.I do not own TYR
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Jimmy
I cannot explain the feeling that surged through me, when I had Lou safely in my arms. "Home?" she asked me, her voice sounding like it was fading out.
I stroked her hair back from her face, "Yeah honey, you are." I couldn't get over how much she has changed in these three years.
Her face, although new to me as a woman, has slimmed down, her hair is longer and I think lighter, perhaps from the sun. The Lou I once knew gone, and in his place a beautiful young woman.
I could hear the shots from behind me cease. I hoped like hell that everyone was walking away from here today.
I think back to a week ago when Buck, Ike, Teaspoon and I arrived back to the way station, we were all excited, scared, relieved, petrified all at the same time.
Lou was alive, she wasn't in the best situation, but she was alive and that is what we had to keep reminding ourselves.
When we told the Kid and Cody what we had seen, Kid asked the one thing we hadn't spoken about, had she been mistreated.
Of course she had, but she was still Lou. It was our job to protect her from her on out and make damn sure she is never mistreated again.
Buck flew from the bunkhouse saying he would be back, that he needed to speak with his Kiowa family.
Red Bear, Buck's brother, knew all about Lou and what she had done to save Buck. From that day on Red Bear cared for Lou and the whole Kiowa tribe thought of Lou as family, just like we did.
So when Buck announced that he was going to them, we knew he was going for back up, and we knew that Buck's Kiowa family would answer that call.
I held Lou a little tighter, trying not to hurt her, as she felt so fragile. It already killed me when she cried out in pain when I pulled her atop of my horse. I had no doubts that she was in bad shape.
Her body sagged sideways. She was exhausted and when her soft snores fell on my ears, it told me that her body had finally succumbed to sleep.
I shifted her again so I could get a better hold of her. Her dress had ridden up some and I blanched when my warm hands felt her frozen skin. She was as cold as the winter snow. I hissed under my breath when I caught sight of the many bruises that covered her arms and legs and her bloodied knees.
"How is she?" Teaspoon asked as he caught up to me, his eyes narrowing at the sight of her beaten legs and arms.
"Freezing," I pulled off my jacket with my spare hand, and draped it over Lou's tiny body, unfortunately her legs remained uncovered.
Red Bear seeing what I was doing came over and ran his hands down her leg, shaking his head.
"She can have my moccasins," he said as he leant down to unlace his boots and pull them from his feet.
He slipped them on her feet, tying them as tight as he could as they were huge on her.
"Skin and bone," he said shaking his head. His concern was confirmation about his respect for Lou.
He touched her head with his right hand, his head turned to the sky and he closed his eyes, whispering something in his native tongue, before opening them and talking to Buck.
"What of your guns?" he asked.
"What guns?" Teaspoon laughed. Red Bear looked to Teaspoon as if he was mad.
Little did Red Bear know, but that box was empty.
"You bring her to me when she is well." Red Bear instructed Buck, who agreed before hugging his brother and saying his goodbyes.
"Are you sure you got her?" Teaspoon asked me in concern as we headed for home.
"I got her Teaspoon," I confirmed as I nudged Sundance to gallop a little harder.
The boys all rode close, keeping one worried eye on our surroundings and the other on the girl in front of me.
Rock Creek was in our sights and Lou was still sleeping soundly in my arms. I don't think I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief until Lou is safely inside the house.
The closer we got to the station, the clearer Rachel and Jesse's silhouettes became.
They were pacing the porch waiting for us to arrive. Rachel nor Jesse had never met Lou, but before we left this morning they were both saddled up and ready to ride with us to go and get her.
I was glad that it was Teaspoon who had to tell them that there was no way they could ride with us. It was too dangerous and at that stage we had no idea how it was all going to go down.
"Whoa boy," I pulled on Sundance's reins as Buck came up beside me. I helped lower Lou into his arms, smiling when Buck kissed her softly on her forehead and cradling her to his body.
Buck cared for Lou and I knew he was relieved to have her back, maybe more so than the rest of us. He had been struggling living day to day since Lou had been taken. He blamed himself and it changed him.
I hoped that having her back, bought the old Buck back as well.
"Bring her up to the house," Rachel told Buck, but we were having none of that.
"No, she belongs in the bunkhouse with us," Buck told her to which everyone agreed, even Teaspoon.
"No offence Rachel, but that bunk has been waiting three years to have Lou back in it," Cody told Rachel sternly but kindly.
"Well I suggest you let it wait for one more night. Cos' if you put that girl in that top bunk, and she awakes with a start not knowing where she is, then she will fall out, and by the looks of her she will snap in two."
Rachel was right, on both accounts.
"She can have my bunk," Kid said. Her bunk was on top of his so it made sense.
Buck carried her inside and lay her down on Kid's bed. We all just stood there drinking her form in. We hardly knew her, even when she was the scrawny boy Lou we didn't know her back then either, but it didn't matter she was still one of us.
"Can I at least change her? Clean her cuts," Rachel asked. I looked down to see that the dress Lou was wearing was practically see through, dirty and tattered. And the blood that had come from when she fell on her knees had dried and caked onto her skin.
"Of course Rachel," Teaspoon said, ushering us out of the bunkhouse.
We all took a position on the porch, waiting for Rachel to be finished.
"I can't believe she's back, I mean after all these years...I hate to say it boys but I thought she was dead," Cody shook his head
"Cody I think we all thought that at one time or another." Teaspoon told him, and it was true.
"A part of me knew she wasn't." Buck told us all. "I had to believe that someone who would put their own life on the line to save another didn't deserve to just die. It didn't seem right that her story ended that way."
I wanted to argue with Buck in that moment, because I was sure that it must have crossed his mind once or twice over the last few years, but out of all of us he was the only one who never gave up.
The door to the bunkhouse opened, and Rachel came out. She came out with red raw eyes and tear stained cheeks.
"Rachel what is it?" Teaspoon asked gravely, causing my stomach to drop to my feet.
"She ah..." Rachel looked back to the bunkhouse, "That girl in there is a survivor," she cried, bringing Teaspoon to his feet to cradle Rachel in his arms.
"What makes you say that?" He asked, looking up to the sky. Like Buck, Teaspoon held a lot of guilt also. He blamed himself for not seeing that Lou was a girl.
"Her body Teaspoon, her body tells the story. Her bruises, her scars, I just don't know how another human can do that to someone so..." Rachel cried, while the rest of sat in silence holding our own tears back.
Teaspoon wrapped his arms tighter around Rachel as she cried.
"She is safe now, and she will remain safe that is all we need to worry about." He told Rachel and all of us.
The boys and I turned in early. I think we all just wanted to be close to Lou. It felt right having her back, I found us all just staring at the sleeping girl in the bunk. The flicker from the fire lit up her face and I found myself smiling at how peaceful she seemed.
"I think that she needs to eat my extra share at supper, she is so tiny." I wanted to laugh, but I knew that Cody was dead serious.
I tried to keep my eyes open, not wanting to close them in case when I awoke this would have all been a dream, but exhaustion won out. We went to sleep that night with our family feeling complete.
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"She's gone," Cody yelled spurring me and the others awake. I looked over to where Lou slept last night to see that the bunk was empty.
We all ran for the door to look for her, but as the bunkhouse door widened we saw her sitting on the fence of the corral looking out to the horses, with Teaspoon by her side.
They looked deep in conversation and while Lou looked out to the horizon, Teaspoon had his eyes fixed on Lou.
Not wanting to disrupt them we all fell back into the bunkhouse and got ready for the day. Rachel wandered in not long after to get a fix on breakfast. We left her too it and went to start the morning chores.
"Stay clear of the main house, Lou is having a soak in the bath." Rachel told us as we walked out the door.
I found myself looking over to the house all morning. It was a nice feeling knowing that she was in there. That she was close.
Lou finally emerged out of the house, wearing her old boy's clothes. I somewhat expected to see her in a dress, but I guess she wore what she found comfortable.
After we all ate, Teaspoon started the conversation we were all dreading, and I actually wondered if it was best that he and Rachel talk about this without us boys here.
"Lou, do you need to see the doctor honey. I mean are you hurt, did they..." I swallowed the bile that spilled in my mouth. No one will ever treat her like that again.
"No Teaspoon I don't need a doctor. I am not going to dwell on what happened, so please don't ask me to. I have let it go, and I want you all to do the same." She made a point to look at us all, "I never want to talk about the last three years, so do not ask me to." She pleaded.
"But Lou, you have to give us something," Kid started but Lou cut him off.
"Like what Kid? How will you knowing what has happened to me make you feel better?"
"I don't think it will, but surely it will help you heal,"
"I heal in my own way. I told you that I have let it go, I want you to do the same."
I watched as these two eyed each other with annoyance. They were more like siblings than they saw.
"I just want to know if I am still welcome here, I mean it is obvious that I can no longer ride for the pony express, but can I still live here?"
"Of course you can Lou. You are home and we aren't going to let you leave, even if you want to." Teaspoon smiled, "Also the Pony Express is no more Lou. The boys all have various jobs now, they still ride, but it's for the Marshal's office now, not the express. "Do you have any plans of your own Lou?"
"Not sure yet, but I will figure it out." She said with confidence.
Teaspoon smiled in Lou's direction, "I have no doubt in my mind that you will sweetheart."
I agreed.
Lou was one hell of a woman. I truly believed that she could do anything she set her mind to.
"Just remember whatever comes up that you know you are always welcome here."
"Thank you. And not just for letting me stay. Thank you for saving me, for not giving up on me."
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It has taken Lou a few days to get into the swing of things around here, but she is fitting into our everyday life nicely.
I was right when I had thought that she and Rachel would get on great. Rachel loved having another woman around the station, though I would often see her frown when she would watch Lou roughing it with the boys.
Buck and I had noticed a sad and longing look that crossed Lou's face when Noah had ridden out this morning. Noah had some business to take care of for Teaspoon. Lou had been saddened to learn that the express was no longer in full operation, so I could only guess that she was remembering the times she rode out before she was taken.
Teaspoon was helping Lou find a job in town, as she insisted she really needed to get one. I knew that plenty of people were hiring, but I had a feeling Teaspoon wasn't ready to let her go just yet.
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"Where is Louise?" Rachel asked as she dished up our supper that same night. I hadn't seen her all afternoon, since Noah left, so I had no idea where she could be.
"She said something about going to see someone in town, but that was an hour ago." Cody managed to get out with a mouth full of stew.
We all sat and chatted about our days and rides to come. Teaspoon was worried about the Cheyenne or the Arapaho seeking revenge for us misleading them. He stressed that if we were headed into their territory we were to be alert and to be riding in twos.
"It doesn't matter if there are two of you Teaspoon, look at Lou and me."
"Damn you Buck. I could have gone the whole day without thinking about that. Why'd you have to bring it up now."
"Because it isn't as easy for me to just forget Cody."
"Lou sat where you are, just a little over two weeks ago and told us, no demanded that we not bring this very subject up. She swears she has moved on. What about you?"
Buck was about to answer, but the bunkhouse door swung open. "I got a job," Lou sung as she breezed through the bunkhouse, stopping our conversation. The smile she had on her face was infectious causing all of us to smile with her.
Like the rest of us, Rachel's smile beamed at the news, "Really Louise? That is great sweetheart."
"And where is this job Lou?" Teaspoon inquired while Lou found her seat at the table.
"I am going to be working at the saloon Teaspoon," She said proudly, but causing the rest of us to stop smiling.
"Why would you want to work there?" Kid asked sounding truly disgusted with the idea.
"Why wouldn't I want to work there?" Lou snapped back.
"Here we go," I muttered under my breath to Buck. He just smiled and nodded his head.
"Lou everyone knows what kind of women work in places like that?"
"I have worked in places like that Kid; please tell me what sort of woman am I?" Rachel asked sweetly but her question to Kid was anything but.
Teaspoon leaned back in his chair grinning like a fool at Kid's predicament.
"Rachel, I wasn't implying that there was anything wrong with women working in those places it is just the stigma that goes with it."
"Kid I don't care what people think of me, what matters is what my family think." Lou looked around the room. "Do any of you have a problem with me working at the saloon?" She asked.
I could see Kid was going to pipe up but I kicked his leg under the table shaking my head no.
"No Lou no one here has a problem with that." Cody smiled as he watched Kid's turmoil.
"Good, now can you please pass the biscuits," She asked Kid sweetly holding her hand out towards him.
As she looked down dishing her supper up the boys and I all shared a stressed look. I could see we were all going to be spending a lot of time at the saloon.
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Later that evening Lou asked Rachel if she would mind fixing the dress she has to wear for her job. Lou was still tiny and seemed to have trouble finding anything that fit her properly. I was glad that she was going to be helping the barkeep, but worried that she was going to be working in a place that housed ladies of the night.
The ladies didn't bother me, but their suiters did.
"Am I seriously the only one that has a problem with Lou working at the saloon?" Kid asked from his bunk bed,
"Kid I think we can all agree that it aint perfect, but did you not see how happy she was?" Buck told him.
"Lou aint' like any other woman we have met, the sooner you see that, the better it will be." I told him, hoping he could learn to back off of her a little.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You and her butt heads more often than not, and usually it is because you are so set in your ways that you don't even see that it is not the only way. Back off of her for a bit, she is a lot stronger than what you give her credit for."
"You're right. I just...she is like a sister to me, and I hate the thought of any sister of mine working in a place like that."
I could see Ike was nodding his head with what Kid was saying. He too thought of Lou as a sister, and he too seemed to hate the idea with Lou working the bar, but did they both not see they weren't alone in their concerns.
Of course I didn't want her working there and neither did Buck or Teaspoon, but this wasn't what it was all about. It was about her having the freedom of making her own choices.
"Kid she is like a sister to all of us, well maybe not Hickok," Cody sniggered.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" I snapped defensively.
"I've seen the way you look at her. Longing and lovingly."
The others laughed nervously while I stayed quiet. I couldn't deny that I didn't look at her like a sister, but I would never admit that to her, or act on feelings. It was much too soon for that.
"Is that true Jimmy, you feel something for Lou?" Buck asked me. I think he out of anyone here deserved to know my intentions.
"I do Buck, but I wouldn't dare act on them until I feel the same attraction from her side."
Buck stayed quiet and I wasn't sure why.
"I too feel that way about her," he admitted quietly.
"Uh oh," Cody muttered. But I would have to agree. I did not want this to become some competition between Buck and me. Nor did I want it to tear us apart as brothers.
Nothing more was said that night.
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The next day I was preparing to ride out for tomorrow. I had agreed to help the Sheriff in Still Water for a day so he and his wife could attend their daughter's wedding.
Usually the deputy would do it, but the daughter was marrying the deputy so it left them short.
After I finished up in the barn I made my way to the bunkhouse. I was starving as I missed lunch and I need to pack a few things for my trip.
My jaw dropped as I looked to the bunkhouse door. Lou was dressed in her saloon dress. Her shoulders bare, and loose curls from her hair, that was all pulled to the side, sat on her shoulder. She looked amazing, and I loved to see that she was smiling as she twirled for Buck and Ike. Buck saw me coming over and I couldn't quite figure out the look he was giving me.
"I see you missed your calling Lou," I said causing her to smile and Buck to scowl. Maybe it was best that I kept my mouth shut last night.
"You think? I feel so...girly," She laughed. But I think Buck, Ike and I could all see how happy that made her feel.
"You are a girl," Ike signed.
"I know Ike, but today I feel like one." She smiled, "Shit I better go, I don't want to be late for my first shift." She said as she started off for town.
"Good luck Lou," Buck called out, Lou turned and gave us a wave before turning back towards the saloon.
"She looks like a lady and talks like a bloke, she will fit in fine." I told Buck and Ike to which they agreed.
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Rachel and Teaspoon made sure we didn't bother Lou at the saloon. We were all itching to go down there, hoping she was alright. We all tried to sneak out a few times but Teaspoon was onto us. I knew the old buzzard wanted to go down there just as bad as we did, but he stood strong, so did I.
It must have been in the early hours of the morning when I finally heard the bunkhouse door open. I didn't have to see to know it was Lou.
"How did it go?" I whispered sleepily.
"Good, but I swear I'm dead on my feet," I could hear the smile in her voice, "Go back to sleep Jimmy," she giggled, before I heard her stumble, had she been drinking?
"Lou are you drunk?" I asked in amusement.
"No Jimmy I am not drunk." She said seriously, "I'm just not sober either," she giggled under her breath, causing Cody, Buck and I to laugh with her.
I heard her climb into her bunk, before her soft snores echoed through the small room.
"I hope she doesn't make a habit of this," Kid's disapproving voice said.
"Kid just leave it. Lou is able to do as she pleases,"
"It aint right,"
"And it aint wrong to listen to her laugh." Cody pointed out, and I happened to agree with him.
