House sat in his beat up car outside Cameron's friends apartment where she had been staying for the past two months. A part of him felt that he should go in there and explain, try to fix everything, but there was also that voice in his head, shouting it was a waste of time, that it was over.

This was why he never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. Too complicated. It's just so much easier to meet a girl in a bar and fuck her in a bathroom or a hotel. No commitments, just pure pleasure. But devoting yourself to one person, letting the vulnerability show, trusting them with everything is too much because if it doesn't work out, then there's pain… emotional pain and that has to be the worst kind.

He banged his palm against the steering wheel over and over, shouting profanities to no one. Reaching in his pocket, he swallowed two pills, something he started doing again when Cameron left. The car was getting cold, so he turned the ignition, started the heat and put the car in drive. He couldn't do this.

As he drove, occasionally pounding the steering wheel, several thoughts were flooding his brain. 'Turn the wheel and hit that tree,' 'Go to Allison and solve this,' 'Call Wilson and get drunk at the bar,' 'Home,' 'Piano,' 'Scotch,' 'You are so fucked up,' 'You lost her,' 'You love her,' 'Turn around and explain.'


Cameron was sitting on the couch, finishing up some work that she brought back from the hospital. The tv was on quietly in the background. Some reality show. Looking at the clock, it was almost 11:30 and she had to finish up her work before going to bed.

The problem was that she couldn't focus on anything she was doing, only Wilson's phone call. In a way, she did believe it, but then again, House could live with a lie. It was practically his motto. She remembered something he said to a patient once, "The most successful relationships are based on lies," and couldn't stop thinking that this was the case.

She was an ass to him when he didn't tell her about the stupid letter. They were always fighting, and hadn't had sex for a couple weeks. He was deprived, probably angry and called a hooker then came up with the story about his bike because he didn't want to be alone.

But would Wilson really follow through with that? Would Greg actually cheat on her? She couldn't decide, but felt she was most likely over-reacting again. There's a definite possibility that his bike stopped working and no one was available. Really, she knew this was the truth.

Shaking her head, she grabbed her pen and started focusing on her work again, hoping to get it done within the next hour.


House found himself outside the apartment door, walking up and down the hall, unable to get himself to knock. He looked at his watch, thinking that it was getting late and she was probably asleep. Not wanting to wake Allison or her friend, he headed back to the elevator, cursing himself as he did so. When the elevator doors opened, he thought, 'fuck it,' and went back, banging on the door with his cane. He waited for a minute before Cameron answered.

"Greg, it's late and I have a lot of work to do so good night." As she started closing the door, House stuck his cane out to block it from shutting.

"I know what time it is but we need to talk."

"No we don't. Not now. We can talk tomorrow morning AFTER you sign the papers."

Sighing, "Allison, will you let me in?"

He knew this wasn't going to be easy but he couldn't help but feel irritated by the way this was going and how she was acting. Shaking her head, she walked back to the couch, leaving the door open for him to come in. Shutting it, he took a seat next to her.

Minutes passed, neither saying a word. Cameron could sense that House was nervous but chose not to comment and tried finishing the hospital work. Once the silence became too much she asked,

"Do you want a drink?"

"No. Thanks." She mouthed a silent 'okay,' going back to work. Tapping his cane nervously on the carpet, looking around the room then focusing on the ground, he asked,

"Is this really about Stacy and Paula or was that just a coincidence?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean were you thinking about getting a divorce before everything? Maybe they just gave you the excuse to finally do it."

"If this is some way to try and make me feel guilty, you should quit now because that's not it at all and I can NOT believe you would even suggest that." She stood and House followed.

"Well it's the only reason I can think of for why you're not letting me explain."

"I let you in here! You're the one who's sitting there! If you're so-" Before she could finish, he gripped her arms, pressing her body against his and kissed her. It didn't last long because she pushed him away, taking a step back, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Allison."

"Just go. Please." She didn't stick around for a response and on her way to her bedroom, she opened the front door, signaling him to leave.

House leaned heavily on his cane with both hands in front of him, watching her walk down the hall.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. The scenario he ran through in his head involved an explanation, apologies, kisses, and hot make up sex for the rest of the night. But this, this had crossed his mind but it wasn't supposed to play out in reality. There were two options: Leave followed by a divorce or stay leading to keeping Cameron.

"Paula was the last person I called and I didn't sleep with her...Never even crossed my mind." She turned and he began limping slowly towards her as he spoke softly,

"I didn't say anything about Stacy because then you'd worry and feel awkward around me and I hate that. Everything Wilson told you about Paula is true...I didn't bring it up because I was afraid that it would have lead to this," he said while waving his hand between them,

"And it did." He was so close, looking down at her and continued, "I messed up. I know that but we can fix this," pause, "I don't want this to end."

"I want this to go away, Greg. I want us to be okay again, but I can't-"

"Yes you can." She held her hand to his mouth. Holding it there and continued, "I can't pretend that everything is better. Please understand that." Uncovering his mouth, her lips tightened, head cocked to the side,

"This wasn't your fault. It was both of us, okay?" He shook his head in disagreement, "Yes, it was. This whole thing went about the wrong way. Isn't that telling you something?"

"Just stop," shrugging, "So we both screwed up. It happens with every marriage, but you can't drop it when things go bad and that's exactly what you're doing."

"But there's no relationship if there's no trust."

"Why do you keep saying that?! What do you want me to do, Allison?! Tell me!"

"Nothing."

"I fucked up! But I'm trying to get this out so we can move on!" He started limping away, pacing the living room, then stood in front of her again,

"Do you think I want to be with Stacy?" She shook her head 'no,' "Do you think I called Paula to have sex?" Again she shook her head. Hesitating, "Do you still love me?"

He hated that the question made him nervous, that everything had come to this.

After four months of dating, he no longer had doubts about Cameron's feelings for him, but now, standing there in front of her, unsure of her response, made him sick to his stomach and incredibly scared. She was his wife and he didn't know if she loved him or not.

"Allison. I love you." He didn't say that as often as he should, as often as he wanted to, but always knew that she knew. She understood him.

"I know." Biting her bottom lip, he noticed that her eyes were suddenly watery, then a tear streamed down the side of her face. He wanted to wipe it away, but felt as though he had lost that privilege a long time ago.

"Allison-"

"I know...Me too." Hearing those words, he immediately pulled her into his embrace, holding, hanging on tightly, breathing in her scent, kissing her shoulder and the side of her neck.

No matter how tightly he held her, it still felt as though she wasn't there, almost distant.

"I don't want this to end," he said into her shoulder. He stroked the back of her hair, giving a quick peck on the side of her head. On so many levels, as cliche as it may sound, he just couldn't let her go.

Slowly pulling away from him, but not letting go, there gazes locked.

"I need you to give me some time...just to think about a few things. About us."

It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but he could definitely handle it because the alternative was much worse.

He nodded, leaning down and brushed his lips against hers before placing his hand behind her head, keeping her there for a deep, frantic and greedy kiss. A few moments passed and he pulled away, kissing her forehead, then planting them down the side of her face to her neck. Placing her hands on his chest, she gently held him back and stepped away.

"I need time."

Reaching out, she took his hand and lead the way to the door.

Before walking out, he squeezed her hand before letting go and left.

When he got home, he went to straight to bed, feeling a bit more at ease because now there was a possibility that she would be coming back and he would wait.