2258

Enterprise limped its way back to Earth on damaged impulse engines, having lost its warp core in the process of saving the ship from the singularity that had claimed the Narada. The trip would take time, and since adrenaline highs had begun to wear off, Kirk had relieved his senior staff. However, sleep didn't come as easily as he would have liked after everything they had been through, so he returned to the Enterprise's bridge to watch their trek through the Sol system.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" he asked the pointed-eared figure that was sitting in the command chair.

Spock turned and rose from his seat when he realized who had spoken. "You relieved the crew to rest. I, however, have another 68.2 hours before a lack of sleep will impair my performance."

"Lack of sleep wasn't the only reason we all needed to step away from the consoles for a while," Kirk shot back. "It…it's been a helluva few days."

If only he knew how much effort it took for Spock's face to remain expressionless. "It has," he levelly replied.

"I…I'm sorry we couldn't save her, Spock. I'm sorry we couldn't save them all."

"Thank you…I believe I may be in need of rest after all. Our ETA is in 6 hours and 47 minutes."

Kirk nodded. "Thank you, Commander. That'll be all."


Spock spent those hours futilely attempting to meditate in his quarters. His emotions threatened to overwhelm his carefully built safeguards: anger that no longer had a target, grief for the lost, fear for a very uncertain future…

He still saw his mother's face every time he closed his eyes. She was just standing there, watching him with her arm outstretched as the ground beneath her ceased to exist. Eternally just beyond his reach. He hoped that her moment of fear had been brief and that there had been no pain. And Saavik…he didn't even know where she was at the moment. He had her travel details stored on a PADD somewhere back at the Academy, but he couldn't remember them. If she'd been on Vulcan, she would have been with his parents, so he assumed that she hadn't returned. Maybe her ship was still on Alderbaran III, or maybe it was somewhere along the path between the planets. He didn't allow himself to consider the possibility that maybe her transport was part of the debris field that had hung around Vulcan before its destruction.

The Enterprise was slipping into the safety of spacedock by the time Spock finally decided to stop trying to meditate. Mental peace would not be coming anytime soon. He found Sarek in one of the hallways as he joined the throng of people trying to disembark the ship.

"What is your destination?" Sarek asked his son as they found seats onboard a shuttlecraft.

"I need go to Headquarters." Starfleet had set up facilities there for everyone who had been displaced, and was also maintaining a survivor list. "I can take you to my quarters, first, if you wish to rest," he offered to his father.

The ambassador shook his head. "No, my son. I, too, must know if Saavik lives."


The two men had no way of knowing that Saavik had already arrived in San Francisco that morning. Her ship had landed amid chaos at the Starfleet hanger. Ships that had escaped Vulcan or been diverted from a destination on the now-gone planet were arriving faster than they could land, be offloaded, and get out of the way. Verified information on what exactly had happened was scarce, but unconfirmed details were quickly moving through the mass of refugees that Starfleet was in charge of organizing, housing, and feeding.

There had been some kind of never-before-seen phenomenon in the Forge, and earthquakes had been reported around the planet. There were rumors of some kind of unidentified ship in orbit before the whole thing started, but that seemed to just be gossip. Communications across the planet had been reestablished only a short time before their homeworld had imploded. Precious few had managed to escape. The initially estimated numbers of less than 10,000 had turned out to be incorrect, since they only took into account those who had gotten off Vulcan before its destruction. A few thousand others had been scattered throughout the rest of the quadrant, but the total number still seemed incredibly, terrifyingly small.

Leaving the area around the spaceport took nearly three hours; everyone's entries for the survivor list were verified and they all had to register with the planetary government. Finally, Saavik was free to head toward the Academy. She stopped and stared at her surroundings for a moment when she reached the main campus; she'd been dreaming of coming to this place for years, ever since Spock had sent her a holo-image soon after his arrival. Now, she was finally here – and holos were all that remained of Shi'Kahr.

She had no idea where she needed to go once she arrived on campus, but a sign pointed toward the administration building. Surely someone there would know where Spock's office was located. The woman sitting in the front office offered a small smile when she saw Saavik approach.

"May I help you?"

"Yes. I am looking for Commander Spock. Can you please direct me to his office?"

The woman turned to her computer terminal. "I can tell you where it is," she replied after pulling up some information, "But he won't be there."

"Is he teaching?"

"No, miss. He was assigned to the fleet that was sent to assist Vulcan."

Saavik frowned slightly. "What fleet?" No one in the hangar had mentioned anything about Federation ships being near their homeworld.

"Eight ships responded to the distress call that we received…We've only gotten word back from one of them."

"Where are the others?" Saavik asked.

There was a pause. "The communiqué from the remaining ship…it said that all other vessels were destroyed in orbit of Vulcan…well, before…" Before Vulcan became a black hole that would have pulled in anything that used to be in its orbit.

A deep fear began to take root – she could easily calculate the odds that Spock was on the surviving ship, and they weren't good. However, this new information had left Saavik confused. What kind of phenomenon could be powerful enough to destroy a planet, but swift enough to catch multiple ships in orbit unaware? "How were the ships destroyed?"

"We're...not certain," the woman said, her eyes downcast. Saavik was sure that she knew more than what she was saying.

"Please, what have you heard?"

The woman sighed, and looked around to ensure no one else was nearby before leaning closer and lowering her voice. "It was a ship."

"What was a ship?"

"The thing that did all of this. It was a ship unlike anything I'd ever seen before. It's been destroyed now, but they're trying to keep all this from the press until the details are solid. According to the Enterprise's report, though…" she glanced around once more, and leaned even closer before continuing, "The ship was Romulan."

Saavik felt sick at the notion. "Is it part of an invasion?"

"Nobody's sure, but God, I hope not."

Even outside in the California sunshine, Saavik felt horribly cold. If a single Romulan ship was capable of all this and more might soon coming... they obviously had no defense. The Federation would quickly meet its end.

She suddenly realized what else the woman had told her: the sole surviving Federation vessel from the battle was the USS Enterprise. The brand new ship wasn't supposed to have left spacedock for another two months, but she knew that Spock had been assigned as her First Officer. It appeared that circumstances had caused the ship to be put into service early, and she hoped with all her being that he was safe onboard.


Once Spock and Sarek had finished all necessary procedures at the spacedock, they headed for Starfleet Headquarters. In the courtyard, hundreds of people – most Vulcan, but some not – crowded around large screens that scrolled through the names of the survivors of the xenocide. As they approached one of the monitors, something caught Spock's eye. Only a few meters away, a familiar brunette was watching a news report on another of the screens.

"Saavik," he called to her, relief flooding through his body like a drug. If I had lost her as well…

She turned around and he could see a new light in her eyes as she realized who had called her name. Saavik quickly made her way over to them. "Are you all right?" she asked both men.

"We are fine," Spock replied. "And you?" At first glance, she appeared to be uninjured.

"I am fine." It suddenly registered in her mind that something was amiss. If Spock and Sarek were here… "Where is Lady Amanda?" Saavik asked. "Was she hurt?"

She could read her friend's eyes – read the emotions he tried to bury. It frightened her that Sarek didn't seem to be doing much better of a job than his son. "She is gone," Spock finally managed to choke out. "She…" He couldn't finish, but it wasn't necessary.

For the three of them, and for thousands of others, life would never again be the same.


Later that night, Saavik sat by the window in Spock's quarters, consumed by her thoughts as she looked out upon the city.

"Saavikam," a voice quietly said, and she turned to see Spock beside her, offering a mug of what smelled like spiced tea. She wordlessly accepted it and allowed the steam from the beverage to warm her. It was so much colder here than the adopted home that she would never again see.

"How is Sarek?" she finally asked.

"He is sleeping," Spock replied. He had let his father have his bedroom in order to get some much-needed rest. "He is as well as can be expected. How are you?"

Saavik shrugged slightly, considering how to word the thoughts that raced through her mind. Part of her refused to believe that all of this had really happened. She had JUST talked to Amanda, JUST seen her happy and healthy. And now… How could everything she'd known as home be gone? Why had she refused to share her news with Amanda when she had the chance? She was haunted by the idea of the celebratory dinner with her guardins that now would never happen.

It would have been bad enough if so many lives were lost to a natural phenomenon that no one could control. But that hadn't been the case. Earlier in the evening, Spock had told her more than she'd wanted to know about the Narada. The humans had already given it the unofficial title of 'Deathship'. So, in addition to the sadness and pain that everyone was feeling, Saavik had something else to deal with: guilt and shame over the fact that she shared genes with the people responsible for all of this.

"I cannot help but wonder," she quietly said, "Is…THIS a part of me? The ability to hate so thoroughly that so atrocious of an act could be possible. Is that part of who I am?"

"One must choose to give in to hatred," Spock answered, also in a low voice, "To give in to one's emotions…to take lives."

Silence fell again for a long moment. "Do you think others would look at me differently? Look at me and wonder..." She wasn't sure how to finish that question, and Spock wasn't sure how to respond. In a perfect universe, people would be judged solely by their own actions. However, they certainly weren't living in a perfect universe. Nearly every planet in the Federation had at some point dealt with discrimination – of their own people or of other species. The coming days would likely be difficult.

"Do not volunteer information unless asked," he quietly told her, and their eyes met. No one who didn't already know needed to find out that she was half Romulan.

Saavik was about to reply, but was interrupted by the door chiming. Spock got up to answer it and found Nyota in the hallway. "Hi," she quietly said. "I know it's late, but I just wanted to see how you were doing. Did you eat dinner?"

Spock nodded. "I did. Saavik and I prepared the meal."

Her eyes widened. "Saavik is here?" She then realized that the topic of their conversation was standing just a few feet behind Spock. "Oh, good, I was so afraid to ask. Are you all right?"

Saavik bowed her head slightly in greeting. The two of them had gotten along well during Nyota's visit to Vulcan the previous summer. "I am fine, Cadet Uhura."

"It's actually Lieutenant now," she corrected the younger girl with a small smile.

"My apologies. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I'm so glad you're all right. I won't intrude; I just wanted to check on you."

Saavik started to get up in order to leave. "I can go take a walk around the campus if you wish for time alone," she offered.

Spock shook his head; the apartment was small for three people, with little in the way of privacy, but he wasn't going to put one of his guests out. "No, it is late enough that you should not be wandering alone in an area you are unfamiliar with. I will return shortly." He then followed Nyota out into the hall.


Amicable silence hung in the air as the pair descended the staircase and walked toward the park that was centrally located on campus. "You don't have to be brave anymore," Nyota quietly spoke up as they stopped under the glow of one of the streetlights. "It's just us now. You can tell me what you're really thinking…feeling."

It was a tempting offer; so many things were brewing just below the surface of his calm, emotionless shell. The unfulfilled urge to either break down in tears or scream at the top of his lungs was almost maddening. But if he allowed himself to express his dark emotions, even for an instant, would he ever be able to regain his composure?

"Although we are back on Earth," he evenly told her, "I still have responsibilities to complete, which will require that I retain strict control of myself."

Nyota sighed. "She wouldn't want this, Spock."

His eyes shot up to meet hers. "What?"

"Your mother wouldn't want you to make this worse for yourself than it already is."

"My m… My mother is not here."

She visibly flinched, and he wondered how harshly that had come out. "I know…I'm sorry, I just want to help. My offer is the same as before; tell me what you need."

What I need I can't have. And it was so tempting to say those words out loud, but he didn't have enough strength for the conversation that would follow. "It is late," was all Spock finally said. "You will miss curfew if you do not return to your dormitory."

Nyota slowly nodded. "All right. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Goodnight."


TBC...