HungryOwlTavern - Yes, the title is inspired by the Nick Cave song. I don't think Emily would really listen to that sort of music but if she did she might realise, deep down, that that song exactly describes how she feels for Paige in this fic. Just sayin'.
Glorymania + Guest who mentioned Emily as a homewrecker - Yeah, I don't like the idea of her cheating either. I hope you'll stick with the story because if anything does happen it's not going to be a simple case of them going around behind Sean's back. This story is going to build very slowly and I hope by the end you'll be comfortable with how things go.
Everyone else - as already mentioned, this story is going to be a slow build. By the looks of things it's going to be 11 chapters long and it takes place over several months. Paige won't let her guard down easily around Emily, if indeed she feels anything at all. So no impulse kisses in the cinema for now :(
I hope you stick with it and enjoy anyway because i think you'll like the way it ends.
Seven thirty pm comes around excruciatingly slowly the next day. I spend the morning shopping with my Mom in preparation for Thanksgiving. It's still a week away but she likes to be prepared and get as much done in the week beforehand as possible. In the afternoon I try to put some effort into researching possible career paths for me but my mind can't concentrate on it with my friend-date hanging over my head. By 4pm I give up and start planning what I am going to wear. Usually, I'm not the most fashion-conscious of females. I like to look good and sometimes I make the effort to go ultra-femme but mostly I hang around in simple, classic ensemble pieces.
I know it's stupid to think like this but I really want to look good for Paige tonight and my crazy brain keeps telling me that she would prefer me in my ultra-femme get up. I wonder whether my little purple dress is a step too far and throw out the idea when I remember that the last time I wore it out around straight people I got chatted up by 7 different guys, much to my girlfriend's annoyance. She was holding my hand at the time, after all. I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking through the clothes that I have only just unpacked and can't decide whether I want to show my legs or my boobs off tonight. At 5 Spencer calls me and asks me what I am up to and I lie through my teeth because there is no way I am admitting to her that I am A) going out with Paige tonight and B) spending any significant time thinking about what to wear. I'm also definitely not going to mention how nervous I am about it because I don't want her to drive over to Rosewood and lock me in her trunk until I stand Paige up. After I satisfy her curiosity that I am doing nothing tonight, she hangs up and I decide on the boobs and opt for a pair of figure-hugging jeans and a shirt that clings tightly around my waist and is meant to be only half buttoned up, allowing a view of my cleavage to anyone who wants to look. It's not ultra-femme in the end but I think I look okay. Trouble is it's now 6 o'clock and I'm ready to leave the house a full hour early. I sit in the kitchen with my mother and try to pretend I'm not nervous as hell.
When I get to the theatre it's 7.29 and exactly one minute later Paige turns up. We go into the theatre where it is suddenly very warm and she takes her coat off allowing me to notice that she's wearing a very feminine top that sits lopsided and reveals one of her shoulders. It's creamy white, muscly and toned and when she turns to me I forget how to speak for half a minute. She asks how I am and I open my mouth to reply but can't find the words.
"Um, uhh…."
"Emily?"
"Oh, um, I'm fine," I finally spit out, "how are you?"
"Yeah I'm good. What did you want to see?" she asks, turning towards the theatre listings. There's quite a lot to choose from but in the end it turns out that there is only one film that neither of us have seen already. It's the newest remake of Cheaper By The Dozen starring all 12 of the Jolie-Pitt children. It's been savagely panned by critics worldwide but we figure it might be a laugh so we buy two tickets, popcorn, sodas and a big bag of M&Ms and make our way inside. It's kind of awkward at first getting into our seats because we have to pass the snacks around and arrange our coats in a way that won't be uncomfortable and figure out who gets to put their arm where on the arm rest. Eventually Paige puts her arm at the front and I put my elbow at the back and I'm very keenly aware that if we stay like this we are going to be touching for the entire movie.
I take a sip of my soda as the lights go down and the trailers start and Paige passes me the popcorn without looking at me like she remembers our teenage routine of finishing half each and then swapping instead of passing them back and forth like most normal people do. It feels very weird to be back here with her knowing that I am definitely not supposed to be feeling any of the things I feel and yet it's also kind of comforting in its familiarity. She stares at the screen and chomps her way through the M&Ms like she's starving and I whisper to her in the darkness.
"Did you not eat any dinner?"
"I forgot." She whispers back and I remember that I forgot too, although no doubt for entirely different reasons. The movie starts but I don't take any of it in. It's pretty terrible but I can't honestly say it's the movie's fault for not keeping my attention. I can still feel Paige's arm against my elbow and I keep stealing little glances at her face, which is lit by the screen in a way that highlights her lips and her cute button nose. She's completely oblivious to my glances and has barely taken her eyes off the screen, cringing along with the rest of the theatre at the terrible screenplay and equally terrible acting. About a quarter of the way through she leans over and whispers again.
"Swap?"
It takes me another moment to realise she's talking about the snacks and I look down at the popcorn and feel my face flushing. I have completely forgotten to eat any of it but I pass it over and am relieved when she doesn't notice and simply carries on eating. I force myself to eat some of the M&Ms and watch the movie until Paige shifts and takes her arm off the rest so that we lose contact. I take my arm away too in case it was making her uncomfortable and glance at her again. This time she is looking at me and she smiles like she's happy to see me and I am so glad that it's dark in here because I must be blushing a deep shade of scarlet under that smile. She turns back to the screen and continues munching her way through the popcorn while Maddox Jolie-Pitt explains the importance of making time for family in this modern world to his oblivious parents. Ange breaks down crying and Brad promises not to work so much in future and then it's Thanksgiving and all 14 of them sit around the table together with a vegetarian turkey-substitute in the middle. If I had actually been concentrating on the film I'm pretty sure I'd want to vomit by now but all my head can do is think about Paige and hope for a little bit more contact.
The movie ends and I can feel the entire theatre sigh in relief. We get our stuff together and make our way out as we discuss what, if anything, we are going to do next. She suggests ice cream and I tell her she's nuts for wanting ice cream in November so we decide on hot chocolate instead. When we've bought them she asks if I'm staying at my Mom's house and explains that she lives a little further out of town and has to walk past my Mom's to get home anyway. We start walking in that direction and the conversation turns to our families.
"My Dad got diagnosed with arthritis in his leg a few years ago and was given an honorary discharge. I keep joking I'm gonna buy him a cane for Christmas this year but he won't have it." I tell her.
"I bet your Mom's happy he's home at least?"
"Yeah, she wakes up happy every day. He pretends he's not in as much pain as he is because he knows how happy she is that she always knows he's safe. How are your family?" I ask. She looks uncomfortable before answering.
"Um, I guess my Mom's okay at the moment. My Dad died the year I graduated, that's why I moved back here."
"Oh, Paige, I'm so sorry!" I feel horrified that I have just told her how awesome it is to know my Dad is always alive and well.
"It's okay, seriously. It was really hard at the time but that was a while ago now."
"What happened?"
"He had pancreatic cancer. It all happened so fast," she says and I remember that pancreatic cancer is considered the silent killer because you don't find out about it until it's too late, "my Mom kind of fell apart afterward so I stuck around to make sure she was okay. Then Sean came along and we sort of got stuck in Rosewood. He doesn't really want to leave anyway."
There's an awkward silence before Paige finishes.
"My Dad always liked Sean…"
I don't say anything because my feelings towards Nick McCullers and Sean Ackard are somewhat ambivalent at the moment.
"So anyway…" she says, clearly wanting to change the subject. I think fast.
"Oh, I don't know what you do. Are you working?" I ask.
"Yeah, you'll never guess as what."
"Tell me?"
"Haha, I'm a teacher!" she says proudly.
"No way!" I say. This I find hard to believe.
"Yeah, I teach at Rosewood Middle School."
"What do you teach?" she looks bashful again and mumbles her reply. "sorry, I can't hear you?" I ask teasingly.
"Gym. Well, mainly I teach woodshop but I double as their swim coach. I'm only part-time"
I whoop with delight because, really, if Paige McCullers was going to teach anything, what else would it be? She tells me off for laughing at her and does her best to look dignified as she drinks her hot chocolate. We have reached my corner now and exchange goodbyes. As I am walking towards my porch she calls over to me again.
"I forgot to ask you. The day after Thanksgiving, Sean makes a sort of Chinese noodle turkey evening with the leftovers. Would you like to come?"
I freeze and think of a way out of it.
"Um…. I think I'm supposed to be seeing Hanna and Caleb that night, actually." I say because, conveniently, it is true.
"Why don't you invite them too? It's been ages since I've seen them. Although, do you think it would be awkward?"
"Why would it be awkward?" I ask quickly.
"Well, with Sean being Hanna's ex and all… I know that was, what, 14 years ago? You'd think they'd be over it by now."
My stomach turns to ice as she finishes her sentence and I feel like it's a low blow even though she probably wasn't aiming it at me. I had completely forgotten about Sean being Hanna's ex and thought for a minute she was asking if it would be awkward for me to be around Sean because of her. I feel stupid and like she is right by saying that we should all be over our high school crushes. I want to get away from her now as quickly as possible and figure the quickest way out is the easiest.
"Okay, I'll ask them." I say and smile awkwardly at her before turning in for the night.
The next day I call Hanna to ask if she wants to go. She squeals down the phone at me when I tell her that Paige married Sean until I have to hold the phone a few inches away from my ear.
"I swear he's gay!" she says when she stops squealing and returns to normal speaking volume. I don't reply. "Like seriously, when we were together, even making out hot and heavy he never once got an erection."
I hear Caleb exclaiming in the background about not wanting to hear this but Hanna just carries on anyway.
"How did that even happen? I swear they must be each other's beards because-"
"Hanna!" I interrupt, "do you want to go or not?"
"Um, yes. Yeah it'll be fun, let's do it!" she says.
I sigh to myself as Hanna starts talking to Caleb about arrangements, apparently having forgotten that I am still on the phone. Eventually we finalise our plans and hang up and I ask myself how on earth I manage to keep ending up in situations like this.
Thanksgiving comes and goes without much fuss. My Mom makes so much food that we all end up in a food coma afterward and fall asleep really early in the evening. I wake up early the next day and my Mom insists that I take the rest of the pie over to Paige's with me for dessert. I meet up with Hanna for a catch up coffee at the Brew first and then Caleb picks us up and we drive over to the Ackard's in a nervous silence.
We are greeted warmly at the door by Paige who kisses all three of us on the cheek like a proper housewife and accepts my mother's pie with grace. Sean emerges from what I assume is the kitchen wearing an apron that says "World's Best Husband" on it and grins at us.
"Hey guys, how's it going?" he says, leading us into the kitchen where a huge wok-full of noodles, turkey and the leftover Thanksgiving veg sits on the stove.
"Looking good, buddy," Caleb says as Paige hands him a beer.
"It's almost ready," says Sean and then Paige takes out an assortment of Chinese finger-foods from the oven and sets them on the dining room table which is laid out beautifully. We sit down and Sean serves the noodles as Paige urges us to help ourselves to the eggrolls and they smile at each other and I barely say a single thing.
Just as I am about to shove a forkful of noodles into my mouth, Sean asks who wants to say grace. I freeze and then panic as I glance at Hanna who is smirking at me like the teacher just said something that could be dirty. Paige rescues us and tells Sean to say grace himself. Hanna, Caleb and I avoid each other's gazes just in case we burst out laughing and I glance at Paige to see her trying not to laugh too. When Sean is done we all tuck in and exclaim over how good the food is.
Caleb and Sean start talking about business and I find out that Sean runs a company that buys and sells furniture through the Internet from home. I realise that might be why it was so easy for them to get trapped in Rosewood. Paige talks to Hanna about the process she went through to decorate her home and how she knew nothing about it when she started but is quite happy with the outcome. Hanna's been working as an interior designer so she knows what she's talking about and compliments Paige on her efforts.
I sit by myself and feel utterly out of place as the two couples talk shop and home and I have nothing to add. I look around Paige's house and see that she has indeed decorated it beautifully in modern tones and lines. The house feels warm and solid, a lot like my parent's does and nothing at all like my flat with my ex did. I look at Paige again and take in the way she presents herself in these situations – I don't look at the ways she is naturally beautiful because she can't control them - but I see how she's wearing her hair, the clothes she's wearing and her make-up. They are all very classically feminine – her hair is long and straight, she's wearing a cocktail dress and subtle pink tones on her face that are very Middle America.
I look at Sean and see how relaxed he is and then I see him reach over to hold Paige's hand and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach. My head starts to spin and I realise how hot it is in the dining room with all the food and people and I've had a couple glasses of wine already and I worry that I'm going to faint. I get up, excuse myself and rush to the bathroom where I drop to the floor and put my head between my legs to prevent myself from hyperventilating. I sit there for a few minutes until I hear a soft rapping at the door and try to pretend like I didn't hear it, assuming it's Paige. When Hanna's voice filters through I pick myself up and open the door for her. She walks in and we sit down on the floor together.
"What's going on with you, Em?" she asks in a voice that has always made me want to open up to her.
"I've been so stupid, Han. I keep thinking there's something between me and Paige and I've sort of been trying to impress her or seduce her somehow but now I feel sick with myself because she's straight and married. I didn't realise before what it actually meant when she said she was married but now I see them together and they're actually happy. I can't believe I was trying to make her cheat! Even if there is a connection between us, I shouldn't be trying to break up a marriage for God's sake."
"Oh, Emily. I didn't realise you still had a thing for her."
"I never stopped. Even when I was with Maya and then Samara it just never went away." I say, voicing something I've always tried to deny. I rest my head on Hanna's shoulder. She hugs me and we sit quietly for a minute while my heartbeat returns to normal.
"Well, Emily, you know what they say about the best way to get over someone…"
"…is to get under someone else?" I respond, knowing the routine. "Yeah, this time I don't think that'll help."
"I guess not. I don't know, maybe you need to start looking at her like the person she is now instead of the person you wished she was back then. They seem very happy even if I do think it's a bit weird and maybe you can actually get over her once you know her? You might find the real Paige less attractive than the Paige you have made in your head."
Sometimes Hanna is ditzy but often she is cleverest of the four of us. When it comes to relationships, she knows what she's talking about and the fact that she and Caleb are as happy as ever after 13 years is a testament to that. I splash my face and hope it isn't too obvious I've been crying before we go back into the dining room and Hanna explains that I am not feeling very well and need to go home. We apologise and reassure Sean that it's probably just from eating too much yesterday and drinking too much tonight and make our way to the front door. Caleb has gathered that something is up with me but is keeping the farce up like the good boyfriend/life partner that he is and he thanks Sean for dinner, promising to keep in touch better now.
As we walk out to the car, Paige stops us again one last time.
"Emily, before you go – I just realised I don't have your phone number. It'd be nice to see you again during the week if you're about?"
I look at Hanna for help and she gives Paige my phone number while I breathe in the cool night air and begin to process what Hanna said to me in the bathroom. She is right, I need to get to know this new Paige because it is the only way I will break down the construction of the old Paige in my head. After all, you can't stay in love with someone once you've realised they truly feel nothing for you, can you?
I sure hope not.
