A/N: Chapter 4 of my drunken marriage fic, and I really am surprised as to how popular it got. Only three chapters and over 270 follows and 190 favs. Already my second most followed and favorited fic, only behind my great RvB/Halo crossover Agent Reach…wow.

Sorry for the relatively short chapters, too. But I'll try to get the ones in the future longer, especially with what I have planned out. This chapter contains a new villain apart from Cinder (one of my absolute favorite RT villains ever). But enough of my bullshitting.

A Drunken Marriage of Thievery

Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar.

*Chapter 4*

Cinder growled in annoyance when Roman entered her room, a fireball lighting up in her hands. "What is the meaning of this intrusion!? I thought I made it explicitly clear that I have no desire to be disturbed!" 'Impertinent pawn. I should burn him alive for barging in without so much as a knock to dignify his presence.'

Roman's green eyes lit up, and he put his hands up in mock surrender with a grit of his teeth. "Oh pardon me, Queen of the Criminal Underworld, I shall never intrude on you without permission again!" He searched in his white coat for a cigar and lit it, his feathered bowler drooping. "Please don't take my money as punishment! I barely make enough to get by!"

His snarky remark only infuriated the rave-haired woman, and her amber eyes glowed with anger. "Don't make me rip off your arms and use them to applaud your pitiful demise. You better start explaining why you entered my room when I told you that I don't want to be disturbed by your petty squabbles with the White Fang." 'I swear, if we didn't need those stupid animals to divert attention from our operation, I'd have Emerald steal every bit of lien and dust they have before wiping them out myself.'

She was annoyed that her best thief didn't respond to her calls, and apparently Mercury hadn't seen her since they had their argument the previous evening. 'Stupid girl better not have gotten caught. If she decides to spill, then I'll send Neo to eliminate her with lethal justice.'

"Well, I thought it would interest you to know that the Vale Council has sent out their favorite little blackbird to take us out," Roman answered coolly, puffing on his cigar. "Qrow Branwen. The same one who thwarted your predecessor's operations in Mistral."

His devilishly smug grin only grew when he saw Cinder start to boil with rage, and the stylish criminal pressed on, digging deeper. "And it seems as though your little green-haired friend got herself in quite the interesting predicament with some bumbling blonde idiot of a kid."

Roman pulled out a hardrive, and he swirled his cigar around to create a smoky serpent in front of his boss. "Maybe this will get all that sand out of your crotch. Oum knows you could use a laugh."

His laughter abruptly stopped when Cinder threw a fireball at him, and he ducked to avoid being hit by the intense flames. He got to his feet, grumbling as he dusted his jacket off. "Come on. I just got this damn thing cleaned. Don't go ruining it."

"Then don't open that floodgate you call a mouth," Cinder shot back, snatching the hardrive out of his hand. "Now, get out!" Roman looked like he wanted to throw a nasty retort, but the stylish gangster must have thought better of it once Cinder lit another ball of fire in her hand; the furious woman was not having it today, and the next snarky or sarcastic remark to leave Roman's lips would be the final straw for her.

"Fine, fine," Roman grumbled, backing out of her room. "I'll go make sure the White Fang are wrapping up the final stages of our plans. You don't happen to have any flea collars lying around, do you? Being around those animals makes me feel itchy."

"Get. Out."

"Okay! Sheesh…"

Roman shut the door behind him, still grumbling about having to deal with the White Fang. Cinder didn't care for his petty little squabbles with the terrorist group; she had much more important things to worry about. Like her best thief trying to leave the criminal underworld behind. 'Just who does that child think she is!? I'll rip her to pieces if she even thinks about trying to get out.'

She furiously slammed the tiny hardrive into her scroll, brushing her hair back to see just what Roman meant. The video was hazy at first, but the scene eventually cleared up. And when she saw it, her amber eyes were livid.

Emerald was wearing a white gown and sloppily kissing some dorky blonde boy, both of them drunkenly laughing and wearing matching rings on their hands. Cinder's eyes twitched and bulged, and her fist tightened around her scroll, crushing it. "THAT LITTLE BITCH GOT MARRIED!?"

She threw the remnants of her scroll at the wall in fury, her breaths coming out fast. She was shocked at not only the realization that Emerald was trying to leave, but also at how furious it made her. Cinder knew that she had little patience and tolerance for failure, but not even Roman's snarky remarks or attempts to hit on her pushed her over the edge like this.

Cinder took a deep breath, her knuckles still white. 'I'm not going to be able to take care of this efficiently if I'm this angry. A cool head will allow me to deal with the problem methodically and smoothly.'

A flicker of movement and sound of breaking glass caught her attention, and she smiled ruefully when she saw her favorite little assassin admiring the scene, sitting cross-legged on a small chair. "Hello, Neo. And how long have you been eavesdropping on me?" 'Should've known that she would be here.'

Long enough the petite mute signed. She twirled her umbrella in her hand, clicking the button to extend the sword hidden inside. Do you wish for me to eliminate her?

'Such loyalty. I should make sure she's richly rewarded for her efforts.' Cinder nodded, brushing out a wrinkle on her red dress. "Yes. Your target is only that little traitor, but I have no qualms about you killing the boy if you deem it necessary. Payment will be doubled if you do it without anyone seeing the act."

Neo licked her lips at the thought of extra lien for a stealthy murder, and she stood up, spinning her preferred weapon of choice in her hands elegantly. As you wish, Mistress

Neo vanished with a whisper of a noise, and Cinder stalked over to where the remains of her scroll lay. The hardrive itself was still in one piece, and she plucked it from the shards of material before grabbing her second device. In her line of work, it was always important to have a backup.

'Don't throw this one at the wall,' she scolded herself, sliding the drive in. The screen loaded, and this time, she forced herself to watch Emerald kissing the blonde boy. 'Keep it under control. There may be something else in here.' And she was right.

For the person who married them was none other than the huntsman who took down her predecessor in Mistral, Qrow Branwen.

'Dammit! I'm going to kill him!' She ignited flame in her hand again, and she stormed out of her room, startling a pair of armed guards on her way downstairs. Roman only left a few minutes ago and couldn't have gotten far.

Her amber eyes quickly found him arguing with a fox Faunus, and she stalked over, her heels clicking on the floor. "ROMAN!"

Roman whirled around, and for the first time, his green orbs flashed in fear as he laughed nervously. "Eh, hehe…I take it you aren't pleased with what you saw?"

Cinder shoved him against the wall, one hand squeezing him by the throat while her flame-cloaked hand was precariously close to a certain part of his anatomy. "Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't have Neo dump your rotting carcass in a swamp and let a pack of Beowolves feast on your entrails. You neglected to mention that the person who held the wedding ceremony was the same damn one who is trying to take us down!" 'Treacherous little snake!'

Roman coughed, squirming and trying to move his crotch as far away from the witch's fire as he could to no avail. He eventually managed to gasp out a reply, sweat dripping from his face. "Y-you would've reacted the same way regardless! And do you really think Branwen is going to let his one source of information walk around without backup? He's probably watching over them as security!"

Cinder hissed and released him, smacking him across the face with the back of her hand. "Well go out there and make sure Neo doesn't get caught. If you fail me…let's just say no one will be able to tell if the body is yours or not."

She stalked off, and pulled out her scroll to inform a fellow mobster, who went by the name 'Mad King'. "Mad King, it's Cinder. Things are not going particularly well in Vale and may need a little help." 'I hate dealing with him. But I cannot afford things to get out of hand and risk everything fall apart.'

Cinder and the Mad King had a really rough history, being former partners in Mistral before Qrow brought everything down. The Mad King wasn't able to stay out of prison while Cinder was, and that led to him believing that she was the reason he had to sit in a glass box for two years.

"Why hello there. To what do I owe this pleasure?" the Mad King asked silkily, adjusting his kilt and putting his crooked crown on his head.

"I said I need your help. Use your ears."

"How completely desperate you must be to turn to me for assistance," the Mad King smirked, folding his arms behind his back. His longsword hung on his waist, but the weapon was deceiving; the Mad King rarely ever raised his blade in battle.

No, he preferred to use his greatest weapon to sway people from even attempting to take up arms against him. His words. Cinder hated to admit it, but the man was very good when it came to the art of persuasion and speech; the Mad King had the power to both stop and start wars with a simple speech.

"I need your help in dealing with the one who brought down the Corpirate's operation in Mistral, and I don't have time for your little games," Cinder hissed irritably. Her patience was thinning again, and she really was starting to regret ever being associated with the Mad King.

"Oh, but I do. I have all the time in the world," the Mad King sneered. "You think flexing your power like this is sending people running with their tails between their legs? You only make them think twice about your leadership. I make them obey."

"You can choose to be helpful, or you can be a pain."

"Don't try and play me. I saw the look in your eyes when you called. I am the last person you wanted to speak to, and for good reason. You're in way deeper than you ever believed possible."

"Great observation. Can we just get down to the problem at hand?" Cinder growled, feeling frustrated. "Qrow Branwen is intent on hunting us down, and my best thief just got married to some idiotic blonde kid under Branwen's eye. I have good reason to believe that Emerald will spill all sorts of information, and I need your help to make sure they don't succeed in escaping. Even with Neo going to eliminate them."

"Oh, dearest Cinder. You are being far too hasty with your decisions," the Mad King smirked. "Don't you know that you must indulge in the theatrics of tying up loose ends? After all…there is always a second act. You must make them suffer. Make them fall to their knees begging for you to make their demise painless and efficient. Sending out assassins can lead to many complications. No, you must finish this duty slowly, methodically."

"..I hate you. But you know what? You're right. Killing them off so soon will not be good for business," Cinder sighed. "I'll play with them from a distance. Create the fantasy that they are safe, when in reality, death will always be a skip away." 'Dammit. I hate it when he's right about things like this. But he's been playing this game longer than anyone I know.'

"There's a good girl," the Mad King cooed teasingly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to murder my second guard in a two week span." He ended the call, and Cinder scrolled through her contacts to send a quick message to Neo, calling off the assassination for now; the ice cream-themed girl wouldn't like it, but it was for the best, as the Mad King said. 'Oh, Mad King…'

'Quite the manipulative devil indeed. You have turned out to be one damn good asset to our goddess.'

-0-

Jaune noticed that Emerald was looking around nervously a lot as they walked from his spouse's home to the airfield, and he gave her a quizzical look. "Hey, are you okay? You seem a little jumpy." 'It's like she's expecting an attack at any moment. To make sure she can't talk?'

"Don't you think it's a little…too quiet?" Emerald defended. "There's no way Cinder doesn't know about this. She has eyes and ears all over the city; nothing happens without her knowing."

"I know," Qrow grumbled from the front, reaching for his flask to take a swig. "That's why I'm going to get you two somewhere safe. Somewhere the likes of Cinder wouldn't think to look. And I have the perfect spot in mind. The founder of the place is a little fishy at best, but his two second-in-commands are both trustworthy and smart. Not to mention they owe me a few favors."

"Jeez, does everyone owe you favors?" Jaune muttered, not trying to be subtle. "What did you do, bang their teammates and babysit for them?"

"Woah, I've only slept with one person in recent memory, and that was an Atlesian Specialist. Don't go accusing me of stuff now."

"Recent memory? By recent, you mean since you were last in a state of intense intoxication? That was only what, a day ago?"

"Maybe. You can call me a dusty old bird if you want, but I still have moves and charm. Not to mention experience. Something you two are seriously lacking," Qrow retorted. He stopped at the airfields, squinting as he saw someone running towards them. "Hey, Blondie! Is that your friend who you said would be waiting for us?"

Jaune strained his eyes, and he nodded when they came into view. "Yep. That's him alright." 'He's on time. Well, Ren did have a thing for being punctual; I can't forget the time he dragged Nora across the school to make sure she didn't miss class.'

Ren ran up to them with Jaune's suitcase in hand, his black hair disheveled from having sprinted the entire way. "Here. I got what you asked for."

He handed it over, doubling over with several wheezing gasps, and Jaune planted a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Thanks Ren. I owe you one." 'Always knew I could trust him. Normal friends fade away. But real ones like this remain forever.'

Ren stood back up, his pink eyes calm. "I'd do anything for a friend, Jaune." His gaze glanced over Emerald briefly, and his lips curved upwards. "Nice choice, too. I hope you two keep strong through everything."

"Hey, kids!" Qrow had already flagged down an airship and was waving over to them. "This bird's not going to wait forever!"

Jaune rolled his eyes, and he gave Ren a fist-bump. "Do me one last favor, okay? Keep an eye on them. All of them." 'It's asking much, but I don't want them to tear themselves to pieces over this situation.'

"You have my word. I'd better hurry back before Nora causes another food riot. I'll see you later, Jaune."

Ren turned and headed back to Beacon, and Emerald looked around again as if it seemed far too good to really be true. "I can't believe it. When you said he was a true friend and loyal to the end, I didn't think you were serious. But there it was. True friendship. Someone who you can always trust." She looked down, red gaze drooping. "I never knew what it was like."

"Well, hey," Jaune slowly gave her an embrace, a small smile on his lips. "You can always trust me. Now let's get on that ship before Qrow gets drunk with the pilot and tries to sleep with them. I still don't believe that crappy glory story of his." 'Nope. I refuse to believe his entire team did…that. That's taking team bonding to a whole new level.'

"What, about his team having an orgy?"

"…yes."

Emerald laughed at his reaction, and the blonde couldn't blame her; he probably did look funny when he was embarrassed. And hearing Qrow's story made him grateful that he wasn't alone on this voyage to the mystery safe haven. 'At least someone is here to help me deal with the mental strain.' "Yeah, yeah. Feel free to jab at your husband for being embarrassed at the thought of group sex."

The two lovebirds hurried onto the airship, and Qrow was already sitting down with a glass of Scotch in hand. He swirled the glass around, the ice clinking, and he pushed his bangs back. "Took ya long enough. Let's get a move on; the sooner we get out of Vale, the better."

"Where exactly are we going?" Jaune dared to ask. "For the love of Oum, please don't let it be someplace where you claim to have slept with someone." 'I don't think I can deal with another one of his damn stories. Oh, the 'mastery of words' he possesses…'

"It's a place that's tucked away. And perfect for you two to stay while I do my own work," Qrow smirked.

Jaune really didn't want to know where it was. He already had a feeling he knew the place the drunken birdman was talking about, too.

It was going to be a very…interesting honeymoon.

A/N: In case no one gets it, Mad King is from X-Ray and Vav, and the place Qrow mentioned? Oh, it gets even worse for our Green Knight couple. Do we have an actual name for this ship yet?

And don't worry; this won't be a pure humor fic. I have a couple of really fucked up ideas for the future, and they may make you want to burn me at the stake.