Aww... I know it's only been 10 hours since my last chapter debuted (at least at the time I'm writing these words) but my review fix wasn't met! I got one! ...Sad face... It still makes me happy in my soul, I'm just expecting to much for I am a comment Junkie.
Well, j.j.ryan, here is fluff for you... whether you want it or not! Soon my fans will understand why this is rated M! Cue the evil laughter!
Okay, fine. So it isn't going to be rated M yet... you'll just understand where I'm going to be going with this. So on with the story!
By the by, I just realized I use big words and words that not a lot of ppl know the meaning of... so... keep a dictionary handy? You have been warned. If I have to I'll put up a lil "Vocab of the Chappie" thinger cuz I really don't wanna have to cut out these words. They are LOVELY words and I LOVE them!
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The day started like any other, except there was a brief half-second when a certain female half-demon believed it had all been a dream followed by the raging disappointment that would be expected to emanate from her.
Long story short, no one was maimed, but Inuyasha's day took a downward turn. Especially when she came back into the shack from a brief walk, blushing and looking downward so her bushy outcropping of bangs hid the pink glow. Kagome handed her breakfast, and Kagome asked her if there was something wrong. Well, she knew the main thing that was wrong; it was just for a little normality that she asked the question.
Inuyasha grumbled back, retreating to her skulking corner, "I really miss being a guy."
The thought suddenly hit Kagome that... well... being able to whiz standing up probably would be a thing she'd miss too. She didn't dwell on it long, for Shippou was tugging on her shoulder wanting his breakfast too, and Kagome made herself busy by continuing to dish out nourishment.
Later in the day, around noon, the gang decided that they couldn't very well travel anywhere. They were too distracted and disorganized, so they, or rather Sango and Miroku, decided they'd stay at the shack for one more night. If it could be said that one good thing came from all this confusion, it was the unifying of Sango and the monk. They stepped up to the plate and were the only real factors in getting anything done at the moment.
Not to say that no one else helped. Shippou did his part to comfort Kagome, for she seemed rather hard hit by the events of yesterday. Sesshomaru did his part too, even if he did it silently and stoically and very intimidating, though Miroku was starting to get the impression this was Sesshomaru being lost in thought rather than cold and indifferent.
Kagome did a heck of a lot, maybe even more than the rest of the group combined. She mechanically went through the motions of chores that could be done. Just anything she or Shippou could think of. She took some comfort in keeping her hands busy. Inuyasha was a slightly different matter. As a man, she had dealt with shock and anger in a less than productive way, and she continued that practice now as a woman.
Inuyasha refused to speak, for the sound of her own voice infuriated her. She refused to do anything with Sesshomaru, for just looking at him reminded her of all that had happened. She refused to do anything characteristic of a woman's job, and it was amazing how almost anything could be interpreted that way. It wasn't that much of a loss, soon there wasn't much to do except watch Kagome think up new things to make busy work with.
At length, Sango pulled Kagome off to the side, away from the group, to talk to the distraught girl, and on the other side of the clearing, Inuyasha was stomping away alone.
When Miroku asked where she was going she growled out, "Having breasts doesn't stop me walking alone!"
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"Come on, Kagome. Tell me exactly what is bothering you so much. You'll feel better after you've said it." Sango hugged her friend.
"It's just too wrong!" Kagome exclaimed to Sango.
"What part of it?"
"All of it! Yesterday morning I knew Sesshomaru was a bad guy, I knew that Tetsaiga was to keep Inuyasha from going full-demon, and I knew he was a guy." Kagome confided. "And now that's all wrong and I'm afraid of what I'll find out next!" Kagome then started feeling overwhelmed by her emotions and she felt tears build up at the next thought that came through her mind.
"How can Inuyasha love me back, when he's a girl?" She choked out, despite the tightness of the back of her throat. She pressed herself close to her only friend that could possibly understand how she felt and wept. Sango didn't know what to say to console the priestess, but she did know that what Kagome probably needed was a good cry, so she continued to hold Kagome as she sobbed out her frustrations and feelings.
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When Inuyasha had shouted that she could walk despite her newly gained rack, she really meant she could still run, for that is what she did now. She raced off, taking all her anger and confusion and fear and turning it to the energy that moved her feet. She growled under her breath at the odd and still new sensation of movement with breasts, but she only focused on running faster and blocked the thought and feeling from her mind.
She hated this. She hated this not only because she had been lied to, and tricked, and now she was so much different! She hated this also because there was no one to retaliate against. There was no one to suffer for the events. Sure she could pummel Sesshomaru, for if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have ever known about what she really was, but he wasn't the real cause. She could pummel Totosai and Myoga, for it was they who had carried out the orders that made her a male, and then lied to her about what she really was. If it wasn't for them, her life would be completely different. But they weren't the true cause.
It was her father. The man she had been told repeatedly was a kind, strong man, more powerful than any other demon alive, that had done this to her. He was the master pulling the puppet's strings. And he was already dead.
She had never really cared for her father, never really idolized and idealized him like most sons without fathers sometimes do. In fact, her previous feelings towards him leaned toward hate and general dislike. If he had stayed with Sesshomaru's mother, then she, Inuyasha, wouldn't be a half demon. Her mother would never have been ostracized from society on her behalf. Granted she might not exist, but what would she care? She wouldn't have been born to miss being alive.
But now, because of this, her feelings were pure hatred and loathing. How could he have done this, turning all of her life and experiences into a lie? But what truly sparked her wrath was her inability to carry it out. Her father was dead, so she couldn't confront him. It was this that gave her feet such energy to move as she continued across the countryside.
She continued to be nothing but hate as she ran to burn it off. She ran next to a river, over a bridge, across a meadow, through a stand of trees, and now over a small, but rather steep hill. She continued over it until after her first step on the crest of the mound, for her next foot fall continued farther than the ground should be and fell hard into a hole. She stumbled forward, but her foot was caught in the unseen fissure, and she fell forward. She landed awkwardly on her wrist, and a shot of pain reverberated up her arm, but her ankle now was the center of her attention. It had twisted grotesquely in the gap in the path, and now was a considerable bringer of throbbing pain. Before she could stop herself, she had cried out in pain. After a few seconds, filled with pain-induced panting and sweat, she had deemed her ankle not broken, but severely injured. She sat up, quickly discovering that her sword-swinging wrist was also injured. She didn't have time to think about how she would managed to get all the way back to the shack, for a voice sounded behind her.
"Well looky what we got here!" she whirled her head and torso around and was met by the sight of a wolf demon. For once it wasn't Kouga.
"Looks like some little half-breed has taken a fall in our trap!" Another voice rang out from the opposite side and she turned to face it, glancing at the hole that had tripped her up. It was more like a ditch, cutting straight across the road, deep enough to stop anything that came over the hill in the direction she had, and placed so that one couldn't see it until it was too late.
She drew Tetsaiga quickly, but didn't transform it. She had no hopes of holding it up fully transformed. "Come closer and you'll see how 'little' my fangs are!" She tried to keep an eye on both of them, but was unable to. She focused her ears to hear any movement from the one behind and focused her sword on the one in front.
The one in front of her laughed. "And she's got a quite a mouth on her too!"
The one behind her laughed too, an menacing and vaguely terrifying sound. "We should see what else she's got."
The demon in front rushed forward and Inuyasha brought Tetsaiga down on the cleft between his neck and shoulder. But she hadn't accounted for the one behind her and she fought against the grip of the demon that now held her arms down at her sides. The one she'd struck growled and hit her hard in the stomach. At least half the air in Inuyasha's lungs was forced out of her as she felt the sword being wrenched from her. She managed to get an arm free and clawed wildly at her attackers. She felt rather than saw her claws dig into something that bled before she was knocked and pinned to the ground. Panic filled her as an idea of what the two were going to do to her started forming in her mind, and her attacks grew into frenzy, but she was effectively pinned. No blows landed. But though she didn't feel her fists touch anything other than the ground, her assailants were knocked away. She looked up in time to see Sesshomaru claw the last in half, the first already dead and lying against the tree he'd been hiding behind.
From the look on her brother's face she was expecting him to say something along the lines of "Are you some kind of idiot?!" but she was surprised to see him bend down and pick Tetsaiga off the ground. Then he took the few steps forward and kneeled next to where she propped herself up with her uninjured arm.
"Are you alright?" Sesshomaru asked, almost... tenderly? He put the sword on her lap before looking into her eyes. She felt like he was searching her soul.
"Of course I am!" She spat the first thing that came to mind. Sesshomaru's face fell. Apparently he hadn't found what he'd been hoping for.
"Then let's get back." He stood up, and gently helped Inuyasha to do the same. But despite Inuyasha's determination to prove that she really was okay, she could not manage to walk on her ankle and she fell against her brother's strong grip. Wait... since when had he been holding her? Without being asked, his other arm moved under her knees and he lifted her up, Tetsaiga balancing on her stomach since it was still unable to be tied to anyone's waist since Inuyasha had ripped it from her brother's hip.
Inuyasha couldn't bear to look at him. She was ashamed and angry at the weakness of her true self. She was convinced it was even weaker than her human form and her face burned from the humiliation of having to be rescued and then carried. Somehow Sesshomaru had guessed her thoughts, for he confessed to her, "I would have hurt myself too, stepping into that ditch."
Her brother's admittance consoled Inuyasha somewhat, though she still did not like being carried. "You wouldn't have needed rescuing."
"It wouldn't have been a pleasant battle." Sesshomaru stated. For some reason he was walking her back instead of running. Inuyasha wondered on it briefly, since at this rate it would probably take them days to get back.
"You know, I was actually rather surprised that you managed to lift Tetsaiga up long enough to turn it on Totosai and Myoga."
"I couldn't hold it up."
"Of course not. You shouldn't have even been able to get it off the ground." Sesshomaru replied. "You really are stronger than you think. Don't dwell on this particular instance. Not many people would have been able to win that battle without aid."
"Why did you follow me?" Inuyasha asked. She wanted the topic to change.
"I wanted to talk with you."
"About what?"
Sesshomaru was silent for a moment, apparently trying to put thoughts into words that wouldn't offend the girl in his arms. "About us."
"I told you I wouldn't ever be your mate. Live with it!" Inuyasha grumbled.
"Not that kind of us." Sesshomaru replied. "Us as a family."
"You never wanted that before."
"Before I was trying to fix what they had done to you without alarming you." Sesshomaru explained. "Do you think you would have been able to handle life knowing you were a girl in a boy's body?"
"Then why did you attack me?"
"You like to fight. You wanted a brawl and you wouldn't leave me alone till you got one." Sesshomaru replied in a tone that spoke of how little he cared for this particular quality of Inuyasha's.
Inuyasha was quiet a moment, trying to remember the first time she had met her brother and if it really was her that had started the battle that would characterize their relationship up until now. She couldn't remember. "If you don't like it so much, then why do you want me so badly?" She growled, mostly at her inability to remember who had struck the first blow.
"It's complicated." Sesshomaru replied, trying to dismiss the subject.
"More complicated than this?" Inuyasha countered. "I doubt it."
There was another period of silence while Sesshomaru searched for words. "I hate my little brother, but I love my little sister. My brother is a crude bastard, a complete waste of air. But my little sister isn't supposed to be like that."
"I'm still the same person." Inuyasha grumbled. So that's what Sesshomaru had been looking at her so oddly for.
"I know."
There was a long awkward silence as Sesshomaru continued to walk them back, until Inuyasha asked a rather strange question.
"What's she supposed to be like?"
Sesshomaru stopped walking, and closed his eyes. Inuyasha could feel his chest push out against her and then quickly retreat as he sighed deeply. "Beautiful, understanding, graceful, and gentle, like a delicate flower." Sesshomaru replied. He opened his eyes and looked down at Inuyasha. "In some ways you are like her."
"How?"
"You are beautiful."
"I think you've gone soft in the head." Inuyasha stammered.
The arm that supported Inuyasha's back and firmly held her shoulders reached up and brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "I don't think so." Sesshomaru replied. "What I think, at least right now, is that you could have been her. You still can be her." While he talked, Sesshomaru had gotten leaned closer and closer to Inuyasha's face, or he had lifted her higher, and now their noses were so close Inuyasha felt sure they were only a hair's breadth apart.
"Maybe I liked being a bastard." Inuyasha countered, uneasy from the closeness.
"I don't think you do." Inuyasha saw her brother start to close in on her and she shut her eyes tight in response to what he was about to do. But instead of feeling his kiss, she felt his lips brush her nose and she relaxed and opened her eyes. "I'd better get you back." He mumbled and picked up speed.
Inuyasha stared at her brother's jaw line as he ran them back to the shack. He didn't look back down at her, so she had a pristine view of it from below and to the side. Then she breathed a sigh of... Exhaustion? Relief? Disappointment? Inuyasha didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore.
They finally came out of the trees and onto a broad flat plain. As Inuyasha's eyes were hit with the sunset's golden light she came to the conclusion that she knew one thing. The following days would only get stranger and stranger.
