Chapter 4
So many thoughts began to rush through my head all at once, but before I could begin to think straight, there he was my knight in shining armour, standing there, I ran into his arms he hushed my hysterics and stroked my hair.
"Bella, it's going to be all right, we've all done it before, don't feel bad, it's natural" he soothed me
"I'm a murderer, what if that had been Charlie, he might have had a family, I'm a monster, what is Jacob going to say. I've broken the treaty" I babbled at him all at once I couldn't bare to look back down at the damage I'd caused. I looked up at Edward, how could he not hate me, I'd ran off in the middle of the night and murdered an innocent man. "Please don't hate me." He chuckled darkly
"You could kill a thousand people and hating you wouldn't even enter my mind" he smiled. This made me feel slightly better, but I was a murderer, suddenly Alice had joined us.
"How is she?" she questioned with only concern in her voice. I couldn't bring myself to look at them, I was a monster, and instead I buried my face into Edward hard chest
"She's in shock, I think Carlisle should have a chat with her, you take her home, and I'll clean up here" I didn't want to leave him I wanted to stay in his arms forever, the safest place in the world. I tightened my grip around his waist.
"Maybe I should stay and clean up" she suggested
"No it's my mess I'll clean it up" I wasn't having them baby me. I needed to take responsibility for my actions" I slowly pushed Edward away, but he pulled me closer
"If you're sure?" his velvet voice tickled my neck, I nodded in response "Ok Alice we'll be ok for now thanks for your concern." She stoked my should and whispered in my ear
"Don't worry we all make mistakes, this is a natural part of being a vampire." and the wind blew and she was gone, as if she had never been here. Edward took my hand as we looked back at what I had done.
"Well, at least you did a good job." He bent down to study my 'handy work' I was disgusted at how reckless I had been. I suppose Edward was used to this kind of thing.
Walking towards the house, yes walking, it had been a while since I walked normally, I only ever did it when I was with Jacob, and I don't seem to be seeing much of him lately. I kicked the brown crisp leaves beneath my feet and felt the warm breeze on my skin. I sometimes missed being human everything in my new life is too surreal, as if I'm going to wake up and it would all be a wonderful dream. I screech came from the distance, and before I put two and two together saw Renesmee bundling towards me with tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. She jumped into my arms and immediately put her little hand up to my face, caressing my skin.
Immediately I had saw what she had seen, it was a dream. It was dark, I could hear unfamiliar voices mumbling. I was scared, where was I? I was being taken somewhere, where is everyone? The dream
was all over in a flash, I looked down to Renesmee still crying, I cradled her in my arms trying to sooth her.
"It's ok, it's ok, mommy's here now. No one will ever take you from me."
I looked around and there he was picture perfect. Artists couldn't draw Edward more perfect. He stroked her hair and held me around the waist.
Later in the day Jacob came over, I needed him. He was the only one I could talk to who didn't try and explain things to me, he would just listen.
"Jake?"
"Yes bells." He was too occupied with Renesmee to pay attention, I couldn't talk with her here, she might get the wrong impression and blame herself.
"Do you want to go on a walk, I need to talk to you." He stopped playing with her and rose up towering above me with concerned eyes
"I'll be back in a minute Nessie, I'm just going to talk with your mom." He took my hand and walked me out the back door.
We walked along by the stream where he had danced me on my wedding day. The breeze felt good on my face, the heat from his skin scorching on to mine. He stopped and turned to face me.
"What is it Bella? You know you can tell me anything." He said holding my face in his huge hands.
"I don't know what it is, I feel like I'm falling apart from the inside, what is happening to me, Edward says it's normal but nothing this bad should be normal. Jacob... I ..." I stammered I had to tell him about the hiker, he was going to hate me. I could feel the heat burning from his skin as he got closer.
"What is it Bella?"
"I...I... Jacob I killed someone today. It was an accident, I don't know how it happened one minute I'm running in the woods, and next I'm lying on the ground with blood all over me." For once, Jacob was stuck for words, he froze with a horrified expression on his face, what had I become?
"Bella." I cut him off begging him for forgiveness
"Jacob please don't hate me, you're my best friend, please understand" I burrowed myself into his hot chest, searching for compassion.
"Bella, this is important. Who did you tell?"
"I haven't told anyone, Edward and Alice know, the others probably do as well. Why?" he took my hands in his
"You cannot tell anyone about this, you do realise you have broken the treaty. Oh Bells what have you done." The disappointment in his voice was heart breaking, I'd let him down. My best friend, he took me in his arms but I pushed him away.
"Please don't forgive me, I don't deserve you forgiveness, I've let you down Jacob at least tell me your annoyed." Why was everyone so forgiving?
"I'm not annoyed, just don't do it again. Please, I know I have no control over you Bella or your actions, and I'm not going to tell the pack well try not to. Just please keep out of trouble, for me."
"I'll try." That's all I could promise. I'll try.
