A/N: I'm not sure where to begin to explain my very VERY VERY long absence. All I can say is… I'm sorry. I broke out into the author side for a while and I guess when I hit writers block I just dissolved back into the world of the reader. I remembered how much I LOVED reading the stories and how much you know, less pressure was involved. I moved away from The Hunger Games for a while as well. Well, technically I still don't read Hunger Games fanfiction anymore. Not at the moment anyway. I'm slightly obsessed (okay totally obsessed) with the Pacey and Joey world of Dawson's Creek, if any of you even know what that is. Late 90's early 21st century tv show. It's amazing, real life changer. It's on Netflix, check it out. But if you're not team Pacey and Joey… don't talk to me. Lol. Enough about that and why I'm really back. I noticed that every time I got really into a story the author never seemed to come back. I got so angry and was like, "OH MY GOD! NO! DON'T LEAVE! THE STORY WAS SO FLIPPING GOOD! UGH!" I hated that authors would just abandon their stories like that. Then I was like… "Brandi… you're doing the same thing. Not just with one story but THREE!" Long story short, I read your reviews, I know you want me to update! It's so much harder than it looks being the writer and not the reader. So I took the coward way out, and I apologize!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hunger Games. Get it? Got it? Good.
Chapter 4:
When we get back to the apartment Peeta is still pretty shaken up. Why? I'm not too sure. But he can't even sit still. He's an emotional mess.
"Peeta, stay with me tonight." I plead him.
"What?" He stops pacing and looks up at me through his tears.
"Stay in my room with me. I don't want you alone tonight. You're scaring me. I'm afraid of what you might do if I leave you alone. I can't let you be alone." Thoughts of my mother force their way into my brain and I panic further. "PLEASE PEETA. Stay with me." I whisper the last three words. My voice hoarse.
"Always." Peeta says and makes his way to me, kissing my forehead.
Once we enter my room Peeta releases my hand. He backs up into the door.
"Maybe… maybe this isn't a good idea. You're with Gale, Katniss." His eyes show nothing but panic.
"Right. I'm with Gale. But you're my best friend, Peeta. Something is obviously bothering you. Now come over here and tell me what's wrong." I sit down on my bed and gesture for him to do the same.
He slowly walks over to me. He kicks off his shoes and sits Indian style on my bed. I do the same. Once we're content and facing each other I grab both of his hands.
"Talk." I plead.
He looks up at me with such sad and distant eyes… the same eyes my mother used to look at me with, or rather through me.
"I just don't want to hurt you." He whispered.
"You didn't hurt me." I insist.
"But-"
"No buts. You didn't hurt me. That's final." I say, taking his face into my hands.
"I don't want to be her." He cries out before yanking away from me and rolling onto his back.
"Be who?" I question, staring down at him.
"Her." He says with venom in his voice. I cower at it. "My mother."
"Your mother?"
"Or birth giver. Whatever title is more appropriate." He smirks.
"Did she… this giver of birth… did she hurt you?" I ask skeptically.
"Only all day every for 14 years."
I gasp. How could someone lay a hand on him? This… this sweet boy. I've never heard him utter a foul word about anyone. He sees the best in all. If I were him… I would never trust another soul for as long as I live. Who am I kidding, I already don't trust people. But my mother… my birth giver… that was a different form of abuse.
"My mother abandoned me."
"What?" He sits up to face me.
"She checked out emotionally after… uhm… after my father died." I coughed out.
"Katniss, I'm so-"
"Stop. None of that pity stuff. I've had enough for a lifetime."
"I just never knew."
"No one does except Gale, Haymitch, and Prim of course."
"What happened? Where did she go?"
"She killed herself." I whisper.
Peeta remains silent. He just grabs my hand and squeezes.
"When he died she checked out. She just stared at walls and never spoke. Poor Prim didn't understand. She just held her at night and talked to her. She didn't realize that mom couldn't hear her. I had to feed my own family for years. That's how I met Gale. He was in the same boat as I was. We both lost our fathers to the same mining accident. I know... I know… who mines anymore? I assure you people still do. We were both trying to take care of our families. Three years after my father's death my mother overdosed. She just left us. GOD! SHE WAS SO SELFISH PEETA!" I screamed.
Peeta slowly reached up and wiped away tears I didn't even know I was shedding.
"You moved in with Haymitch after that didn't you?" He asked.
I nodded.
"You're so strong."
"No, I'm not."
"I could have never done what you did. Taken care of my family like that? That took courage to step in like that."
"It's family. You're supposed to do those things for your family."
"Yeah, well my family wasn't exactly what you would like to call functional. There was no love there. My parents didn't love each other. My mother didn't love any of us. My father tried his best, but he never really tried to get to know his kids. My brothers and I weren't really brothers. We were roommates. My mother hated me the most though. Hit me from the age of four till the day I moved out. She told me I was a waste of space, that I was disgraceful, an annoyance, a misfit, an embarrassment to the family. Ha, boy was she right." He smiled sadly.
"Why would you say that? You're one of the best people that I know." I gasped.
"Likewise Katniss."
He stared into eyes. Into my soul right then. In that moment… I could swear I knew every thought he ever had. Like I could just read him in that look. It was madness.
We both laid down together. Him behind me, my back tucked into his chest.
"Goodnight Katniss." He kissed the back of my hair.
"Goodnight Peeta." I never released his hand.
A/N: Short chapter I know! I just want to know how many people are still with me on this story before I continue.
