A/N: So sorry I am going to be a little harsh about the whole affair thing. That is one of the things that I really can't stand is people cheating on someone. If your so unhappy that you have to cheat then just LEAVE! I have had family members who have been decimated by a cheating spouse it's not pretty. Not that I am judging anyone and their life choices cause we all have our issues but its one of my pet peeves. Ok I am off the soap box now! Enjoy!
I own zilch!
CPOV:
I don't remember much after I started hearing all the commotion in the living room. I knew that I should get downstairs to help diffuse the situation but I just didn't have it in me at that point. Then I remember hearing that not only was my mate leaving me but that she had been cheating on me. That hurt like a million razor blades cutting me to pieces. I mean I could understand if she didn't love me any more and wanted to go find herself but who does that to someone they claim to love. I was out of my chair and running down the stairs before I had time to even realize I was doing it, it was like I was having an out of body experience. I didn't even know that was possible for a vampire. So many emotions were warring within me. The shear agony of the betrayal of someone you trusted your heart, and life too was daunting.
I vaguely remember yelling, but that can't be right I never lose my temper. I don't think I have ever yelled at anyone. I may also have punched a hole in the wall. That actually kind of felt a little good. File that away to explore later. I had too many new feeling's to decipher them all right now. When she blamed me for not being attentive an basically pushing her into the arms of another all the fight went out of me and I crumpled to my knees. I couldn't fight her anymore because she was right. I had always put patients first. It was my way for atoning for the sin's in my life. My penance for taking the souls of 5 people and damning them to this existence. It was my absolution for my selfishness, and in the end it ended up hurting me worse then helping me. I couldn't even keep my soul mate happy. I had failed at the most important relationship I had been entrusted with.
I had no idea at this point what was going on around me, or how long I was kneeling there staring into space. I could feel people around me but the fog would not clear. I couldn't fight my way through it until I heard the voice…
"Carlisle," Someone was pleading with me, "I know this hurts but don't cut yourself off right now. Let us help you, please." I locked onto the honey glazed eyes that were begging with me and broke into sobs landing into the strong arms in front of me. I don't know how long I lay sobbing in this persons arms. I knew it had to be a family member but couldn't place it. I inhaled and was instantly calmed by the scent that filled me. It was Jasper. I could feel the rest of the family around us. I remember hearing someone mention a human moment, and felt myself being shifted. A few seconds later I was being placed on a bed, I could tell from the smell that it wasn't mine for which I was grateful. I felt eyes on me for a brief minute before the click of the door informed me I was alone with my thoughts.
I started to think back on my life thus far, trying to pin point how I could have failed so miserably. I was trying to see if I could locate one instance in time where I could have chosen another path that would have my love still by my side and happy. I knew I was occupied with my work, but the more though about it, I honestly didn't think it caused me to neglect my wife enough to warrant her cheating on me.
Then again there was a whole other side to her that the rest of the family had never seen. Maybe she had been too broken when I changed her. Maybe the fact that she was trying to end her life should have clued me in that something wasn't right. I thought it was just due to the fact the she was distraught from losing her child. But over the decades certain parts of her personality would come through that would make me wonder. There were times when she was unnecessarily cruel to me, and lashed out.
Once on our 50th wedding anniversary I had wanted to get away with just the two of us. So we went to New York. I had wanted to see some shows and sight see and be a normal young couple for a few days. When we got to the hotel I had candle's waiting with hundreds of flowers through out the room. I had even made the effort to bring packets of animal blood to use in the wine glasses. My own version of wining and dinning my wife. The second we hit the room she was out the door again telling me she wanted to get some shopping in. When she came back she informed me that she wasn't "in the mood." She spent the entire week shopping and basically avoiding me.
As I laid thinking about our relationship for God knows how long. I was hit with memory upon memory of times I had tried to be the ideal romantic husband. Sure I may not have talked about my feelings or the passion I felt for her. But I at least tried to show her. Leaving her flowers, or notes. In the later years text messages. I always tried to suggest weekends or time away but she would say she didn't want to be away from the family that long. How could I have been so blind?
I knew it was going to take time to get over this. But with the help of my family I would. I would not doubt in this darkness what I had been taught in the light. I know that we are all refined by trials of fire and if we don't burn in the process we come out on the other side stronger and better for it. I had to believe that.
I could hear the family moving around downstairs but I just couldn't bring myself to join them yet. I was allowed some time to wallow and be numb after all my 80 year marriage just crumbled before my eyes. I did however listen to what was going on. I bolted upright on the bed when I heard shattering glass which was followed closely by Rose sneering about not wanting her in the house anymore. Not really sure what that was about. I laid back down and continued to listen as they cleaned in almost silence. My ears perked up when I heard Emmett ask if anyone knew how long this had been going on. A question I honestly wasn't sure I wanted answered.
After some light banter that I couldn't help but chuckle at, that's unexpected, I heard someone sigh. I am assuming that I am not going to like this answer.
It was Alice who proceeded to tell them what she knew.
"It has been going on for several years." She confirmed. There was a sudden upheaval.
"Why the hell didn't you say anything?" Emmett yelled in response.
"If you would calm down I will explain."
I heard the tale tell signs of a hand hitting the back of a head.
"Sorry, I'll try not to interrupt again."
"Thank you Em. Anyway, I didn't say anything because matters of the heart need to take their natural course. If I had tried to interfere earlier then it would have been detrimental to the future I currently see."
What future did she currently see?
"What future do you currently see?"
Thank you Edward.
"I can't tell you that. Like I said everything has to play out its natural course. If I see any danger or issues you know that I will tell you all. But at this point we just have to wait it out."
I could understand that. Alice didn't like to reveal futures preferring for us to go our own course unless it was going to cause harm or danger to come to the family. I tuned in to my children in the living room again.
"Jasper are you going to tell me what was going on with your thoughts earlier, they were….interesting." Edward must have seen something in his thoughts about the current situation. Of course Jasper would know more, being mated with the psychic had its advantages.
"Edward now is not the time, I will tell you later." Wow that was cryptic something else he picked up from his wife I am sure. She was always doing that elusive creepy stuff. Edward must have answered none verbally cause there was a long pause of silence.
"So what do we do now?" Bella asked. I couldn't wait for her to join us. She made Edward so happy and thank whatever God was out there that he had loosened up considerable in the last 2 years she had been in our life. Vampires don't change often but she had thoroughly changed him. They truly were my children.
When I had changed Edward I was so lonely for companionship of any kind so my selfish nature took over. For the longest time I had started to regret it has he got more and more despondent and lonely. Then finally after a hundred years he found his soul mate and I could no longer feel bad about damning him to this life. I was meant to turn him for he was meant to be with Bella.
The only one who I didn't truly see as a son or daughter was Jasper. In sixty years our relationship had developed into a deep friendship based on respect and admiration. I admired the way he overcame sixty years of bloodlust and violence and fought just as hard in this new life as he did in his old one. The only difference were the spoils he received in the fight. His new war, the one with himself, had allowed him to find a family and his humanity. Something that he deserved after all he had been through. He was truly beautiful inside and out.
For the second time that night I shot straight up in bed. Where the hell did that come from? I had never considered Jasper to be beautiful before. Damn my mind really was messed up right now.
I laid back down and lost myself in my mind for I don't know how long. It could have been hours or days. I remember hearing people come and go from the room on occasion. I could hear whispers and the others talking to me but I just wasn't ready to respond just yet. It was like I was in a vampire coma my mind was trying to process and heal itself.
I finally decided to remove myself from the bed and see what was going on with my family and how they were holding up. We had about 3 months until we were moving to Montana and if you asked me it couldn't come fast enough. We were waiting till Bella graduated from high school and telling Charlie that she was going on vacation with us for the summer before she went to Dartmouth with the rest of the kids. Where at some point we would fake her death and she would be officially an eternal part of the family.
I made my way back to the land of the living, figuratively speaking of course, and was surprised when I saw the whole family seated in the living room waiting for me. Alice must have seen this.
I entered the room unsure of myself for the first time in centuries.
"Umm…..Hh..hi." I stuttered out running my had through my hair.
"Sso how long have I..umm, how long have I been out of it?" I questioned looking around my family. Alice was in front of me in a flash crushing me in the a hug so tight if I were human I would have been dead in an instant. She pulled back and yanked me down on the couch between her and Jasper.
"You have been upstairs for about 5 days." She answered in a rush. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Five days I didn't expect it to be that long.
"Oh Wow umm, ok, so what's been going on. How is everyone holding up?" There were chuckles around the room and I looked at my family like they were crazy.
"Only you, Carlisle, would be worried about us after your 80 marriage just fell apart." Edward was shaking his head rubbing circles on Bella's back. "Don't worry about us we are doing ok, we are more worried about you."
I looked down feeling ashamed again. I had failed my family. I was suppose to be the strong leader, I was suppose to protect them from pain, I was suppose to be there for them, and I failed. I felt a finger under my chin pulling my head up and I was meet with the same eyes I fell into five days ago.
"Stop it Carlisle. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is not your fault and we are all old enough to be able to be on our own for a few days. You are allowed to be selfish on occasion." There were snickers at the old enough comment as Jasper let go of my chin but kept the eye contact for a long while.
"Sorry, I'm just not used to being so weak."
"You're not weak dad." Rose was kneeling in front of me. "She had us all fooled, well most all of us." She inclined her head to Alice who looked a little sheepish.
"I am sorry dad I should have told you what was going on but…." I shushed her with a hug.
"Alice you know I don't fault you for not telling me. I understand why you didn't. I might not have been ready to hear it years ago. If you had told me I may have been broken beyond repair then. You had to wait for things to unfold naturally. This way I know I will get through this. With my family I know I will heal and come out stronger." She nodded at me when I suddenly remembered something.
"Shit what about work!" I realized I have been cussing a lot more and surprisingly I didn't mind it that much.
"Don't worry dad, we called them and told them there was a family emergency and weren't sure when or if you would be back." Alice always planning. Wait if I would be back. We still had 3 months before the move.
"Wait if I would be back. What do you mean?"
"Well we were thinking that it might be a good idea for you to maybe get out of here for awhile change of scenery and all." Edward answered this time. I thought about it for a few minutes and the idea of leaving here did have a certain appeal to it. Going somewhere with out all the memories to keep plaguing me.
"Ok that actually sounds like a good idea. So where am I going and when?"
"Well we actually thought that you could just head out to the new Montana house. Jasper and Emmett will be going with you while Rose and I tie up all the loose ends here and wait for Bella and Edward to graduate."
"But then that means that Emmett and Jasper have to be separated from both of you that's not fair or right. Maybe I should just go visit the Denali's for a few month's." I didn't want to be responsible for separating mates one heartache in the family was enough.
"Actually I could do with sometime away from the old ball and chain if ya know what I mean big daddy C!" Oh Emmett, wait for it, here it comes, WHACK! Yup he will never learn.
"Ok that's all well and good, but what about Jasper?" Everyone was looking around not meeting my eyes. Something was up.
"Actually dad there is something we have to tell you." Alice took my hand. As I wait with baited breath for them to continue.
"What is going on?" I was starting to get nervous here.
"Well, dad, Jasper and I are getting a divorce."
"WHAT! Why? I don't understand. Please tell me this doesn't have anything to do with what happened with me and Esme? Whatever is going on we can work through it together. You can't give up." I can't believe what I was hearing. Jasper and Alice are perfect for each other. They don't seem too upset about i though.
"Carlisle, please calm down. This has nothing to do with what happened between you and Esme." I heard a scoff somewhere in the room but was too distracted to figure out who or why they did it.
"Then why I don't understand."
"Dad, Jasper and I were actually never romantically involved. It was all a show."
"Oh, that explains....wait what? Never involved? Why, I feel like I am missing something here."
"You have no idea." Edward said so quietly I almost missed it. But Jasper continued before I could ask about it.
"The thing is Carlisle, Alice and I always knew that we had mates out there and we weren't each others other half. We do love each other very much. But as best friends, siblings, not lovers. I owe her so much. She brought me here to a family. She showed me another way to live. She has done so much for me that I can't even explain right now." I looked between the two of them and for some odd reason I couldn't even begin to understand felt relief to hear that they weren't actually together. I really do think I am going crazy.
"Your not going crazy dad, you just need time. Everything will work out." Edward obviously knew more about this, and it was obvious I wasn't going to get more answers right now.
"Ok so we are going to have some male bonding in Montana?"
"As long as you don't bond while I'm around everything should be fine!" Emmett boomed. The whack that sounded through the house this time was almost deafening. I looked over and saw that not only had Rose thumped him on the head but Edward and Bella as well. Ok weird.
"Anyway, yes you are already packed and will be leaving in just a little bit." Ok this would be good, spend some quality time with the boys. Get my head on straight. Yes a long car ride and adventure in the wilderness was just what I needed. I have a feeling after this my life was never going to be the same again. I just hope that I am ready for the change.
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