This chapter is dedicated to my Bella...Shannon I love you so much and I will do anything for you :) Thank you for putting up with me, life sucks without you.
I wake with a jolt, my regular nightmares are back. I lean over checking my alarm clock, it says it's 2am. I fall back into bed and try to fall asleep again. I'm not sure how long I toss and turn for, but it's clear I'm not sleeping anytime soon. I give up with that idea and climb out of bed, turning on my laptop. I plug my headphones in and open up ITunes, maybe music will help. I'm still shaking slightly from my dream, they are always the same. I rub my hand across my eyes, trying to dislodge the images from my mind. I go on Facebook scanning the list, seeing if anyone decent is online. My eyes stop on Bella's name, she's awake? I open up a chat window and start typing...
Edward: Can't sleep either?
Bella: No, I always stay up this late. It's why I fall asleep at college a lot hehe.
Edward: Ahhh I just thought you had Narcolepsy ;)
Bella: Very funny, but you fall asleep too! So don't think it goes unnoticed Mr.
Edward: You caught me...I actually had a nightmare so came on here to clear my head. You provide a good distraction :)
Bella: Oh :( What was it about? If you don't mind me asking.
Edward: Um...I get home and my house is totally empty. I panic and run to jaspers house, he isn't there either. I try calling my friend Emmett and he ignores my calls. I then seem them all walking away from me. I try running after them, I can't catch up and they just tell me to leave them alone. Everyone's leaves and I'm just left by myself...
She's going to think you're pathetic you know that right? That you're just some pansy with issues and she will bolt. I don't want to go, I really like Bella.
Bella: Oh no, that's terrible! I'm so sorry you had that dream :(
Edward: don't worry about it, I always have it...
Bella: You're scared to be alone?
Edward: Terrified... people leave you.
Bella: I won't leave you, we can help one another.
Edward: Don't make promises you can't keep. Everyone says they won't leave, but they always do.
Bella: I promise you, I'm not going anywhere if you promise the same thing.
Edward: I'm always the one who cares more, so there is no risk of me leaving.
Bella: So it's settled then...Forever & Always?
Edward: Forever & Always :)
I don't take her side of the promise seriously...She will leave because they always do. But I do promise myself, that I will always be there for her. She deserved to be looked after, and made happy. Bella actually came across like a genuine person. She would try her hardest to keep that promise. And right now she probably had no intention of breaking it. But she would, there would come a time or a situation that made her run. I was a very fucked up person and sooner or later she would realise this... It was the main reason I couldn't even be myself around jasper. If he knew he would run, because I wasn't worth the hassle. There was nothing special about me...I was so beyond average it was painful.
Bella: Good, maybe we could get tattoo's or something haha.
Edward: Sounds like a plan baby...Anyway I should really try getting some sleep. My face looks even worse without sleep and that's just not good.
Bella: Vain! No, I bet you still look sexy in the morning! I'm the one who needs beauty sleep!
She thinks I am sexy? I really like that she does, so I can't help but smile.
Edward: Bella, you've had too much beauty sleep. Your name is Beautiful in Italian for fuck sake haha.
And it was true, Bella was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. It was sad to think she doubted herself and couldn't see what I did.
Bella: Ha! Good one Edward, are you always this charming? Must be sleep deprivation.
Edward: I'm telling you the truth! But I do need to sleep, I'll message you tomorrow.
Bella: Night Edward, I look forward to it 3
Woah, little hearts? And reading it makes my heart speed up. Get a grip man!
Edward: Night baby, speak soon 3
I log off my computer and climb into bed. I've all but forgotten about my nightmare but instead that night, as I drift off. I begin to dream of a stunning brunette with eyes like milk chocolate and lips so kissable. I imagine her with a guy, walking along the beach barefoot. Soaking their toes in the sand and holding hands. The sun is setting and there is a slight chill in the air. The guy drapes his jacket over Bella's shoulders and pull her into his side. The scene morphs and turns into them now sitting in a field surrounded by flowers. They're reading books and laughing, enjoying the summer sun and each other's company. The book covers the man's face, so I can't tell who he is. But as she sits up and leans in to kiss him. The book moves from his face and I see who he is. As she presses her lips to his I'm startled to see who it is.
I wake with a jolt, but not the same as my nightmares. This is just shock, and as I slowly wake up. Warmth spreads through my chest, but then quickly turns to disappointment. I was the one Bella was with, in my dream. And I can't help feel disappointed that is wasn't real. What was this? Why did I feel so strongly for a girl I haven't even known long. But the thing that worried me is I liked this... I liked feeling this way about her. Even though I knew it wouldn't end well for me, she wasn't available. Plus she wouldn't ever be interested in a guy like me anyway. So this is how it is? They say you always want what you can't have. Is this what this is? Me being so sadistic I'm attracted to a girl I can't have and a pain I know will come with her rejection. This was just going to make her leaving so much worse...I won't tell her how I feel, that would be pointless. Bella could be with anyone she desired, why would she settle for me? She also has a boyfriend, even though he is a dick. She clearly loves him or she wouldn't put up with all his shit. Maybe she will put up with you if you tell her. A small voice whispers in my head, but I push it back.
I roll over looking at my clock and I'm stunned to see it's midday. I pull myself out of bed and climb straight into the shower. My days seemed to be getting easier since talking to Bella. And I didn't wake up filled with dread, for the day ahead. My shower bring a feeling of familiarity, and it comforts me. The smell of my shower gel and shampoo fill my senses. I close my eyes and let the hot spray untie my muscles and clear my mind. Once I'm clean I jump out of the shower and rub the towel through my hair. I walk into my bedroom throwing on my black jeans, white Obey T-shirt and red chequered shirt. I put my favourite hat on my head and then my converse. I'm feeling good today, and I feel I should try looking good to reflect my mood. I sit down at my desk, opening up my laptop and turning it on. I fire up Facebook with an excited flutter to my stomach and I know exactly why. I'm looking forward to talking to Bella again, she makes me feel amazing. Though for the second time today disappointment floods through me when I see she isn't online. Well maybe it's because she has better things to do than talk to you dipshit. My good mood has officially disappeared and I'm not sure when it will be back online. I slam my laptop shut and grab my car keys. I'm not sure where I plan to go but I need a distraction.
I drive around for a while but end up in town, maybe I can grab some breakfast. I also may treat myself to some new clothes while I am down here. I park my car up in the underground car park and put a ticket in the window. I walk down the busy high street, passing shops that hold no interest for me. I finally get to one of my favourite shops and decide breakfast can wait for now. Walking in I take a deep breath in, this shop always smells good. I'm weird I know but oh well, being normal is boring. I stroll round the shop, browsing through the clothes and seeing a few things that catch my eye. I have the overwhelming urge to look up and when I do I'm shocked at what I see. Bella is standing across the store, scanning through the women's section. She turns away and turns her back to me, following the rail of clothes round. Why is she here? She's shopping you fucking idiot. Should I go talk to her? What would I say? She may not want to talk to me. I throw caution to the wind and think fuck it. I slowly walk up behind her stopping about two feet short.
"I thought models were supposed to stand in the window?" I say in the sexiest voice I can manage. You are such a fucking tool...
She freezes for a second before turning around. She's so tiny so she has to crank her neck to look up at me. But once we make eye contact, a smile spreads across her face.
"And that is exactly why I'm not stood up there. Shopping for a new bra Edward? Or just stalking me?" She laughs at her own joke and I find it so cute.
"Excuse me, but I was here to buy a paper bag for my face. You don't happen to know where the ugly section is do you?" I joke playfully but her smile falls...I regret my joke immediately.
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself Edward. You're really handsome and sexy, I wish I could make you see yourself clearly." She said with the cutest crease on her forehead. She looks like a angry kitten..No matter how angry, it's still fucking adorable. I try to lighten the subject and make her frown go away.
"Well here, let me carry your bags for you." I say bending down to take them from her hands.
She smiles up at me and it looks like she is about to protest so I shut shake my head in mock seriousness.
"Are you done here? Would you like some company?" I need to find an excuse to spend more time with her. I know I can't go there but I can still enjoy her company. Yes and then feel more and then hurt more. I kick my minds snide comment back where it came from and wait for her answer.
"I was just browsing, I've spent all of my money. I was just very gutted about that jacket." She points to a really nice jacket on the rack.
"I wanted to buy it for myself, but they don't have my size." Again the little crease is back and I so badly want to run my thumb over it. In true Edward style, I try to make a joke of it.
"Yea I hate it when they don't have the dress I want in my size" It works because she giggles and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. We walk out onto the street and I look up and down before deciding what to do next.
"Would you like some lunch? I'm starving, I didn't eat this morning"
"Lunch would be great, I know a really nice place up here. If it's ok can we eat there? I can be a fussy eater." Another little fact about her, I take them all in. I also make a mental note to try see if I can find out her size. That way I can come back and get that jacket for her. Why are you buying her gifts? She isn't your girlfriend? SHUT UP!
"Yea, sure, lead the way." I say as we start walking back towards the direction of my car. Inspiration strikes and I suggest her meeting me there. I offer to take her bags back to my car and I will take her home once we are done. I joke saying I promise not to steal anything, and head to my car. Before putting the clothes in the car I check the tags of the clothes she has already bought. I take a mental note of the size and promise myself to come back down soon, or try ordering it online. I walk back around and follow the directions she gave me. I laugh when I see where we are eating. She is standing outside, smiling at my reaction.
"Burger king? We are having lunch at Burger King?" I smile but inside I'm thinking this is her way of making it clear we are friends.
"I love the bacon double cheese burgers here. But if you don't like it, we can eat somewhere else?"
"No, I love Burger King and bacon double cheese burgers. I'm just shocked you didn't want to go somewhere...Nicer." I'm not sure what to say, I can't say what I am truly thinking. Because I shouldn't be thinking about that at all.
"I can't afford nicer, but anyway it's cold so let's go inside." I'm about to argue that I had the intention to pay, but she quickly disappears inside. We go inside and order our food, taking a seat by the window. I take opportunity to get to know Bella better, I ask her countless questions about herself. The more the learn the more I like her, god just my luck. I ask her all different questions; what books does she like to read? Where in the world would she like to go? What would she like to do after college? her fears, dreams, family, friends, favourite foods, music taste, movies and so much more. I learn so much in such a short amount of time, yet it isn't enough. I realise we have an awful lot in common, and that makes me happy. It also for a second makes me feel hopful. But as soon as that emotion appears I push it out of my mind. I don't bring up Jacob and neither does she, and for that I am grateful. We finished out food about 2 hours ago and the sun is starting to set.
"I should take you home, your parents will think you have been kidnapped." I laugh and start to put the rubbish in the bin.
"Yea, who would want to kidnap me." She says standing up from her seat and throwing her bag over her shoulder. I would like to kidnap you Bella, and we could run away. But again, I give my thoughts to myself.
"let's just go, you silly girl" I laugh as I lead her outside and we walk to my car. We walk in silence but it isn't awkward, which is rare for me to find. My mind is racing as we walk towards the car park. Will she want to hang out again? Maybe I should ask her, but I don't want her to think I'm asking her on a date. Though I really would like to ask Bella on a date. I've never done that before, but this girl makes me want to be different. My head is clear for the first time in a long time, and it's because of her. She also makes me really happy, without even doing anything. We reach my car and I open the door for her to climb in. She looks a little shocked and confused then understanding crosses her face. She then smiles that amazing smile and climbs in without a word. Has her boyfriend never opened a door for her before? Pulled her chair out? The things you do for women to show respect? I don't think more into it, instead walking round to the driver's side. I climb in and find her looking through my CD's.
"You have such a varied music taste, very open minded" She giggles and slips in a Ron Pope album. I love how comfortable she is around me, like we've been friends forever.
"I have a music for all my moods, driving is therapeutic for me" I explain but I am shy about it. Most people don't see driving as fun, it's just a way to get around. She nods her head and settles back into her chair. She told me her address earlier so I know where I am heading. But just when I think this day is becoming so perfect her phone rings. Her smile fades when she sees who is calling her and then she reluctantly answers the phone.
"Hey Jake, no I'm out with Edward. We bumped into each other in town? No, he's a guy from my class. Jake we're friends, I'm allowed friends aren't I? What is your problem? Oh look I will talk to you later, goodbye Jacob!" She hangs up and throws her phone into her bag. She sits back and shakes her head from side to side, the crease is back.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I say, being supportive, friends do that rite?
"He is just really controlling and I hate it. He clearly doesn't trust me, and it really bugs me. I've never done anything to make him loose trust in me. But now he is making me want too, I don't know if I can take it anymore." She explains and a small part of me is happy. She deserves better, and if she leaves that asshole I could as her out. Hey you selfish prick, Bella is going through hard times. Stop thinking about what you could fucking gain.
"Why do you stick around? What's so special about him? You could get anyone you wanted." I say trying to better her mood. I want to hug her to my chest, and hold her till the upset goes away. Because I know I can't do this, I place both hands on the wheel. My knuckles are white as bone, and I'm afraid of breaking it.
"Our relationship used to be so fun! We would always be together an now it's like he can't be bothered. But at the same time, he still wants to control me. Who I see, what I do, even the clothes I wear. We constantly fight and it's just become very bad very quickly. It's like once he knew he had me, he doesn't have to try anymore."
"Bella, please don't take this the wrong way. I am no expert on relationships and I don't like telling people what to do. But this guy sounds like a dick, he wants you when it suits him. Girls aren't like toys, you can't drop them once you're bored. Girls deserve respect and he clearly doesn't respect you. Also I thought relationships were built on trust? Honesty? Laughter? Love? I think you deserve a lot more than he can give you. Someone who helps you achieve your dreams. Who will bring you the stars if that's what you want."
She is looking at me with pure shock on her face. I hadn't noticed till I look back once I stopped talking. Now I'm not sure what to do, does she think it's stupid?
"Edward, you're such an amazing guy. Why are you single? Surely someone like you would be snatched up a long time ago. I thought guys like you only existed in my book collection at home"
I can't help at laugh, at least she doesn't think I'm a looser. I mean, I barely know the girl yet here we are.
"I've never found someone special enough to open up too. I'm scared once people know the real me, they will leave. You actually know more about me than anyone I've ever met." And as I say the last sentence to her, I realise its truth. I have opened up to this girl, more in the last week. Than I have ever opened up to people I've known years.
"I'm special" she smiles, like she likes the idea.
"You are" I say and smirk at her
There is all of a sudden a cloud of electric in the air and I'm not sure what to do. Ron pope is singing about first dates and I can't help but smile. This isn't a date though, as much as I wish it was. We pull up to her house and the current is still running between us.
"Thank you for today Edward, it was really nice and I'm glad I saw you" She looks down as she says the last part. Is she embarrassed? Why would she be embarrassed?
"It was my pleasure Bella, I really enjoy spending time with you." I say but neither of us make a move to get out of the car. We are looking each other in the eye as if silently communicating. Her eyes dart to my lips and she bites hers. HOLY SHIT! My dick goes completely hard and makes my sitting position very uncomfortable. God I want to kiss her, so bad. I shift slightly in my seat and it seems to bring her out of her days. Her eyes seem to go wide, but why I have no idea. Maybe because she knows it would be a huge mistake to kiss you. I shove my minds comments back and try coming back to the present. She gathers her bag in a rush and says what I think was a goodbye. But before she is fully out of the car I realise something. I'm leaning over to her side of the car at this point to try stop her.
"Bella?" I say and she whips round so fast it's almost inhuman. before I know what's happening her lips are pressed to mine. So soft, her lips mould perfectly to mine. I've never been a fan of kissing, it's always been to intimate for me. But in this moment it feels so right to be kissing her. Before I can react she pulls back, eyes even wider than before. I don't think she realised I was so close, when she turned around. Panic covers her face and I feel like I need to say something to explain.
"Your clothes are still in the back of the car. I was going to remind you, and I leant over. Shit Bella I'm sorry, I didn't intend for that to happen" But I didn't regret it in the slightest. It was true I didn't intend for that to happen. But I was so not sorry, that was amazing. If I thought I was hard before, I was like a rock now.
"Yes! Of course, it was just I didn't realise you were leaving over. I'm sorry." She is moving fast again, getting out of the car and gathering her bags in her hand.
"Thanks again for today, um I have to go" She says it so fast I can't be sure that was she even said. She then runs up her drive and throws herself through the front door. I sit back in my seat and try gather my thoughts, I just kissed Bella. I'm almost buzzing and there is a huge smile on my face. I seriously need to get home and sort out the situation in my trousers. At least this time I will have an actual memory to go on. God I wanted to deepen that kiss, put my hands in her hair and pull her closer. I wanted to be the one biting her lip, neck and more. Wow down boy, get home before you go knocking on her door. I put the car into first gear and pull away from her house and head home.
So? What did you think? Too soon? Good? Bad? I need feedback and what would you like to see from these two characters? Let me know! Reviews are better than kissing Edward in the car after a day of shopping!
