January 1st, 2017

Sunlight streams through the blinds, painting pillars of white on the coffee-coloured carpet. New year, new start. New baby. The first night they've all been together, and it's perfectly the start of a brand new chapter.

Ethan awoke to peace and quiet, but for the birds tweeting lazily. He's been conscious for a couple of minutes, but it's nice for him to wriggle toes in fresh sheets and think about the endless possibilities the year will bring.

He doesn't stop to think it's out of place for a blanket of silence in their flat, and that screams should be reaching his ears instead. It doesn't even fully register that that's what babies do. Alicia has taken care of all the night shifts, and he has had a beautiful seven hours of sleep. They haven't even named her yet. Alicia likes Paris or Brooklyn, but he's far too reluctant to agree - too common. He likes Delilah, but she is adamant it's an old woman's name. Neither know, but it's part of the fun to work it out. He's so new, so scarily yet blissfully ignorant to the wonders and thrills of being a parent. A year of teamwork and tiredness and tears, both happy and sad awaits. The prospect of life as it is now feels exhilarating to consider.

He turns, ready to kiss the woman aside of him awake and start the very first day of their life as a three. The sheets are wrinkled where she should be, but the scent of her moisturiser lingers in the air tellingly. His eyes travel to the bassinet next to the window. Also empty. He's alone in the room. No wonder it's quiet.

He tumbles out of bed and pads through into the lounge, sleep still clouding his vision. With both fatigue and excitement, he's left his glasses somewhere, and he knows he has no hope of finding his contacts amongst the piles of laundry and little vests. He can't blunder about anymore; he'll have to rely on his ears to guide him.

'Morning!' He calls. It echoes round the room, so he repeats himself for good measure. 'Morning!'

From where he's standing, he can half make out a tiny body, lying horizontally on the grand rocking chair. Curious, he walks over, deciding Alicia must be in the toilet. Still, it seems a strange place to leave a baby, even if you're tired.

A scrap of paper sits atop of the baby's chest. He barely even acknowledges her, even though she's still so new. The paper is more important. Why is it there? He grabs it, feeling his stomach lurch. Though scrawly and faint, if he squints, he can make it out.

'Don't follow, this is what's right. Look after my little D x'

With shaking fingers, he drops it and it flutters to the carpet below. Back to the baby, lying there like a rag doll. The happiness has soured. He feels sick.

-x-

'Evening. You look exhausted.' Connie commented, matter-of-factly. 'Close the door behind you.'

'When has the ordinary ever been news? Ethan replied, pulling out the chair at the opposite end of the desk and sitting down steadily, smartening the creases in his shirt. 'I'm sure you remember all too well the sleepless nights.'

Great. Well done, bring up Grace.

Both tensed, while Connie's lips tightened and pressed together thinly in a smile.

'I do.' She gave an honest nod, much to his relief. 'Reach out though, it's hard on your own.'

He swallowed hard. 'We manage.'

'I'll have her one night soon.' She said, steepling her fingers on the desk.

Ethan guessed it was her way of trying to show care and concern. Yet still, it felt the slightest bit odd.

'Uh, oh no, I couldn't possibly. She's a nightmare, will have you up and down every hour.' He lied.

She laughed lightly at Ethan, the way you'd respond to a child who'd said something funny. 'Which baby isn't? My offer will always stand, anyway. I know I'm not exactly familiar with your baby, but the health and well-being of my staff matters to me. You need to sleep.'

'That's very kind.' He replied solemnly. 'Very kind indeed. I keep meaning to bring her in to see everyone.'

'How old is she now? Eight months?'

'Ten.' Ethan corrected. 'Time stops for no one, eh?'

'Certainly doesn't.' She mused, quiet and contemplative now. 'All of this leads me nicely on to the topic I was wanting to chat with you about.' She crossed her arms over her chest and offered a small smile. 'I think you're ready.'

His eyebrows knitted together, forehead creasing, and he shifted forwards with intrigue. 'Uh, I don't follow.'

'The exams. You are competent and able, and you're already a fully fledged consultant in my eyes.'

'Wow. Uh, high praise.' His lips twitched at the corners.

She just smiled, rising from her chair and turning to the shelves behind her. 'They are on Monday at 9:00am. I have entered you.'

'M-Monday?'

'Yes. Four days to prepare yourself, but you're already ready.'

'It's incredibly soon, how long have you known?' He asked, eyes on stalks.

'Since yesterday, although I got confirmation today. You're capable, Ethan. You've been working several months now and intensely training. I've seen you blossom and I know you will do just fine.'

'I appreciate the vote of confidence, b-but...' He stammered.

'There will never be a right time.' She coolly intervened, deftly taking charge of the situation. 'The best time to start anything new is now.'

'And what if I don't pass? Then it'll be a knock, and harder to build back up to a level where-'

'You will still be a highly qualified member of my department with further examination practice and training under your belt. Look, we both know that we could speculate on "what ifs" for days, but we would get nowhere.' She said, certainty embroiled in her tone.

'I just-'

'Of course, it isn't mandatory...' Connie skilfully chose an alternate approach, locking eyes with Ethan this time. The ball was in his court. Uncertainty flashed across his face, before he masked it with sudden decisiveness.

'Alright. You're right. It would be a marvellous opportunity. I will need to sort childcare out for Delilah though, I think Charlie and Duffy are both working, and the nursery does close at 6, and...'

'Obviously that's a priority too. It just so happens that I'm not working both of those days. Let me take her, and you worry about you for once.'

'I can't accept, I-'

'Contrary to popular belief, I can be maternal when I want to be.' She raised an eyebrow, sitting back on her swivel chair.

'Oh no, I don't doubt your abilities. It's just I feel terrible, and there's a fine line between positive working relationships and what's appropriate. I want us to keep a good professional rapport, and not have the boundaries addled by trivial things like our own personal lives...' Ethan said.

'We're friends, aren't we?' She replied.

'Friends?' He repeated.

She appraised him for a second, before giving a short laugh. 'You think too much, Dr Hardy.'

'Yes, so people say.' He sighed. 'If you're absolutely sure it's no trouble...'

'I wouldn't have offered otherwise. It will be nice.' She said lightly.

'Yeah, um... Delilah, she's... she's going through a clingy stage. I don't know if it'll last, or... I can come an hour before if that would-'

'Bring her over at 4 on Sunday afternoon, then I'll bring her to the ED after your exams to meet you on Monday. Pack her formula and anything else she'll need. Maybe you can stay a while, so she familiarises herself that way.' Connie said.

He nodded. 'That sounds perfect, thank you.'

'As for the exams, skim over what you already know. Rewrite those notes you made with me. Maybe go out to the pub, spend some time with friends, have some downtime. Life shouldn't be a constant cycle of work.'

Ethan's eyebrows raised before he could stop them.

'I know that makes me a hypocrite of the worst kind, but I mean it. I'm in bad habits of working too hard - it pushes people away. Don't do the same.' She said quietly.

'Yes, wise words.' He agreed, mind wandering slightly to all the people he'd managed to push away already. 'Uh, long term, what will these exams mean? Other than the status.' He asked.

The way Connie pursed her lips and smirked slightly oddly put Ethan at ease; she liked him and she saw his potential, that was clear. 'Well, uh, the status, as you say. Tremendous responsibility like never before. Many more opportunities, mentoring responsibilities, higher band means higher salary, and all sorts of exciting and challenging cases that you call the shots on. Prepare to have the word "rewarding" completely redefined.'

He couldn't help but feel a tinge of excitement. Though so sudden, an opportunity had landed on his doorstep with the potential to enhance his whole career and life.

'I-I'm incredibly grateful, Mrs Beauchamp, for all the time you've spent with me training me to the level I am today. This is all down to you.'

'No, Ethan.' Connie shook her head, quiet now. 'This is all down to you.'