It was a full month of Shizuo staying with him that Izaya finally decided not to be so ungrateful. So when Shizuo helped him again that day with eating he finally said two simple words he'd neglected up until now.

"Thank you..." He mumbled.

The blond had to blink a bit before smiling. Izaya was finally decided to be civil about this. Or, at least not angry. "You're welcome, Izaya."

He wasn't ready to apologise yet. He knew it was wrong to take it out on Shizuo but he was angry, he was upset and he was bitter. He was still in pain. Not physical pain though he was often aching and his arms hurt even though they weren't there. He still wanted to die... but he could at least be nice to the person taking care of him. Especially since the two of them were enemies and Shizuo had saved him. And it wasn't as if Shizuo knew Izaya was going to lose both of his arms.

"I think I'm gonna go take a nap now. But, if you need me, don't hesitate in waking me up, alright?"

"Alright... thank you..." He mumbled again. He was getting a little better with these things. He could grab things that were big without dropping them unless he wanted to now.

Shizuo offered Izaya another smile before heading to the guest bedroom, which was pretty much his own bedroom now. Then, it was nap time.

Izaya always stewed in his thoughts though, his negative cycle was working in overdrive now. He was just an invalid... he was useless... all he was now was a waste of time, his parents, his sisters, the doctors... Shizuo's...

But no one else saw him that way. Izaya's parents and sisters loved him. The doctors worked because it was their job. And Shizuo... If Shizuo really thought that Izaya was a waste of time, he would have just left.

Izaya didn't know that though. He thought Shizuo stayed because he pitied him. Still, ending his life was tough too, he couldn't hold anything well enough and it wasn't like he had wrists to cut now either.

Soon enough, Shizuo woke. And while yawning, he made his way back to where Izaya was. "Hey." It had started out as pity... but in the one month he'd been there... Shizuo thought differently now. Seeing the once mighty Izaya down so low... He wanted to help the other get back to where he was. He wanted Izaya to see that things weren't as bad as he made them out to be.

"How did you sleep?" Izaya asked politely, managing a smile at Shizuo.

"Well enough. Still not used to that mattress though. How have you been?"

"Fine." He lied. He hadn't been fine since the attack and he still didn't remember it either.

Shizuo nodded, deciding not to push Izaya. It was obvious that he wasn't fine... And he didn't want to make the raven worse. "Anything you want to do?"

"Not really..." He admitted, shrugging his left shoulder. He knew they should do something though...

"Hm... Why don't we go for a walk, Izaya? You haven't really been outside much. And some fresh air will do you good."

Izaya was avoiding being seen... his enemies would see this... "Fine..." He agreed, though a bit reluctantly. He wanted to hide but... fresh air would be good.

Shizuo smiled lightly before standing. "I'll go get our shoes. You should probably wear your arms while we're out."

Yeah..." He didn't like that but people wouldn't notice as much either... he didn't get 'cosmetic' limbs since these were arms and he needed them to function all the time.

The blond nodded. And, once their shoes were on, glanced over at Izaya. "Alright. We can go now." Unless the raven's arms needed to be readjusted. But it didn't seem that way.

Izaya stuck very close to Shizuo, not wanting to get separated. They couldn't hold hands and that annoyed him just a little.

Really, Shizuo didn't mind much. He didn't mind how Izaya was sticking close to him. After all, as long as he was there, no one would mess with Izaya, and the raven would get the fresh air he needed. "A half hour walk sound good to you?"

"Yeah," He agreed. He was scared that people would stare though with his arms on like this he could wear all his longer sleeved clothing. He had changed to a tee shirt though for sleep since the arms of his hoodie got all tangled. While they walked, Shizuo was silent. Some people did stare, but Shizuo chose to ignore them. What harm did staring do? Nothing. That's what.

When the half hour was up, Shizuo and Izaya returned to his loft. "I think now would be a good time to practice with your arms a bit more." Izaya didn't want to but he would anyways. He started with getting a cup to his mouth. He could manage them if they had no handle.

Shizuo smiled lightly. "You're getting better. So that's good." Eventually, Izaya wouldn't need him around anymore. But that would be after he could work the arms correctly.

Izaya would not type as fast as he used to once he had perfect control, nor would he be able to do everything quite as perfectly as he used to. It scared him though, being on his own. It would be one thing if he lost only one arm or if it were his legs he was missing, but he couldn't put the arms on by himself.

The blond sighed lightly before relaxing into the couch and closing his eyes. He was almost always here. Only leaving for groceries or the few times he could go and work with Tom. And not once had Izaya asked him to stay, so he assumed that the raven would rather be on his own.

Really he was terrified though. He just hoped he could kill himself before Shizuo decided to go back to his own home. Once he could control them enough he could take his pick. Drop a toaster in the bathtub, take a bottle of pills...

After a bit, Shizuo glanced over at Izaya. "So what do you want for dinner? I can cook something, or I could order something."

"I want Ootoro..." He decided. He didn't want to keep going and as last meals went Ootoro was good.

Shizuo sighed but nodded. "Alright. I'll order you some ootoro."

"Thank you... " He said softly.

The blond shook his head. "Izaya, you don't have to say thank you all time. It isn't any problem. I'm not complaining. And if helping you was too much work, or a bother or anything, I'd just leave." He smiled a bit, before ordering the sushi. "Though I have to admit, it is nice hearing those words from you."

Izaya smiled, though it wasn't a natural one. "Then I'll be sure to remember then..." He mumbled. He wanted to leave though... the problem would be getting the pills into him without Shizuo noticing. He had pain killers, he could take those...

Shizuo was silent until the door bell rang, and he got the sushi. Shizuo placed Izaya's on the table in front of him, before taking a seat next to him. "Eat up, Izaya." He smiled lightly. The 'let me know if you need help' was not said. But Shizuo knew, or at least thought, that Izaya knew that that was always up. He did but he was managing alright with a spoon at least even if he did struggle a bit.

The blond finished with his sushi rather quickly, before turning to glance at Izaya. "Do you want some help? Or are you fine with the spoon?" He wouldn't mind either way.

"I'm fine." He said. He hated being fed; it made him feel like shit... not that Shizuo probably knew that.

Shizuo definitely didn't know it, or else he wouldn't offer. "Alright then. I'll watch some TV while you finish eating." And that's exactly what he did.

Izaya finished soon enough, "Shizu-chan... I need you to open my pill bottle for me... the one for the pain killers? Just... leave it open, I can get the right number out but I can't... open the bottle..."

Shizuo frowned. "No. I'll get you the pills, Izaya. You sound way too desperate for me to just leave you with pills."

Izaya blinked and frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, a little offended, "I just want to be able to get a couple at three am if I have to without having to wake you up... is that really so much to ask?"

"And now you're defensive. Look, Izaya. I know you hate having your arms gone. But when you first woke up, you told me I shouldn't have saved you. And your feelings haven't seemed to change from them. I'm not stupid. And I'm not going to just leave a pill bottle open for you. If you do need some at three am, go ahead and wake me up. I don't mind."

Izaya clenched his jaw and glared at Shizuo but he said nothing. He really could use some pain killers though so he sat down. He just hoped Shizuo didn't realize just how much he wanted to die.

"Do you actually need some pain killers right now? Because, if so, I'll get you some." Shizuo didn't know. He only knew that Izaya didn't like this life at all.

"Yes." He said, settling back down... maybe he could put a fork in the toaster later with his mouth...

The blond nodded before getting Izaya the right number of pain killers. Then he brought them to Izaya, along with a glass of water. "Here." Shizuo offered Izaya a light smile. It seemed he was doing that a lot lately.

Izaya took them quietly, though he remembered to thank Shizuo too. He was upset this hadn't worked though... he could try other things unless Shizuo started unplugging everything and putting coverings on the sockets that Izaya couldn't remove. That wasn't something Shizuo would do though. It was true that he wasn't stupid, but he also didn't think there was any way for the other to kill himself with the sockets.

He'd learn otherwise tonight... For now Izaya acted like normal, letting Shizuo help him wash and change. He would wait until the other fell asleep though...

And soon, just like Izaya wanted, Shizuo headed to bed. After making sure the raven was in his own, of course. It didn't take long for Shizuo to fall asleep. Only about ten minutes.

Izaya crept out now, slipping past Shizuo's room -silently he hoped- and down stairs... getting the drawer open was a bit of a challenge but he managed... now he had to get a knife out... if the toaster failed he could unplug something.

Of course, Izaya didn't exactly move past the blond's room silently, and he woke up. Of course, he was a bit confused. It wasn't that late after going to sleep, and Izaya wasn't heading towards the bathroom. So, he followed Izaya, silently. He wanted to see what the raven was up to before interfering...

Izaya frowned at the cutlery... if Shizuo woke up he would say he was just hungry and didn't want to wake the other... now he struggled with getting a knife out... next... yes, he could do this...

Shizuo scowled as he watched. "Izaya... What the hell are you doing?"

"Shrrzro?" He started, the knife still in his mouth as he looked at the other. "I wush hungry" He said, though it was muffled, talking around the knife.

The blond scowled, taking the knife from the other. "Bullshit."

Izaya didn't have an argument really... "How is that bullshit?" He asked frowning.

"We just went to bed. If you were hungry, you shoulda said so before bed. But, you waited till I was asleep."

"I wanted to do it myself..." Izaya frowned. Shizuo was on to him... shit.

"I'm still calling bullshit. You can't control your arms very well. If you wanted to do it yourself, then I would still have to be close by."

"I don't want you close by! I don't like needing help! I don't like barely being able to feed myself or have a bath on my own or even use the fucking toilet 'only with help'! Do you not understand how degrading this is?" He snapped now, tears in his eyes.

"I understand what it might feel like for you. But that doesn't mean you can go and kill yourself!"

"No Shizuo, you don't understand what this is like! You don't have a clue what this is like! I can't do anything anymore! I can't even get my own fucking prosthetics on without help! I will need people for the rest of my god damn life and nothing will ever, ever give me back my independence!"

"Izaya... It'll be alright though. You just have to adjust. Sure, you'll need help. But everyone needs help with life."

"I didn't! I didn't need anyone until this! I hate this! I hate living!" He stormed passed Shizuo... the blonde would no doubt check on him throughout the night... he kicked his bedroom door shut and fell on his bed, biting his pillow as he tried to stop the tears.

Shizuo sighed and followed Izaya before sitting down on the bed next to him and running on hand through the raven's hair.

Izaya wanted to tell Shizuo to go away... but at the same time he wanted Shizuo there... he ended up moving closer just as he started to sob openly... what he really wanted was someone to hold him he decided. "Izaya... Besides dying... What do you want?" He didn't' stop running his hand through Izaya's hair.

He didn't really want to talk. He wanted too many things. He wanted his arms back, he wanted Shizuo to hug him, he wanted everything to go back in time a few months... he did look at Shizuo, tears streaming down his cheeks though and then tried to tug Shizuo to him with what was left of his left arm.

The blond sighed lightly before wrapping his arms around Izaya, and holding him close. He said nothing.

He hiccupped and sobbed into Shizuo's chest for a long time, but eventually he was out of tears and he passed into a listless sleep. Shizuo sighed, before laying Izaya in the bed. However, he didn't leave. Instead, he stayed close to the raven, and eventually fell asleep next to him. Izaya felt low still when he woke up... upset but warm too. Oh... Shizuo was still there... he frowned before managing to move closer to the other... he just wish he could hug Shizuo right now and make him stay close.