Abandonment
"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34)
The cat let out a loud meow of protest and then head butted the woman sleeping on the bed. She awoke with a start, she stared bleary eyed at the cat. He was without doubt the most battered looking cat she'd ever seen, he was missing half an ear and his tail had a kink in it. Her mind groped its way towards the cat's name oh yes it was Aristotle that was his name. Really she must have words with Ed about choosing such a name to for this battered cat. She smiled as she remembered when Ed brought the cat home and how they all laughed at the newest member of the family. Her mind skidded to a stop as she remembered Edmund was gone - her heart cried out.
But Aristotle in a cat's singled minded way carried on rousing Susan to get up, he needed food now this minute. She stumbled now down the stairs stepping off the bottom step she turned left straight into the hall wall. Susan sighed she then turned right towards the kitchen. Would she ever get used to the professor cottage? No no it's not his home any more it was hers now since she'd sold the Finchley home – the Professor and Polly were gone a dull pain blossomed near her heart.
In the kitchen she fed Aristotle and after fixing herself a cup of coffee she wandered into the lounge and stopped by the dining table on it was an empty bottle of champagne and a half filled glass of very flat champagne. She sat at the table remembering when the professor had shown them the bottle it was for all of them he'd said to celebrate when Peter would completed his degree at university. Her heart seemed to stop as the pain of loss overwhelmed her again, her heart cried out – Peter was gone. Now her life felt as flat as the champagne left in the glass.
Aristotle ran into the lounge and meowed loudly to get Susan attention when she looked at him he ran back into the hall. Susan wearily stood up and went out she found Aristotle by the front door, he gave her one of those looks that said come on I want to go out open the door. Susan opened it and Aristotle ran through her legs causing her to stumble. As she regained her balance her eye were drawn to the lovely scented pink tea rose that climbed up the wall around the front door. The colour reminded her of the blush on Lucy cheeks, also she smiled it was the type of rose they had in Lucy garden in Nar... A sharp pain blossomed as if someone had driven a spear through her heart as she remembered that her baby sister Lucy was gone – the tears now ran down her cheeks.
She had to sit down as she could hardly breathe now, her heart was thudding as if it would burst. She started to remember all those lonely years, the pain she had since all her dear ones Peter Edmund and her darling little Lucy had gone. If only she had gained the courage to explain to all of them her siblings, Digby and Polly, Eustace and Jill why she'd forgotten about Narnia. For even now deep in her heart she knew it had been her home, her only true home the one place where she could be herself the true person she was Susan the Gentle of Narnia. She hadn't wanted to be a Queen she just wanted her home back. But it hadn't happened, a surge of anger overwhelmed her as she screamed silently in her mind "Aslan why have thou forsaken me and taken from me my loved ones"
The world seemed to stop and go silent for Susan, then a scented breeze blew towards her carrying the scent of woods she stood up and drew a deep breath a breath of Narnia of scent of Narnia and memories long suppressed, Her heart gave a leap of joy as she remembered. In wonder she realised she had not forgotten Narnia or Aslan it was still there in her heart and mind. She sighed as she sat on her doorstep as she acknowledged the reason why she hated to remember for it gave her too much pain. Then she frowned for despite what the others may have thought about her she'd never explained to them. The why, the reasons she didn't want to remember, she'd been proud to do that saying it was time to grow up put aside childish things. But what about them? She'd never thought about what her actions as she denied Narnia existence had done to them or what pain they carried after they had all been told they had learnt all they could from Narnia. That her memory faltered here as she tried to remembered a whispered conversation she heard between her siblings. Something, something about the Lion of Judah a picture they'd found in a book. Susan shook her head in sorrow as she contemplated her actions, towards her siblings no it was not the suitable behavior for her and now it was too late to say she was sorry.
Her head ached fiercely now she just couldn't think about this clearly right now. So much so she nearly missed the world that drifted on the breeze. Susan strained to hear the words,and finally she did "Once a King and Queen of Narnia always a King or Queen of Narnia" Susan sank down onto the doorstep as she absorbed the message it made her feel for the first time in years. What did she feel? She still felt abandoned and lonely without her family but for the first time since the loss of her dear ones she started to feel an some acceptance of her remaining behind and a tiny tendril of hope started to blossom in her cracked heart. As she turned to go back into the cottage to get some painkillers for her headache, she thought so maybe she was not a Queen here but she was still Susan the Gentle wasn't she? So what could she do here? That was something to think about once she got rid of this headache.
Outside in the garden Aristotle sat basking in the sun and for a minute it looked as if his eyes gleamed a golden colour ...
Note: I always felt Susan story was not finished and that it is a shame CS Lewis did not write about what happened to her.
