I know I have several excuses for taking so long in updating, so…My many thanks for all that waited and send me messages to continue. Thanks Gillome and Missmayfair. I also know this chapter is even more philosophical/mystic than the others but it's important to understand what comes next and the nature of the White Emperor. That said I hope you enjoy and review.:)

The Sun is the individual soul by contrast with the spirit, represented by the moon. He is the Red Lion, the Red King. Forming a pair with the moon, the White Queen, the sulphur, the hot, the dry, the masculine, the active is the generating seed. Without the refreshing and humid influence of the moon it can be desert and burn…

After Ichigo Kurosaki left I feel a notch in my stomach. I only have about 24 hours to prepare an antidote and deliver it to prince Kuchiki at the ball if necessary. The ball is

my only chance to come closer to him and undo what I have done. If you think it easy to reach your philosopher stone and then just make an antidote for it, well, let me tell you, you're wrong! Come on, there's no antidote for the ultimate goal of alchemy. Besides, I have to work thru all the afternoon attending clients and I can't concentrate with all the noise in the store during the day. Fortunely, the hours run quickly and finally Matsumoto says goodbye and I close the front door. I don't have time to eat. I grab my stuff and I spray the containers on the working table. I look at them for about fifteen minutes without moving, just thinking what am I supposed to do.

"Are you gonna stare at that vessels all night, Renji? We really could use some sleep".

"Shut up, you're not helping!" I yell at Zabimaru.

"Why should we help you, you're the one who did stupid things. Besides you know you only reached a portal to first conjunctio at the Great Work and not the stone as you proclaim"

"Yeah, yeah, just shut up already!"

God, they really piss me off. Are they really me? There must be some twist little joke in all creation. But maybe they are right. Strangely, I never wanted to pass to the other stages. I mean, I never wanted to pass thru them alone.

The Classic Alchemy Great Work Seven operations:

1. Calcination
2. Dissolution
3. Separation
4. Conjunction
5. Fermentation
(Putrefaction)
6. Distillation
7. Coagulation

Well, I never believed in the traditional order of operations because they are for more practical uses than to spiritual ones. Let's see, if I did intend to make gold from rust, yeah, I would go with the classics, but when your goal is the personal transformation and obtaining true love you surely can disrupt this ordeal and valorise conjunctio as your final destination. So I'm not exactly sure about what steps did I take to get there, I just know that when another person drinks Second Love he or she is taken directly to the spiritual operation of conjuntio in three days. If that's the end of it, the hell do I know! That's why I'm worried about what might happen. Some people claim conjunctio is the final stage, but others claim that are two distinct conjunctions, an intermediate one and the final one, so how I'm I supposed to know which one I created? Boy, when I achieved First Love I was so sure where I was. In a dark place, right, but still I knew that I had passed calcinatio (destruction of ego and attachment to material possessions) and was right in the middle of solutio (unconscious process in which our conscious minds let go of control to allow the surfacing of buried material. It is the opening of the floodgates). He was there too thanks to me and I can never forget his beautiful mask torn with released pain. Now that I shattered his mask but immediately offered him the glue, is he still going to wear it or is he going tru separatio (letting go of the self-inflicted restraints to true nature, so true personality can shine through)?

I'm not sure if his true personality is something that I should have released but a feeling in my guts tells me that I shouldn't worry about it. But as the deepness of night merges in and I'm still looking at the flasks not knowing what to do, the death of his wife revolves inside my head.

You see, even if I believe I took the classic steps to achieve the potion I gave him, I don't believe the said potion will only carry him to the fourth classical step. Because as soon as he reaches conjunctio he will be able to clearly discern what needs to be done to achieve lasting enlightenment. So basically I don't know where to put the stick to stop the wheel.

"And you never went tru putrefactio…cause you are afraid, ne Renji?"

It is like a swinging door.

This melancholic state is so powerful

that, (…)it can attract demons to the body,

even to such an extent

that one can get into mental confusion or get visions.

Agrippa

"Baka, of curse! I'm afraid of what I may discover about myself! Don't you know it's a second fire, a second doom even more potent than calcinatio? What are you suggesting? That I go thru it all alone and create a second poison based on fermentation to end the effects of second love? I don't want to kill him!"

"But he doesn't need to die, putrefactio is a rebirth, not a killing!"

"So you want him to find his purpose in life alone? How does that solves our problem! That's still interfering. And did you considered the side effects? What if I can create a shit so strong that even if it doesn't kill him, he starts having visions? Hey, don't turn me your butt again!"

"You're just afraid…"

"I'm…"

But then I freeze unmovable as I look at the window. A huge and beautiful mercury eye is occupying the entire window frame and looking straight at me. For an infinite second I forget to breath. For the other infinite second that he realizes that I saw him, he blinks his white eyelid with his long black eyelashes. And then the White Emperor is gone.

I run outside and I hiss as the darking cold surrounds me. The streets are empty at that hour of the night, just as you might expect it to be. There are no signs of the great magical creature I saw poking at my window. I hear human footsteps running, but when I reach the corner of the street all is peaceful and quiet.

He is gone…

Not even a single scale forgotten on his way. A scale is all I need, all I want from him.

I go back inside. Zabimaru is looking at me like if I drunk sake and did something stupid…again. She clearly didn't see him. All my clear thought went to the clouds. How can I work now? But I have to wonder…if he is watching me, then it will be easier than I thought to make contact. I never expected his eyes to be that …emotional, although I'm not sure what kind of emotions he was displaying wile observing me. I no longer feel the hunter, I'm feeling his prey. He is studying me and I'm in no condition of doing the same. I should be afraid but his attention flatters me. I'm crazy, I should be shaking to the ground, and he's a dragon, for all the vitriol sake. But the pace of my heart is not one of fear, but expectations.

The melancholy, introverted Moon Queen holds the reins to a great fish, symbolizing her control of those same hidden forces that threaten the King (…).

I'm not sure what makes me wonder about his affairs. Never a soul in this kingdom could make me drop a book to come into the balcony in the middle of the night and stare. It's the same drive that made me invite him to the ball. I must be out of my head; because I'm breaking conventions over conventions and I simply don't care anymore.

I need to know what he's up to. Although I no longer see him as a direct treat there's something in his purposes here that concerns me. The light is on for just about two hours now and he opens the shop early. So what's keeping him from resting? Too much requests of love potions from the debutants this year? No, it's not it.

I start to feel that he didn't tell me the whole truth about what he gave me. Although my heart has all the doors closed and it's at piece, there's an expectation accord playing low, an accord that I can't quite understand or reach. It's not a worried one though. It speaks of good things that are about to happen. Good things…aren't they all fleeting birds that leave you with nothing but broken feathers? It almost seems as he also gave me…hope…and restlessness. And the will to be again what I truly am.

So many years passed since I was truly myself for the last time. So many years from the last time I felt pride in my own blood. Thanks to this stranger I no longer feel ashamed of what I am or of what happened. But I won't risk the same to happen ever again. So how can I feel hope?

I look at the moon. It's a crescent moon today, almost turning full moon but not quite. There are no stars and a kind lazy snow is falling. There's only another source of light on this cold night, a red fire pouring thru the window of the sorcerer. Like as if he is always speaking of warm and flames. A rush of wind touches my hair, making it swirl and dance. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel the wind on my face and on my body…

I open my eyes and make my way into my bed. I lay awake, but I don't move.