Disclaimer: I do not own ATLA.
Chapter 4
Zuko woke with heavy eyes, and a heavy heart, at the false dawn. His chest felt like it had been kicked by a komodo rhino, all his insides stabbed with a dull knife that had been twisted for good measure. The anxiety he felt when he tried to put himself to sleep gnawed at his heart until his exhaustion finally took over. The very thought of Aang confronting him made his head spin with the fear of the Avatar's wrath.
Forcing himself out of his bed, Zuko stretched and left his room, heading for the sanctuary for early morning meditation. Anything he could do to clear his mind. He was going to be leaving that afternoon to head back to the Fire Nation, so he decided to go ahead and meditate and train before breakfast with his friends.
The entire island was silent, save a chirp or two from birds. Zuko passed the stables on the way to the sanctuary and decided to stop and pay Appa a visit. It had been a while since he visited the bison, and a little greeting was warrented. When he stepped through the door, he found that he wasn't alone. Aang was laying against one of Appa's legs, fast asleep.
At first, Aang looked like the twelve year old who saved the world all those years ago, curled up on his pet's leg and snoring with his mouth wide open. Zuko had to stop himself from laughing, but decided instead to wake the airbender.
"Aang," he kicked the younger man in the shin. He didn't budge. Zuko groaned and knelt down in front of Aang, then shook his shoulder. "Aang, wake up."
The Avatar slowly opened his eyes and focused on Zuko, sat up and rubbed his hands down his face as he mumbled, "Hi, Zuko."
"Why are you sleeping on Appa?"
Aang shook his head and leaned forward, cradling in face in his palms. "Katara and I had a fight."
Zuko sat on the hay-strewn ground and propped his elbow on his upright knee. "You want to talk about it?"
Although the Fire Lord already knew what happened, as a friend to Aang he couldn't help but be a confidant and a shoulder to lean on. Aang lifted his head and stared into Zuko's eyes, as if he was trying to find the right words to say. It made Zuko feel uncomfortable, but he tried to not convey that in his expression.
Aang took a deep breath and shook his head, "No, it's nothing."
Zuko smiled softly and stood, brushing dirt off his clothes. He extended his arm to the Avatar and jerked his head to the door. "Let's go meditate. I was on my way there anyway."
Aang looked up and smiled in return, airbending himself to his feet and brushing off his robes. He nodded and the two men left the stables and walked together to the sanctuary.
"Are you excited to go home?" Aang asked as they crossed the courtyard.
Zuko shrugged and sighed, "For the most part. I need to take care of some economic issues. I'm surprised the council even let me leave for this. But I guess being Fire Lord and one of the reasons the war ended has its advantages. And this technically was a visit that could be called 'Fire Lord business'."
Aang chuckled slightly and stopped walking suddenly. Zuko turned and looked at the airbender as he stared blankly into the distance.
"Aang?"
"When you found out Mizzou was pregnant, how did you feel?"
Zuko walked back to his friend's side and led him to the edge of the cliff. They both sat and looked out to the sea. Taking a deep breath, Zuko shrugged again and shook his head. "I was scared. I've always had the fear that I'm going to end up like Ozai. And the thought of being a father terrifies me. But I was excited at the same time. Knowing that my baby was going to join the world soon is one of the most thrilling things I have ever felt."
Aang nodded slowly and sighed, "Why don't I feel like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know… I'm excited but… It's the same excitement I felt when you told us Mizzou was expecting. It's not as intense as I thought it would be."
Zuko stared intently to the sea and breathed in the salty air. He felt this was a good time to channel his inner Iroh, so he stated sagely, "A woman becomes a mom the minute she becomes pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he meets the child. It's normal to feel this way."
"I don't know, Zuko. This feels different."
"Is this about your fight with Katara?"
Aang lowered his gaze to his lap and shrugged heavily, again looking like the twelve-year-old Zuko remembered. "Maybe. She's keeping something from me, I know it."
Zuko remained silent as he kept his gaze to the shore beneath them. Aang's voice was pained, and his eyes hurt. He knew Katara betrayed him, but he didn't know how much. It hurt Zuko to know that he was the cause of Aang's torment, whether the airbender knew it or not.
"I know you guys are friends again… But I want to know why you were fighting before."
Zuko bristled slightly and then took a calming breath. Aang still kept his gaze on his lap, so he couldn't see Zuko's fear to reveal what happened. Luckily the Fire Lord had been taking lying lessons from his sister and Toph, so perhaps he could fool the Avatar. Though he didn't want to, not really.
"I had said something to her and it made her mad. I don't want to go into details but it was along the lines of 'I'm the Fire Lord and you're just a water peasant. My word is final.' I don't exactly remember, it was a long time ago."
Zuko chuckled nervously and waited for Aang's response, but the Avatar remained quiet.
"It was foolish of me to say something like that, knowing how Katara held grudges. But she came to me, because Iroh was worried about me. You know how she is, even if she hates someone, she will help them."
"She never hated you," Aang whispered, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"What?"
Aang lifted his head and locked eyes with Zuko, "Every year at the anniversary, I tried to get her to talk to you but she thought you were mad and didn't want to talk."
Zuko shook his head and smiled slightly. "You know how stubborn we both are…"
Aang's eyebrows furrowed and he focused more on the firebender, causing him to feel slightly uneasy. "That's pretty much what she said."
Zuko just stared back, not answering the Avatar. He felt his heart rate pick up and his hands begin to sweat. This was it. Zuko prepared for Aang to go all Avatar State on him and blow him clear off the cliff side.
After a few moments of tense silence, Aang broke the eye contact and looked back out to the sea. He sighed, "I'm worried about her. She won't tell me what's going on."
"Just let her tell you when she's ready," Zuko said as he awkwardly patted his friend on his shoulder. "She will know when it's right to say something. For now, let's go meditate and spar. Sound good?"
The airbender nodded and they both stood and walked in companionable silence to the sanctuary.
"Are you sure you have to leave so soon?"
Zuko laughed at Toph's whiny voice and embraced her in a tight hug. "Yes, I'm sure. My country needs me," he pulled away and patted her head. "But I'll try to come back soon. You should come visit me sometime." He looked at everyone. "All of you should once Mizzou has the baby."
A murmur of agreement went through the group as Zuko kissed Toph on her temple. He moved to Sokka, grasping his forearm then pulling him into a hug, patting his back in the process. The Fire Lord then hugged Suki, kissing her temple as well. He hugged Aang, then squeezed the monk's shoulder.
"I'll be there as soon as you send me a hawk," the younger man said with a wide smile.
"We'll send them all out as soon as she goes into labor, Aang," Zuko grinned. "And I expect you to babysit, too."
Aang slumped his shoulders and looked dejected, "I guess…"
"You need practice, bud," Zuko pointed out, then shook his friend's hand and looked over his shoulder. Katara was standing behind Aang, arms crossed and smiling sadly at him. He walked around the Avatar and approached her. He returned her sad smile and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She squeezed his waist and inhaled against his chest.
"I'll miss you," she whispered.
"Don't be a stranger," he murmured back. "You need to visit me as much as you can." He pulled away and leaned down to look in her eyes. "Everything will be okay."
Katara looked over his shoulder, he knew Aang was watching their exchange with narrowed eyes. She looked back to Zuko and nodded, reaching up and wiping some tears off her cheeks.
"Maybe Mizzou will let you stay and help her with the baby," he smiled as he stood up straight. "She knows how good you are, she probably would encourage it."
"I don't think Aang will let me…"
"Just say it's for practice," he shrugged, ignoring her disdain at the possessiveness of her husband. "And it will give you and Aang some space, considering the fight you had."
"How do you know about that?" she stared at him with slightly angered eyes.
Zuko shrugged and smiled. "Good hearing. And Aang is still my friend, despite me being the reason for your argument."
Dejectedly, she dropped her shoulders and sighed, "I'm sorry. I'll try to visit."
"And write."
Katara lifted her head and replied with a smile, "Of course."
After another hug and a soft kiss on the crown of her head, Zuko walked away from Katara, staring hard into her eyes. He tried to convey the hurt he was feeling as he left her to go back to his home. Her eyes were watering and swimming with sadness. With a small smile, he turned away and walked up the gang plank to his ship. When he reached the deck, he looked down and smiled at his friends, once more leaving them for his duties.
He sighed and raised his arm, waving to them as the ship began to sail away. Zuko locked eyes with Katara, the blue seas on her tan face spilling over with tears. As Aang, Sokka and Suki all turned back to the temple, Toph walked over to Katara and placed a hand on her right shoulder. Zuko saw Toph lean over and say something to his love. The waterbender nodded and waved one last time before turning and walking up the dock.
With a deep sigh, Zuko turned back around and headed to his quarters. As he walked through the steels halls, the image of Katara's face flashed through his mind. He hated saying goodbye, but it was inevitable. Their affair was long over, and now they were both heading down the paths of parenthood. They would never be together, he understood and accepted that.
He had a heavy heart as he opened his door and slumped into his room. The closed the door softly and let out a shuddering sigh. He didn't want to cry. But now that he was alone, he could finally let his emotions run free. The tears fell down his face as he collapsed onto his bed. He hated it, but as he sobbed into his pillow, he couldn't help but feel some relief about this all.
Katara was in his life again, and despite the fragile line they walked along, she was going to be in it for as long as he could help it.
Five days later, Zuko stepped onto the dock of the capital of the Fire Nation to be greeted by his mother and sister.
"Zuzu," Azula cooed almost mockingly, causing Zuko to roll his eyes. "How was your trip?"
He approached the women and hugged his mother, kissing her cheek in the process. Then tugged a piece of Azula's bangs, making her growl and swat his hand away.
"Fire Lord Zuko, that's no way to treat your sister," Ursa scolded. "You're thirty years old, and the king of this nation. Please act like it."
Azula snickered as Zuko stared down his mother with annoyed eyes. He sighed and shook his head, "Sorry mother. And my trip was great, Azula. Thanks for asking. My friends were wondering about you."
The three headed to the carriage and climbed in single file.
"What were they asking?" Azula asked cautiously, raising an artfully arched eyebrow.
Zuko shrugged. "Curious to see how you were doing. Katara is glad to hear that you're doing well."
"Oh, how is Katara?" Ursa chimed in, smiling. "I'm sad I missed her last visit." Zuko stared with wide eyes at his mother, slightly blushing at her remark. She grinned at her son and squeezed his knee. "One of the guards told me she came in the middle of the night to see you. She's a good friend."
Zuko nodded and looked out the window, clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck. "Yes she is."
Azula smirked, "A very good friend, indeed. Isn't she, Zuzu?"
Zuko turned and glared at his sister, clenching his jaw. Ursa just smiled and proceeded to steer the conversation away from the waterbender, asking the Fire Lord how the celebration went. Zuko regaled them with the details, recounting his speech and how they all had a thrilling time. He avoided talking about the news of Katara's pregnancy, knowing that Azula would probably taunt him about it. She knew of his old love for her, and would constantly remind him of how he lost the woman he loved to the Avatar. She saw how they interacted on the day of the comet, and how close they were when she joined him and his friends to find their mother. Azula was just perceptive like that.
When they reached the palace, Zuko climbed out of the carriage first. The guards and servants kowtowed to him as he straightened his posture. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his wife standing on the stairs of the palace, hand resting on her swollen belly.
He smiled and headed straight for her. He climbed the stairs and gave her a chaste kiss once he reached her step.
"You should be in bed, Mizzou," he said firmly.
She waved him off and grasped his hand, leading him into the palace. "Well considering that I'm on the way to the infirmary, I thought I could take a little break and see my husband arrive before I go deliver our baby."
Zuko stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Mizzou, who had a broad smile on her slender and pale face. He looked into her gray eyes as they twinkled with excitement.
"You're…"
"My water broke a little while after your mother and sister left to go get you and I had my first contraction about ten minutes before you arrived," she grinned. "Now I'm going to go to the hospital wing so I can have your heir."
Zuko was shocked for a few seconds, the news rattling through his brain. He was exhausted from the trip, but now a new spark of energy ran through his veins. His smiled widened and he pulled her into a hug, making sure to be careful with her belly.
"You're having the baby?"
She nodded, her pearly white teeth showing through a wide smile. "I'm having the baby."
He kissed her temple and smiled into her hair. After a few moments of silent hugging, he exclaimed, "We should probably get you to the hospital!"
"That would be a good idea," she snickered. Zuko grasped Mizzou's hand and led her briskly through the palace, exclaiming to everyone they passed that she was going to have the baby. He was exuberant, so thrilled that he was going to be a father. The doubts he had before were gone, replaced with the excitement of the moment.
Mizzou was led into the room without Zuko. Even as the Fire Lord, he wasn't allowed in the birthing area. Ursa and Azula both visited, but didn't stay long. Ursa insisted on Zuko getting some rest, but he refused. He was too excited about the baby that was being brought into the world. He mind swarmed with the thoughts of his baby and wife. How much things had changed in the past month. Just a few weeks ago, he was miserable. Now, he was full of love. For his incoming baby…
And the baby his best friend is going to have in a few months.
His grin turned to a frown as he thought of Katara. The baby his best friend was carry could very well be his, just like the one Mizzou was bringing into the world right now. As much as Zuko wanted to deny it, by sleeping with Katara he had acted just like his father. Mizzou trusted him and he went behind her back, just like Aang trusted Katara. At that moment, Zuko felt like dirt.
"Fire Lord Zuko?"
He lifted his head and looked into the eyes of a nurse. She was smiling deeply at him, eyes warm and excited.
"She's here."
Zuko stood slowly and his mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out.
"Lady Mizzou is ready for you."
He swallowed and nodded, then followed the nurse through the hall towards his wife's room. As he crossed the threshold, he saw her cradling a small bundle. His throat tightened as she looked up and smiled weakly at him. Her raven hair stuck to her forehead, her grey eyes sparkling with love. Zuko approached slowly and kept his eyes on the bundle in her arms.
"Fire Lord Zuko," Mizzou whispered as he stopped at her side, still keeping his eyes on the bundle. "I present to you your daughter."
Zuko's eyes widened as Mizzou moved the bundle and revealed the baby's face. Her skin was like porcelain, dark hair matted against her soft skin. He reached out slowly to touch her, but Mizzou lifted the baby into his arms. Tentatively, he lifted the light bundle into the crook of his arms. She was swaddled in a deep red blanket, hooding her head and keeping her warm. She squirmed a little before opening her tiny eyes, revealing the same gold tone as her father.
Zuko's eyes watered as he smiled down at her. She cooed and closed her eyes as she yawned and cuddled closer to his warm chest.
"What are we going to call her?" Mizzou whispered.
Zuko kept his eyes on the baby's angelic face and began rocking her gently. With a thick throat and watering eyes, he looked at his wife and smiled. "What about Zena?"
"Princess Zena… I like it," Mizzou sighed and laid back into the bed, closing her eyes and smiling softly. "She's going to be strong like her daddy."
Zuko's eyes went wide and he looked back down to his daughter. She was sleeping now, just like her mother. He kept staring at her, the emotions of the moment flooding through him. The doubt he felt before was gone, replaced by the warming joy that enveloped his heart.
A woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he meets the child.
His own words made him smile and the tears fall down his cheeks. Nothing could ruin this moment, a father holding his newborn baby.
"Hello, little Zena," he murmured to the bundle in his arms. "I'm Fire Lord Zuko. And I'm your daddy."
tbc
