Chapter 4: Dean Returns


The following morning Dean came back to the hotel. Gray clouds hovered overhead and threatened the chance of rain. Dean rubbed the sleep from his eyes and then checked his watch. After his 'visit' from Castiel, Dean had checked into a room and caught a few hours of shut eye. His mind, however, was too occupied to have a good night's sleep. He kept having dreams about Sam. He closed his eyes as he remembered them.

Dean was driving away in the Impala and Sam had been chasing after him. He screamed his brother's name over and over. Dean could hear him as clearly as if Sam was sitting right next to him but he kept driving on. Another one had Dean in bed with Sam, they were huddled together surrounded by fire. But the fire wasn't scaring Sam, he was smiling as he stroked Dean's hair. Dean clutched onto him and started yelling. Sam whispered in his ear to tell him that everything was going to be okay but Dean couldn't stop. Then Sam would disappear. In the last one, Dean was standing in a dark room. Sam was behind him caressing his body gently. Dean relished in Sam's touch but his skin was ice cold. Sam kept asking him why he was so cold. Dean answered that it was because he was scared. His feelings for Sam scared him, he didn't want to die again and he didn't want Sam to turn evil. Sam kissed the side of his neck and assured Dean that it wasn't going to happen. Dean smiled softly and turned around to look at him. Sam's eyes were black and he grabbed Dean's neck and started to squeeze.

'No, Sammy!'

Dean's eyes opened, a shiver went down his back. That last dream had seemed so real. It was like that hallucination he had of Sam when he was infected with the ghost sickness. But that's all they were, dreams and hallucinations. It wasn't reality.

He let out a soft breath through his mouth and after a few moments, got out of the car. The door squeaked as he shut it.

As Dean walked up to the room, he reached into his jeans pocket and took out the key card he still had from last night. He debated on whether or not to knock. Dean hoped that Sam was still here, but he could have checked out for all he knew. He sighed, and cursed himself for taking off the way he did. He shouldn't have left Sammy like that.

Dean weighed the key in his hand, he decided to just go in. Either he would find his brother in there or he was about to walk in on some poor sucker. Dean slid the key through the lock and the green light went on. He pushed the door open slowly and looked inside.

There was someone lying in the bed and as Dean moved over the threshold he recognized the mop of Sam's hair. He smiled slightly and quietly closed the door behind him.

He stood there for a moment and watched Sam sleep. His little brother looked so peaceful. Dean really didn't want to disturb him.

He leaned over and placed his hand gently on Sam's arm.

"Sam?" he said softly, he shook him lightly.

Sam moaned and rolled over onto his back. His eyes flickered open. He blinked and looked up at Dean, who smiled down at him.

"Heya Sammy"

Sam frowned "Dean?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's me".

Sam rubbed his eyes and sat up, his hair was matted down to his face. Dean sat down on the other bed. "Sorry to wake you up but um, I wanted to know I was back" he said.

Sam looked at the clock "I just got to sleep like two hours ago" he mussed his hair around "I was up most of the night".

Dean looked at him, he bit his lip "yeah, look I'm sorry about ditching you here, I just…" he trailed off, not sure of how to put it, "Just…needed some time to think I guess".

Sam propped the pillows behind him to lean back. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched Dean "to think? That was really shitty of you Dean leaving like that, you know how much that hurt me?".

"Sam…I'm trying to apologize here"

"Yeah well I'm trying to make you see that you were a jerk"

Dean groaned, he got up and walked to the other side of the room "Can we not argue please? Yeah alright, I was a jerk and I admit it, but I'm freaked out here man".

Sam looked at him "because of us?".

"Yes, because I know a few days apart is not going to make it go away, this thing between us is too strong Sammy but it can't happen".

Sam lowered his eyes, he couldn't look at Dean without getting upset "why can't it happen? Cause were brothers? Dean I'm a mess without you, you're more to me than just my brother, you're my soul mate".

Dean closed his eyes "please don't say that".

Sam angrily hit the bed with the ball of his fist, "why?!" he demanded.

"Because I'll go back to Hell, that's why!".

Bewilderment slowly formed on Sam's face, "…what?".

"Castiel came to me last night, after I left here, he told me he knew what was going on with us".

Sam stared back at him, he didn't respond so Dean continued on "he told me that if our relationship continues, that he can send me back to the pit".

Sam's eyes shifted, he stayed quiet as Dean's revelation sunk in. Dean watched him for a reaction, any kind of reaction, but Sam stayed silent. He went to the bed and sat down in front of his brother.

"Sam…" he started to say.

"No, it's not fair" Sam suddenly said, cutting Dean off "He can't take you away from me again, if I lose you Dean it's going to kill me!" He reached over and grabbed Dean's face "this is real, you and me are real, can't you see that?".

Dean looked into Sam's eyes, he reached up and placed his hands around his wrists "I know but…I can't go back Sammy, I can't".

Sam sucked in a breath "maybe he was just trying to scare you".

"I don't know that, I can't take a chance…you don't understand, when I was in Hell.."

"Wait a minute" Sam said "you remember being down there?".

Dean slowly pushed Sam's hands down, he pursed his lips and nodded "yeah, I'm starting to remember some things".

Sam shook his head "Dean, why didn't you tell me?".

Dean moved away and clasped his hands together "because it scares the crap out of me".

Sam looked at him and said softly "I can't imagine what that's like for you".

Dean turned back to him "so you understand now why we can't be together right? I'm not about to mess with an angel Sam, Cas did pull me out, I have his damn handprint on my shoulder to show for it" His eyes lowered to the floor "he said he can throw me back in, we can't screw with this".

Dean could hear the screams in his head. Remembered the heat of the flames.

"You understand right?" he asked in a low voice.

Sam's face was racked with emotion, his jaw tightened "yeah…I understand.." he said after a long pause.

He nodded at Dean and then forced himself to push him away. He got up from the bed and crossed the room. Sam stared out the window. It had started to rain and it was coming down pretty heavy.

"Sam?" Dean asked. Sam's eyes fell closed.

"What about this job in Missouri? We gonna take it?" He said as he turned back to Dean, his voice shook a little.

Dean flinched surprised at the question. He wasn't expecting Sam to ask that. In all honesty, Dean had completely forgotten about that possible case in Missouri. But if Sam wanted to go back to business, then that was the best thing he guessed.

"Uh, yeah I guess so, it's worth checking out" he said.

"Alright let's get going then" Sam picked up his duffel bag.

Dean watched Sam as he took clothes out of the bag "are you uh, okay with everything then?".

"Yeah Dean I'm just peachy, why don't you wait in the car?".

Sam walked past him and went into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him harshly, startling Dean. He broke and rubbed his hand over his face.

Things would never be okay after this.