Chapter IV
"Yeah!"
Raphael, the turtle mostly known for his ill temperament, found himself enjoying last night's wrestling for a morning treat. He had been nice and let Donnie check out something on the Discovery Channel, as long as he got to record his wrestling match. He so loved DVR. The day had been going fairly well – he had woken earlier than normal, but he didn't feel especially tired. Mikey was singing and jabbering away in the kitchen making breakfast, Leo was training himself to death, again, and though he had no idea what it was Donnie did in his room all morning, there were pros and cons to it. Cons as he thought spending all of one's time on the computer was unhealthy, but pros, it did get him videos he may never be able to buy and of course, the DVR. Sometimes, his little brother amazed him.
Not that he would ever tell him that.
The normalcy of the day was broken in that moment, by Michelangelo, of course.
"Holy halibuts, Batman!" the younger turtle cried, running into the living room like a maniac. "Zombies have taken over the world! Oh Lordy, Lordy! What we gonna do?"
"First," Raph replied, turning around to look at his younger brother. "You're going to calm down and talk right. Secondly, what the shell are you talking about?"
"I heard it on the news, Raph," Mikey sputtered, breathing heavily as though he just ran a marathon. "Zombies! Eating people. We're doomed!"
"What's he screaming about?" Leo asked, looking at Mikey.
"Something about zombies."
"Zombies?" The ringing of the main line caused Leo to make a wide berth around his hyperventilating brother in order to answer. "Hey Professor," Leo answered, before his face took on a thoughtful look. "That's weird. Yeah, I'll let them know. Well…we'll see. Bye." Heading back to the couch, the leader replied, "That was the Professor. Apparently there have been a rash of…body snatchings lately, all of dead homeless people."
"That's not right," Raph said, jumping off the couch and heading towards Donnie's room. "I'll get Donnie, you start up the Battle Shell."
"For what?"
"We're hunting us some zombies," Raph said, huge grin on his face.
"Right now!?" Leo asked. "But…but…it's all…light and stuff outside. And…and…you know what Master Splinter says. The light is our enemy and it's scary and…and scary stuff happens."
"When did you become the baby?" the red branded turtle asked, turning to knock and then open his little brother's door. "Hey Don," he said. "Sorry to bother, but how'd you like to go zombie chasing with us?"
"Right now?" the turtle whined. "But it's only nine and that's Don Don time!"
"It's the Professor," Raph started. "Some of the guys look to be in real trouble."
Donnie sighed dramatically. "Fine!" he huffed. "Not like I wanted to something or anything today."
"Well, hey buddy," his brother perked. "We can stop by the junkyard on the way back. Get ya something nice."
"Promise?"
"Yeah. Now, come on. Zombies wait for no man."
"So we hop in the Battle Shell and cruise over to that Jules chick's place…"
A busty woman greeted them as they walked in. Raph nodded to the Professor, who shook Donnie's hand before motioning towards the nurse, one Juliene Duffy. "I'm so glad you could come," she replied, her voice deep and seductive. Raph had to admit the girl was cute, though he wasn't really into red heads. Reminded him of April too much; however he could clearly see the spell had been cast on his two younger brothers. "I found him," the woman sighed. "And I didn't know what to do and…I wondered who would protect me."
"I will," Donnie said, moving closer to the nurse.
"I will," Mikey replied, also moving closer to the nurse.
"No thank you," Leo said, politely. "Is this the body?"
"Yes," Jules breathe, removing the white sheet. "He's just as I found him."
"Oooh!" Mikey exclaimed, seeing the shirt the homeless man wore. "Fancy!"
"You haven't done nuttin to him?" Raph asked, looking over the body casually.
"No," Jules said. "The Professor thought it best to wait. You know how those horrid officers of the law are. They'd just go traipsing through my office and putting their dirty hands in my drawers."
Two of four turtles looked at the woman in stunned silence. "I'd like to go through your drawers," Donnie whispered, completely entranced. "Files! I meant files. I was thinking files."
"I wasn't," Mikey grinned.
"At first I thought he may have died a natural death," Jules began. "But I couldn't find any outward signs that would confirm that. And then, I found this." She held up the man's arm and the four were surprised to find a large bite mark and some of the man's flesh was gone.
"Case closed," Mikey nodded. "Zombie."
"Forgive him," Donnie chuckled. "He's an idiot. It's clear to me that we're dealing with some nutjob, who just happens to think he's a zombie by exhibiting cannibalistic tendencies. Zombies aren't real."
"I beg to differ there, bro," Raph said. "There are several types of zombies, though not in the movie sense that everyone is probably thinking. People in Haiti have always believed and even used some form of black magic or voodoo in practice. There are some types of drugs that will induce the appearance, if you will, of someone as a zombie. Legends have gone as far back as ancient centuries where people believe you could bring back the dead. Isn't that, after all, what Frankenstein is based on?"
Leo looked at his immediate younger brother. "It disturbs me that you know so much about that," he said, raising an eye ridge.
"If there's a point Raphael," Donnie said, smiling at Jules. "Please feel free to make it."
"My point," Raph stressed. "Is that while we may be actually dealing with some sort of zombie outlet, it's probably a mere case of someone wanting or believing themselves to be a zombie, by eating people's flesh. Gross, I know, but…" the turtle trailed off as he noticed the state of the man's shoes. "You said you brought him in just the way you found him?" he asked, to which both the Professor and Jules nodded. "Then why are his shoelaces untied?"
"That's been mentioned in every retelling," Donnie interrupted. "Why exactly are his shoelaces important?"
"Getting to that," Raph said, continuing. "So while we left you to do an autopsy, the three of us and Jules went to the cemetery."
"Why are we at a cemetery?" Mikey asked, quivering in the back.
"Mikey, you should know," Raph said, taking a look out the window. "Zombies, like vampires, have a special bond with cemeteries. It's a likely place for them to gather if need be."
"Oh geez! Oh geez!" Leo fretted. "We're out in the open, anyone can see us. Oh, God what was that?"
"Why are cemeteries important?" Jules asked. "It's just full of icky dead people."
"Right on, sister!" Mikey exclaimed.
"In cultures that believe in the thought of zombies," Raph began. "It's typical for them to have their start right here, in a cemetery. The ritual is to have the newly deceased rise from the grave. We may not be able to get anything during the day, but I just have a feeling that our killer is going to visit here at some point."
"That's when that Bobby Lawless guy showed up outta nowhere," Raph continued. "I mean, seriously. Who orders a pizza at like nine thirty in the morning?"
"Raph?" Leo asked. "The shoelaces?"
"I'm gittin' there, I'm gittin' there," the red branded turtle replied. "So we headed back here and I thought it would be a perfect time to hit the streets."
They were in the sewers heading home when the idea struck Raph. "Hey," he said, stopping his two brothers. "Idea. I'll call Casey and we'll hit the streets, see if anyone knows something about this. You two see what you can find."
"But…but…" Leo whined. "It's cold and I'm frightened and the Foot are after me!"
"Oh for the love of…" Raph complained, rolling his eyes. "You got Mikey!" His older brother just looked at him. "Alright," he sighed. Pulling out a string with some bottle caps on them, he held it in front of their baby brother. "Hey Mikey!" he said, sounding excited. "Look! Look! Want it? Huh? You want the shiny things? Yeah? Go get it!" He tossed the bottle cap string off in the distance and watched as Mikey frantically ran to fetch them.
"There," Raph replied. "That should buy you some time. Think of something, Fearless."
"So while I left Mikey and Leo in the sewers, I hit up my man Casey Jones."
"Hey Raphie," Casey Jones asked, his head turning this way and that. "Why'd you bring me to a cemetery? This ain't the way to win my heart, you know?"
"Shut up," Raph growled. "We're looking for any disturbed graves or headstones."
"Again, why?"
"Typically zombies start here," Raph continued. "In a cemetery. We're gonna either find evidence of someone coming back to life or someone trying to do a ritual of bringing someone back to life."
"Raph, man," Casey sighed, shaking his head. "You know it's creepy that you know so much about zombies."
"I ain't a little chicken shit like Mikey," the red turtle huffed. "I can actually make it through zombie movies. And despite what Donnie thinks, I actually do listen to him and whatever he's watching on the History Channel." Stopping in conversation, Raph pulled out a small plastic bag and began throwing the contents on the ground.
"The fuck, man?"
"Zombies are like any horror monster," Raph said, continuing to throw out what looked like paper clips. "Though closer to vampires for their nocturnal noshes, you know? One thing that's true though is that zombies are OCD. Throw paper clips at them, they gotta stop to pick them up. They see a knot, they gotta undo it. That's what I think happened with our dead guy too." The ringing of Raph's shell cell caused the two to jump slightly. Answering, Raph said, "Speak."
"Raphael?"
"Sup, Professor."
"I hope you'll forgive the intrusion, dear boy," the homeless man replied. "I just talked to Donatello and he thought you might be of some assistance."
"What's the dealio?"
"A couple of vagrants were near that abandoned RV park on the edge of town," the Professor said. "They say there's a runaway car down there. They weren't sure what to make of it."
"No worries, Case and I are on it."
"So Casey and I hit that RV park and see this trailer just spinnin' outta control."
"Someone's a bad driver," Casey joked.
"Funny."
"Whatcha thinkin'?" asked the vigilante. "Knock the tires out?"
Pulling a few shurikens from his side, Raph grinned. "Let's do this."
"Skipping ahead…"
"Well, wait," Donnie said. "Why skip ahead?"
"Yeah, Raphie," egged on Mikey. "What happened when you got to the RV park?"
It was clear that something so profound had happened to make Raphael hesitant to talk about what happened. "FYI, alright," he muttered. "Shooting the tires out on a moving trailer is a lot harder than you would think. So me and Casey tried a different approach…"
This was probably the dumbest and reckless idea he'd ever had. And Hamato Raphael knew dumb ideas – his brother Mikey was full of them – he even knew a thing or two about being reckless. Hell, he hung out with Casey on a regular basis. It was expected of them to be a bit reckless and dumb. But this…well, trying to stop a runaway trailer by hanging on the back of it wasn't the smartest thing they had ever done.
If he came back with so much as a scratch, Donnie would kill him.
"Finally it stopped. And of course, when we go inside to check things out, we see another body. This one was by far the worst, cause there were just bite marks everywhere it seemed. How this guy got into this car, I don't know, but I knew it was something important. So, heading back home, I was achey and tired and kinda hungry cause I skipped lunch and then dinner I guess. Well, anyway, there's when I ran into Donnie…"
"Whadda mean I gotta do another autopsy!?" the brainy turtle exploded. Raphael had stumbled with dignity into his brother's lab and had a seat on one of the tables. His brother had obviously been holding out on them as he was comfortably seated in a nice, black massage chair. Well, he had been comfortable until Raph told him about the body they discovered.
"I was on my feet all day doing an autopsy!" the rant continued. "I do this stuff all for you guys, Raph! I haven't even eaten yet! I had like one cup of coffee and a piece of toast with butter for breakfast! And it wasn't even real butter! It was like lite butter that didn't even taste like butter and then stupid Mikey drank my creamer, so I didn't even get my Irish Cream in my coffee. And Irish Cream is always saved for special days of Don Don!"A small pause. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Eventually, you left."
"And don't touch my chair!"
"I think I may have fallen asleep, cause the next thing I know, Donnie's calling me and saying the killer is after Leo. So I get my bike and hurry over, you know? I get there, throw out a couple of shuriken that missed and take after the guy," Raph took a breath before continuing. "I could see it as he went past that he had blood around his mouth. So I went after him and…yeah."
"There's a whole load of information everyone has skipped over," Leo replied, shaking his head.
"Okay big brother," Donnie said, crossing his arms over his plastron. "You've heard our stories. What about yours?"
"Yeah!"
"Alright," Leo began. "As you've all mentioned, Master Splinter had given us a free day prior to his departure. However, even with our new found hiatus, that doesn't mean we need to forgo our training. I had gotten up early in order to practice…"
