have shrimp!"

"Penny, I...went back to retrieve my phone. From our room. I heard you speaking to your mother..."

Penny rose her eyebrows. There was a bench behind her, which was a convenient place for her to sit down since her knees felt a little weak. "Oooh," she said in an exhale.

He sat down next to her. "I believe you have been laboring under a misapprehension."

"Have I?" She muttered. She put her shrimp and drink down beside her and crossed her arms. How much had he heard? It made her feel so pathetic. Sad pathetic Penny with the sad pathetic life.

"You are under the impression that you're unintelligent. Are you not?"

Penny did a little double take. "Um..."

"I have disparaged your intelligence on several occasions. Or...possibly more than several. To the same degree that I have disparaged the intelligence of people far more intelligent than you."

She frowned and eyed him warily. "'Kay..."

"I had not considered... I was not aware that..."

She rolled her eyes. This could take all night. "Sheldon, it's okay-"

"No, it is not by any means okay," he said, his voice rising. "You are under the impression that you're unintelligent. And you're not. I'm partly to blame. And I apologize. Without qualification. You're not stupid, Penny. And your mother shouldn't disparage your intelligence either. And...please don't move to Nebraska."

She might not have lost it if she hadn't looked up into those big blue eyes under the balcony lights. Instead she said, "Sheldon-" She had intended to say more but she started crying again to her dismay just before she threw her arms around his neck and buried her head in his suit.

He tentatively set his hands on her back. "Oh, please don't cry," he said softly. "I lose my mutant powers."

"I don't know what you mean by that," she said in a choked voice.

"That's because you have no access to my internal monologue," he mumbled into her hair. "There there..."

She smiled into his tie. Somehow coming from Sheldon, that actually was comforting. Because it meant he was trying.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Would you like a hot beverage?"

"No," she chuckled. "That's okay."

"Would you like a cold beverage?"

"I have one."

She broke away from him and wiped tears from her eyes with her knuckles, checking for running mascara, even though she knew very well it was waterproof.

"Oh," Sheldon said. He handed her the decorative black handkerchief from his suit pocket.

She sniffed and took it, patting her cheeks. "Pretty suave."

"Well, I've seen all the James Bond films."

"I've only seen the Daniel Craig ones." She fiddled with the hankie.

"That should be corrected." He frowned at her. "How long have you been under threat of eviction?"

She took a deep breath. "Oh, boy. Look, sweetie. You have a big banquet in there and you have to go...network and stuff. Don't worry about me. Go get your book deal."

"Networking in the socioeconomic sense, at a function of this sort, is as enticing to me as another venture inside 's dressing room. There is also the possibility that I've angered the only editor who would be interested in publishing an in-depth manuscript on the Higgs Boson. I'm more interested in the presentations over the next two nights."

Penny nodded and sniffed. "So what'd you say to the guy? The editor?"

"I merely pointed out his cretinous attitudes towards women. Indirectly, I suppose I was defending your honor. In an ersatz neo-chivalric sense."

She grinned. She had to get Sheldon out to Vegas more often. That was certain. The thought she might have to move to Nebraska which would make that impossible made her stomach drop.

"If you want to get out of here," she said, "I've got kind of a great idea. We need the car."

"I dislike surprises," Sheldon said, fiddling with his seatbelt. "If your intention is to execute me and dispose of my body in the dead of night, I would ask to be blindfolded. I would additionally request a cigarette as an act of theatrical convention. Also, you must record my last words."

"A cigarette!" Penny giggled.

"A candy cigarette obviously."

Once the visual was in her head, Penny started giggling uncontrollably.

They were headed back down the I-15. Thinking ahead, Penny had stolen two plastic champagne cups from the banquet on their way out and then they had retrieved the car. They had stopped at a convenience store where she picked up a bottle of Crush and two bags of gummy bears.

"I'm shocked you don't have your last words written out already," Penny said. "Or maybe typed on a wallet sized card in a tiny font. And laminated. On hand just in case."

Sheldon's eyes lit up. "That's an excellent idea."

"Always glad to be of service."

"What are we doing? This was not on the itinerary."

"Star gazing."

He rolled his eyes. "This close to Las Vegas? A proper view of the night sky is improbable at such a close proximity to that amount of light pollution."

"I know a good spot. I've gone there with my girlfriends before. It won't be…ideal. Still be a better view than L.A."

She pulled over at a rest stop; a few scattered picnic tables and a big stone platform in front of several lines of benches. She didn't know exactly what the stone platform was for other than impromptu stage performances in the middle of a desert or possibly human sacrifice.

"Here? You're stopping here?" Sheldon's voice rose.

"It's…reasonably well lit." Penny hedged.

"I can almost instantaneously calculate the odds of us being murdered here, most likely by a passing trucker on a methamphetamine binge. They are uncomfortably high."

"Never tell me the odds," she muttered. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.

"Yes, well done," Sheldon said, rolling his eyes. "Rattlesnakes. Coyotes. Scorpions…"

"Oh! Hang on. Leonard left some stuff in the trunk…" She hopped out, ignoring Sheldon's fearful yelps.

When she appeared outside the passenger side window, Sheldon looked up to see Penny in her fetching black lace and pink frock holding a fully loaded paintball gun immediately reminding him of both Sarah Connor and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Yes, he decided, she would definitely fight zombie hoards. Possibly for fun.

He opened his door, still a bit hesitant.

"I got your back, Jack," she barked. "Grab the grub."

He picked up the bag of soda and candy and the blanket they'd conveniently left in the car, and she led him to the stone platform.

He said, "I've decided you're accompanying us to ComicCon next year."

"Oh I am, am I?"

"Yes. You'd make a convincing Starbuck. Would you be willing to cut your hair?"

"Frak no."

"I suppose you could be Starbuck when she was held prisoner on New Caprica by Leoben Conoy, the Number Two humanoid Cylon. But then you wouldn't be wearing the uniform. Which would somewhat defeat the purpose."

"Sweetie," she said handing him the gun and climbing up on top of the stone platform, "I don't even know that I'll be around next summer. I might have to move back to Omaha. I know you hate change but-"

"You're not returning to Nebraska," Sheldon simply. She took the food and paintball gun from him and helped him climb up. "My preferences on the subject are irrelevant."

"Ya..wha… You're what? Sheldon Cooper's preferences are irrelevant?"

He spread the blanket out on the platform and Penny was about to sit down when he put up a hand stay her, taking his time straightening out the blanket, changing the angle, straightening it again and then finding his spot.

"Only because I'm confident I can refute your reasoning," he said. Penny rose a challenging eyebrow at him and he held up two fingers. "Two doctorates, Penny."

She sat down on the blanket and took off her heels, wiggling her pained toes in the soft fleece. "Sheldon, I'm broke. And I'm not borrowing any more money from you and Leonard. Time for me to grow up."

Sheldon sat down cross legged on the blanket and folded his hands in his lap. "Your definition of maturity includes moving back into your parent's home?"

She cleared her throat. "Well…for a while. To start with."

"Into the childhood home where your mother disparages your intelligence and your brother takes advantage of your generosity?" He had said it as a simple matter of fact.

Penny looked up sharply. "Okay, well my brother won't be there because he took off and no one knows where he is. My mother…will be there. Yes. But if I can just get ahead. Just for a minute…" He started to open his mouth and she sighed. "Not a literal minute. If I can just get a foothold… Maybe I could go back to school. Do something…useful."

"Given the fragmentary nature of your end of the phone call to your mother, I was forced to piece together data which might remain incomplete." Penny ripped open a bag of gummy bears and poured some into his waiting hand. "Thank you. But it did sound like you were considering returning to school to study business. I wondered if you were planning on revisiting your failed attempt at entrepreneurship vis-a-vis Penny Blossoms?"

"Wouldn't necessarily have failed," she muttered bitterly. "If Leonard had taken the stupid one-day rush off the website those nice gay people wouldn't have demanded a discount because I had to cancel their second order."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Okay, yes. I was thinking about it." She nibbled on the head of a green gummy bear. "I've been making other stuff. Kind of. Other than the Penny Blossoms. Even busted out the old sewing machine." Sheldon was astonished and Penny smirked. "Yes, Sheldon. I can sew. I grew up on a farm. Skills of the hill folk and all. I just thought... I dunno. It's probably just a pipe dream."

Pipe dream. The phrase bothered him.

Sheldon shrugged. "I suppose I'd have to see one of these new creations before I could decide for myself."

Penny pursed her lips. She took the little clutch purse off her wrist and handed it to him. It was shaped like rectangle with a silver zipper. It was just big enough for the essentials, constructed of a leathery black vinyl, and decorated with two appliqued stylized pink robots and a series of handmade glittery pink fabric flowers. Sheldon just frowned at her.

"I made that." She said.

Sheldon's frowned deepened. He looked closely at the purse, turning it over in his hands. He unzipped it and carefully unpacked its contents over Penny's yelps. He inspected the inside, the stitching, the robot applique, the handmade flowers. He tugged at the zipper.

"Cut it out!" Penny said, grabbing at her creation.

"I'm just testing the tensile strength."

"It's a purse, Sheldon! Not...something I can't think of that's supposed to be stronger than a purse!"

He stopped tugging at the purse and looked at her. "You constructed this yourself? Are you certain?"

"Hey!" Penny barked. "I used to sew all the time, I'll have you know. S'just...then I came out here and started auditioning and clubbing and playing Halo... Plus buying stuff? Way easier than sewing!"

"These are robots." He pointed to the applique.

"True."

"You made this?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes! You don't have to be so surprised!"

He was truly befuddled. "I don't understand why you've been pursuing acting all this time. I've seen you act." He held up the purse. "You're much better at this."

"Thank you. Sort of. I mean okay, it would be nice. To make pretty things that I like and get paid for it. Doesn't mean it's practical to stay here and keep dreaming and failing."

Sheldon felt a surge of adrenaline for the second time that night.

"Practical. Practical?" Sheldon cleared his throat and stood up suddenly. Penny looked up at him, framed by a dark sky cluttered with stars. He pointed at the sliver of moon above them. "Penny, observe the moon. We have walked on it. Does that sound practical? Two billion years ago we were cells. We didn't become multicellular organisms for another five hundred million years after that. And now I have an app on my phone that streams Deep Space Nine via Netflix where ever I am at any time! Does that sound practical? Does the Copenhagen Interpretation sound practical? Do you know how fast we're moving at this very moment? That we're spinning on the earth's axis at one thousand miles per hour and orbiting the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour? Yet you feel as if you're standing still? Does that sound practical according to your troglodytic mother's no doubt mundane perception of the world? Do you have any idea how big our universe is? Do you think our understanding of it could ever even have been considered if our criteria for a hypothesis was that it first be considered practical?" He knelt down in front of her and looked her right in the eye. "Do you truly believe that if you return to Nebraska and live in your mother's house, that you will do anything other than what you're doing right now but without the benefit of friends or...Halo night or...or my expertise on the workings of the universe? You will not blossom there, Penny. You will wilt." He cleared his throat and tilted his head. "Figuratively speaking."

Penny was sitting on her heels now and he had knelt very close to her. The light was making stars in her eyes again and her lips were parted. He could not begin to read her wide-eyed expression but when she leaned forward slightly, he was absolutely certain for a moment that he was having an aneurysm. She sat back and he finally breathed.

"You see all this stuff at once, don't you?" She whispered. "Feel all of it... You really do have a beautiful mind. That must be exhausting."

He sat cross legged again and looked away from her so he could concentrate. "All you require, fundamentally, is money."

"A practical concern-"

"Please do not use that word in my presence again."

"I'm not taking anymore money from you or Leonard."

"I agree," he sat, stroking his chin. "The amount we could afford to give you would only be a short term solution to a long term problem. Which, oddly, is also a pop-psychological definition of suicide. You require funds for tuition, rent, the start-up costs for a business, and living expenses... I don't have enough savings to comfortably make that type of loan..."

"Jesus," she muttered. "You would too, wouldn't you?"

He had an idea. It was elementary really. But if he explained it to her, no doubt she would argue with him, citing her ingrained sense of mid-western pride and societal convention.

So instead he said, "Did you know the gummy bear was invented in Germany in 1920 where it was called a gummibärchen?"

Penny poured Crush into their plastic champagne glasses as Sheldon pontificated on the origins of various candies while repacking her clutch purse.

He finished his story on the history of salt water taffy and she said, "So who invented the PEZ dispenser?"

"The candy was invented in Vienna in 1927. But character heads weren't added to the dispensers until 1955." Sheldon took a sip of Crush and rose an eyebrow. "A lot of good candy came out of Central Europe in the 1920's. That's why I think they're such a whimsical people. Outside of that pesky third reich business."

"Hey, Sheldon..." Penny sat cross legged as modestly as she could and leaned on her hand. "What happened with Amy?"

Sheldon sat up straight with a start. "What? Nothing! Nothing happened with Amy! She's otherwise engaged-"

"For the foreseeable future," Penny finished, nodding. "Yeah, that's not really an answer. Look, I'm just curious because she said I was her best friend and she hasn't spoken to me in weeks. I mean what is it? You guys break up? Was there an act of sexless dispassionate murder? It's killin' me."

He licked his lips. "It is not a secret."

"Great, then tell me."

"It's not a secret, but I choose not to divulge that information."

Penny frowned at him. "Sweetie, are you saying it's not a secret because you hate keeping secrets so you're trying to trick your brain into thinking it's not a secret so you don't have to worry about not telling anyone even though you do actually plan to not tell anyone?"

Sheldon's face twitched like mad. "Absolutely not. That's absurd and irrational."

"Sheldon, pleeeease tell me."

"Penny, nothing happened."

"Pleeeease."

"No."

"Fine. I'll tell you a secret first." Penny sat up and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Leonard and I broke up. Over a month ago."

Sheldon tilted his head. "That seems unlikely. When Leonard's relationships with women come to their inevitable and catastrophic conclusion, he usually sulks about singing banal pop songs like the howling wolves of a pack mourning the loss of a member to a mountain lion. Though Leonard's musical interpretations are far less melodious. Did you know that all wolves howl in the Key of E? The same as the echolocation of whales and dolphins?"

"It's true," Penny said with a shrug. "But we're fine. I mean the fact that we're both not more upset kind of proves it was never going to work out. We're all still friends. The only reason we didn't tell you is 'cause we didn't want you to worry about like friendship fallout and all that crap with all the big career stuff you've got going on."

Sheldon counted out three gummy bears and tried to figure out if the end of Penny and Leonard's relationship was good or bad for the sanctity of his routines and general well being.

Penny said, "Do you...have any particular feelings about...?" She was muttering. He had no idea what she was talking about. She heaved a sigh. "So! You and Amy-"

Warmth flooded Sheldon's cheeks. "There is no me and Amy-"

"So you did break up!"

"I can neither confirm nor deny-"

"Hey, I told you about me and Leonard, that means you have to tell me about you and Amy!"

"Excuse me, I did not enter into that agreement. Nor will I."

"But...but it's a non-optional social convention!" Penny said. "It's...reciprocity! Secret for a secret."

"It's not a secret and-"
"Sheldon..." He glanced up and saw that she was making Soft Kitty Face.

Sheldon felt that goofy flip in his brain that made him worry he might lose all capacity for abstract thought when she made that face. "That is low," he said.

"You handed me the ammunition, buddy. I'm just usin' it." She rose an eyebrow. "Seriously. I'm her friend and I'm worried."

He rolled his eyes. "There was...an incident. As a result, Amy said that she needed...some time. Away from our circle of friends."

"Okay. Because why?" Penny killed her cup of Crush. "You guys broke up, didn't you?"

Sheldon squirmed. "We did, in fact, terminate the Relationship Agreement."

She sighed. "Ah. I'm sorry, Sheldon."

"I'm quite well. The causal event caused me such confusion, I believe it overwhelmed any sense of grief." Penny only looked more intensely interested and he winced.

"Confusion? Sheldon, seriously. I'm not going to tell anyone."

He emitted a breathy laugh.

"No, I promise!" She insisted. "Not something so important. I won't even tell Leonard."

Sheldon held out his champagne glass. "Hit me."

Penny dutifully poured him some Crush, and he threw it back. "Hit me again." She poured him some more Crush and he threw that back. "Hit me again."

"Sheldon!"

"Alright! Three months ago Amy and I...advanced the...physical aspects of our relationship."

Penny's eyebrows shot up. "Aha."

"During the course of one particularly...amorous..encounter, Amy

produced a vocalization the context of which would've made any further romantic progress unavoidably...moot."

"Okay, I think you just said that Amy said something weird while you were fooling around. Like what? You don't like dirty talk, is that it?" Penny gasped. "Oh! Was it something kinky? She always struck me as kind of-"

"She said somebody else's name," Sheldon finally said.

Penny's mouth dropped open. "Oh. Oooh, Sheldon. I'm so sorry. That's the worst. Although, I've only been the one saying the wrong name. Whose name was it? Oh my God, it wasn't Stewart was it?"

Sheldon just smirked at her. "Despite my ineptitude for understanding sarcasm, even I would have to say the dramatic irony inherent in this situation is almost physically stifling."

"What're you talking about?"

"She said your name."

"Oh," Penny breathed. "Oh. Ooooh no. Oh my God."

"Mmm. Any one of those vocalizations would have been preferable. Even the negation."

"What did you say?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I said I'm not Penny, I'm Sheldon. Then she began to weep. Copiously. There was a lengthy discussion about latent homosexual tendencies. Bisexual proclivities. We terminated our relationship. I offered a non-disclosure agreement which she declined. Then she said she needed several months to quote 'find herself' and she hoped we would remain friends."

Penny sank her head in her hands. "Wow. Wowzers. Well, I...I apologize?"

"I don't see why you should apologize," Sheldon said. "As I assume you do not reciprocate her feelings."

"No!" Penny's head snapped up. "I...don't swing that way. I just feel weirdly responsible. It's kind of totally unsurprising though. Oh, poor Ames! I've got to talk to her-"

"No! I promised I wouldn't tell you!" He insisted.

"I know, but... Look, when we get back to Pasadena, we're figuring this out. Even if it's a little awkward or something, she's my friend and she needs me." Penny grimaced and swatted him in the shoulder, making him yelp. "You should've told me this before!"

"Excuse me, my two best friends terminated their relationship apparently weeks ago and kept it a secret. I knew that series of short silences on the stairwell were awkward silences. And here I thought I was off my game."

Penny frowned, sheepish. "Sorry. We were trying to do the right thing."

"Ah. So was I."

"Fair enough."

"I admit, I do feel a sense of relief having told someone of this experience."

"Good. You know I'm always here for you, sweetie." Penny smiled and then shuddered.

"You're cold." He took off his suit jacket. "In the interest of continuing the chivalric tradition..."

"Oh no, I'm fine," Penny said, still shivering.

Sheldon held onto his jacket. "Are you having a mild seizure?"

"No."

"Then you're cold." He handed her the jacket. She put it on and gazed at him with something similar to but not quite a smile on her face. He leaned back on his hands. "I can't read that expression. Should I be able to?"

His coat swam on her and she shrugged. "I don't remember ever seeing you in just a shirt and tie before. You look so... I don't know."

"Like a man wearing a shirt and tie?'

She tilted her head and her smiled widened. "Yeah."

Penny lay down on her back. "Hey, you know we came her to look at stars and we haven't been."

"Does that require lying down?" Sheldon looked wary.

"Yup. Gotta get the whole scope. It's great." She patted the spot next to her.

Penny watched Sheldon glance around and he mumbled, "Where's the paintball gun?"

It was right by her hand and she patted it. "Got it right here."

"Well...alright." He lay down and squirmed, trying to get comfortable. "No lumbar support whatsoever," he grumbled.

"I thought it was good for your back to lie on a hard flat surface?"

"I dispute that claim."

Penny was no astronomer, but she thought the view of the night sky was pretty mind-blowing; an endless sea of stars. There were so few visible from Los Angeles, it was easy to forget how crowded space seemed.

She swept her hand above their heads with flourish. "Okay, universe guy. Teach me."

"You want me to speak at length about astronomy?"

"That's why we came here, goofball. Show me constellations or something."

"Do you know where Ursa Major is?"

"Ursa..."

"The Big Dipper."

"I've seen it before but it always takes me a couple minutes to find it. Like one of those old Magic Eye pictures."

He pointed at what appeared to Penny to be a totally random bunch of stars. "I'm pointing at the end of the handle. Do you see?"

She tried to follow the line of his finger. "Um..." She scooted closer to him to get a better look at exactly where he was pointing.

"It's a line of four stars and the ladle formation is under it."

"Mmm..."

"Here." He gently took her hand and pointed her finger for her. "There. Do you see it?"

Her breath caught and she glanced sideways at him. He seemed so calm.

"Penny, do you see it?"

She followed the line of their fingers and suddenly the Big Dipper stood out. "Oh. Yeah! Yeah, I see it!"

He named the stars. He told her how slaves had used the Big Dipper to escape north. He pointed out Ursa Minor and Cassiopeia and Draco and named all their stars, becoming more and more enthusiastic. He told her about red dwarfs and white dwarfs and the speed of light. Sometimes she looked at the constellations he was pointing at and sometimes she just looked at him looking into space. He couldn't spot any planets. He said they should've come in March. When he finally lowered their arms, Penny didn't quite let go and if he didn't notice, she didn't say anything, and tried valiantly to ignore the thudding of her heart and thought she probably shouldn't have admitted to Leonard over a great tequila-spiked conversation about everything that she had a big stupid ridiculous crush on Sheldon Cooper (crush...okay, she downplayed it a little), because Leonard kept teasing her about it even after saying that it was either utterly insane or possibly a brilliant idea.

When he finally stopped talking, Penny said softly, "So tell me something really cool about the universe?"

He turned his head to face her. Good Lord, he was lying so close! It didn't seem to be bothering him.

"That's a bit broad. Would you like to narrow your terms?"

She pushed her lips out and said, "Mmm, nope. Just tell me something awesome."

He searched her eyes for a moment and turned his head back to the sky. "Well... Did you know that all the elements on earth, except for the very lightest like hydrogen and helium, were created in the hearts of massive stars? Elements were created through nuclear fusion and when the stars went supernova, the particles scattered and became planets and life forms. So the iron in your blood and the calcium in your bones, that's all stardust."

She stared at his profile. "I'm made of stardust?"

He turned his head again to look at her. "Of course, you're made of stardust. We're all stardust, Penny."

She breathed out slowly. "Doesn't sound practical at all."

He seemed to be searching her eyes again. Penny was dying to know exactly what he was looking for.

He said, "I had an absurd thought today. But given your romantic proclivities, in the Keatsian sense of the word, you may choose to construe it as poetic."

Keatsian, Penny thought. Keats comma John. Dead Poet's Society. Gather ye rosebuds. Romantics. Got it.

"Tell me," she said.

He seemed reluctant. He stared at the stars again. "I freely admit, it's completely irrational, but occasionally I see a particularly star-like twinkle in your eyes and I thought...well, perhaps Penny is composed of more stardust than normal people. It's scientifically perverse. I don't know why I thought of it."

Penny had been with a lot of guys (too many, but fewer than thirty-one) and she had heard a lot of lines and a lot of nice words that were genuine and not lines at all. But she was absolutely certain that Sheldon Lee Cooper had just said the sexiest thing she had ever heard in all her days and she found herself short of breath as a result.

Penny sat up and leaned on her elbow, hovering over him. "I need you to promise me something right now."

He looked frightened. "Alright."

"If you have anymore thoughts that you consider absurd but that I might consider poetic? I require you to tell me what they are. In detail. Non-optional."

He blinked at her. "Alright."

So I can write them down, she thought. Possibly in calligraphy. On vellum. And tie the stacks with a satin ribbon. And put them in a blue box all covered with silver stars.

"Good," she said softly. She lay back down. "I googled eidetic memory once."

"And people say I'm the one who speaks in non-sequiturs."

"Everything I read said that no one remembers everything just because they were there when it happened. A person with eidetic memory has to be paying particular attention to remember an entire conversation or what you saw and all that stuff. You don't automatically record everything and just play it back later. Which for starters, means that when you say you have no interest in what people are saying, you don't really mean it because you can usually remember it later word for word."

Sheldon frowned. "That may not be completely untrue."

"So I have a very important question."

"Alright."

"What did Howard Wolowitz order for dinner on the night of October fourth of 2010?"

Sheldon frowned at her. "That is an odd question."

"Answer, please?"

"If we're not eating pizza, I think he usually orders lasagna."

"Did he order lasagna that night?"

"I don't know," he said, as if it were ridiculous. "Is there an ongoing investigation?"

"Yeah, kind of. What was I wearing that night?" She turned over and lay on her side facing him.

"Black trousers and a green blouse with asymmetrically placed silver embellishments. Your earrings were seashells." He was so matter of fact.

"And what was Raj wearing?"

He shrugged. "I'm guessing there was a sweater vest involved."

"And what was I wearing on February seventeenth when I told you about the tiramisu?"

"The same shorts you were wearing when I took you to the hospital after you slipped in the shower and a yellow t-shirt that I hadn't seen before and pink flip flops. You had a white Penny Blossom in your hair."

She bit her lip; heart thud thud thuddin' away. "What was Leonard wearing that day?"

"I don't know, I..." He finally seemed to catch on and stared at her blankly. "Just because... I'm not sure what your point is."

Penny smiled cheekily and sat up. She grabbed her purse and took out her phone. "The point is, let's dance."

"Oh Lord, Penny. Not that again."

"Yeah, yeah," Penny muttered, opening the Pandora app on her phone. "Sheldon never dances, except when he does. Up, puppy."

She turned the volume up as high as it would go and the tinny strains of an old jazz standard started playing. She stood and held out her hand expectantly. She made Soft Kitty Face and Sheldon rolled his eyes, getting to his feet. He took her hand. The song was just swingy enough and not too slow. They danced a simple two step. Sheldon twirled her around when she saw the corner of mouth turn up, she could not contain her grin. She felt like she was in a 40's dance hall. On the moon. They danced to Ella Fitzgerald and Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong.

"Meemaw used to play this kind of music."

"Really?" She squeezed his hand. "Tell me...?"

"In her kitchen after church," Sheldon said. "When I was little. I'd read The Flash while she was baking snickerdoodles. Sometimes I'd draw my own comics with my crayons. Meemaw said it was the sort of music she used to dance to with my grandpa when they were young."

"Please tell me you danced with your meemaw?"

Sheldon glanced down at their feet, shy. "I did."

Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade" came on and slowed things down. She let go of his hand and couldn't believe it when his face fell until she rested her hands on his shoulders. He seemed uncertain and she took his hands and placed them on her waist under his jacket. They danced close and Sheldon never once stepped on her toes. By the time Billie Holiday started singing, they were almost cheek to cheek, just swaying, and she could feel every puff of his breath.

Your eyes of blue your kisses too
I never knew what they could do
I can't believe you're in love with me

"Penny..."

"Mmm?"

"You're not moving to Nebraska," he murmured.

She swallowed. "Because..."

"Because I said so," he said, his voice cracking. "And I break all ties."

"Okay," she whispered.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes." She gasped a little.

"Do you pinky swear?"

She took one of his hands and hooked her pinky with his. "Pinky swear."

Their noses touched. Penny's eyes slipped shut and she felt the top of his lip graze hers...just before two enormous headlights blazed in their faces and an eighteen wheeler pulled over at the rest stop. Startled, they broke apart.

"Nuts," Sheldon muttered.

"Balls," Penny said. To her delight, he looked utterly forlorn. She grabbed the paintball gun, her phone, and her purse, and nodded at him. "C'mon, moonpie. Let's blow this pop stand."

She wasn't so put out. Even without a kiss, it was the most romantic night of her life.

In the car, Sheldon was quiet and eventually fell asleep. They got back to The Bellagio and she gently woke him up. When she finally bothered to check the time, she couldn't believe how late it was. They didn't speak much on the way back up to the room, but it wasn't awkward. In the living room of the suite, she wished him goodnight and pecked him on the cheek, leaving him staring after her as she danced into her room still wearing his jacket, her heels hanging off her fingers, and humming Billie Holiday.

He had twelve missed calls from Siebert.