A/N Hi. Please don't kill me. I understand that I suck at updating- real life is a pesky distractor :(

So I sat down to write either Kurt or Mercedes's letter, but Santana's what came out. So here it is. The language it a tiny bit stronger in the chapter, just a warning if younger kids are reading.

Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine.


Dear Rachel,

Guess what everyone always told me- life sucks and then you die. Cheery, right? Well that's what I had to deal with. Day in and day out my mom yelled at me while my drunk dad beat on her until he got killed in a bar fight. Just another sob story.

Bet you didn't know that. No one did. Honestly, you're the first person I've told. Seriously. Britt and Quinn and the rest of the Cheerios are all just as clueless as the rest of the school. I don't like people thinking that I'm different from them, that instead of a rich daddy giving me money to drive around in my expensive car I'm working two jobs after school so I can help my mom pay for the house and so I can afford cheering.

But no on knows that. I guess I told you because I know you can't tell anyone and I just needed to get this off my chest. And yeah, it's weird that in this letter I'm spilling my heart out to a dead girl who I hated while she was alive.

But I never hated you. Not really. I was jealous and afraid. I wanted Puck for years and practically jumped him before he even gave me the time of day, but you, you just walked past him and he got all hot for you. And you didn't even know it. That's the frustrating part about you, what really gets everyone angry- you just don't know. You're completely clueless to the Rachel that everyone else sees and it pisses some of us off. The rest it terrifies. You aren't- weren't- afraid to show the world exactly who you are- were- in a world of fakes and pretenders hiding behind the masks life gave us.

I don't know if you ever saw through my mask. We barley talked, even in Glee, and when we did I was usually a bitch to you. Sorry. It's just, I'm so afraid. I want to be with Britt, to walk around and be proud of who I am, but I'm too scared. I've spent so long cowering in the shadow of Quinn, then pushed around by Coach Sylvester, and before that my dad, that I've forgotten how to be myself.

You showed me that though. Even though we were never close I need you to know that you've helped me in so many ways. Who knows, maybe you'll give me the courage I need to talk to Britt, to stand up for myself, to be who I really am.

So thank you Rachel, thank you from the bottom of my heart (which is deeper then you will ever know, deeper than a lot of people know, actually),

Santana